for the healing of the nations

The year was 2015, and I had just graduated with a degree in Sociology from Seattle Pacific University. At the bright and optimistic young age of 22 years old, I passionately responded to the call of God on my life—to build healing, Christ-centered community with marginalized women—and accepted a full-time job at a community development organization in Uganda. Though my original commitment was 17 months, after all was said and done I ended up staying almost 2 and a half years. While God did many things in my life and heart over this time—including blessing me with life-long friendships and giving me a first-row seat to watch His kingdom at work in various communities—I often look back at this period of my life with a sigh of disappointment. Regrets quickly surface regarding the “should haves”, “why nots”, and the “what ifs.” I realize now that much of the last few years was spent in a fog of mild depression, periods of trauma and loss, and constantly shifting community.

While it is tempting to become bitter about the way my time in Uganda unfolded (and I’m not alone—there is a popular card game called “Jaded Aid” that plays on the common experiences of development workers worldwide), I also realize that I have grown much stronger as a person—and gained truly invaluable insights into the realities of living in another culture—as a result of my time there. In my current season as a seminary student, I feel that God has given me the much-needed space to process and reflect on my time in Uganda in a new light. In particular, I had the chance to take a class this summer on “Self-Care for Missionaries and Cross-Cultural NGO Workers.” As a summary of my summer learnings & the past 8 months of reflection since I returned to America, I decided to write a letter to my past self that I wish I would have received before moving to Uganda:

Dear 22-year old Mariel,

Congratulations! You are about to embark on a journey like no other. Not everyone is given the opportunity to completely disassemble their life and rebuild it halfway across the world. At the same time, very few people will really understand the way it will completely re-orient your worldview and sense of self. Your understanding of home, of permanence, of community—it’s all about to change. Though I don’t want to spoil the surprise that is life by telling you precisely what lies ahead—the hills, valleys, and the everything-in-between—I can tell you that it will be absolutely worth it. You will walk away from this season with much more resilience, steadfastness, and depth of wisdom than you have now. However, you will also walk away with wounds that will take time to heal. With that knowledge, here are a few things that will keep you afloat over the next few years if you put them into practice:

1. Self-care is not an option, it is a necessity. Eating well, exercising, taking time for creativity and wonder and silliness—these are all VITAL to sustaining your work. Do not rely on the fleeting emotions that can come with starting a new job to cloud your perspective. Finding healthy ways to deal with stress, such as getting adequate sleep and practicing yoga. Trust me, the seasons in which you neglect these basic steps will be your most depressing and difficult. Take my advice and be proactive about your well-being—if not for your sake, for the sake of those you moved to Uganda to serve.

2. Community is essential, but it can not save you. People were designed to live in healthy relationships—with God, with ourselves, with others, and with creation (for more on this, see the book When Helping Hurts by Corbett and Fikkert). All four relationships are needed in order to have a truly flourishing life. If one of those relationships suffers, the other three will not be able to “make up” for the one that is damaged. Do not rely on people to fill the hole that God alone can fill in your heart. Trusting people to act as Christ-figures in your life (whether romantic partners, colleagues, or mentors) will only lead to disappointment once you realize that they, too, are deeply flawed creatures that can never replace Jesus’ role in your life.

3. Allow yourself the space to grieve well and often. Though you usually hear the word “grief” in regards to death, it is important to realize that you can and should grieve any significant loss in your life. This could be a loss of relationship (due to betrayal, conflicting values, or simply someone moving away), a loss of cultural familiarity (what Pope Pius XII called “social” martyrdom*), or a loss of innocence (due to witnessing traumatic situations/stories). The grieving process takes time, and there is no one clear timeline regarding how it should play out. (For more information about the grieving process, I recommend reading Healing the Wounds of Trauma by Dr. Harriet Hill, ed.).

4. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need. Whether it is regular counseling (spoiler alert—yes, you will need this, don’t wait until it’s an emergency), a flight home mid-contract, or a “mental health” day—don’t hesitate to be upfront about things you need in order to continue functioning well in your work. As a Christian, I know it is tempting to put your own needs aside—especially when the amount of work you have feels overwhelming and you see people with needs seemingly much greater than your own. But Jesus also took the time to rest, pray, and prepare for the tasks ahead of him. In fact, he often left behind crowds of people who were asking for healing—a noble and worthy request. If Jesus himself did this, you have no reason not to!

