What Survival Looks Like at Home
From 'What Survival Looks Like at Home' by Helen Townsend, from Beacon House & Inner World Work (PDF)
Distracted, not listening
Talking about something else
Not moving to where youāve asked
Wide eyed, pupils might dilate
Daydreaming, staring into space
Stay with me, donāt leave me
Tell me Iām ok & that I am safe
Rolling or cycling down a hill
Gently wonder where I have gone & invite me back to you
If I have forgotten what I was supposed to be doing, remind me again gently
A warm bath & a warm towel
Hyperactive, manic, silly
Aggressive, threatening: stiffening up, clenching fists
Running away, escaping, disappearing, hiding under the table/bed/sofa
Canāt cope with free play
Canāt follow house rules
Not doing what youāve asked
Needing to get into the car/house/park first
Find me again happily or patiently
Give me a familiar & easy chore
Crunchy foods ā carrot sticks, a biscuit, a rice cake or crisps
Tell me that I am safe with you
Talk through what you think I am finding tricky using a kind voice
Create a safe space where I can hide away I when I need to
Cup of warm milk or hot chocolate
Hot water bottle & a soft teddy
Recognize I sometimes find 'normal' family life threatening
Accept that if I feel threatened, I feel in real danger.
If you send me to do something & I forget, just patiently ask again
Argumentative, angry and aggressive
Controlling, demanding and inflexible
Unable to concentrate on one thing
Unable to follow the house rules
Disregarding of others, pushing away friends/family members
Tell me you love me even when my I push you away
Donāt punish me for being cross; reward me with your kindness and love for getting calm again
Keep me safe from hurting myself
Hanging, swinging and climbing
Warm bath with lots of bubbles
Warm milk or a hot chocolate
A super soft teddy and/or blanket
Give me a task that makes me feel important
Connect with me and show me empathy before exploring the consequences of my behavior
Create somewhere safe to go to so I can calm down
Make things predictable. Tell me about changes before they happen, especially if strangers are coming to the house or Iām going somewhere new
Accept I might not know why I behaved in that way & I might not remember what happened
Listen and acknowledge how I feel, even if you see it differently, it will help me feel listened to
Fidgety but not disruptive, anxious
Never questioning or asking questions
Never drawing unnecessary attention
Yes or no answers - doing just enough to avoid being noticed, unable to think
Quiet & passive, compliant
Give me small repetitive things to do
Building with Lego or Play-doh
Let me spend quiet time just with you
Understand that social media might symbolizes a comforting connection
Hot chocolate and a crunchy biscuit
Wrap me up in a soft blanket & watch TV
Understand that playing computer games, lets me be by myself somewhere safe
Recognize I am hurting inside & might need professional help
Know that I am easily bullied, look out for this, donāt expect me to tell you.
Notice I will say what I think you want me to say
Be aware that I am an easy target & can be coerced easily to keep the peace
Know I can't cope being the center of attention
Watch for me removing myself
Warm bath and a warm towel