gee baby, ain't i good to you?

- Jervis sends you many, many love letters while he's in Arkham. I wouldn't be surprised if Arkham Post Office had to cap his outgoing mail.

- You're not sure how, exactly, but he somehow even manages to send you flowers too…

- This man has a countless list of date ideas; picnics, strolls, cozy nights in, fun cute activities…You name it.

- Jervis' favorite date idea however has to be the picnic dates though. He loves rowing the boat to a secluded little area, basket of food in tow on one arm and your arm around his other arm…

- Definitely hears wedding bells after the first date and they only get louder as the days go by.

- Sometimes he will try to wake up before you do, so he can watch you sleep…you look so sweet and peaceful beside him--its hard to resist the opportunity.

- He will also try to wake you up by making your favorite hot beverage whether its tea or coffee (if you like neither of those things he will still try and think of something sweet and savory to give you)

- One of his favorite places to rest his head is in your lap…your gentle and caring touch caressing his blonde hair as you read to him or talk to him.

- This man lives for kisses. Kisses and kisses galore. Your temple, your forehead, the back of your hand, your cheeks, and of course your lips…he wants it all.

Defeated, you head towards the high-pitched giggles coming from the living room, the musical cadence seeming more and more like the sound of a siren with each and every step you took. You follow the laughter until you finally see her, happily munching away on some cereal, attention fully focused on the stolen television that took up half the wall. Like most mornings, Harley was laughing to herself as she watched yet another cartoon rerun, scratching Lou’s mane and explaining to him why the physics of that world was so much better than your own.

She looks up when she notices you standing there, invisible question marks popping up around the cheap curlers in her hair.

“Harley…” you brace yourself, “it’s time. I need a makeover.”

The responding squeal was deafening.

~Hair!~

You barely had time to put on some pants before she’s hauling you out the door, rollers scattering around the floor as she rips them out in an excited frenzy. Despite the chaos and last second touch-ups, she looked like she popped straight out of a magazine. It was utterly unfair.

“Harley wait, I didn’t mean right this second, I look horrible!” 

“Who cares, we’ll buy you new stuff today anyways! C’mon!”

Sometimes you forgot the woman spent her free time wielding around a huge mallet and kicking around grown men and bats alike. With the way she was gripping your poor hand in hers and dragging you across the street, now was one of those times you remembered. 

“First stop, hair! To the salon!” She squeals again, smiling so brightly you can’t help but find it the tiniest bit infectious.

“Harls, I don’t even have an appointm-“

“Oh no worries, I know a gal.” She says matter-of-factly, and that’s how you end up 10 minutes later on the east side, sitting in a squeaky chair in a parlor smelling of cheap dyes and hairspray.

~Nails!~

“I can’t believe they didn’t do nails!” Harley is gasping as she takes you towards the next stop.

I can't believe they charged that much, you think to yourself, grateful that Harley insisted on covering the cost.

Your stylist had been upbeat and friendly, promising you that she was going to make you look unrecognizable, and truthfully that she did. Despite the after-smell of hairspray and the results of a deep conditioning that still burned your scalp, you couldn’t deny it, you did look pretty good. At Harley’s suggestion, you had gotten a small trim and gloss, and a what she called a ‘Hollywood blowout’, the style to end all styles. While you weren’t totally convinced you were giving Hollywood per se, you could agree it was miles ahead of what you had entered with.

“We should have brought the boys…” she muses, bringing you back to the present.

You’re entering a fancier part of the shopping district now, towards someone Harley had adoringly called her ‘nail specialist’. Whatever that meant.

“I love her to bits, she’ll fix you right up. Nobody does a manicure like she does; I can’t believe they’re able to squeeze you in!” She’s gushing, and you feel more and more nervous the further you walk.

“You know, I don’t need anything too fancy,” you begin to say, but she’s shaking her head and interrupting you before you get a chance to finish.

“Honey, you need somethin.” She huffs, and you can’t help but let out a shocked laugh; leave it up to your girl to be so blunt, and somehow still endearing. 

It was much less endearing when said specialist shared the same sentiment.

You give an apologetic look to the nail tech as she does a once over your brittle nails, pretending not to notice the look of disapproval on her face. She’s asking you when was the last time you went to get them done professionally, and you try not to sweat when you don’t have an answer. You start looking around for Harley to escape her accusing stare.

