Tobito Naruto Roleswap AU: Orphans Suffer Child Genius Inequality and Solitary Avengers Don't Dance
PRO: DEAD BROTHER
Sasuke chewed his brush. The end of it was highly nibbled. It was his thinking brush.
Very carefully, he added,ย
PRO: DEAD BROTHER (FOR VENGEANCE)
This wasnโt working.ย
In honor of pride month, here's Sasuke. He is a little angry housewife and a very responsible young man. He spends his non-existent spare time teaching Naruto how to read and enforcing Obito Uchiha's bedtime. He wants to avenge his clan, but he is struggling to fit it into his schedule.
Angst is a young man's job, because a real man of the house has to get into medical school and burn down his house.
20k (SORRY!) of Sasuke being a baby housewife, Naruto coming back to life, and a dead guy's house under the cut. If you liked it then give it a like, but if you'd like other people to see it too then please reblog! It's the only way for more people to enjoy it.
PRO: DEAD BROTHER
Sasuke chewed his brush. The end of it was highly nibbled. It was his thinking brush.
Very carefully, he added,ย
PRO: DEAD BROTHER (FOR VENGEANCE)
This wasnโt working.ย
Sasuke grabbed a rag and blotted away the ink. Far away, birds trilled and chirped. Sasuke used to have a bird journal, but he hadnโt opened it in a while. He had to focus on this.ย
With utmost caution and care, Sasuke filled out the rest of his chart. Mother said that a pro/con list was the best way to make a logical and reasoned decision. Mother always drilled in the importance of rational decision making. She said it would probably be fruitless, but she had to try.ย
SOLITARY AVENGER PRO-CON
MISSION: BECOMING STRONG KILLING BROTHER AND AVENGING OUR CLAN
Sasuke drew a big box around that one.ย
PRO: WAY OF THE NINJA
WAY OF THE UCHIHA
HE WILL REGRET IT!!!
ITACHI WILL NEVER HURT ANYBODY ELSE EVER AGAIN
VERY STRONG!
There. Extremely compelling. Sasuke could elaborate on a lot of these points, but he felt that they were self-evident. Ninjas who were VERY STRONG! made jounin, and they were really important people. Becoming a very important person was vital for a ten year plan.ย
Now for the cons.ย
CONS:ย
MISSION TO AVENGE CLAN WILL BE LENGTHY: WILL LEAVE TOBI HOME ALONE
NO DISTRACTIONS IN TRAINING TO BECOME SOLITARY AVENGER: WHAT ABOUT TOBI?
Sasuke chewed the end of his brush. He returned to the pros section.
ITACHI WILL NEVER HURT ANYBODY ELSE EVER AGAIN (TOBI WILL BE SAFE)
Sasuke looked at the cons list.ย
CONS:
BUSY BEING MAN OF THE HOUSE
PRO: HE WILL REGRET IT!!! Abandoning us
CONS: Way of the Uchiha is Family Comes First
SOLITARY AVENGER?
Sasuke thumped his forehead on the tatami.
*
Sasuke brought the matter to Naruto on their next ramen night. A move of clear desperation.
He slapped the latest draft of the pro/con list on the wood between them. It immediately began soaking up ramen juice, but Sasuke had anticipated that. It was a spare copy.ย
Naruto blinked at the piece of paper. While he was distracted, Sasuke loaded more vegetables into his ramen. The moron kept picking them out. It was a miracle he didnโt have scurvy.
On Narutoโs other side, Tobi was talking animatedly with Gai about naming special moves. Sasuke would say that they were in a competition to think of the stupidest name if he didnโt know that they were being dead serious. Ugh.ย
Naruto finally looked up, absentmindedly stuffing an egg in his mouth. โWassiz?โ
โWe have an assignment.โ Sasuke would love to say something like โitโs for our assignmentโ, or โremember our assignment?โ. If he said โitโs for our assignmentโ Naruto would have no idea what he was talking about, because Naruto did not remember their assignments. โItโs our ten year plan once we become shinobi. What rank we want, where do we want to be assigned, what do we want our specialty to be. Weโre supposed to put in our milestones for our personal lives too, like when weโre supposed to be married and have babies. And youโre sitting down and doing this once we get back to my place.โ
Naruto made a noise of great and ultimate comprehension - the Enlightened One with flecks of broth on his lips. He expectantly waited for Sasuke to read the page out loud to him, since he could barely read kanji. Sasuke refused to enable this illiteracy. Brought back down to ground, Naruto resentfully forced himself to read the whole thing through as he studded ever-increasing quantities of ramen in his mouth.ย
This was taking too long. โI canโt find a way to incorporate solitary avenger into my ten year plan!โ Sasuke jabbed a finger at the paper. โIt canโt fit it in there! I was going to become chuunin and leave the village for five years on an intensive training trip where I learn every kind of jutsu. But I canโt leave Tobi that long! Thereโs supposed to be a solitary journey, where you have lots of trials and fight a lot of bad guys, like probably an entire squadron or something. Maybe you infiltrate a city. But Tobi doesnโt get the solitary avenger thing! And I canโt take him!โ
Naruto scratched his chin, struggling to chain two thoughts together. โGai says if you die then heโll make sure Tobi doesnโt burn down the house.โ Sasuke was reasonably sure heโd die by fifteen, which distressed him for only one reason. โSo thatโs, like, probably fine!โ
โThatโs not the only issue!โ Sasuke slapped another page on the table. โThis is my weekly schedule!โ
Naruto obligingly looked over as his chopsticks facilitated a conveyor belt of ramen into his mouth. Sasuke still didnโt know how he spoke perfectly clearly with a mouth full of ramen. Practice, perhaps. โMan, Sasuke, you sure are busy. I do, like, two things a day.โ
โWe know.โ Sasuke tapped the schedule, moving his finger downwards. The information was in a little color-coded table, split by hour. The washi tape along the edge indicated where it went in his binder.ย
โI train four hours a day. Because I wake up and train, and then I make breakfast for us in the morning. Then I have to waste six hours a day on stupid school, which is a useless waste of my time.โ Naruto mouthed that last bit along with him - did he say it that often? โThen we grocery shop on the way home. Then I do my homework, and I get my real training in. Then I make dinner, and I gotta make lunch the next day. Then I do real studying. Then I play with Tobi. Then I gotta go to bed! If I donโt go to bed early, I canโt get Tobi in for the night either. And on the weekends we do housework and I take care of clan stuff! Thatโs a lot of paperwork and keeping up with politics, you know!โ
Nobody wanted him to do that. Nobody wanted him at the table during the clan head meeting. They actively pretended he wasnโt there, actually. They were not getting away with that. Tobi never let anybody get away with anything. If Tobi could do it, he could.ย
Helpfully, Naruto added, โYou forgot where you hang out with me!โ