Lastly, remember that God was at work in Uganda long before you were born, and He will be there long after you’re gone. He created each person you will meet there in His image, with immeasurable dignity and a unique purpose that only they can fill. Programs and projects can be helpful, of course, and it may very well be that your choice to live out your unique purpose is a vital step in someone else finding theirs. But ultimately, all that you do can never replace or distract you from who you already are in Christ. Before you were a “human, doing,” you were a “human, being.” So continue to live each day “rooted and established in love” so that you may have the power “to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ” (Ephesians 3:17-18).

With Love,

25-year old Mariel

*Quoted by Vincent Donovan in letter to his supporters in Pittsburgh, Aug. 10, 1959

Hi friends, I have some VERY exciting news to share with you all!! I have recently joined Patreon, a membership platform that allows you to partner with me in the work I am doing in Uganda. Depending on your reward tier (monkeys, leopards, and elephants, oh my!), you will get access to my patron-only blog, receive hand-made Ugandan goodies, and have a chance to hear the up-close-and-personal story of my work here! I couldn't be more thrilled at the opportunity for my family and friends to help me create social change initiatives in Uganda! Please sign up & share with all your friends!! Every little bit makes all the difference! <3

Caught in the tensions—

So many people, stories, and localities, all drawing me in.

Moments of hope.

Laughter in the hallways, traditional dances, whispered dreams.

The tides are turning.

Seasons cascading in and flowing out as steadily as the ocean’s waves.

Will I be tossed about—haphazard, overwhelmed—in these changing seas?

Or will I master the waves in a craft lovingly built by my Savior’s carpentry?

The future remains to be discovered.

22 August, 2017 // Jinja, Uganda

Less than four months remain of life as I’ve known it for the past two years—life in Jinja, Uganda.  Although I’m beyond ecstatic for all that lies ahead at Fuller Theological Seminary, I move forward with a somber heart knowing that I’m leaving behind an incredible community at Akola Project.  It’s been a while since my last comprehensive update, so I will share a few highlights from the past several months:

May—Stateside Adventures

By God’s grace, I was able to spend an incredible two weeks at home in the States in early May.  I first landed in Seattle (with just enough time for a coffee with my dear brother Arian), then spent several days at home in Billings.  The highlight of my time there was hosting a “gathering” of friends & family for a night of stories, photos, and selling handmade Ugandan goods.  I was truly blessed by each and every person who made the time to attend, buy a basket, ask good questions, and just be present as I attempted to share a glimpse of what God is doing through me in Uganda.  If you were there, THANK YOU!!  

P.S.—I have many more beautiful baskets on the way home next month, just in time for Christmas shopping! Please message me if you would like to buy one ($25 each).  All proceeds are supporting my student loan payments and Fuller tuition!

After my time in Montana, my whole family flew together (for the first time in many years) to California for a beautiful week with my dad’s side of the family.  Highlights included staying in a renovated Victorian mansion in Eureka, running a half marathon through the Avenue of the Giants Redwood forest, and visiting Amen Lane, where many of my great aunts and uncles live.  It was powerful not only to create new memories with my family, but also to reflect on the lives of those who aren’t with us anymore—especially my grandpa Lance, who spent most of his life in northern California.

A few days later, the Rieland clan drove all the way from Cottonwood to Pasadena, the place I will call home for the next two years.  That’s right—I got to visit FULLER!!  Although I toured the campus several years ago, it was absolutely magical to visit again as an accepted student.  Meeting my Admissions and Vocational counselors in person after numerous phone calls and emails, touring the campus, attending a chapel service, and even sitting in on a class were just a few of the many highlights of the day.  I also met some new friends, and ran into a few old friends who live in the area (including Paul and Hope Phillips, whom I met in Uganda & now serve with on their board—check out Hope+ Africa)!

June—The North & Sipi Falls

As part of my normal workflow, June found me once again packing my bag and heading to northern Uganda.  After making this trip more than a dozen times in two years, I’ve realized that I need to change things up to make it interesting and exciting.  So, after a powerful week in Pajule with the Akola team, I decided to take a personal weekend and journey from Pader to Lira (with the beautiful Phil & Suzan Wilmot), then proceed to Mbale and venture up the foothills of Mount Elgon to Sipi Falls.  Sipi is a stunning region of the country, not only for its series of cascading waterfalls but for the vibrant greenery, coffee plantations, and views of Uganda’s expansive eastern region.  Needless to say, it is one of the most Edenic places I’ve ever seen!  I have made some incredibly special memories there, and this weekend would be no exception.  