You hoped to see your bubbly girlfriend sitting on the couches and flicking through a magazine like she had been at the salon, but much to your horror that’s not what she was doing at all. 

Your eyes follow in distress as Harley gives the receptionist a roll of cash and turns to wave back at you, halfway out the door. 

“Be back soon, baby!” She smiles, and before you can even open your mouth to protest, she’s gone.

You turn back to the lady in front of you and smile helplessly.

“Please help me.” You whisper, and she shrugs in a way that says I can try. 

~Lunchbreak!~

You look down at your new nails, pleased. It had been a surprisingly quick visit, barely 30 minutes of scrubbing and filing, but the difference was astonishing. They looked clean and soft, like you hadn’t worked a single day in your life.

You’re out the door and about to take use your phone to find where Harley had gone, but before you even get a chance, you catch a glimpse of bouncy pigtails coming from up ahead as a crowd Gothamites begin to part like the red sea. One of her arms is waving excitedly as she notices you… the other is holding the leashes of two extremely happy hyenas.

“You brought the babies.” You sigh in surrender, and she giggles as she clumsily hugs you.

“I brought the babies.” She repeats, and pats her belly dramatically.

“And boy was it a workout! Let’s go to that new cafe on 14th, I heard they allow pets!” And before you have time to protest, she’s already looking around to get her bearings straight.

“This way!” She cheers, and she’s off. 

You hear an excited cackle as Bud takes your hand in his mouth, gently pulling you in the direction of his mistress before he too gets pulled by his leash.

~Shopping!~

You couldn’t count how many stores you had visited over the last few hours, or how many malls you had hopped from. Your little sandwich and sweet treat from the café had not been nearly enough sustenance. Had you known the workout that awaited you, you would have stocked up like a bear readying for winter.

Granted, it had been a fun day, and you were more than happy with your haul. To say you had a whole new wardrobe was an understatement, and you were very excited to have something flattering to wear from tomorrow onward. But with both of your hands full to the brim of shopping bags, and an ache in your bones that threatened to make you collapse, you knew it was time to leave. 

You, not Harley. You had to beg.

“Fine…” she had sighed out, somehow still with a hop in her step and standing tall, despite what had to have been 20 bags pulling her down.

You had both left the babies back at home a few hours ago, along with a few shopping bags you had already gathered at the time. You were so thankful she had thought ahead; the thought of being hauled around by two grown hyenas on top of everything made you sick.

“Too bad we couldn’t find any spas, my face is still so damn dry...” you admit when you finally make it back home, and she giggles like she has a secret.

“You’re gonna love me~” her voice is high and singsong as she pulls out two face masks from her purse, pressing a giddy kiss to your still dry cheek.

~Facials!~

“You know, you didn’t have to pay for everything today.” you say as a touch of guilt seeps into your voice.

You’re both lying on the floor of your living room, the smell of cheese and pepperoni and ‘healthy glow’ clay masks filling the air. Bud and Lou are playfighting somewhere in the kitchen over a hair roller they had found earlier in the night, and the TV is buzzing with repetitive audience laughter from a shitty sitcom. What should have been overstimulating and chaotic, never felt more like home.

“Don’t be silly.” She scolds you, leaning over to hold your hand and give it a tight squeeze.

“My treat. Anything to make my baby feel better.”

And better you did.

~Beauty Sleep!~

Her head is on your chest. You feel the thick fur of Lou sleeping at your feet, Bud somewhere in the living room chewing on a bone almost the size of his torso. You weren’t sure what animal it even came from. You weren’t sure you wanted to know.

“Thanks for treating me to all this today, Harl.” You murmur in her hair, pressing a kiss to the blonde locks. “I felt so… ugly this morning.”

She makes an offended tsk sound and shakes her head.

“You were never ugly, baby.” She chides in a sleepy voice, stretching languidly on top of you, “Just needed a lil TLC. We all do sometimes.”

You can’t help but smile at that. You rub a few gentle circles on her back as you think how lucky you are to have such a beautiful and caring girl by your side. You turn your head slightly, wanting to kiss her in a way that says more than thank you, more than I love you, but just as you inch yourself closer to her lips, she lets out a snore that’s absolutely deafening.