โWhy do you think I hate hanging out with you?โ This did not bother or deter Naruto. He basically expected everybody to hate hanging out with him, and took anybody voluntarily speaking to him as a welcome bonus. Wait. โI mean - youโre factored into dinner time! And study together afterwards too!โ Sasuke quickly scribbled down Narutoโs name in the dinner block and studying block. Naruto goggled at his name neatly penned in Sasukeโs calendar. Sasuke was just glad he could read his name. โBut do you see the problem?โ
Naruto squinted at Sasuke. He had a pretty righteous squint. โ...you donโt have time to fix my plumbing?โ
After Sasuke finished beating Naruto over the head, he said, โItachiโs the strongest in Konoha! Heโs probably strongest in the Land of Fire! Itachi trained for twelve hours a day, every day! And if a solitary avengerโs gonna beat that, then I gotta be better than him! And how is four hours of training a day gonna beat a genius training twelve hours a day? Itโs a major logistical issue!โ
Naruto just nodded wisely, as if he ever had anything intelligent to say in his entire life. โThatโs orphan problems. Nobody gets the struggle.โ
Sasuke thumped his head on the wood, dismayed. โI donโt want anything in common with you.โ
โItachi was so spoiled.โ It was a vibrant new criticism of Itachi. โI bet your mom did all that housework and took care of you and stuff. And I bet your dad did all that clan stuff. And youโre super rich so you probably had servants polishing your sandals.โ They did have servants, but shut up about it. โDoing good in school was way too hard when I had to spend money on ramen and not books and kunai.โ The Uchiha had way too many extra weapons and school supplies and stuff, so Sasuke gave them to Naruto. No big deal. They were just sitting there. It was whatever. โTraining for twelve hours and becoming a super badass was really easy for stupid Itachi. But you gotta be Mom and Dad and Clan Guy and Student and, like, my best friend and stuff. Itachi didnโt have to do allโa that. Thatโs real orphan problems right there. People with two parents donโt know how good they got it!โ
It was true. Sasuke hated it when Naruto said things that were both true and stupid, but it was. When Sasuke sat and wrote out his ten year plan, he realized that the life of a solitary avenger was the life of Itachi. But Sasuke just couldnโt fit vengeance into his dinner schedule. That meant he had to pick one or the other. He couldnโt have both. That was the problem.
โItโs not like you donโt got it easy,โ Sasuke muttered, stuffed with ramen and vindictiveness. โYou donโt have anybody to take care of. Youโre not Man of the House. All you have to worry about is yourself.โ
For the first time, Naruto shut up. Sasuke sat upright, and he saw that Naruto had buried his face in a bowl of ramen. Naruto could talk and eat ramen at the same time. He only got quiet and ate ramen whenโฆhad Sasuke said something mean again?
A hand landed on Narutoโs hair, cheerfully ruffling it. Tobi had swiveled around in his stool, smiling brightly at them both as he scrubbed Narutoโs hair for a little longer than he scrubbed Sasukeโs.ย
โSasuke-chan does a good job looking after Naruto-chan!โ Tobi was big into the affirmations. Everything impressed him. Even Sasukeโs really stupid and bad katon. โMaybe Sasuke-chan and Naruto-chan can split up family jobs? So Naruto-chan can learn some responsibility!โ
Ugh. Naruto wasnโt family. But the last time he said that Tobi had gotten really upset, so he should just let him say what he wants.ย
Naruto thrust a hand in the air, as he actually raised his hand in class. โI canโt do grocery shopping!โ Naruto announced. โEveryone sells me rotten food!โ
โNaruto-chanโs really good at housework! He scrubs super hard, and the floors always sparkle.โ If the chore stood up to somebody being way overenthusiastic, then Naruto did fine. Sasuke didnโt know how Tobi always found something nice to say about Naruto. It was literally Naruto. โIf Naruto-chan comes over on the weekends and helps us with housework, maybe Sasuke-chan can teach him some cool moves!โ
From Tobiโs other side, Gai laughed in delight. โTeaching young ninja how to carry heavy weights is a valuable lesson! But teaching them how to split the weights is another valuable lesson! And sometimes, the most youthful move of all is to know that nobody can carry a weight if they do not rest!โ
Seriously, Naruto said, โAre we doing housework with weights?โ
โWhy, thatโs a great idea!โ
Tobi cheered. โI love that idea! Harder housework is funner housework!โ
โHell yeah! Iโve never done housework with anybody before! This is gonna be so cool!โ
Nobody understood. Nobody even realized.
Having Naruto around was fine. Sasuke had to work overtime to get his life in order, but that was whatever. That was what happened when you had nobody around to take care of. When you didnโt have anybody, because everybody hated your guts. The first friend Naruto ever made was the only other person who everybody hated as much as they hated Naruto.ย
Tobi always wanted to bond. He wanted to do things together, to share. Tobi was always saying that he can do Sasukeโs job too, so give Tobi some of your job? Gai and Naruto would like to help with your job, maybe they can help with your job?
Tobi knew how much they hated him. He wasnโt stupid, he was Tobi. Naruto was stupid, but that was because Naruto liked ignoring stuff. Naruto knew how much they hated him too.ย
Didnโt they get it? Sasuke had to be a solitary avenger for Tobi. He had to take revenge. For all the injustices in this stupid world - for all the rotten fruit sold, for all the lonely nights. If he didnโt avenge them, then theyโd never be punished.
All they did was punish Tobi for being stupid and Naruto for holding the fox. It wasnโt their faults. It was punishing innocent people who hadnโt done anything wrong, just because they didnโt like them. If Sasuke punished them back, then they would really deserve it. That would be super fair. No - it had to happen. Avengers brought justice. There had to be justice in this world.ย
Itachi might come back and hurt Tobi and Sasuke. Finish the job. Sasuke had to kill him before that. Sasuke would kill the final enemy of their family, and his family would be safe. Nothing would hurt them. Sasuke would make sure that nobody will ever hurt them or hurt Tobi or stab him or something.ย
Thenโฆthen, once heโd killed Itachi.ย Killing Itachi would give Sasuke a great power. Itachi said so. Sasuke needed that power.
ย If he was ever going to punish Konoha. If he was ever going to avenge his family.
Everybody would be punished. The world will be fair. Sasuke just had to figure out how.
And, uh, not put โpunish Konohaโ in his ten year plan. That didnโt go there.ย
Time to cover his tracks. Sasuke flipped the paper over, starting a new draft of the plan. Very carefully, in the time blocks for โpersonal milestonesโ (avenging his family, making the world fair, killing Itachi, punishing Konoha) he wrote โtaking care of my cousinโ.
