MG

Lena was meeting her fiancee today, for the second time. In a dress with a frankly impractical cleavage and lipstick picked out by her mother, but at least they allowed her the boots. There was to be walking involved in this playdate, and no one was willing to risk a faked injury in heels.

Her fiancee arrived exactly on time, holding her hands unnaturally at her sides, giving off an incessant nervous energy that would’ve put Lena on edge even in better circumstances. Lena knew very little about her, but one thing had been clear from the start: she was weird.

Weird, and alien, and mandatory.

“Hello Miss Lena, pleasure to make your acquaintance,” the alien said, the same exact greeting as the last time, as if she’d memorised the one English line and refused to update it.

She was wearing the same tweed jacket, too, the same overly starched shirt, the same tight and hopeful smile. Holding out a bouquet in yellows and reds that may as well have been the very same one.

Only one thing was different, a greenish-yellowish smudge blooming on her cheek. It might have had something to do with alien anatomy. Might have been an alien fashion trend. Might have been there all along, and Lena simply hadn’t noticed.

No way.

“What’s wrong with your face?” Lena demanded.

“N-no!” the alien stammered, forceful and defensive. “Nothing! What’s wrong with your face?”

Lena frowned. She had never encountered such a horrendous liar. “Rude.”

The alien seemed to shrink. “Apologies. Thank you for being me here. Would you like we go to walk?”

“No,” said Lena. But she got up and walked toward the gardens, as per the El-Washington treaty, signed and filed and legally binding.

So much, and if you ‘ship’ them you know that a lot of it is that unspoken deeper love. But for one more canon example, we know Kara doesn’t fear anything. She’s not afraid to die. Yet she asked “Are you going to try to kill me?” in the sad, simple way she did, not because she was at all afraid, but because she had to know if she was going to have to defend herself in a way she never wanted to - against Lena. 

“Are you going to try to kill me?” = “Am I going to have to try to stop you… because I can’t bring myself to do that.”

Which is why in the next episode we see Kara stand in front of the canon and sadly ask Lena not to do this. She could just stop her. She could go to her and take her down, like her own sister is asking her to do. But she obviously doesn’t. She can’t. 

Melissa Benoist’s portrayal of Kara in that entire scene was so utterly heartbreaking because there was just so much resignation. When she asked why she kept being her friend, she already knew the answer. She wasn’t even angry, she was just so shattered and accepting because I think she already knew deep down it was too good to be true. She knew something was up. So when it happened, it just broke her. Kara has no real fears anymore, but she feared losing Lena. And then she did. And the unspoken finality and internal destruction of it all was so fuckin’ intense. 

It bothers me when I see review sites and especially some male fans of the show so obsessive over the idea that Kara/Lena absolutely MUST parallel Clark and Lex. I’ve seen people saying it’s destiny for them to be enemies. That it’s built in. That it’s the path the show has to take and will take. But, I don’t think they’re actually watching the same show. Or they’re just so inherently programmed by toxic social traditions (and heteronormativity) that they need to see them fight and hate each other. They need to see it play out the same way it would between two men. But these are not two men. This is not a male-driven show. 

Lex is a power-hungry sociopath with inadequacy issues. He’s a very small, cowardly man who can’t stand to know there are people out there that are ‘better’ than him. So he uses his wealth and an over-inflated semblance of power to try to target people like Clark, hiding behind the guise of “protecting humanity from aliens”. Lex is very much like an incel. He’s someone who finds a way to take his own shortcomings out on others. And Clark is his own personal “Chad” - an attractive, powerful, altruistic hero who knows how to use his gifts for good. Everything Lex has always felt towards Clark was rooted in jealousy and competition. The dynamic of Lex vs Clark has always been a display of toxic masculinity, but on a level where the stakes were the fate of the world. 

Where then can we find that between Kara and Lena? We can’t. We won’t. We shouldn’t. First, because that’s not how most women inherently work. The only way Lena’s ever felt inadequate is in regards to how people see her as a pariah due to her name, despite her desire to do good. But she doesn’t blame Kara and the world for her shortcomings. She blames herself and her family. She only blames Kara and the world for not seeing past it. 

