Untitled

I finally saw The Odyssey, and one of my takeaways is that Robert Pattinson was tragically born too late to be a queer-coded antagonist in 1930s swashbucklers. That man is clearly meant to strike campy poses and get into his rival's personal space and be in slutty swordfights.

eyes emoji was the perfect invention for nosy people. like 👀 whats going on over here 👀👀 i just wanna know #LetMeKnow 👀👀👀

Iron Islander voice: Theon you [19 syllable dolphin noise slur] I see you came back WOKE and GAY and a WOMAN from us leaving you as a child prisoner to the guy with an 8 foot sword that makes you drag it around to executions in front of his screaming faced tree gods as a daily reminder that he can and will kill you (a child) just like he killed the rest of your family (some of which were also children). Did you have fun polishing his sword? I’ll bet. Did you write this letter yourself? Knowing there’s a one person literacy limit? Should we call you Theon the Reader, you reading fuck? And standing here in a jean jacket you bought yourself, may as well be sucking dick at old navy. You know who’s NOT woke or gay or a woman? Your sister Asha. Why can’t you be less gay and woke and a woman, like Asha? I bet she could run a democratic election because you know what isn’t gay Theon? Democracy

there's only 7 words on the painting and you managed to misspell the two largest ones

Losing it over those reels of girls editing their man wearing a burqa and serving them, captioning it “Modesty adorns a man” and all the other girlies in the comments are like “Sister, his bare hands are showing this is haram. Please provide him modest garments so he may cover himself inshallah” 😭😭😭😭

it's such bs that the whole guilt-ridden stoic self-sacrificing martyr thing doesn't work outside of fiction. repressing all your emotions and neglecting your physical wellbeing should make you god's most tragically beautiful morally unassailable little soldier of righteousness but all it does is give you bad skin and gastrointestinal problems

like what do you MEAN the number 1 sexiest character trait of all time is just kind of offputting and bad for you in real life. next you'll tell me smoking has consequences other than looking like a mysterious badass

Far out in the Pacific Ocean, Ecuadorean fishermen have been attacked by unidentified “gringos” using drones, survivors say, spurring a mystery over whether the American military, the armed forces of another country or private military contractors were behind the strikes. One fishing boat has been lost at sea since January, the U.N. says, with eight people still missing and presumed dead. The survivors of two other vessels said they came under attack in March by English-speaking assailants wearing matching uniforms with American flag patches, but without any clear insignia to link them to an official government force. Some of the surviving fishermen said they had been hauled out of the water, questioned and then handed over to El Salvador’s navy before being released. The Pentagon has denied involvement, as has the U.S. Coast Guard. Survivors have also said that a plane followed and seemingly surveilled them before the strikes. The New York Times analyzed flight data and found that a maritime patrol plane — based out of a military base in El Salvador — flew in the direction of all three boats in the days before they were attacked. The pilots onboard spoke English with American accents, according to air traffic control communication recordings. But the plane does not appear on the Pentagon’s lists of active aircraft. Instead, it was registered last October to a company that lists its address as a private mailbox in a UPS store in Richmond, Va., according to Federal Aviation Administration records. [...] It is certainly possible that the U.S. or some other military has conducted clandestine attacks on boats in the region. But the many lingering questions surrounding the fishing boat attacks have led some experts to wonder whether a private military contractor has been hired by the U.S. government or one of its Latin American allies — possibly El Salvador, where the plane has operated. [...] Earlier this year, the Trump administration discussed issuing “letters of marque,” which were used by the U.S. government during the 18th century, before the nation had built up its navy. The letters would allow the U.S. government to contract private security forces with maritime capabilities to protect Washington’s interests at sea and to detain vessel crews.

WTF this is masterful, 10/10.

Other people have said this in notes, but the Bulwer-Lytton contest involves writing the most absurd opener you can think of and submitting it to the contest. It's not a judgment like the Razzies or the bad sex in books award or something; it's a game. Diana Murtaugh of Baltimore is to be congratulated for this win.