There. Sasuke dropped the pen, satisfied.ย
That was something Itachi could never do. Itachi, with all of his parents and servants and money and village that loved him - that was something Itachi fucked up big time. Itachi used to tell him to be gentle with Tobi, heโs a little different so just be patient, be nice to him like Iโm nice to you. Itachi tried to take care of Tobi. Itachi cared about him. Even now, it didnโt even occur to Sasuke that Itachi had been faking it. Itachi wasnโt a liar.ย
In that mission, in that way, Itachi was a complete failure.ย
Take justice for their family. Punish their real enemies. Find the real problem, eliminate the real problem. Sasuke could do that. Itachi was too stupid to realize the real mission. Sasuke wasnโt. Sasuke would do that. Sasuke would do that and get Tobi to bed on time.
Watch Mr. Not-an-Orphan do that.
*
As usual, Naruto tagged along on the way back home and Gai left to conduct post-ramen training. Gai was a role model of industrious hard work, but Tobi said that Sasuke please shouldnโt become insane until heโs a jounin please. Heโd recently taken an apprentice that Sasuke hadnโt met yet, so he had to assume that some set of parents had failed to dodge that kunai.
They sat at a low table in the living room. Naruto struggled his way through his ten year plan (โYou canโt just write Hokage!โ) as Sasuke studied his textbooks. He referred to his dictionary often. Tobi made up Narutoโs bed in Sasukeโs room and packed both of their bentos for tomorrow. The night lingered softly, and it didnโt matter how far the darkness stretched.ย
Sasuke tried to leave to do real training, but Tobi whined about playing together. Naruto was already grabbing the paper. If it was that game, then it was probably fine. Tobi and Naruto didnโt know that the โpaper movingโ game was a chakra control exercise, but he wasnโt about to tell them. Naruto was still horrible at it, but that never stopped him. He was getting less horrible. Barely.ย
Then it was bedtime, and Sasuke had to direct both of them into brushing their teeth and washing their face and getting into bed at a reasonable hour. Tobi complained - something about a ten year old giving him a bedtime - but Sasuke could not be swayed. If Sasuke didnโt get him to bed, then Tobi slept all day. It had to be because he didnโt go to bed at all. Sometimes, if Sasuke woke up in the middle of the night for water, Tobi would be completely gone! This was why his sleep schedule was horrible! And not getting enough sleep was terrible for the brain.ย
Naruto and Sasuke quietly talked about a lot of stuff late into the night, like what kinds of food they would sell in their own grocery stall, before they fell asleep.ย
The next day was just as stupid as every other day. Sasuke woke up early to train, make food, eat his food, wake up Tobi and Naruto, get food on the table, and rush out the door. He did not stay to eat breakfast with them because he did not want to show up to school with Naruto in tow. Sasuke had to tell Naruto ten times to leave him alone at school. Heโd finally stopped sticking to him, but he did not leave him alone.ย
Sasuke read his medical textbook underneath the desk, as always. Sasuke got top marks because he was Such A Genius!, so the teacher didnโt care. Naruto could not sit still for more than five minutes at a time, so he got yelled at every five minutes. Nobody in this academy understood education. Teaching Naruto literally anything had to involve letting him get up and run around every fifteen minutes. He was, like, barely capable of it. Sasuke didnโt understand it, but Tobi had listened to Sasuke try to teach Naruto how to read for about five minutes before he suggested it.ย
โMy adopted sister was the same way,โ Tobi said happily. Naruto, sweating a little bit, had finally found the ability to read two pages of a textbook. Even Naruto himself was stunned. โShe was the strongest, coolest, most awesome jounin in the whole village! But neechan always did her own thing. She couldnโt fill out paperwork without doing jumping jacks, eating a bunch of sugar, and promising to play a game with me after she finished. Naruto-chan can find his own thing too!โ
Jounin were so eccentric. But Naruto was gaping in surprise. Nobody had ever compared him to another ninja before. Especially not in a nice way. โEh?! Who was your sister, Tobi! Wait! You were adopted?!โ
Tobi laughed a little, scratching at his cheek. Sasuke rolled his eyes. He already knew about Tobiโs big sister. Non-Uchiha. Shisui-nii said that didnโt make it fakey, though. โKind of. Neechan was married to my sensei. Sensei was my legal guardian. That means he did the adult stuff for me, but he wasnโt really Tobiโs dad or anything. Sensei was sensei. But neechan was neechan!โ
Very seriously, Sasuke said, โAm I your legal guardian.โ
โNo, Sasuke-chan, they decided I donโt need one anymore. And you two are wards of Konoha. And you are nine.โ
โWhoโs your sister!โ Naruto yelled. โDo I know her? Why donโt I get to meet her?โ
Tobi smiled. It was different from his other smiles. Sasuke knew this one really well. Tobi always smiled when he was sad. โKushina Uzumaki was my sister. And Kushina-nee and Sensei died in the fox attack. It was really sad.โ
Naruto and Sasukeโs jaws dropped.
At the absolute top of his lungs, Naruto yelled, โUzumaki? Thatโs my name!โ
โWe know itโs your stupid name, idiot!โ
โThereโs a few Uzumakis in Konoha,โ Tobi said serenely. This was true. There was a small Uzushio refugee district. None of them knew who the baby orphaned in the fox attack was, though. Naruto was convinced that they were lying to him. Somebody had to know. For once, Sasuke thought Naruto might be right. โBut youโre probably related. Thatโs why you and neechan need to run around so much.โ
โTell me everything about neechan forever!โ
โSheโs not your sister, Naruto!โ
โNaruto-chan can call her that!โ
โWhy does he get to call her that!โ
โYou can call her that too, Sasuke! Sheโs your adopted cousin!โ
โYou can keep her, Tobi -โ
โWas neechan blonde too?!โ Naruto halted, horror sweeping over him. โDoes neechan think the fox attack was my fault too?! I didnโt do nothing!โ
Sasuke couldnโt begin to count the number of times heโd heard that. I didnโt do nothing. I didnโt do nothing. Those words were the only way for Naruto to protect himself. But they didnโt protect him at all.
โNo, Naruto,โ Tobi said, โshe would never blame you. Not in a million years.โ
Tobi talked about the dead. He was the only one who did. Konohans didnโt really like talking about dead people, or acknowledging that they existed. They didnโt even like looking at people who reminded them of the dead. They didnโt like people who had too many dead: as if loss could be spread, and grief was contagious. Maybe that was fear of death.ย
Tobi wasnโt good with social cues. He didnโt know good or bad things to say. It wasnโt his fault. He didnโt know what he was saying. Tobi just wanted to talk about his dead family, so he did. It made everybody else super uncomfortable, but Tobi didnโt notice. He talked to Sasuke about nee-chan, Sensei, Rin, and Kakashi. He even talked about the baby brother he had lost in the fox attack. He said that it made him feel better. He told Sasuke he could talk about his dead family too. So Sasuke tried to talk about Mom sometimes. It made him sad - it always made him sad - but it didnโt feel bad.ย
They put all the blame on Tobi, and they acted like Sasuke was the angel. Look, we donโt hate these two children for having their entire family slaughtered - weโre nice to one of them! The one who deserves it! But Sasuke didnโt know what he did to deserve it.
