Somewhere, nowhere, anywhere

Grew up selfless

I had lived so much life before and after my worst moments, why the hell was I continuing to make them my whole inner dialogue? I am a kaleidescope of experience and choice and action, I am everything I have ever said and done, and yes, that means all the bad...but that also means all the good and stupid and brilliant and mediocre and kind and rude and selfless and selfish things too!!

I would often say "I am not my past" but I don't think that fits anymore; I am all my past, every little beautiful bit of it. I think I am ready to cast away these beads of memories I keep around my neck, and stop lying to myself pretending it's a necklace, it's a noose, an anchor...I won't forget them but I can't go back to them, I'm never going to get the chance to start over from any of them no matter how hard I wish and pine, and they really are starting to get too heavy.