Beauty and the Muse

Last week, I was feeling very Black Panther-ish. I kept seeing shit. Hearing shit. These so-called patriotic trolls are constantly focused on the wrong 👏🏾damn👏🏾thing👏🏾 When a Gorilla got killed. Oh, people was outraged. Dog abuse? Oh, they were on it. #45 says dumb shit, it's justified. Wypipo waving around tiki torches from Party City and running over equality protesters... They have that 'right'. So, Kaepernick is 'unpatriotic' because he takes a knee during the national anthem 🤔 Did y'all forget what this country is built upon 🤔 The backs of Blacks and Natives 🤔 The blood of slaves 🤔 Genocide 🤔 Rape 🤔 We were still slaves when that anthem was created. GTFOH. As an American, you gonna make me stand for a song that wasn't even meant for me? What happened to the land of the free? I guess we're only free and able to express freedom of speech when they say so... But one thing I love about 2017, is that WE are more vocal than ever. Nah, I'm not my grandfather or my grandmother. I'm not my mama. This is a new generation where we're gonna call bullshit. I'm not explaining anything to supremacists, low-key or high-key racists. And nor should you. You're wasting your breath. They'll never get it which is fine, but keep that hatred and them tiki torches over there 💅🏽 www.beautyandthemuse.net Model: @Lvernon2000 Photo: @remy_me MUA: @being_madinah Location: Belle Isle (Detroit)

Today is my 30th birthday. I had a whole spiel planned thanking God (Allah) for allowing me to see this many moonrises and sunsets. And, prayed that he allowed me to see many, many more. Because I got work to do. WE got work to do. But, when my friend posted this photo with the caption #FuckWhiteSupremecy oh, the hatred reared its ugly head. Now mind you, some fucked up shit just happened in the last 48 hours. White terrorists are beating people to a bloody mess, marching for systematic oppression of POC and queers, and people lost their lives. People are hurt. People are tired. WE are angry! And, this woman had the audacity to tell me that there is 'no such thing as white supremacy' and that 'All lives mattered'. When I tell you I went off, I went OFF. Does she understand that her very mentality is why we are in a bad situation right now? A damn racial war with Number 45??? I told her that my goal, from here on out, with the 30+ years that I have on this earth remaining, with the platform that I've built, the people I touch, who listen and are intrigued by my fat, black, and very much so, Muslim body is to dismantle this oppressive behavior and educate on tolerance. Black Lives Matter doesn't mean white lives don't. LGBTQIA Lives Matter doesn't mean anti-white. Muslim Lives Matter doesn't mean white lives are less. Immigrant Lives Matter doesn't mean white hatred. Stop making everything about YOU! And, listen to what we're saying. We are hurting. We are dying. This isn't a joke. Photo: Velvet D'Amour Location: Paris, France IG: Lvernon2000 www.beautyandthemuse.net

"I'm so tired of hearing about race." "Black this. White that." "I have black friends..." "I'm from the hood, too." "See the problem is with you people..." See, I'm also tired of talking about race. I'm tired of being paid 30% less than a white dude. I'm tired of being profiled because of the body I was placed in at birth. I'm tired of the "You People" statements. I'm tired of the I-have-black-friends and the my-child-is-bi-racial statements as if that meant shit. As if that meant you weren't a culture vulture, bigoted, or still racist to infinity and beyond. You know what else I'm tired of? Seeing my black boys and girls shot in the face, necks strangled, suffocated, beaten to a bloody pulp, and out of all that, justice still not served in their honor. I'm tired of the systematic oppression that most of y'all don't like to see, uncomfortable with talking about and acknowledgement of an oppressive, bloody, capitalist, slave-based system that brings us to today and other troll like comments from so-called Americans. So, before you feel tired of People of Color talking about race relations, human equality, and/or other struggles, step into my shoes of living in fear, or better yet, step into my great-great grandmothers slave shoes and keep your mouth shut. IG: Lvernon2000 www.beautyandthemuse.net Photo: @remy_me Location: @orleansandwinder (Detroit, MI)