Their family deserved it. Sasuke heard that all the time. When they thought he wasnโt listening, or when they thought he wouldnโt understand. Sasuke heard them say it, and he saw them think it.
The Uchiha did this to themselves. Driving two of their geniuses crazy - didnโt they learn the first time? If those proud Uchiha had just learned their lesson, then this never would have happened.ย
Sasuke hadnโt thought about it like that. Everybody says that Obito Uchihaโs an idiot now because they squeezed too much out of their genius. Tobi wouldnโt have gotten hurt if he was better, and he wouldnโt be so dumb if he wasnโt a genius. Sasuke knew it wasnโt his fault. He knew whose fault it was, and he knew it wasnโt Tobiโs fault.ย
Was Itachi a genius driven crazy too? It wasnโt Tobiโs fault his brain got hurt. Was it Itachiโs fault that he went insane?
Those were not the thoughts of an avenger, so Sasuke dismissed them. It didnโt matter, anyway. Tobi got hurt and he was still a good person, because Tobi was a good person. If Itachi got hurt and became an evil murderer, then he was an evil murderer. Getting hurt just showed the world who he really was. That made sense. Getting hurt did that to you. It happened all the time.
School was such a waste of time. And they wouldnโt let him graduate early, even though he totally could, because graduating early turned Uchihas insane. Yeah. Sure. That was the problem. Heโd take a medical internship, idiots. This swayed nobody.
He read his book under the table during lunch. During breaks, he stared out the window and thought about what he was going to make for dinner. Girls stood in a corner and whispered to themselves. Girls loved whispering.ย
Right before lunch ended, a shaking girl stumbled up towards him. Her hands were clasped together, her face contrasted badly with her hair, and she was shifting on her feet too frequently. Sasuke didnโt know what any of this meant. Were these pain symptoms? Arrhythmia, maybe?
โUmmโฆSasuke-kunโฆโ The girl waved a strand of hair around her finger, face scarlet red. โIs that Advanced Statistical Theorems of Chakra Control volume three?โ
Sasuke silently reached into his desk and gave her Advanced Statistical Theorems of Chakra Control volume two. Sakura accepted the book happily.
โThe first volumeโs in my locker, Iโll give it back to you after school!โ Sakura said happily. In the corner, Ino buried her face in her hands. Other girls groaned. โWould you like to see my notes?โ
โTheyโre messy.โ
โI - I can make them a lot neater, Sasuke-kun!โ
Neat notes meant more efficient learning meant better learning. โSure.โ
Sakura ran off. She eagerly showed off her book to her friends. They started berating her. Alright.
Sasuke stared out the window and thought about what he was going to make for dinner.ย
Nothing else interesting happened. What a waste of his time.
Well. Something interesting happened to Naruto. He got into some kind of fight in the back of the class again. It was with Kiba this time. It was making memorizing theories of chakra control needed to begin creating medical chakra really difficult, so Sasuke turned around.ย
They were yelling at each other. Something about Naruto being stupid, Kiba being dumb, Naruto not being able to read, Kiba smelling like dog, And Whatโs So Wrong With Smelling Like Dog Huh? Sasuke recognized the sign of imminent fisticuffs. If Naruto got into another fistfight he was going to be expelled.
Sasuke sighed, put his book down, and weaved around desks to the back of the class. Shikamaru and Chouji were already sitting on the row behind them, sharing a bag of chips.
Chouji waved, shy. He blushed when talking to Sasuke too. Whatever. โHi, Sasuke-kun. Whatโs up?โ
โHeโs gonna yell at Naruto,โ Shikamaru said. โWatch.โ
Sasuke withdrew a kunai. He threw it straight at Naruto. The girls screamed. The kunai went straight into Narutoโs hand.
โHm,โ Shikamaru said.
Naruto pulled out the kunai, indignant beyond measure. Blood went everywhere. โHey, teme! Watch where you throw that thing!โ
Attention successfully diverted and point successfully made, Sasuke started ignoring him again. Kiba was swearing about how crazy Sasuke was, what a cool guy! Everyone in the room was agreeing that anybody who stabbed Naruto was the best. Naruto was shaking his hand, wound already closing up. Kiba was loudly noting this and calling him a freak fox. Sasuke held up another kunai. Naruto did not retaliate. Shaking, trembling, Hinata said that she thought dogs and foxes smelled nice. Ino asked her if she was seriously defending the Nine Tailed Fox. Hinata started crying.ย
Meanwhile, Shikamaru was just staring at Sasuke. As if he did not want to be speaking at all, Shikamaru said, โMy dad wants your cousin to come over again. Says that he can beat him at Go this time.โ
Absolutely unsympathetically, Sasuke said, โHeโs not going to beat him at Go.โ
โI still donโt get that.โ Chouji relentlessly stuffed another fistful of chips in his mouth. They should introduce him to ramen. Naruto might be able to make another friend. Food connected people, probably. โIsnโt your cousinโฆlike, uh?โ
โLike what?โ Sasuke snapped. โYou have something to say?โ
โUh, no, I -โ
โIf you have something to say, then say it.โ
From above them, Naruto called out, โSasuke, donโt get into another fight! Youโll get expelled this time!โ
โI donโt get into fights!โ Sasuke snapped. โItโs called defending the honor of the Uchiha!โ
Many girls sighed. Shikamaru sighed, for a different reason.ย
To Chouji, Shikamaru said, โI donโt get it either. It makes no sense and itโs stupid. Stupid things are such a pain.โ Sasuke opened his mouth. โNot calling your cousin stupid.โ
Chouji delicately nibbled on a fistful of chips. โWhat doesnโt make any sense?โย
Shikamaru didnโt say anything. He looked at the ceiling. He visibly debated if something was worth the effort to say - or maybe just worth the effort to explain. If it involved disparaging the honor of the Uchiha, Sasuke sure hoped that he would find it too annoying to say.
Finally, he only said, โAdults are boring. Way too boring. You know what they all say?โ Shikamaru yawned. Already tired of this conversation. โBecause heโs an Uchiha.โ
โWhat does that even mean?โ
โWhatโs because heโs an Uchiha?โ
โTiresome,โ Shikamaru said. โWay too tiresome.โ
Well. Sasuke didnโt have time for lazy people.ย
Naruto was distracted by his fight by yelling at Sasuke, Sasuke was distracted by his fight by yelling at Naruto, and lunch ended.ย
Everybody sucked at training because they didnโt work hard. Naruto and Hinata worked hard but they just sucked. Maybe they were made for each other. As always, the only person who was remotely challenging during spars was Naruto. Not because he was good at dodging. Or good at anything. He just didnโt get tired. Or give up. The teacher always had to call it. They always called it right when Sasuke had the upper hand. It really pissed him off. School was so annoying.
