✨princess awa✨

Bear religion probably fucking rocks. You're a fucking bear, you're the deadliest thing on earth, once a year an endless supply of salmon just flings itself up the river to gorge on and then you nap for 3 months.

The most delicious food in the world is protected by tiny demons who can defend it from everyone except you. Your natural armor is thick enough that you can just eat the damn hive while they buzz around you. God's chosen animals right there

love the idea of bears being the chosen species actually. having a near death experience and glimpsing heaven and realising it's just full of bears, no humans at all, humans not ensouled actually, humans an accidental byproduct of God's plan for bears

downloading a sobriety tracker app then immediately drinking beer & coffee & smoking cigarettes & weed because you don’t remember when exactly you last did any of those things but want the timers to be accurate

Was about to fall asleep and apropos of nothing was struck out of nowhere by a horrible future vision of a brightly-lit and saccharine 3D-AI Calvin and Hobbes movie with Scarlet Johanssen voicing the mom and Chris Pratt voicing Hobbes and experienced an emotional haptic jerk so chilling I feel like I just foresaw my own death

(Drenched in a cold sweat, visibly shaking) We Need To Warn Bill Watterson

oh thank heavens

are you implying there is no skill to breast milk?

I was really just hoping breast milk wouldn’t become a major part of this conversation.

never watch the sodium intake!!!!! soup and chips forever!!!!

kindey stoen

average sized cylindrical object

Staff terminated @daughter-of-sapph0. No email no nothing