friends with benefits sentence starters:
“what are we, nerds trying to look at boobies?”
“i’m your boss, give me your pants.”
“i love that outfit, you look so sexy in that.”
“i’m fully aware of your allergies.”
“here’s an idea, next time, instead of being late, just shit on my face.”
“you said i was your soulmate.”
“work doesn’t reassure you that liking a finger up your ass doesn’t make you gay.”
“but you’re actually really emotionally damaged.”
“you have really big eyes and it freaks me out sometimes.”
“why do relationships start off so fun, and then turn into suck a bag of dicks?”
“i’m just gonna’ shut myself down emotionally.”
“i’m gonna’ change your life. i’m that girl.”
“i could post a video of me mixing cake batter with my boobs and it would get eight million hits.”
“what are you, a gazelle?”
“don’t be the guy who shit the bed.”
“puppy dog eyes. nice touch.”
“wanna’ get this guy out of my face before i break his fucking skull?”
“you don’t fucking know me man.”
“does the carpet match the drapes?”
“i have this thing at work. it’s called google.”
“if you tell anyone about this i will rip your ears off and staple them to your neck.”
“everyone in this city seems really violent.”
“do you want to get your shit out of my car or what?”
“i’d love to take you out one night and trawl for cock.”
“we can tear this shit up.”
“hey, no skin. more pipe for me.”
“you sure you’re not gay?”
“i’m not fucking asking you out i swear to god.”
“god, you’re such a girl.”
“girl, you are preaching to the congregation.”
“i love that sunsets make you cry.”
“i wish my life was a movie sometimes.”
“hold me, let’s spend the rest of our lives together.”
“i don’t even know if i find you attractive.”
“i do have a thing for jerks.”
“i liked your eyes. i didn’t think i’d ever seen such big beautiful eyes.”
“and your lips, yeah, i thought you might be a good kisser.”
“you swear you don’t want anything from me other than sex?”
“no relationship. no emotions. just sex.”
“come on, okay, you’re beautiful. you have nothing to be insecure about.”
“that is way too emotionally supportive and you need to just lock that down.”
“your ass is a little bony.”
“i sneeze sometimes after i come.”
“feet gross me out. daddy issues.”
“what are you trying to do, dig your way to china?”
“nobody wants to fuck obama.”
“what are you my fucking therapist now?”
“every time you curse, you blink. like your body’s rejecting the word.”
“as a sign of rebellion, you got a tattoo.”
“harry potter doesn’t make you gay!”
“my butt is cramping can you grab a pillow?”
“all you have at home is drinkable yoghurt.”
“it was like talking to dirt.”
“i’m starving, you got any gin?”
“i’ve turned down more tail than you’ll ever have.”
“me likes cock, so i’m strickily dickily.”
“i’ve been in love, i went down that rabbit hole.”
“one day, you will meet someone and it will literally take your breath away. like no oxygen in yours lungs. like a fish.”
“i told him you were my gay best friend.”
“the sneak out. how incredibly cliché of you.”
“trust me, you don’t suck in bed.”
“forget the douche, he’s a dick. he’s a dickdouche.”
“get your feet off my bed, they’re disgusting.”
“we’re one of these crazy families that don’t lie to eachother, pbs is doing a documentary on us.”
“nobody cares, you sound like an asshole.”
“i just need you to be my friend right now.”
“okay, so i’ll listen to you while you give me a handjob.”
“i’m a magician, not a wizard. you and your gay harry potter.”
“you can’t deny going to hogwarts would be life changing.”
“all that matters is how you look at him.”
“i haven’t seen you this dumb since you got that candy corn tattoo.”
“you wanna’ be happy? find someone you like and never let them go.”
“are you pissed off at me because i didn’t cuddle?”
“i actually thought you were different.”
“with friends like you who needs friends?”
“i have the perfect body for photoshop.”
“my prince charming? you.”
“if you even think there’s a chance she might be it, fix it.”
“if i ever see you again, i’ll crush your earlobes and make soup stock out of them.”
“it’s some prince charming shit though, right?”
“i want my best friend back, because i’m in love with her.”
“on one condition. kiss me.”
tangentwithtanner
titsay
gummygunk
areudirty
