I am an architect, they call me a butcher

I love touchin the scars on the body's arms. They feel so nice under my fingers. They're different shapes (cuts n cigarette burns) n some are a bit more raised than the others. Such a fun texture. Built-in sensory toy.

Autism life hack: don't spend money on special sensory items, self harm for free instead.

thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it's a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I'm working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it's okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I'm failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I'm doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it's such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.

Having verbal shutdowns is an interesting thing because sometimes its In Theory I Could Speak, However There Is A Brick Wall In My Throat Refusing To Let The Words Out and sometimes its Words Do Not Exist Because The Thought To Word Translator Is Malfunctioning and sometimes its If I Add The Sound Of My Voice To The Cacophony I Will Explode and sometimes its You Interrupted Me Several Times So Now Speech Is Forbidden and sometimes its I Just Haven't Talked In A While So It Will Take Some Time To Adjust and sometimes its a mixture of all of the above. (speaking from personal experience)

Im gonna hold an egg in my mouth for 2 hours to challenge myself.

OGAHAGSIGf

buddy that is beyond monkey brain, you went all the way back to reptile brain. These are real Dimetrodon hours.

This is the funniest fucking post on this site.