story of a marching band kid

I run downstairs, thinking someone has died or something and see THIS:

“Nails the catch and completes it with a bend.”

(all things that I have actually heard)

Violin I: Sorry, I didn’t practice this because it’s sightreading standard for me.

Violin II: My stand partner did it!

Violin III: Can I go to the toilet?

Viola: (never considered important enough to be called out)

Cello: It’s all so hard. Everything’s hard.

Flute: I felt so attacked by the conductor calling me out, and the pressure got to me. It’s not my fault!

Oboe: Can’t be out of tune if the orchestra tunes to you ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Clarinet: *nervous laughter* I’m actually sightreading…

Trumpet: I haven’t warmed up yet.

Trombone: Oh, I need to empty my spit valve, brb

French Horn: Uh, I’m actually playing the 3rd Horn part, not 2nd Horn, so I’m playing correctly.

Actor: Where?