Let's take a moment to bow our heads 🙏🏾 in the remembrance of how I just slayed every hoe ever. Every troll. Every fat-shamer. Every Muslim in Detroit and abroad that likes to keep up with my life but talk that stuff behind closed doors. The racists and bigots that say I'm oppressed because I'm visibly Muslim. Oppression? Where? Old co-workers that discouraged me from pursuing my creative endeavors. My ex-boss that told me that I was pretentious and intimidating and tried to get me fired. Yeah, but she got fired instead 👅 Look at Gawd. My ex, who was embarrassed of me. Tried to make me seem like I was less than a Muslim and downplay my accomplishments. Hiiiiiii 💅🏽💅🏽💅🏽 A family member who recently told me that she ain't feel sorry for me when I tried to express my pain and current mental status. To every person who said I was extra, too much, too loud, too fat, too black, not black enough, or whatever...I may be broke, borrowing clothes from friends for shoots, bi-polar with several complexes but I'm here. I'm still here. Trying a little bit every day to be better than I was yesterday. And, yeah, sometimes I fail miserably. But, I'm still here. Standing tall. And slaying. *Sips tea* 📷 @Remy_me IG: Lvernon2000 www.beautyandthemuse.net

I'm emotional (tears + snot nose). So, I'm the winner of the 2017 Gilda Award for my work in creative nonfiction by @kresgeartsdet 🎉🎉🎉 I started writing when I was 6. Reading Rainbow was my shit. I entered my first contest then lost, but Levar Burton sent a cool rejection letter so I wasn't going to stop. In my teen years, my father was never there. Mom was juggling 5 kids from different fathers and no help from family. I sought refuge in stories and other worlds. I was homeschooled, weird and thoughtful, more advanced than the kids my age. My friends were librarians. I'd sit in the library nook for hours and just read and dream of a life different from my own broken home. I started entering contests. Won a few. I loved Sci-Fi but noticed the lack of black heroines and writers. I set out to be the first and wrote my first novel in college at 17. It was rejected. I wrote 2 more novels and they were also rejected. I blamed it on my color and socioeconomic status. All the successful writers were white and female. There was no room for my fat, black ass. So I stopped and never wrote again... It was the toughest five years. Can you imagine not fulfilling your purpose? Then one day, when I almost admitted myself to a psych ward, I thought about my life. Like really dug into my core. My passions and talents. I asked myself, "who the fuck are you? Without your ex-husband? Your family? Your friends? Who are YOU?" The response: YOU are words. Stories. After that day, I've never tried to get rich or popular from writing. I was going to write for me. To uplift and to make change. If I had to write for free for ever and ever then that was what I was prepared to do. Now, here we are. Making waves 🙏🏾This white photo represents purity, an awakening, a new beginning for me in my career to change the narrative. 📸 @Remy_me MUA: @Being_madinah Dress: @chubbycartwheels IG: Lvernon2000 www.beautyandthemuse.net

I get a lot praise for being brave. When in retrospect, I'm often times very much afraid, rigid in my thoughts, teetering on the edge of 'you'll never make it'. The word 'can't' floats around on repeat. I make my own self upset with the negativity. But, on social media everyone looks so happy. Their lives so amazing. A nice, little curated world of fun and adventure and perfectly angled selfies. When I look at the statistics, someone like me should've never made it this far... Yesterday, I had a convo with one of my bros. He told me that he was too old and that most people his age couldn't achieve what he wanted to achieve. He said that his journey was the beginning of the end.I thought about my own self. And my own negative thoughts I'd been having lately. I replied: don't place yourself in a box with other people, with norms or statistics. How do you know you aren't an anomaly, that you aren't the one whose gonna change the world? Stop thinking on such a small level. A closed minded level. This isn't the beginning of the end. It's the start to the beginning. 📸 @yannazazu IG: Lvernon2000 www.beautyandthemuse.net

Full Video: https://youtu.be/srpCH1lAh9k

Imperfection. That word never existed for me. I had to be the one who over-achieved, got the highest score, dressed the best, was always the first. I'd almost kill myself just to reach a goal. Then when I got it, it meant nothing to me and I was on to the next. Imperfection meant failure. That I'd lost control. And control was something I yearned for. Meant you weren't good enough if you weren't perfect. Looking back, I wished someone told me that there was beauty and understanding in imperfection. Asymmetry. That it was perfectly normal to not be perfect. And that I was just chasing my own tail, became a hamster in a cage in a plastic wheel trying to attain something that could never be. 📸@flossyssuitcase IG: Lvernon2000 www.beautyandthemuse.net

