politics, literature, & art

I’ve been swamped with work and other work-related-but-not-really-part-of-my-deliverables meetings today. I was interviewed by a local radio station at 11AM on my reaction as a young environmental activist from our President’s SONA yesterday, joined our city’s public hearing on an Anti Tree-Cutting Ordinance, proposed our amendments and committed our organization to be part of the implementing task force, joined our regular weekly Project Staff Meeting since I just finished organizing 2 major events this weekend (in a hybrid setup, no less), and finally, I was a panelist at a youth post-SONA analysis focusing on the aspect of climate and environment organized by a national youth coalition.

Today, my sister was out for the whole day. At the end of the events, I had nothing left to do and no one to talk to. Here I am right now, writing in a blog that I never really gave much time to since I barely have any left on my hands.

I have never really moved past what had happened to me yet. It’s selfish to say that it had happened to me when it was entirely not about me, but it feels that way. It feels like the Universe has cursed me. It’s been 5 months and I feel like I’ve aged 10 years. I do not deserve this pain. I have yet to explore life and what it could give me, and yet I feel like death is looming over my head. I feel like every single day, I am losing time. Death is coming nearer and nearer.

I do not fault him. How can you blame the dead? There is nothing I can do, not anymore. This is something that’s part of me now. Losing a lover at the tender age of 23. I feel like my time is running out. How do you recover from this?