Sarcasm is prophecy

Since the film came out last year (yes, I know, I’m always just barely collecting my thoughts long after everyone else has moved on), I have read (and reread) a lot of old Venom comics, fallen hard for the character, and been surprised at every turn. To follow are just a few of my favourite discoveries.

1.       Eddie Brock canonically spent most of the 90’s naked under his symbiote

 You’re welcome.

Yes, okay, there are a few titles that insist on putting real boxers underneath, but buck-naked!Eddie is still a regular recurring character.

I mean, if you had an alien symbiote that could shapeshift into any piece of clothing you wanted, would you bother to keep buying underwear?

 It’s important to open with the picture most likely to upset tumblr’s censors

We may never get definitive answers about the symbiote’s role in Eddie’s sex life, but it is 100% canon that it has touched his junk.

2.       Eddie Brock makes no sense

He really doesn’t. Look, if Marvel had come to me in the late 80’s with the idea of having Spidey’s creepy, clingy alien symbiote suit sprout giant teeth and bond with a new villain who was really into it, nothing I came up with would have looked anything like the Eddie Brock we got.

I mean, it’s not for nothing that every time in the last 20 years he’s been reimagined for a new audience, we’ve wound up with some sad loser in a hoodie.

Instead of, well, THIS guy.

And that might be the best thing about him. But let me tell you about original!flavour Eddie Brock.

Eddie Brock is a disgraced former journalist powered by testosterone and daddy issues, with a pinch of catholic guilt for flavour. When his reputation crumbled and his career came tumbling down around his ears, he dealt with it by pumping weights until he had a physique like a pro-wrestler preparing to arm-wrestle the Hulk.

Cable: Hi, Wade.

i wish somebody looked at me like the way he looked at that onion

We see Eddie’s back as he enters his apartment. Only his back. Can barely see around him into the apartment.

As he comes in, he calls out, “hey babe can you preheat the oven for me?” Leaving the unknowing audience members to assume he has a new girlfriend. But then a tendril of Venom shoots out and presses buttons on the oven, while the deep voice rumbles out, “Sure, Eddie.”

And that’s how we break it to the crowd that Eddie and the symbiote are together.

Me, ears perking up: “Great! Can I have their name?”

Customer: “It’s Stephanie ____”