Mer

And after everything, after everyone comes and goes in my life, you guys will always be there. I will always be there for you, too. I have never known two people more and two people have never known the whole of me more than you both. I will yell at you to stop clicking your keyboard too loudly, but unhesitatingly agree to read over your essay. You will call me lazy, but realize one day that I do more things for you than I will ever do for anyone else. You both talk about what you’ll do with my room once I’m gone, and I try not to cry over it. I can’t imagine being more than a few steps away from you, let alone a couple hundred miles. Can I take you both with me? I’ve always told everyone that we’re a package deal. One of you who plans to take my room said you won’t paint over the pink that has lived on the walls for 19 years and on. Thank you. Think of me whenever you see it? I am who I am because of you, I don’t know who I am without you. My brothers. You will always be there, I will always be there. For me, for you. Always, always, always. Unspoken. I will move out this year but the promise will always be the same. I love you guys (always, always, always).

Having a younger brother is like. I just told you all about the boy I like, a mutual friend we have. You called him a rizzly bear (you know those jokes always make me laugh). We used to never talk about these things, but ever since you had your first break up, we talk more and more about the people we love and have loved. You are seventeen and while we had the conversation, you were building legos. A set of Goofy and Pluto, and you timed yourself to see how long it took for you to make it while we talked. You gave me one, let me choose. I will keep it forever, until I die. You probably think I will forget about it in a few days; I won’t. It will stay with me when I move, it will be like a small piece of you will always be with me. I hope you continue coming to me about people you like. I hope you never get tired of me. I love you. I can tell you everything. You can do the same with me. I hope you know that.

I still give you all of the jars I can’t open. You write your essays for class and ask me to proofread, we both know it’s the only thing I’m good at. I ask you to come with me to the store, and I pay for everything. You ask me to drive you to school every morning, even though it’s a 15 minute walk away. I complain all of the time about it, but I don’t think I’ll ever tell you it’s one of my favorite parts of the day. I still ask you for help with my college math classes, because you’ve always been smarter than me (I admit that freely). Your first breakup ended in tears and I held you as you cried. I have been with you through your worst, and you have seen me at my lowest. Who else would do that? I move away from home at the end of the year, to a different part of the state. You move away from home next year, to another state entirely. I’ll miss you. I hope you’ll miss me. I am your big sister, your only, and you’re my little brother (however big you may be now). You’re my best friend. Please don’t forget about me. Promise to call me? It’s silly to ask since I know we text every day. I love you. I’m glad you say it back. I hope you never stop.