While Lex’s greatest mission is ultimate power so he can step on anyone who dares to be better than him by any sadisitic means necessary, Lena’s greatest mission is to make the world a better place. They’re coming from two completely different perspectives, two completely different psychologies and two completely different intentions. Lena doesn’t look at Supergirl or Kara with jealousy, she looks at her as an inspiration and everything she wants to be. Lex desperately wanted to overthrow Clark. Lena desperately wants to be like Kara. And now, you can - arguably - add in the extra layer of her wanting to be with Kara. 

So let’s go there next, shall we? Let’s discuss the non-heteronormative interpretation with all the ‘shipping’ stuff. At most if you take it to a homoerotic level, maybe Lex wanted at some point to hate-fuck Clark so he could dominate him finally, in some way, while also getting an up close glimpse of Clark’s power which is so seductive to him. Because he’s never wanted Clark, he’s only wanted his power in order to fuel his own darkness. Meanwhile for Lena, it’s like she wants Kara to make love to her and value her the way she’s so desperate to be valued and loved because she’s fallen so deeply for Kara and her goodness and light and just wants to bask in it. To put it graphically:

Lex says to Clark “FUCK YOU.”

…while Lena says to Kara “FUCK ME.”

In a nutshell, Lex was saying to Clark, “I hate you. You’re everything I could never be and your existence threatens mine, so now I’m going to destroy you and the world you love.” while Lena is saying to Kara, “I love you. You’re everything I wish I could be and I needed you to see me and love me back, because you’re the only one who ever really did or could. But you hurt me in the worst way. So, goodbye. I’ll go save the world without you.” 

In summary, to think that Kara/Lena are destined to be, or should be, a Clark/Lex parallel just demonstrates an inherent lack of understanding of the differences between men and women and the relationships between men vs the relationships between women. Lena Luthor is not Lex and if the show is smart, she never will be. While I do not condone her actions and was deeply disturbed by how she went about things in the most recent episode, to compare her to Lex is astoundingly short-sighted, and shockingly ignorant. 

Kara and Lena are not Clark and Lex. If anything, they’re Clark and Lois. And that’s the fascinating twist, isn’t it? That’s what makes it such a beautiful love story. The only question is whether the show will be brave enough to go ahead and make it a romantic love story, since these two are so desperately, painfully in love to the point where it’s actually become hard to watch them literally ache for each other while claiming “friendship" at every chance.

Kara and Lena are not Clark and Lex. 

I’ve been slowly practicing with some ink doodles because I’ve been neglecting traditional art and also want to do an inktober for once.

I need lifeguard Kara to look a little more like this

—

Lena slouched a little further in her seat. The heavy pull of exhaustion in her bones made her want to do nothing more than to go home and sleep. There was a spot on the left side of her ribs that she knew was already bruising. Director Danvers had told her she was lucky nothing was broken, and then promptly chewed her out until her ears rang. Lena didn’t think she had been that chastised since Lillian had stuck her in that awful Catholic boarding school when she was seven. She reached up and prodded at the thin butterfly bandage above her left brow. Her skin felt sticky and chilled under the form fitting padded jumpsuit and she could still smell the faint electrical burn from her modified EXO-Suit armor.

She hadn’t meant to put it on. The EXO-Suit. Hadn’t meant to blast out of the DEO main hangar without flight clearance. Hadn’t meant to fly through US air space illegally… but Kara had been in trouble. She had been overwhelmed by the alien and it’s weird secreting neurotoxin that was sapping of her strength and focus and the DEO agents couldn’t help her and Lena couldn’t just sit there in her Prada behind a screen and watch her get the shit beaten out of her. She wasn’t angry enough with Kara anymore to meanly want that to happen. Each sickening punch she heard through Kara’s comm unit made everyone in the HUB flinch and made Lena feel like she was going to vomit. Each panicked grunt or slurred request for help please help made terror drip icy down her spine. They may not be friends, but Kara was still Kara.

