arf shnarf

i’m not against vaping, but man, vaping two inches from my face on the subway is a ridiculous asshole kind of move. this dude was billowing like he was auditioning for the role of haunted house fog machine. the humidity in the whole car changed, he was ruining haircuts. just jump starting the water cycle. condensation was dripping down my glasses. people were slipping off poles, it was chaos. it was like watching one man try to terraform the moon. a planet with one dense, root beer scented atmosphere blocking out the sun and choking all life. 

1 beer in and i start telling people to surrender

does anybody have the shark tank kratom dog ashes "that's a perky!" screenshot

can't believe the only options are 30 minutes early or 10 minutes late. if only there were some other way. but what can you do

The haters and other dolts have try to cancel me yet they keep coming back like stupid little kittens with there mouth dry, from no milk! Well i will feed your loser ass,because i love you

ten years ago I was walking through my high school in a wet swimsuit to get my dive coach when I witnessed a girl getting in trouble because she had a custom LED belt buckle that scrolled the message “BOY GIMME THAT JOHNSON” and I loved it so much that I couldn’t even go back to practice, I just went home and went to sleep

Regardless of what team wins the cup each year I am always delighted to see the borderline gay sex that teams are engaging in afterwards