Aŭskultu!

one time i texted my fireman dad saying something was “lit” and he responded “please dont say that”

ok so the other day i was at sears. I was in the baby section. Im standing there looking at clothes and a lady who works there comes up and is like “oh are you expecting?” And i was like “uhhhh” and because im a dumbass i was like “no i already delivered.” And she was like “How long ago?” And i was just like “two weeks.” And she said “wow! You look great! When i had my first son, i looked like a mess for six months. Is it a boy or a girl?” And i was just awkwardly like “a girl….” And she asked her name and i said Chernobyl and she was like “oh what a cute name! It sounds really familiar.” And i honestly just stood there going through all that and pretending i had a human baby two weeks ago named Chernobyl because i didnt wanna tell this poor lady i was buying baby clothes for my fucking baby opossum

every time i see this text post i forget the ending and every single time it decimates me

there’s a lot of evidence that the iliad and the odyssey were actually composed by a variety of poets through an oral tradition rather than just by one poet, so what if the homeric texts are actually just a very long game of D&D

homer, the dm: okay achilles, agamemnon has just taken away your war prize, what do you want to do achilles’ player: i roll to have a diplomatic conversation with agamemnon achilles’ player: *rolls a 1* homer: you throw the staff of speaking at agamemnon’s face and storm off to sulk with your boyfriend

Homer, the DM: Your beautiful Patroclus is dead. What do you do? Achilles’ player: I fight everyone. Homer, the DM: You can’t fight everyone. How would you even– Achilles’ player: *rolls a 20* I fight everyone. Homer, the DM: *sighs* Fine. You cut a path through the Trojan army, enemy dead strewn in your wake. Achilles’ player: How many? Homer, the DM: …lots. Enough to clog the friggin’ river with bodies. Achilles’ player: I fight the river. Homer, the DM: You. can. not. fight. the. river. Achilles’ player: *reaches for dice*

i don’t want to achieve equality by sinking to men’s level, i want them to get on ours! why should i have to unlearn the conversational art of waiting my turn, unlearn sexual self-restraint, unlearn trust in others’ good intentions, unlearn the impulse to cater to others’ needs, just to have a chance at success among savages? why can’t the men learn some fucking manners so we can all conduct our affairs in a civilized manner? i shouldn’t have to stop saying sorry, you say sorry!

In the 80s when I was in my freshman year in college, they still had entirely separate mens and women’s dorms. I was in class waiting for a final to start and one of the guys was telling someone about how he had had to go into a women’s dorm to drop something off, and he was startled to see posters on the walls, flowers, curtains, etc. He said his men’s dorm had holes in the walls, things on fire, fights, guys walking around with open wounds and he just didn’t understand why they had to live like this. He said, “I want to live with the women, in civilization.”

Am reading Sisterhood of Spies, about women working for the OSS during WWII. One of the stories mentions that the women in London had a male visitor who would eat in their mess hall once a month. He was married and wasn’t interested in hitting on any of the women; he just wanted to eat in an atmosphere where people said “Please pass the butter,” instead of “PASS THE GODDAMNED GREASE”

I dated a guy who brought me along on group activities (movies, video game night, etc.) with four or five other male friends. Once I mentioned to one of the other guys that I hoped I wasn’t intruding on their “guy time” or some such. He got this sort of rueful look and said, “The truth is, I really like it when you’re here because it gives us a reason to act better. When it’s just guys, we all have to try to outdo each other with how vile we are.”

So the moral of these stories are men don’t even treat each other like human beings.

​It bothers me that these concepts are gendered in the first place.

god there’s something just so ~not made up~ about phonetics and phonology that just makes the hellscape that is formal syntax and semantics look so much worse

counterpoint: optimality theory

Reblogging again for commentary. And “linguistic phonetics,” i.e. “features” that lead to description-as-explanation, like AGREE(x). Super bad.

In french, we say “Quand on parle du loup, on en voit la queue”, which means “When you talk about the wolf, we can see his tail”. It’s… less scary I suppose ^^

In Italy we use to say “quando parli del diavolo ne spuntano le corna”, which can be translated as “when you talk about the devil his horns shows up”.

Once a boy looked very sadly at me after a little bit of conversation. ‘you’re so smart’ he said, ‘I feel like I couldn’t keep up’. And then he did that sad boy face where you’re supposed to agree to tone yourself down. So I said ‘probably’ and fucked his mate.

some top advice from a slut, here, 90% of the time when some boy looks sad and tells you you’re too ‘x’ to keep up with it’s a ploy to get you to cut bits off yourself so you can come down to his mediocre level; instead, agree with him and fuck his mate

I am a slut Wen on a dayte With Boye who would Manipulate I’m not sway’d by His saddened state- I say okay I fuck his mayte

The only good addition to this post

i don’t watch buzzfeed unsolved but that dude who keeps making fun of the demons or whatever has big about-to-get-possessed energy

one of these days a demon is gonna yank the spine out of his mouth like a ripcord

Excuse you, Sub Zero is a Lin Kuei