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last week I was deep in the trenches ploughing through work and mid-afternoon realised I'd neglected to open the blinds and the room was a little dim, so I got up to do that and discovered that a car had flipped onto its roof directly outside my flat and the entire street was closed and flooded with emergency service while they dragged someone out of the vehicle and packed them into an ambulance. so now every time I open the blinds I'm a little like the dog with the ham sandwich bush. what the fuck could it be today.
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"All right! Here we go! Time to find out what chemicals are in a life-form that doesn't use water!" I read the LCD screen. It showed all the peaks and the elements they represented. I stared at the screen silently.
"Well?" Stratt said. "Well?!"
"Um. There's carbon and nitrogen...but the vast majority of the sample is hydrogen and oxygen." I sighed and plopped down in the chair next to the machine. "The ratio of hydrogen to oxygen is two to one."
"What's wrong?" she asked. "What does that mean?"
"It's water. Astrophage is mostly water."
— Project Hail Mary, Andy Weir
you can really read the disappointment in Ryland's voice at this turn of events.
#ahhhhhh its gets SO much worse :D#hope you enjoy one of my favorite stories :D
You start Vigor Mortis like "Vita is always doing some out of pocket shit" and then as you get more viewpoints it's like "everyone is always doing some out of pocket shit"
Thinking about that Tumblr user whose prepper brother was put in an emergency situation and finally got to use his prepper basement only to be in dire straits on the first day because the power was out and his only can opener was electric
for anyone wondering, this is the thread (transcript below the cut):
the original on twitter seems to have been deleted, so this is a 3rd party site
so my eldest brother, who is a moron, has been playing soldier with his moron friends in the deserts of texas for the last year preparing for the collapse of civilization if biden won (lol). they were burying food and ammo stashes out in the desert, running drills, crazy stuff
this included getting a cb license so he could be their lifeline to other groups of white idiots when the cell towers all went offline. wouldn’t want to violate federal law while communicating with your resistance groups after the fall of the federal government i guess.
anyways, you would assume given that they’ve been prepping for the end of the world for at least a year they’re well situated to ride out the rolling blackouts right?
wellll
their plan for cooking and heating during an extended power outage was natural gas, but like a lot of homes their gas service is out. the food in their freezer and fridge is already toast due to the power outrages, so they’re down to canned stuff, but there’s a catch.
they can get into the pull top cans just fine, but the ones that require an opener? their only can opener is electric. so a good 3/4 of his canned food store is inaccessible to him unless he goes after it with a knife, which i sincerely hope he does.
so captain survival was eating unheated ravioli out of a can yesterday because i guess he doesn’t know how to start a fire? they have a fire pit but it too is gas fired.
he told my mom they’re probably going to break into the survival buckets soon. i’m sure that’s great food.
he told my mom that the blackout is due to texas switching everything to “wind power” but that he didn’t discount that the government was doing this on purpose. if you can figure out why they’d arbitrarily freeze out a giant state hey points to you.
the saving grace in all this is he’s having to ration his phone usage so he can’t sit on the phone with my mom for hours crying about it. he’s forced to sit there and talk to his wife, who is almost as dumb as he is.
presumably he’s sitting there shivering, ranting about libs while he sucks down cold beefaroni. what a life.
he’s tried contacting his best friend in his little larping group, but he’s gone to ground. i sincerely hope that means he thinks this is the start of the great purge or whatever and he’s disappeared to the mountains to evade fema and child support bailiffs
i’m trying to get more details from my mom but i have to play it cool. if i laugh she’ll stop telling me about it, so i have to pretend this is very serious and i’m concerned for his safety while i’m imagining him hitting a can of baked beans with a screwdriver repeatedly
on the plus side they’ve got plenty of guns and ammo, so they can shoot the shit out of the snow.
locking two people with marital strife in a house with no supplies, no access to power, but plenty of access to guns and ammo seems like a great idea. i think this should work out great.
just to give you all some additional comfort: his wife is part of the group who helps select the textbooks texas buys every year, just in case you’re wondering about the kind of people that make those decisions.