The final annoying thing happened after school ended. He was late getting out because Sakura had a question about action potentials. Sakura was only really capable of making conversation if it was about books or something, but Naruto said that Sasuke was the same way. Sakura eventually succumbed to her nature and sprinted away from him, and when he came outside he saw Naruto mobbed by that little gang of children. This didnโt matter. Sasuke was perfectly happy to ignore everything Naruto ever did. But Pakkun was waiting for him at the gates today, and he was so obviously entertained by Narutoโs struggles against small children that Sasuke had to stop and listen.
โYou never listen to a word Jiji says!โ Naruto barked. His arms were crossed over his chest, attempting to establish dominance over the six year olds. โI cannot turn into a fox!โ
The little girl looked crushed by this. โNot even a good fox?โ
โNot any kind of fox!โ
โBut if a good fox fights the bad fox, then maybe humanityโll win over foxes forever!โย
Naruto very seriously considered this. โMoegi, youโre onto something. But I still canโt do that!โ
โJiji never tells me anything!โ Konohamaru complained. The kid had one volume and it was all whining. Sasuke was glad he wasnโt the man of his house. โHe says that Iโm too young to hear about it! Iโm six, Jiji!โ
Udon fiddled with his big and clunky glasses. โMama says that senpaiโs evil.โ
โI know!โ Konohamaru shouted. โIsnโt it awesome!โ
โOkay, okay! Listen up, maggots!โ Naruto dramatically brandished a hand, and the children lined up in attack formation. Ebisu, leaning on a tree behind them and clearly catching his breath from chasing after Konohamaru, was visibly jealous of Narutoโs natural leadership skills. โIโll only say this once!โ
Naruto held up one finger. The children obligingly held up one finger. โOne! Naruto Uzumaki is a super-cool orphan who was born the day the fox attacked! Not my fault! Nobody controls when theyโre born, okay! Believe it!โ
As if this was an active part of the lesson, the children chorused, โNobody controls when theyโre born!โ
โTwo! Because Uzumakis are super cool chakra powerhouses, I was the best baby in the entire stupid village to store the Nine Tailed Fox! Believe it!โ
โWhat does that mean!โ Konohamaru yelled. Pakkun barked.ย
Naruto held up a third finger. As always, Naruto repeated Tobiโs explanation word-for-word. Kinda. โThird! You know sealing scrolls? Like, when you put a bowl of ramen in a scroll, and you can take the ramen out again later! And itโs still piping hot!โ The kids nodded fastidiously. โIโm like a fox sealing scroll! The Fourth Hokage - heโs a good dad thing, not that I would know - saved the village from the Nine Tailed Fox attack by making me, a super cool baby, into a sealing scroll for a fox. Sealing scrolls are not foxes! Believe it!โ
โSealing scrolls are not foxes!โ
โAnd there you have it!โ Naruto concluded grandly. He propped his hands on his hips, tremendously proud of himself. โThatโs the story of how Naruto Uzumaki saved the village. With the Fourth Hokageโs help, of course. Not bad, huh? Iโm a really cool senpai!โ Moegi raised her hand. โYes, Moegi!โ
Plainly, Moegi asked, โThen why does my Mommy say youโre a monster?โ
โBecause people are dumb and donโt understand!โ Naruto immediately said. He really needed a better retort for this one. โThey donโt get how anything works at all!โ
โMy mommyโs not stupid,โ Moegi said reproachfully. โShe says that youโre con-tamey-nated by evil chakra.โ
โSealing scrolls arenโt contaminated by ramen! Thatโs not how it works at all!โ
Udon pushed up his clunky glasses. They slid down immediately. โMy uncle says that the fox can see through your eyes and hear us and stuff.โ
Heatedly, Konohamaru cried, โTell the fox heโs really dumb, senpai!โ
โThe fox canโt do that!โ Naruto cried. โRamen canโt look through a seal, thatโs stupid!โ
โRamen canโt see anything, senpaiโฆโ
โTell the fox that he killed my Granny!โ
โYou never even met your granny!โ
Ebisu sighed. Under his breath, he said, โSo much for โdonโt tell your kidsโ. Maybe that would have worked if nobody in this village ever got drunk.โ
Pakkun woofed. Just loud enough for Sasuke to hear, he said, โThis would be easier if they heard the real explanation first.โย
Ebisu glanced at Sasuke, then at Pakkun. He took a subtle but very large step away.ย
Pakkun woofed again. Sasuke recognized the doggy amusement. โWassup, Ebisu.โ
โHa ha hello! Is Tobi around?โ Ebisu slid even further away. โHe isnโt coming, is he?โ
Sasuke couldnโt even get mad at the guy. In infinite pity, he said, โPakkun picks me up when Tobiโs busy.โ
โOh! Wonderful. I mean.โ Ebisu coughed. Very aware that he was being rude. Convinced that he was entitled to it. โWell! Tell him I wish him well. And that my new principal is a delight.โ
Bodyguarding a six year old and wrangling three six year olds all day was a vacation in comparison to babysitting detail for Tobi. โI dunno what your problem is. Your teammates hang out with him for fun. Maybe youโre the problem.โ
Pakkun looked up at Sasuke. โHe wasnโt the problem.โ
โWas it really funny to annoy him?โ Sasuke asked unsympathetically. Ebisu coughed harder. โThere you go. Thatโs weakness, Ebisu. Itโs too hard to annoy Gai and Genma. The weak opponent gets cut down.โ
โHell, kid, I hope you havenโt been teaching him that talk. Heโs way too impressionable. Heโs like a duckling.โ Ebisu sighed, looking back at the ferocious kids. โHate to think what you and Narutoโve been teaching him. Not my problem. Thank hell.โ
Teaching him? Sasuke hoped that heโs been teaching Tobi to do the dishes! But Pakkun just gave Ebisu a particular doggy look. Naruto was still locked in fervent debate with six year olds. โYou donโt know why Naruto knows, do you?โย
This story was still so fishy, but Sasuke wasnโt about to let onto that. Sasuke just sighed. โTobi invites himself to hang out with the Hokage sometimes. Tobi was hanging out with the Hokage when Naruto invited himself to hang out with the Hokage and crawls through the window.โ The Hokage was always telling Sasuke that the two were like grandkids to him. He sure acted like it. They both got away with everything, and gave them absolutely nothing. Sasuke didnโt know what kind of honorary grandpa left Tobi and Sasuke all alone like that, but Tobi told him not to say that. โTobi didnโt know Naruto back then. But heโd heard all that stuff about him. The really nasty ones, that Naruto was literally the fox.โ
Ebisu sighed. โOf course he did. That boy believes literally anything you tell him.โ
