Back in high school I remember being in a class called 'Facing History and Ourselves'. It was essentially a mélange of history and social studies with a focus on racism.
The class was an average size for the school, maybe 20 to 25 students. It was also a fairly good mix of ethnicities and races. I was however, the only Jew in the class. For that class we had to do a presentation on some racism related historical event or movement, so I chose the Holocaust (I had prior knowledge and access to first hand accounts). There were students in this high school class who told me they had not really known what the Holocaust was, just that it was something bad. Almost none of them had ever heard of kristallnacht. It shocked them that I couldn't tell them when I learned about it because I can't recall a time I didn't know. There was a Holocaust memorial on my Preschool/Kindergarten campus. We were told what it represented.
Tangent aside, I was the only Jew in this class, and it was common knowledge that I was Jewish. One day the teacher showed us a film. I can't remember the exact title or premise but it was about a white supremacist group and the man who ran it (I don't remember if it was about the KKK and David Duke, it was many years ago). What I do remember is being a depressed teenager with rock-bottom self esteem and sitting in this dark classroom watching a man smile and laugh as he proudly said that "No, Jews aren't rats. They're lower than that. They're bacteria. They're stupid and ugly and the world would be better off without them".
That was the point in the video I realized I was crying.
The teacher came over and told me to go to the office to sit and take some deep breaths. That I wasn't in trouble but I should go there to sit or read until the class was over. The woman at the office asked if I wanted to help her fold letters and stuff envelopes for a while to take my mind off of it, which did help. A few minutes before the end of class they told me to go back to the classroom so I could pick up my bag and books for my next class. When I entered the classroom everyone looked over (as one does when someone enters a classroom mid class). The video was over and they might have all been writing a reflection on it, I honestly don't remember.
What I do remember is the two or three Black students in the class all got up and walked over. They asked if I was okay. The girl put her hand on the back of my shoulder and rubbed slightly. I don't remember what I answered. But remember realizing, "Oh. They understand. They know what it's like. They know what it's like to hated for something you can't change. To be stripped of rights and killed within living memory." No one else got up. No one else asked.
After October 7th, after fire bombings, shootings, stabbings, and arsons, no one has ever asked "Hey, are you okay?" No friend, online or in person, Jewish or gentile, has ever asked me. And it gets harder every time. Another little bit of weight gets added to my heart and no one has ever stood up and said "Hey, that looks heavy. Let me help you with that." And they don't have to. It's not their job. It's not a kindness I'm expecting. But sometimes when it get's really heavy, I feel a phantom hand rubbing the back of my shoulder. I don't remember her name, but over a decade later she carries just a little bit of that burden.
Because kindness transcends time and space.
romaincrisis
snowghoul
origamiaround
baratheonpilled
