Untitled

On one of these days, he finds a farmhouse of a very jittery couple who agree to let him sleep in the barn, with the conditions that he sleeps in the barn loft and if he's found, they disavow all knowledge that he was there. He agrees, because he's exhausted and will sleep in a hay pile if he has to. My grandpa manages to fit all six foot three inches of himself into a feed trough stored upstairs and tries to get some sleep.

However, right when he's half-snoozing, he hears motors outside and sure enough, here are some very angry officers of mixed Nazi and Vichy make confronting the couple saying someone up the road spotted an American soldier walking this way. They wouldn't know anything about that, would they? No, of course not.

All the while, my grandpa—now trying to figure out how to either escape the barn unseen or how to fight off six? seven? eight? people at once—freezes up and waits for the inevitable. While he does, a HUGE spider crawls next to his head and onto the loft railing. For one second, he thinks about swatting it away, but that would risk him being seen and killed.

So, instead, he lays there and waits to either fight to the death or get executed in a feed trough. And while he lays there, the spider starts making a huge web on the railing. My grandpa's transfixed by this thing. He watches her go around and around, building a solid web before plopping herself off to one side and waiting for breakfast. At the same time, the officers finally go into the barn.

My grandpa can hear them searching around, turning over crates and checking animal pens. Then, he hears one say to check the loft.

And then another say, "Don't bother. Look at the spiderwebs up there. No one's been there in a while."

And they leave.

Because my grandpa didn't swat the spider away and let her build her web, the officers thought no one was there and left him alone. They drive off and my grandpa immediately thanks the farmer couple and hauls ass out of there as soon as he can.

Some people are legitimately allergic to thd proteins in certain meats and can’t even eat anything cooked in the same pan as X meat product/s.

As an epidemiologist I can list a few of the more annoying longer explanations that no one wants to have to explain to every person who ever offers them food:

- You drank water contaminated with giardia, which gave you 3 weeks of diarrhea followed by 3 years of lactose intolerance

- You were bitten by a Lone Star Tick and developed an allergy to beef and pork because the Lone Star Tick is a bastard

- You are Jewish and the meat isn’t kosher, but you don’t want to say that because antisemitism is A Thing and you don’t want to get bombarded with questions about the Middle East while you’re hungry

- You are Muslim and the meat isn’t halal, but you don’t want to say that because Islamophobia is A Thing and you don’t want to get bombarded with questions about the Middle East while you’re hungry

- You are on a restricted diet for medical reasons and don’t want to get bombarded with questions about your medical history while you’re hungry

- You are on a restricted diet for reasons that *are nobody’s business* and don’t want to get pulled into Potentially Triggering Diet Talk while you’re hungry.

first guy, unprompted: we’re trying to help john name his scorpion

his coworker, leaning around him: here’s a list of names you should vote or write your own

me: …..what

THIS IS AN URGENT MESSAGE.

IN 2014, IN SCHAUMBURG , ILLINOIS, USA

THERE

WILL

BE

A

TUMBLR CONVENTION!!!

THESE ARE THE WONDERFUL PEOPLE THAT ARE MAKING IT HAPPEN

SIGNAL BOOST THIS GUYS

APPROVED