plough the riches of my amersonian mind

i ADORE the anomitinity of tumblr. when i post stupid ass shit from my mush brain on like snapchat or whatever i gotta deal with messages like “are you okay?” and “what does this even mean”. here i can just post 30 pictures of dinosaurs in a row and my followers will be like YEEEEEAAAA BABBY

the other day i posted something on snapchat saying “if we gave monkeys guns i think deforestation would end” and someone sent me a link to an online therapy site i hate it here

i know this really isn't the point but i'm loving the attempt at spelling anonymity

you dont have to be a parent to understand the horror of walking into a room to discover that the baby crawled out of his crib and onto that pottery wheel you forgot to turn off, and while the baby is spinning around and around, the dog is sitting there all calm, like a person, gently using his paws to fashion the babys soft cartilage head into something a little more modern.  it might be the classic tale of bad parenting, but lets see where the dog is going with this

This post is from 2013. It has less than 100 notes. Together we can revive this work of art that tragically ahead of its time. We’re ready for it now

In fifth grade a boy tried to impress me by swallowing a whole tadpole live and I punched him so hard that he puked and the tadpole was fine.

This is funnier than anything I have ever said.

This post is to Easter what a Geiger counter is to radiation.

I see it’s *looks at smudged writing on hand* Lent again.

No, I would not steal a car. However, if I had the ability to create a copy of someone's car that I could have for free while the other person retained their original car, I would definitely do that.

crazy how quickly dust accumulates. i should be allowed to put my trinkets on a shelf and not touch them and they remain in perfect condition forever. dont even get me STARTED on the inside of a computer. why do i have to brush your teeth. youre technology.

has anyone noticed that after the porn ban of 2018 tumblr was essentially killed from the mainstream and everyone flocked to other social media sites like twitter and meta. then those sites got enshittified to where twitter became Nazi Central and meta sites had an entire meme around getting “zucced” aka mark zuckerberg himself would ban you for saying a no-no word like fuck. and then the mainstream shifted to tiktok where infamous toddlerspeak sentences like “he got unalived by a pew pew” were born because if you once again say a no-no word like kill or gun or any other word that isn’t corporate i mean kid friendly then the algorithm will bury your post into the ground. and somehow we’ve come full circle and tumblr is now the most bearable social media site because although we can’t have female presenting nipples we can at least talk to each other like adults. has anyone noticed that at all or is it just me and the flaming skull

watching a pot means itll never boil but leaving it unwatched makes it always boil over so basically cooking pasta is kinda like quantum superposition

being a TA is so unserious why was my snow day email "class cancelled no zoom if you want a 20 point bonus assignment go build a snowman and send me a pic"

do you think two pennies is still enough for the ferryman or has inflation driven up the fare

if he makes me use an app I am simply not crossing the river Styx.