disaster sun, dramatic bitch moon, fuckup rising

I am nearly 29, knew I was trans since 17 and I have been on HRT (estrogen) on and off for the past 18 months with testosterone for the last 6. Currently: 8mg Estradiol Enanthate weekly, plus 25mg testosterone weekly.

The hypothesis: The body auto-converts excess T→E and excess E→T, so it can handle high levels of both without much trouble. Women regularly take testosterone during menopause — this should be doable.

My theory: Take high E to block natural T production, then supplement a tiny bit of T to compensate. Should keep everything contextually balanced.

Six months in, and I just got my labs back. My doctor (not amused by this experiment) is shocked: I'm healthier than I've ever been across every metabolic marker. Dead center on every single metric. Blood pressure normal (first time ever). Weight stable. I have some breast growth starting, but no solidified nodules — so with raloxifene I could revert 90%+ if I wanted (TBD). They are very sensitive, for better or worse.

I have noticed my body becoming more feminine (appreciated), which is saying something since I am naturally broad and muscular. Think of a very masc blacksmith-NPC-character-model kind of build. I have curves now. Skin is overall softer. Body hair is much thinner (previously was bold, black, and gnarly). Face is smoother, jawline more defined, but the face itself is a bit rounder, especially in the cheeks.

Mental state is solid. Making real progress on projects, feeling hopeful, taking more risks and actually being comfortable with it. More open, more outgoing. Before this was quite depressed, anxious, paranoid, unable to make decisions, and just felt worthless, now its the exact opposite - I have tried every anti-depressant around, and had great luck with LSD, but this has been by far the most 'calm', happy, and level-headed I have ever been. That said, on pure estrogen, my mental clarity is certainly sharper. The combo is still clear enough though.

One of the barriers that a lot of people have with understanding abolition is that there is not a one-sentence answer to what will replace prisons, nor should there be. Abolition is a whole change of worldview. It moves us from “how do we replace prisons?” to “How do we create a world without carceral systems?” This requires not just tearing down structures, but also building resources that are more just and better suited to solve our problems.

One thing I learned in social work school was that it’s harder for people to work to a negative goal (“stop doing x”) than it is for them to work towards a positive goal (“start doing y”). So the best way to eliminate something is to increase other things that are incompatible or mutually exclusive. For example, if we want people out of coercive mental health treatment, one thing that helps is creating liberatory mental health resources.

The issue of abolition isn’t actually “How do we get there?” but really “Where do we start?” Lots of us are already doing work that is incompatible with the carceral state, but we need to make sure it’s grounded in abolition. In other words, we can incorporate abolition into our corners of the world. It’s not one of the other, it’s both/and.

The world we are in is different than the world we are creating. We will falter and make mistakes, as well as do things that aren’t mistakes but are the best alternatives out of bad options. While we need to be strict in our systemic analysis (i.e, look closely and critically at every aspect of the carceral system we live in), we need to be flexible and compassionate when we are dealing with each other as we work towards abolition by targeting systems.”

Do yourself a favor and check out Swanson's Fabrics! The physical location is in Turners Falls, Massachusetts, USA, but the online shop will ship to you!

I can't remember who first told me about Swanson's, but they're a textile thrift shop that collects and repurposes donations of unused sewing supplies. Their physical location, The Stash House, offers community sewing resources and a studio. For non-locals (such as myself), their online shop offers fabrics, patterns, and notions. The shop restocks on Thursdays, and they have a constantly-rotating collection of items. If you like thrifting secondhand craft materials, Swanson's is for you!