While I had an amazing weekend of hiking, eating, and drinking tea with some great new friends (shoutout to the Jeffs!), I returned to Jinja with an unexpected hitchhiker—a real nasty bacterial infection.  Thanks to the help of Jesus and Dr. Charles, I recovered in a relatively short time, but it is an experience I’m definitely not planning on repeating any time soon!

July—New Horizons at Akola

Somehow, my updates so far have not included much about what my work has consisted of at Akola!  Akola Academy is running strong in its third full program year.  Our topics this year have included a balance of technical and social development skills, in order to help our members achieve both their economic and personal development goals.  The technical side of the program has consisted of a series of guest speakers who are experts in their respective fields—a Habitat for Humanity staff spoke on house construction, a government veterinarian spoke about livestock rearing, and a Farming God’s Way trainer spoke about organic, sustainable agriculture practices.  

Regarding the other half of the program, the amazing Empowerment Officers have been handing the social change trainings with remarkable complexity and grace.  This year’s topics have been a challenge, with many theoretical concepts (including high-level development & social change theory) mixed in with practical hands-on skills (such as conflict management and storytelling/public speaking).  Although the fruit of these programs may take many years to see, the seeds we plant through these conversations are powerful in the way that they work to expand the horizons of what is possible in these women’s lives.

In my own professional life, I am also beginning to expand my horizons regarding the work that lies ahead of me this year & beyond.  I have been developing a new mentorship program (still in the works) that would allow a smaller group of Akola members the opportunity to be trained in specific tactics/actions in order to live out the changes they desire in their community—whether that be fixing a borehole or campaigning against domestic violence.  I am also beginning to look into hiring my replacement, which is a daunting and emotionally turbulent process.  Akola Academy has been my baby for two years now, and I am battling anxiety about handing it over to somebody new.  But at the same time, God has been teaching me a lot about trusting Him to finish the work that He started.  After all, as Paul writes in Galatians 3, none of us were smart or powerful enough to start the work of redemption by ourselves, so why do we keep trying to finish it by our own strength?  It’s a lesson I need to learn over & over again.

August—Reconnection & Reflection

Although this month is not quite over yet, I’ve noticed these two themes emerge over the past few weeks.  This season has been challenging as I am overwhelmed by many commitments/responsibilities (outside of my Akola programs, I also volunteer for two amazing organizations doing community development work around the country).  I’ve also been fairly homesick and easily become stir-crazy when I do take time to rest, which is not a good sign.  In the midst of all of this, God has been so faithful in sending me the people I need to help me process it all.  Most notably, my dear friend Martha Kirabo—which means “gift” in Luganda—volunteered to accompany me for an entire 9 DAYS of travel to the north this month! My time was split between doing three days of VHT training for Hope 2 One Life in Kigumba and Gulu, and working four days for Akola in Pajule.  Needless to say, the week was a whirlwind and I really don’t think I would have accomplished it all if it wasn’t for Martha’s help.  Webale NYO nnyabo! 

I also had a wonderful time catching up with Blessing, another dear friend from UCU, and am looking forward to getting away with some other friends (including my MOM!) later this month.  I value these strong, powerful daughters of God that constantly speak wisdom & truth into my life more than I could ever express in a blog post.

As you can see if you’ve made it this far, the last few months have been incredibly rich in so many ways.  While it hasn’t been devoid of challenges, ultimately this season has been one of the most rich and rewarding of my life so far.  It is so satisfying (& humbling!) to see my work deepening and broadening the longer I spend in this beautiful country.  As I reflect on all this year has contained so far, I look forward to the final few months of my time at Akola and know that God is going to far exceed my expectations of what we can do together!

Thanks so much for being part of my journey.  I truly could not do it without you all.

Love,

Mariel

P.S. I have not always been very good about sharing prayer requests, which I realize is not helpful to anyone who would like to support me spiritually while I am here.  Here are few requests for the next several months: -Wisdom in hiring my replacement -Continued passion & energy for my work (despite the constant temptation to “check out” mentally) -Health & financial provision for my many friends here and their dependents (Akola, Hope+ Africa, and Hope 2 One Life all do amazing work, but there are so many needs in these communities that we cannot do anything about.) -Financial provision as I try to finish paying my student loans from SPU and finding tuition/living expenses for my time at Fuller