โThe fox literally killed his legal guardians and baby brother,โ Sasuke snapped. Ebisu held up his hands in a plea for mercy. โHe was in Hokage Tower when the fox destroyed it! He has fox trauma! More than a lot of people! And they didnโt even tell him how the Fourth died. Just what they were supposed to tell the rest of the kids - that the Fourth died to save the village from the fox. But he ended up hearing what all the adults think happened.โ Nobody was supposed to know about Naruto. But they all did. Everybody only knew the worst things about each other. Sometimes Sasuke thought that was why everybody was so mean to each other. โSo Tobi got really scared. And he freaked out, because he was scared, and he didnโt know that we werenโt supposed to say anything. So he said a ton, stuff came out, and the Hokage had to explain that Naruto saved the village and the Hokage likes him. And nobody tells me anything, so I only find out that weโre friends with Naruto now when weโre getting ramen with the loudmouth.โ
โThe Hokage wasnโt happy.โ Pakkun scratched his ear thoughtfully. โShikaku told him that this one was on him. Acting like the guyโs too stupid to understand anything important. A tower of secrets comes tumbling down eventually.โ Pakkun sighed. โNobody can lie forever. The longer it goes, the worse the falloutโs gonna be.โ
โAnd now we hang out with Naruto,โ Sasuke said bitterly. Haunted by pain and regrets. โHe eats us out of house and home.โ
โI dunno. Heโs not that bad.โ Pakkun yawned, long canines flashing. โHe gives good belly rubs. Better than yours.โ
Ebisu didnโt really look sad. He didnโt even look pitying. Good. Sasuke hated pity. He just looked a little thoughtful. โThis was soon after the - uh, that, right?โ Sasuke scowled at him. There was only one that. โWas Tobi scared a lot back then?โ
โYeah,โ Sasuke said, โhis entire family was dead and he didnโt know why. He kept getting scared that Itachi would come back when he didnโt even remember who killed everybody. And all he had was an eight year old who couldnโt help him because he was eight.โ Pakkun barked. โAnd dogs. We had dogs. They were good dogs.โ
Nobody ever had anything to say to that. Sasuke wasnโt afraid to say it. Nobody liked hearing it, but that didnโt matter. You had to say the stuff that people didnโt like to hear. Who cared about what other people wanted. Who even cared about other people.ย
Sasuke didnโt know if Ebisu had anything to say to that either. The kids were cheering and pumping their fists in the air.ย
Udon was patting Narutoโs back. โYouโre pretty cool for a monster, senpai.โ
โSenpaiโs an awesome monster!โ Konohamaru cheered. โHey, will you eat my uncle!โ
Moegi was patting Naruto on the arm. โPlease turn into a fox and eat the evil foxes.โ
โBye, now! Come on, Konohamaru Squad, we got stuff to do!โ
Then the kids were sprinting away, and Ebisu had to curse and sprint after them. Pakkun was muttering something about how his pup was very well behaved at that age.ย
Naruto watched the kids run off. He didnโt look sad or anything. Naruto never looked sad. He didnโt look thoughtful, either. Naruto didnโt think. He didnโt look angry or frustrated or upset - nothing that Sasuke would ever feel. Nothing that Sasuke felt just watching it.ย
Sasuke could walk up and stand next to him. Sasuke was the smartest person he knew, but sometimes he really wished he was smarter. A real genius, and not a fake one. If Sasuke was as good as he needed to be - good at everything - then maybe heโd know what to say.ย
โHey, Sasuke?โ
Sasuke grunted. Naruto didnโt turn to look at him. He was just looking far away, into that crowded and pale horizon.
โIโm gonna be Hokage one day. And when Iโm Hokage, the first thing Iโm gonna do is make a new rule. I mean, the first thing Iโm gonna do is end war and stuff. And then make everybody eat ramen forever. But the third thing! The third thing is real Hokage stuff.โ Naruto nodded to himself, brimming with every last ounce of conviction that he needed. โMy third Hokage thing is that everyoneโs gonna have to believe me. Iโm gonna tell people the truth. The real truth. And theyโll believe it!โ Naruto grinned big and bright. He was already cheering himself up. Just the idea and the promise was enough to perk him back up. โAnd Iโll be the best Hokage ever!โ
That was what it would take. If Naruto wanted people to believe him when he said that he wasnโt a vicious monster, he just had to become Hokage about it. Super possible. That was the only way it would be possible. Nothing less would do. Nothing less would even matter.ย
So long as Naruto was less, he would never matter.
โWhatever.โ Sasuke turned around and started to leave, leaving Pakkun running along at his heels. โGo home with Pakkun and check on Tobi. I gotta buy groceries.โ
โAre we having ramen?!โ
โYou need real food, Naruto! Ramen has too much sodium!โ
โRamen doesnโt have soda in it!โ
โHow are you this stupid!โ
Sasuke walked home alone. He wasnโt about to feed Tobi rotten vegetables.
*
Two days later, after a very small accident that didnโt completely burn down a building, Tobi towed Sasuke and Naruto to an estate on the other side of the village.
It was a very small accident, if a pretty big fire. Sasuke thought it was fine. Tobi loved fire, and they had more than enough buildings to burn down. Sasuke and Tobi used to burn down old shacks for fun before ANBU made them stop. Sasuke didnโt know what the problem was. But Tobi said that zapping a house every time he practiced a lightning jutsu wasnโt โa good use of their housesโ, so off they went. To the Hatake place, apparently.
That didnโt make a lot of sense. Tobi hated damaging that estate. He wasnโt delicate with it - Tobi didnโt do delicate - but he hired genin to come and maintain the place about four times a year. The Uchiha compound looked more abandoned than the Hatake estate. Upkeep drained their finances, but the interest from the Hatake accounts covered the expense. The other clan leaders kept asking where a ten year old learned to balance a budget. From books, idiots.ย
Naruto hopped off the rooftop - teaching Naruto how to jump between roofs had been a very good use of their houses - and immediately started running around. Sasuke had to yell after him not to damage the paper doors this time, and that meant no slamming! Tobi just happily made a hand signal, summoning the entire pack of dogs.ย
They all sniffed out their location immediately, and Sasuke saw them all perk up in excitement. Tobi beamed, saluting the dogs. โPlaytime for puppies and Tobi and Sasuke and Naruto! Everyone be back by dinnertime! And can a puppy volunteer to save the house from Naruto?โ Bisque sighed. โThank you,ย
Biscuit! Tobi loves you!โ
The dogs barked, nosed at Tobi as he enthusiastically petted each one of them, nosed at Sasuke until he gave each and every dog the exact same number of pats, and all ran off to nip at each otherโs heels and sniff around. Pakkun said that they could still smell Kakashi and his dad all around the estate. Apparently it was really comforting. Sasuke got it.
