I didn’t think my heart had any pieces left that could be broken.

Because I’m so thankful for all the support and good times I had here through so many years. And for all the lovely people on here. I know I had times before where creating was difficult. Because life has been nothing but one huge mental struggle for the past 10+ years for me, even tho I tried to not show it here if I could manage. Because this was my happy place, that I always came back to. And just at the end of ‘25 I clawed my way back into it, was so ready to draw all those things, my own stories even, reopened my Ko-fi.

But this year decided to start with me losing the closest and most important person I ever had, and it’s not something I’m sure I can overcome now. My last joy, my last happiness when I already barely had anything to hold onto, got taken away from me. She kept me afloat and was my calm through the storm and I didn’t realize it until it was too late. And now she’s gone forever.

For so many years, being in fandoms and creating all that slow-burn wlw art has been my passion and my biggest joy. Often my only joy and often the only thing I had when life was hell with no escape in sight. But now I’m not sure how to ever create any of that slow burn happy-end art again after the chance to finally have my own got brutally taken away from me…

I held on, all these years, and instead of finally being allowed happiness and a place in this world, I only received pain beyond my imagination.

I’ve always just wanted this blog to be a happy place, not just for me, but for others too. A place to connect, to see all the good things. To keep the “bad” things life throws at you at bay.

And now it feels like the last thing I had got taken from me. Like I’m stuck in a nightmare I can’t wake up from. She is gone and it feels like she took the part of me that can create like that and see hope in the future with her. And I don’t know what to do anymore.