Let's kill this guy with mama.
Sweet Seals For You, Always
noise dept.
ojovivo
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

shark vs the universe

roma★

oozey mess
Cosmic Funnies

Kiana Khansmith
Peter Solarz
h

Today's Document
we're not kids anymore.

★
Game of Thrones Daily
trying on a metaphor
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
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@madanimalscientist
Let's kill this guy with mama.

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last week I was deep in the trenches ploughing through work and mid-afternoon realised I'd neglected to open the blinds and the room was a little dim, so I got up to do that and discovered that a car had flipped onto its roof directly outside my flat and the entire street was closed and flooded with emergency service while they dragged someone out of the vehicle and packed them into an ambulance. so now every time I open the blinds I'm a little like the dog with the ham sandwich bush. what the fuck could it be today.
was gonna do a cycle on "fucked up english class short stories" but the only ones i remember strongly were these two
throwing my hat into the ring
If you'll accept that I don't have the energy to go arting because of a Christmas in June Secret Santa thing, I have a third hat for yer ring.
Hmm, might as well tag @derinthescarletpescatarian since that author's on tumblr.
Everyone envies me for my shrimp lighter

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"All right! Here we go! Time to find out what chemicals are in a life-form that doesn't use water!" I read the LCD screen. It showed all the peaks and the elements they represented. I stared at the screen silently.
"Well?" Stratt said. "Well?!"
"Um. There's carbon and nitrogen...but the vast majority of the sample is hydrogen and oxygen." I sighed and plopped down in the chair next to the machine. "The ratio of hydrogen to oxygen is two to one."
"What's wrong?" she asked. "What does that mean?"
"It's water. Astrophage is mostly water."
— Project Hail Mary, Andy Weir
you can really read the disappointment in Ryland's voice at this turn of events.
Every viewpoint character in this story is somehow the most fucked up character.
What the fuck derin
Why do people still say that when it literally isn't even my fault this time. I didn't write it.
I suppose I need to ask. What *is* the story?
Vigor Mortis
#ahhhhhh its gets SO much worse :D#hope you enjoy one of my favorite stories :D
You start Vigor Mortis like "Vita is always doing some out of pocket shit" and then as you get more viewpoints it's like "everyone is always doing some out of pocket shit"
Thinking about that Tumblr user whose prepper brother was put in an emergency situation and finally got to use his prepper basement only to be in dire straits on the first day because the power was out and his only can opener was electric
for anyone wondering, this is the thread (transcript below the cut):
the original on twitter seems to have been deleted, so this is a 3rd party site
#There's a lot going on here but to be honest I'm mostly just perplexed about what it even means for a can opener to be electric.
They're can openers with a little motor in them so they rotate the can on the blade and open it for you. They're great for people with arm/hand mobility issues, weak hands, arthritis, etc. They are not great for opening your prepper food mid-blackout.
talk about a sentence 💖
due to popular demand you can now stream the Slur Song for free without Spotify, using my new streaming service slurify.co
Pretty amazing that the website dedicated entirely to streaming slurs is somehow more ethical than spotify

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Cats will leave a dead mouse on your floor and then sneak off to eat your cheese
Cats fight an endless war with the mice for ecological dominance over the mysterious cheese source. Got it boss, anything else I gotta know before I move into the field?
Elevator pitches for some good podcasts (minor spoilers)
Welcome to Night Vale: Community radio told in soothing tones that are really easy to zone out to. Don’t, though, because if zone out for three seconds during a report on a PTA meeting you’ll be wondering when Cecil started giving injury reports on a pteradon attack.
Within The Wires: In a future of world peace and totalitarian fascism, shitty guided meditation cassette tapes are the true weapon of resistance.
The Message: You like horrible death plagues? You like SETI? Boy do I have the podcast for you.
LifeAfter: A fascinating little story about grief, recovery, and the development and psychology of artificial intelligence. That would be awesome. You can almost see it being told in the background of a self-centred dickbag whining and fucking everything up.
Juno Steel: Mentally ill genderqueer private investigator on Mars solves crimes and saves lives. Once ate a rock to stop anybody else from having it. Let’s not get into the cat thing.
The Black Tapes: What if James Randi was, like, a complete arsehole? With the philosophical grounding of Richard Dawkins? Also a sound-based death cult is in there somewhere.
Tanis: Man in search of mystery finds too much mystery. Wishes people would stop being so fucking mysterious and just give him straight answers. (Spoiler: they do not.)
Sparks Nevada, Marshall on Mars: The title tells you everything.
Beyond Belief: Two rich people want to sit at home and drink all day. Ghosts, demons and vampires keep fucking it up.
The Bright Sessions: Psychiatrist violates every ethical rule possible for dealing with her patients, but it’s okay, because psychic government conspiracy.
I think this idea is going to fare better in your hands as a writer, but I always imagine the humans in those "humans are weird" stories should speak Esperanto
I gave the Curse Words mages Ido because it's Esperanto But Better. But I'm not going to get into that, or my inbox will be full of people telling me about their favourite constructed language and why it's better than both Ido and Esperanto, and then more messages to tell me how the previous messenger was wrong and that other language sucks and their favourite is better.
Someone in a meeting a few days ago made an offhand comment like, “isn’t there a constructed language that someone made up to be universal” and the tongue biting and hand sitting of the language nerds in the call before they lost control was HILARIOUS.
I could never work a real job, I would've been like "oh yeah, Klingon!" and then made direct eye contact with each one in sequence daring them to break.
The funny part is that this was also the meeting where people assumed I would be fluent in Klingon because obviously I would be fluent in Klingon.
(Alas, no, but I do have a pretty solid grasp of fanon Cardasi.)
injecting my annoying hopless birds with potion of shut the fuck up
#straight up filling them like éclairs damn
Can someone PLEASE explain what the fuck is happening here
These are baby zebra finches. They are too young to get food for themselves.
Baby birds are fed by their parents dropping food into their mouths. For some birds these can be small bugs or seeds; for others, their parents grind it up into goo in their gizzards and vomit goo into their mouths. (Some even feed them milk that they make inside their own throats). Most birds have a crop, which is a sort of pouch at the top of their eosophagus where they can hold way more food than what can fit in their stomach at once; they shove a whole bunch of food into their faces and swallow it slowly over time. Normally, a parent would put as much food as they could into these annoying brats' mouths to fill up their crop.
These finches don't have a parent, so their human handler is doing the job with a syringe. When they are a bit older, they will learn to eat by themselves and this will no longer be necessary. Until then, they will be Really Loud And Annoying whenever they are hungry, as is the way of baby birds.
Had a sort-of nightmare last night about being in a shitty YA novel universe but I couldn't get scared because I kept halting the plot to criticise the worldbuilding.
Reminds me of a nightmare I had recently where I thought ‘at least the cinematography is good, I wonder who the director is?’ and then the credits suddenly rolled and it was just my name in all the roles. I laughed so hard I woke my self up laughing
A long time ago I had a dream where I knew it was a dream, but was, for some reason, convinced it wasn't mine.
Nightmare where you have to hope the dreamer doesn't wake up because you'll stop existing

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complimented a cashier on her turtle pin this morning and she said "oh thanks, I am a little bit of a Turtle Person" with the carefully contained energy of Cookie Monster telling you he's mildly fond of chocolate chips
I hope she and the multiple tons of turtle merch she definitely has at home are having a wonderful day
i love this metaphor so much i drew it
Passing the time with nonograms and some of them have such cute names
Cat Meditation.
Could be a cross stitch pattern 🤔
Oooh it could!
And sometimes they are Like This.
was inspired to make my own Ominous Octopus
That was really fucking fast