Her Kara.

So she defied orders. Kicked off her new Louboutins and sprinted barefoot through the compound to her corner of the Lab she shared with Querl Dox. She had locked the lab down, quickly changed into the protective jumpsuit and braided her hair back as she rushed through the suit pre-flight checks. She had recklessly ignored a few warnings, hence the burning electrical smell, but the suit had worked well enough. Lena had been able to reach Kara in time, the propulsion rockets whining shrilly with how hard she was pushing them. She vaguely remembered bellowing something unintelligible right before she plowed shoulder first into the alien, the proton beam canon in her right palm humming with a dull thump thump thump as she emptied the charge into the belly of the screaming beast. Each blast made her nerves up to her shoulder tingle and her teeth rattled in her skull.

It had been a blur of too many gangly too-long limbs and thick brackish blood and concrete dust as she grappled with the alien, forcing it back for a few scant heartbeats until it mustered the strength to retaliate as the new holes in its stomach threatened to lose the purply ropey flesh of its entrails. It had been her turn to get knocked around after that, but she got in a few more good solid blows until Kara had been able to get up and help her finish the fight. She winced again when she accidentally pressed a little too hard on the fresh cut above her eye. God, she was sore.

“-national guard are finally beginning to secure the area. Our teams should complete the decontamination procedures within the hour, and Querl is scanning through traffic light surveillance to see if we missed anyone for treatment.”

Director Danvers’s low murmur carried across the DEO HUB as she filled J’onn in over three different tablets full of data. He nodded gravely and lowered his voice.

“How many did we lose?”

Lena glanced up, her heart sinking. She knew there had been casualties. The alien had appeared so suddenly, and was so angry… her eyes slid across the HUB to Supergirl. To Kara. She was listening quietly, standing with her arms tensely crossed across her chest. Like Lena, she was a little worse for wear. There were tears in her dull suit and her face had been hastily wiped clean of grime. She looked beyond tired.

“Thirty-six.”

The sadness that swept through the room was palpable. Lena heard the agents react around her, but her vision was tunneled on Kara. Poor Kara, who had done all she could in the face of her opponent. Who would carry the weight of those thirty-six lost lives on her shoulders with all of the others she had lost in her short life. Her face crumpled and she slunk out of the HUB looking small. Lena watched her go with an ache in her chest. She hurt for those that had been killed, hurt for the family and friends left behind. And she hurt for Kara who blamed herself for their deaths even though none of them were her fault. Lena wanted to follow after her but she was torn between the ugly swirl of emotions in her chest. Torn between the old hurt from Kara lying to her and the need to go to the best friend she missed so much and comfort her.

To tell the woman she had accidentally fallen in love with that it was going to be okay.

It had to be okay. Eventually. After there was a period of mourning.

When Lena finally pulled herself from her jumbled thoughts Nia flopped down next to her with a groan. She had thankfully missed the actual fighting with the alien, but she had picked up Supergirl’s slack for the evening and was sporting a new fat lip from a run-in with a mugger. Nia peeled her mask off and scrubbed tiredly at her eyes, smearing her eye makeup. Lena watched her head and look her up and down like she was surprised she was still sitting there. The younger hero nudged her with her knee and gave her a pointed look. Lena couldn’t help but bristle a little.

“What?”

Nia rolled her eyes. “You should go check on her.”

“I-”

“She’s up on deck three.”

Dreamer was heaving herself up and out of her seat before Lena could respond. As she gawped after her, almost offended, her eyes met Alex’s. The Director mouthed a please? And like that, her decision was made for her. Lena braced herself and rose from her seat with a huff and a grimace. She left the HUB without anyone stopping her, and wandered out into the main foyer. It took her a little longer than normal, but eventually she made it up the three flights of stairs. Sure, she could have taken the elevator, but she needed the extra time to prepare herself. What did she even say? Was there anything that she could say? Sorry you blame yourself for innocent deaths? Lena was trying to move past the hurt in her chest, not compound it onto Kara.