#There's a lot going on here but to be honest I'm mostly just perplexed about what it even means for a can opener to be electric.
They're can openers with a little motor in them so they rotate the can on the blade and open it for you. They're great for people with arm/hand mobility issues, weak hands, arthritis, etc. They are not great for opening your prepper food mid-blackout.
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Cats fight an endless war with the mice for ecological dominance over the mysterious cheese source. Got it boss, anything else I gotta know before I move into the field?
Elevator pitches for some good podcasts (minor spoilers)
Welcome to Night Vale: Community radio told in soothing tones that are really easy to zone out to. Don’t, though, because if zone out for three seconds during a report on a PTA meeting you’ll be wondering when Cecil started giving injury reports on a pteradon attack.
Within The Wires: In a future of world peace and totalitarian fascism, shitty guided meditation cassette tapes are the true weapon of resistance.
The Message: You like horrible death plagues? You like SETI? Boy do I have the podcast for you.
LifeAfter: A fascinating little story about grief, recovery, and the development and psychology of artificial intelligence. That would be awesome. You can almost see it being told in the background of a self-centred dickbag whining and fucking everything up.
Juno Steel: Mentally ill genderqueer private investigator on Mars solves crimes and saves lives. Once ate a rock to stop anybody else from having it. Let’s not get into the cat thing.
The Black Tapes: What if James Randi was, like, a complete arsehole? With the philosophical grounding of Richard Dawkins? Also a sound-based death cult is in there somewhere.
Tanis: Man in search of mystery finds too much mystery. Wishes people would stop being so fucking mysterious and just give him straight answers. (Spoiler: they do not.)
Sparks Nevada, Marshall on Mars: The title tells you everything.
Beyond Belief: Two rich people want to sit at home and drink all day. Ghosts, demons and vampires keep fucking it up.
The Bright Sessions: Psychiatrist violates every ethical rule possible for dealing with her patients, but it’s okay, because psychic government conspiracy.
I think this idea is going to fare better in your hands as a writer, but I always imagine the humans in those "humans are weird" stories should speak Esperanto
I gave the Curse Words mages Ido because it's Esperanto But Better. But I'm not going to get into that, or my inbox will be full of people telling me about their favourite constructed language and why it's better than both Ido and Esperanto, and then more messages to tell me how the previous messenger was wrong and that other language sucks and their favourite is better.
Someone in a meeting a few days ago made an offhand comment like, “isn’t there a constructed language that someone made up to be universal” and the tongue biting and hand sitting of the language nerds in the call before they lost control was HILARIOUS.
I could never work a real job, I would've been like "oh yeah, Klingon!" and then made direct eye contact with each one in sequence daring them to break.
These are baby zebra finches. They are too young to get food for themselves.
Baby birds are fed by their parents dropping food into their mouths. For some birds these can be small bugs or seeds; for others, their parents grind it up into goo in their gizzards and vomit goo into their mouths. (Some even feed them milk that they make inside their own throats). Most birds have a crop, which is a sort of pouch at the top of their eosophagus where they can hold way more food than what can fit in their stomach at once; they shove a whole bunch of food into their faces and swallow it slowly over time. Normally, a parent would put as much food as they could into these annoying brats' mouths to fill up their crop.
These finches don't have a parent, so their human handler is doing the job with a syringe. When they are a bit older, they will learn to eat by themselves and this will no longer be necessary. Until then, they will be Really Loud And Annoying whenever they are hungry, as is the way of baby birds.
Had a sort-of nightmare last night about being in a shitty YA novel universe but I couldn't get scared because I kept halting the plot to criticise the worldbuilding.
Reminds me of a nightmare I had recently where I thought ‘at least the cinematography is good, I wonder who the director is?’ and then the credits suddenly rolled and it was just my name in all the roles. I laughed so hard I woke my self up laughing
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complimented a cashier on her turtle pin this morning and she said "oh thanks, I am a little bit of a Turtle Person" with the carefully contained energy of Cookie Monster telling you he's mildly fond of chocolate chips
I hope she and the multiple tons of turtle merch she definitely has at home are having a wonderful day
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