I'm Mandy, and I didn't know I'd be on Tumblr for this long.

I’m Mandy.

(This is the name that I am the most comfortable with as of now. If that changes, I will update this account.)

I am nonbinary (I’m still working my gender identity out, so to those that want an answer now: not cis) and use any pronouns. I use she/her or they/them most of the time because people around me seem to find this easiest but I really don’t mind.

Be creative! You can use neopronouns for me if you want!

(I’m fine being referred to with it pronouns, but I will block anyone using slurs or potentially harmful pronouns.)

…..So to be more specific, I am quoiromantic, aegosexualflux, demibialterous, panaesthetic, and experience queerplatonic feelings (though I have never been in a qpr, it feels like it would be awkward to ask someone). I use ‘bi’ instead of ‘omni-’ or ‘multi-’ or 'poly-’ because the term just feels better for myself, but I don’t think I would mind being called omni.

I am autistic (self-diagnosed and on a waiting list for an official diagnosis), with fluctuating empathy. I display some symptoms of OCD as well, but not enough for me to personally consider self-diagnosis.

I currently have multiple hyperfixations, which I will attempt to post about on my side blog @tbhineedabreak so that I don’t clutter this one.

I think I want to be a comic artist, but I also enjoy fashion design. I am learning to crochet. I used to be able to play the piano and speak fluent French, and lost the ability to do either due to forgetting to practice but am trying my best to relearn. I’d love to hear about your hobbies, or talk about my own.

Attractive late 19th century gilt design on blue cloth -

me: yeah i know, they’re all primary colors, it’s perfect

When you go for an MLS (Master’s of Library Science, which is a thing, and which is usually required for “professional-level” library work [which is also a weird and contentious concept that I won’t go into here]), one of the things you study is the organization of information. This deals with how to determine what a book or other material is “about"—a concept we tongue-in-cheek call “aboutness"—and how to convey that to a potential user of the item and make it easy for them to find. Things like keywords and subject headings, do I put this book about how often wild birds attack aerial drones in with books about birds or with books about technology, if its a fictional novel do I put fantasy in it’s own section or mix it in with all of the other fiction, so on and so on.

OP is organizing books by how they would look for them. OP’s partner is thinking in terms of aboutness. This is a system that works for OP because it’s their personal library: they know basically what books they own and they only own books that are relevant to them, and if they know what the book looks like, that can be a quick way to find it.

In a library that assumes the public (or people who do not own that particular collection of books) are using the collection, that doesn’t work. Books are often re-issued in multiple covers, or re-bound in new covers when they get worn out, and if the user doesn’t know what the book looks like or is expecting a different cover, they’re lost. That’s why non-personal libraries used standardized cataloging systems like the Dewey Decimal System or Library of Congress System to organize a book by what it’s “about”, and then put books about the same or similar topics together, marked with labels and signage so a person unfamiliar with the book or collection can find their way to it.

Basically, OP’s system works for their own personal library, because it’s best suited to how the primary user—OP themselves—looks for books. OP’s librarian partner is coming from a background of thinking in terms of a public-facing collection, where aboutness is the key criteria and communicating it to a user unfamiliar with the collection is the priority.

1. there will always be someone more severely affected by their disability than you are, this does not mean you aren't disabled, or that your struggles aren't real. these disabled people are not your enemy.

2. visibly disabled people are not treated better than invisibly disabled people, there are different struggles to both.

3. visibly & severely disabled people are not lucky for being visibly disabled or severely disabled. this belief is ableist.

4. we all need to keep the more severely disabled people in mind, they are the most vulnerable & this is disability justice 101.

5. there will always be severely disabled people in public, you absolutely need to work on your discomforts about the conditions/aids/symptoms/behaviours they might have; drooling, incontinence, "odd" behaviours, visible differences, use of AAC etc. this is a you problem, not a them problem.

6. there will always be symptoms of disabilities that you don't approve of; zero social awareness, cognitive impairments, violent meltdowns, strong smells & loud noises, being nonverbal/semiverbal etc. no one can force you to like it, but you cannot be cruel to them regardless of your opinions, again, this is a you problem & not a them problem.

7. you can still be ableist even if you yourself are disabled, this isn't always internalised, it can also be outright ableism.

8. caregivers of severely disabled people often play an important role in disability spaces, try not to *immediately* discount their experiences, unless they're truly over stepping, are being factually incorrect/uneducated or ableist. (caregivers can come with unique problems in disability spaces, 100%, but they are not inherently bad)

9. severely disabled people will have experiences you do not have, it is not an attack on you when these experiences are talked about.

10. “people wouldn’t say [ableist thing] to a wheelchair user” yes they would and yes they do.