โWatching Sasuke accidentally hit one of our houses with lightning gave Tobi a super good idea!โ Tobi beckoned Sasuke to a back field of the estate. It was all dirt, with a few tall pillars of dirt standing several feet away from each other. โUchiha chakra elements are all fire, and Hatake chakra elements were lightning. Like we have special fireproof training areas, Hatake had special lightningproof ones! I trained on them more than Kakashi-kun did.โ Tobi propped his hands on his hips, nodding happily. โIf Sasuke-kun likes to practice lightning, then we can come here!โ
โYou trained on them?โ Sasuke looked around the field, trying to imagine Tobi zapping dirt pillars with lightning. It wasnโt easy. โCan you teach me jutsus?โ
Tobi laughed a little, scrubbing the back of his neck. โIโm not too good at jutsus, Sasuke-kunโฆโ
โBut you know them!โ Sasuke protested. โYou donโt have to mold chakra to teach me about them, right?โ Tobi hesitated, hand falling. โI need to learn these things! How am I going to get strong without every advantage I can get, Tobi!โ
โUmโฆI guess I shouldnโt always be a burden, haha.โ Tobiโs laugh was a lot more nervous. โHow about Sasuke and Tobi study jutsus together? We can learn like friends!โ
โBurden? Who was calling you a burden!โ
โSasuke during ramen? Anyway, Tobi likes Tobiโs idea! The Hatake library has a whole big shelf of lightning jutsus. Why doesnโt Sasuke-kun pick one out?โ
Sasuke did that? He didnโt do that. Sasuke beat up people who called Tobi a burden or useless. Sasuke wouldnโtโฆ
Sasuke thought hard about everything he said over ramen a few days ago. About how he couldnโt achieve his life dreams because he had to look after Tobi. Tobi had really obviously heard himโฆ
That sounded a lot like he was calling Tobi a burden, wasnโt it?
โI didnโt mean to do that.โ Sasuke was really embarrassed. He knew he got snappy and prickly when he was embarrassed. He tried not to do that to Tobi, though. Heโฆtried hard to be nice. โIโm - uh. That wasnโt what I meant.โ
โItโs okay. Iโm just like that.โ Tobi shrugged, as if it didnโt matter one way or another. โDoes Sasuke want to pick out some cool jutsu scrolls now?โ
โI donโt want to train anymore!โ Sasuke yelled, before running away very quickly.ย
The traditional-style home was really big, and most of it was locked up with stasis jutsus around the perimeter. It helped save the rice paper and wood from rotting. The rooms that werenโt locked up were just used as storage. Judging by how dusty and old-fashioned it looked, a lot of it was Hatake stuff. Sasuke once found an entire room of just katanas. Samurai were cowardly losers and Sasuke didnโt care about their garbage, cheap, and shitty swords. He didnโt even care that Tobi made him put the black bladed katana back.ย
It wasnโt just Hatake stuff. Sasuke found another room stacked with sealing supplies and reference material. Another room had a lot of much newer-looking broken stuff in it, but a lot of scrolls and clothing too.ย
Sasuke rattled open a half-remembered room. No jutsu scrolls in here. But he did get a pleasant and nostalgic surprise. Tobi had moved a lot of the clutter in his house into this house when heโฆrealized that Sasuke had moved in, and he had put all of Rinโs medical textbooks in this one.ย
Sasuke couldnโt keep all of them in his room, so he had fastidiously picked out his favorite ten textbooks and all the most important reference manuals before giving the rest to Tobi to pack away here. Sasuke immediately crouched over one of the boxes, rifling through all of the old books. Oh, here were the case study scrolls. Those were super interesting. There was a case of medical chakra accidentally causing a woman to grow three new livers!ย
Sasuke picked up Fundamentals of Human Anatomy. He brushed his hand over the leather cover, running his fingers over the embossed text. He couldnโt really call it a good memory, but he couldnโt say it was a bad one. Was there a word for a good thing during a bad time? Something that didnโt make you any happier, but made the bad things go away for a little while? A painkiller?
The first two months after that were boring. There was a lot of stuff to do, but the crowded time was so empty. Sasuke tried to train, but Tobi would just follow him out and get in the way. Tobi wanted to play a lot, but Sasuke couldnโt really work up the energy, so Sasuke ended up just putting him in front of the television. They watched flickering films in black and white together. They were boring, but Tobi really liked them. He could watch television all day. But he was really convinced that he knew how to cook things when he really didnโt, and Sasuke didnโt like leaving him alone for a long time. They were living out of the pantry for a while. And their neighborโs pantry. And their neighborโs pantry.ย
Sasuke was a big reader. Obviously, Tobi wasnโt. The only books in his house were three boxes of old medical textbooks. Sasuke had asked Tobi whose textbooks they were. They definitely werenโt his.ย
Tobi had looked confused. โUmโฆRin-chanโs? She gave me her books. Then she went away.โ
โWho doesnโt,โ Sasuke had muttered.ย
โRin-chanโs a medic,โ Tobi had told him. He had sounded so proud about it. โRin-chan saves lives and everything. She works super hard, sheโs super cool!โ
Sasuke had nothing better to do, so he read the books. They had really distracted him. He had to dig around for a dictionary, but that was distracting too. Sometimes Tobi wanted attention and it was kind of hard, but that was what the television was for. Tobi was just happy if Sasuke was there.ย
Like two months later, Tobi finally noticed the books. Or registered them. He had looked all confused again.ย
โSasuke-chan, what are you doing with Rin-chanโs books? Theyโre kind of difficult, arenโt they?โ
Sasuke had rolled his eyes, flipping a page. He had started taking notes. โIโm too busy to play right now. We can watch TV later.โ
โTobi did not ask that?โ Tobi had crouched in front of him. Sasuke was lying on his stomach flipping through the book again, armed with his dictionary at his elbow. Tobi just frowned, stiff forehead creasing. A little carefully, he said, โDoes Sasuke want to learn medicine?โ
โSure,โ Sasuke said. It was the first time heโd said that. It was the first time heโd really realized it. โWhy not.โ
Tobi hesitated. He looked really sad. Not his usual kind of sad, either. โSasuke. None of thatโs going to fix me.โ
โItโs not about that.โ Sasuke said it very patiently. He highlighted another row of his notes. The textbooks were really heavily marked up, but Sasuke never wrote in them. โItโs just for fun. If youโre hungry, I can make dinner.โ
โTobi can make dinnerโฆโ
He could. Tobi had bounced back, and he kept on trying to take care of Sasuke. He kept saying it was his turn. But Sasuke hated that. He didnโt even really know why. โYour dinners are so bad.โ
Tobi liked to ask Sasuke what he was learning, and he listened in interest as long as Sasuke wanted to talk about it. He clearly didnโt understand a word, but he nodded along anyway. Sasuke had him sit still so he could practice naming bones.ย
Sasuke was withdrawn from the Academy for the rest of the year. Well, Sasuke withdrew himself. It was almost the start of the year. They made him go back the next year, but that year was spent learning medicine and training and self-studying and learning how to balance a budget. Learning it all. And Naruto was there.ย
When he came back, he was so ahead of all the other kids it wasnโt even funny. And everyone decided that he got cool. He had just felt a little socially awkward. He hadnโt talked with a lot of people for a year. Naruto didnโt count.