Her techy flat soled boots scuffed on the top step of the third deck. Lena gathered her wits about her like the battered EXO-Suit they had cut her out of and took a deep breath. She turned and made her way down the wide dim hall. The emergency exit lights reflected a dull eerie red on the polished floor. Her soft footsteps echoed into the empty space and the metal circuitry on her jumpsuit rattled flatly. It was easy to spot the only other lone figure at the end of the hall.

Kara was bracing her arms on the railing and looking out through the wide window that spanned the entire deck. Lena could see the defeat in her posture from fifty feet away. Kara didn’t look at her as she approached, which thankfully helped Lena not feel nearly as awkward about encroaching into her space. Kara looked too young with a too heavy weight on her shoulders. Lena followed her eyes and could barely make out the flashing emergency lights across the bay. It clicked that she was looking at the damages that she hadn’t been able to prevent and a surge of protectiveness propelled her forward the last couple feet between them. Kara jolted back to her senses as Lena took her by the arm and turned her towards her. Her blue eyes were dull with unshed tears under a furrowed brow and she opened her mouth to speak but drew up short when she realized it was her. The spark of fire she had found to tell whoever it was to leave her alone fizzled, leaving her looking even more defeated than before.

Lena watched a flash of apprehension flicker over her face and promptly forgot what she was going to say to her. What Lena did know, was that she needed to get Kara away from the window so she would stop looking at the wreckage. Away from the tragic incident she was taking the blame for. She pressed forward and, thankfully, Kara let herself be guided backwards until her back thumped against the concrete wall in the dim corner. The mix of old hurt and protective emotions in her chest settled, only to be replaced by betraying affection and Lena lost track of what exactly she was doing. Her hands had left Kara’s biceps and were smoothing up the sides of her neck as she stepped in too close. Too close and god she loved her. She could smell the soot and dust as she pulled Kara’s face down until the tip of her nose was just brushing hers. Lena felt like her heart was floating somewhere above her head and she knew, she knew, that this wasn’t a good idea but her heart was in control. She needed comfort through contact, and she hoped that Kara did too.

“Stop torturing yourself.” 

Warm hands curled carefully around her waist and pulled her in as Lena pressed a soft kiss to her mouth. And Kara was kissing her back and of all the feelings in the world, this one made Lena feel the most free. She sank into her with a sigh, the crushing wave of relief nearly making her knees buckle underneath her. No, she still hadn’t completely forgiven Kara. She hoped she could one day. But this stolen moment was a needed reminder that Kara was still very much her home. A home where she hoped to happily lay her heart again one day. Lena wound her arms around Kara’s neck and kissed her again, kissed her a little bit deeper, a little bit slower and wondered if one day she would be kissing her under different circumstances with different intentions. It was a nice thought.

Kara released a shaky breath and pressed her forehead to Lena’s as she wrapped her up in her arms and leaned a little heavier on the wall. They just breathed for a moment, and then Kara was leaning back in with a gentle brush of her lips against hers and a promise in her touch. Lena let her, greedily relishing the attention and committing Kara’s mouth to memory. Maybe if she forgave her this could be her new normal? Lena was sorely tempted. Even if it wasn’t this, just being able to hug her again and sprawl out on the couch with a bad movie playing sounded absolutely wonderful. Lena was sorely tempted to hope for even that.

Kara kissed softly a few more times, each one more firm than the last as if she was reminding herself that Lena was present and alive and safe. She made Lena’s heart jump into her throat with each gentle touch. And then her lip was trembling, curling, and her shoulders began to shake as she failed to hold back her grief. Kara shuddered and crumpled again as she pressed her face into the crook of Lena’s neck. She slid to the floor with a helpless racking sob, dragging Lena with her. It took a moment to sit comfortably with how Kara was trying to curl into her, but Lena held her tight and tried to hold her together with her embrace. She pressed her face into the side of Kara’s neck and sank more comforting kisses against her skin because she didn’t know what else to do.

Neck freckle