Via their official "about" page:

Swanson’s Fabrics and notions are gifts from retired sewing stashes. They are the fabrics and supplies that sewers and fiber-artists naturally accumulate. I had a suspicion that the reason we all collect so much is that we didn’t have a place “good enough” to take it. So I made the place. Turns out I was right, and thanks to my community (and yours) of makers and crafters, I can resell these fine materials at a low, approachable cost. ALL FABRICS ARE $5.00/yd, NO MATTER WHAT THEY ARE MADE OF. REALLY. I MEAN IT. I KNOW. UNBELIEVABLE BUT TRUE! As we come to grips with the climate crisis, interrupted supply lines, and our dependency on slave-labor in far away countries to produce our cotton and fiber goods, we need another way to approach the fabrics in our lives. We have a massive resource of textile goods in our country and it is time to tap into it. Our attics, basements, thrift-store donation bins, and dumpsters are brimming with discarded fabrics. It is time to start making and trading for the things we need, and stop buying so much new stuff we don’t. We need to see ourselves as trash-rich. Customers at Swanson’s can pay for goods and services with goods and services. I accept trade of sewing and fiber supplies/materials, and trade for help in the shop. I hope to inspire you to make your own clothes, to mend the ones you have, to shop second-hand and alter things to your taste. There is a lot of power in dressing yourself. Custom is king, and you can’t have a revolution in your master’s clothes…. ❤️💪🏻 -Kathryn

The CovidSafeCosplay blog and its admin are unaffiliated with Swanson's Fabrics, and are simply sharing the resource.

Download signal if you haven't already. Pick a resistance pseudonym. Make a proton email that has no indicators to your real name. Start buying and printing whistles and whistle zines.

Organize your school patrols and foot patrols NOW. Talk to your community and your mercados and your Hmong and Somali grocery stores, ask them what support they need. Get "ICE are not welcome here" signage for businesses and homes. Familiarize yourself with the difference between an administrative warrant and a judicial warrant.

Learn how to take down a SALUTE report. PRACTICE salute reports. Learn, memorize, and embody radio etiquette for rapid response work.

Pick your lane: rapid response or mutual aid-- you can't do both, because rapid response often puts you in direct contact with ICE. They've been taking down plate numbers and leading responders back to their own homes here in the Twin Cities.

Remember that being under siege is a marathon, not a race. Try to remember that while your neighbors are being kidnapped in their underwear, from their own homes.

Meet your neighbors. Attend your city council meetings and demand separation ordinances NOW. Tell your congress people and representatives not to give ICE more money.

Prepare yourself to see high school children being stopped and harassed. 5 year olds being used as bait for their mothers. Old men being dragged out of their houses in underwear and Crocs simply because all of them are not white.

Be flexible, be ready to pivot on a dime as situations change. Be ready to be paranoid. Be ready to be distrusting of every Texas, New York, California, or Illinois license plate. Be ready to be suspicious of EVERY out of state license plate. Dark sedans and SUVs with extremely illegally tinted windows. Unreadable or missing plates.

MN Community Response Resources

ICE Are Not Welcome Here sign

Private Property Sign

Know Your Rights Sign

Judicial Warrant vs Administrative Warrant

SALUTE Report Graphic Rapid Response Patrol Handbook

Legal Observer Basics MSP Whistle Hub

Whistle 3D printing File

Talking to children about ICE actions

OG Whistle Zine in ENGLIGH || SPANISH

MSP whistles which also have zines in Somali, Amharic, Oromo and Mandrin

Hmong Whistle Zine

“ICE NOT WELCOME” signs are great for solidarity and breaking morale, but please make and help pass out signs stating a home or business is private property. Make sure your business has an area explicitly for employees only. What we’ve seen in the last week makes all this seem like sticking a post-it on a viper and none of us know where we’re headed now, but it’s easy to do and could make a difference. It’s made a difference here.

It's not about being tough on crime, because the absolute toughest most brutal measure you could take against "crime" as a social problem is to alleviate poverty, and increase access to education, healthcare and social mobility.

It's about performing "tough on crime" as an aesthetic by enacting violence against a prop, i.e. minorities and the impoverished, who are fetishized and objectified to represent "crime." They are brutalized as punishment for crime, but never with the purpose of alleviating the problem of crime.