IG: Lvernon2000

This is like my first time legit getting a coupon code. Does that make me insta-famous? Will money magically appear into my depleting bank account? 😂😂 The world may never know. Anywho, I've teamed up with Fashionnova as they launch their new plus-size lines. I'm always looking for cool pieces with amazing detail, so when I saw this rope corset thingy in the front I was like oooooh this is so Leah V. And also, I'm really digging the long jacket. I'm gonna get several uses out this baby. If you got some extra funds and want to get something cute for the weekend but wanna maybe save 15% off your purchase than use the coupon code 👉🏽👉🏽LEAH👈🏽👈🏽 It works. Honestly. Truly. www.beautyandthemuse.net IG: Lvernon2000 Photo: Jordan Hecutsa

I enjoyed the sun... Had a shoot with a new photographer and because I'm crazy and like to push my modeling limits, I requested to do the shoot in the confinements of a busy, hot, and very shaky subway car. My neck rolls were sweating and my bag very heavy so thank god my friend and MUA came along 😂 Anywho, I just dropped in to let you know that the slayage is possible. I'm getting a lot of messages from people saying that they just absolutely can not do what I do. They can't be confident. They try but just keep falling back down. What they fail to understand is that it's all internal. Most of our fears come from our own insecurities. In order to change, you have to want it. Badly. Me? I was tired of the negative thoughts. So one day, I decided to stop caring about the trolls and bullies and do me. And, look, now I'm a baddie. Small or big. Whatever size. You are worthy. Fat ain't a bad word. Look at me slay. Okaaaaay! Plus this Spanx got my waist snatched so today was a good day😜 IG: Lvernon2000 www.beautyandthemuse.net

Working on a new piece on this rainy evening... "Seems like when you're born with a vagina, instantaneously, stereotypes and ceilings and walls and fortresses are built. Same thing with color and religion. Born Black, Latino? As soon as they stamp your birth certificate with a minority race label it’s only downhill from there. Once you're born with dark skin, it’s over. You will always, always be judged. Always be placed in a stupid little box. Your color becomes your identity. And only your color. It’s all they see. When I walk into a room, all they see is my hijab. Then my black face. Then my curvaceous body. The odds have always been against me. And they always will. I have two choices: be myself or allow the world to dictate it." www.beautyandthemuse.net IG: @ Lvernon2000 Photo: @remy_me

From my father making fun of me for being "chubby" when I was small to hating the way my thighs rubbed together when I walked, I hated entering public spaces. I used to do this thing where I'd tip-toe up the stairs, open the door really, really slowly then creep into the scene so that no one would see me. My anxiety stemmed from not wanting to be noticed. Why? In my head, there was nothing to see. I wasn't special. I wasn't cute or smart. I couldn't fit into those tiny frayed denim shorts from Abercrombie like all the other girls. I was just a blob in men's clothing because Mom ain't have the money or resources to find clothes for her obese daughter. I was always obsessed with models on the catwalk and watched America's Next Top Model religiously. I'd put on an old pair of heels and in my pajamas, I'd put my hands on my fat waist and strut. Click. Click. Click. The thick heels sounded on Mom's wooden floor. I'd be on my own personal runway. Some sort of star. I'd go in the bathroom, shut the door, and look in the mirror. I'd work my angles just like Tyra suggested to the size 4 models. I'd smile and tilt my head and try to elongate my fat neck. Not knowing that one day this fat neck and thighs that still rub together would be sort of a big deal. I look at fear differently. It was all in my head. I was so afraid of what other people thought of my round body that I made myself sick. Now, there's no fear when I step into a room. I burst in that bitch. I smile, arch my back, and strut, a party, Wal-Mart. My runway ain't in Mom's house anymore in a little girls head. My runway IS the entire world. Kind of iconic if you ask me 😜 IG: Lvernon2000 www.beautyandthemuse.net