ย Sasuke flipped through the book. Tch. So basic. He had struggled with this?
Through the thin paper walls, Sasuke heard dogs barking. Sasuke cursed, dropping the book and scrambling upwards. He knew that bark.ย
Amazingly, nothing was on fire. Naruto hadnโt even punched a hole through any more paper doors. He was just doing the same things as Sasuke and rummaging around through old boxes. What was he doing it for? He wasn't avoiding Tobi. Not that Sasuke was avoiding him. He was just spending his time in a place that Tobi almost never went in. Educationally.
Bisque was barking because he'd found a big batch of dusty dog toys. He was in doggy heaven. Some of them were super chewed up, and Sasuke wondered if they were old puppy toys. Sasuke half expected Naruto to be playing with the dog toys too - he'd seen him do it - but Naruto was just flipping through a book instead. Obviously, it was all pictures. A photo album.
Sasuke squatted down next to Naruto, who was leafing through the pictures with unusual intent. โDon't try to show Tobi any old pictures of him. He hates it.โ He really, really hated it. โWhy are you going through our stuff?โ
Without looking up, Naruto held up a stuffed animal. It was a very lopsided and squishy bear. Probably. It was obviously hand-sewn.
โI'm looking for baby pictures of Mr. Bear,โ Naruto said, with blistering and inane confidence. โCause this is a baby version, see?โ Sasuke gave him a disgusted look. โNever mind! I'll explain my genius later.โ
Nothing to explain. Sasuke bent his head over the flipping album pages. Mr. Bear sounded kind of familiar. Wasn't that Narutoโs favorite stuffed toy? Ugh, why did Sasuke know Narutoโs baby toys?ย
โThis is all the Fourth Hokage.โ Felt kind of weird to be going through a Hokageโs personal things, but they were Uchiha clan property. โHe needs to brush his hair. Hey, stop.โ
Naruto stopped. Sasuke flipped a few pages back to the picture he saw. It was of a red-headed woman. She has to be Tobiโs adopted sister. This one caught his eye because she was grinning hugely, and was wearing a really horrible shade of orange. Sasuke ignored the part where she was standing on a freshly killed bear carcass.ย
โThat's the Uzumaki lady,โ the chronically self-obsessed Naruto said. โShe has the most pictures in here! I tried to find pictures of Tobi, but there's no team pictures in - hey, watch it!โ
Sasuke slid the picture out of the case and held it up next to Narutoโs face. Uchiha had great eye for detail, pattern recognition, and spatial awareness. He was the perfect specimen to notice these things.ย
With the utmost authority of the Uchiha, Sasuke said, โYou're identical.โ
โWhat! Weโre not!โ Naruto tugged the picture out of Sasukeโs hand, squinting ferociously at it. โSheโs got red hair!โ Sasuke covered her hair with his fingers. โWhoah, weโre identical!โ
Uchiha genes were very strong. Everyone said so. Tobi said it was because they were inbred, which felt like a bad word so he told Tobi not to say it. Even if the Uzumaki were a huge clan from everywhere who definitely weren't inbred, family resemblances could really get weird like that. Sasuke was identical to his great-whatever Izuna. Who cared about him, though. Even soโฆย
โIt's the smile,โ Sasuke decided. โIt's that exact same smile. Like she's sayingโฆeveryone clap and cheer and tell me how great I am.โ
โI don't say that! And lots of people smile like that, anyway!โ
It was that smile. More recognizable than anything else about Naruto. When Sasuke thought of Naruto, he was always smiling.
Sasuke flipped back a page to a picture of the Fourth and Kushina on a date. They were both dressed so horribly. Sasuke took out that picture too, holding it up next to Narutoโs face. On second thought, his hair.ย
โWhoah!โ Naruto cried. โWe're identical!โ
โNo, you're both just blond.โ Sasuke gave him the picture so he could squint at it. โHow many people are blond. Inoโs hair is really ashy. This is the same color, see? All the Uzumaki I know have red hair.โ
Naruto stared at the picture. Sasuke always felt really disconcerted when he couldn't tell what Naruto was thinking. That meant you couldnโt stop any bad ideas.ย
Naruto stuffed the picture in his jumpsuit before turning around and grabbing the other stuffed animal. He glared at it hard, as if it was willing to unstitch its mouth and spill its secrets if he just did anything but smile. โI don't care about old boxes and stuff. But Bisque found this toy and thought it was a chew toy. And I was worried he was eating something important so I stole it from him. And then I got really worried, โcause this Mr. Bear looks just like my Mr. Bear. It was dropped off with me at the orphanage. So I was likeโฆhe's obviously eating some baby's really important toy! But then I was likeโฆthat doesn't make any sense! โCause it sucks. Like someone was practicing when they made it.โ
โHey,โ Sasuke said. โTobiโs baby brother died in the fox attack.โ
Sasuke and Naruto stared at each other.ย
A box clattered, and Sasuke and Naruto jumped. But it was just Bisque, nosing around in a dusty box. He had knocked it over in his enthusiasm, and paperback books were spilling over the floor. Why were they letting dogs chew on all this important old stuff!
Sasuke stood up and started putting the books away. Bisque was randomly barking and pawing at a few books, and Sasukeโs eye was drawn to one.ย
The Tale of the Utterly Gutsy Shinobi.The cover was big and bright, like a kidโs book. Tobi said Kushina loved that author. He also said that its author wrote a lot of popular books, but that Tobi was only allowed to read that one. Sasuke checked out the other books, and told Tobi he definitely wasn't allowed to read them. He ended up bargaining them away to Sakura in exchange for her forged restricted library pass.ย
Bisque nosed the book over, and Sasuke crouched down to read the back. Bisque started trying to dive into the rest of the box, and Naruto hurriedly rushed over to stop him from chewing up more suspicious memories.ย
The back of the book advertised the tale of the most surprising ninja of all, Naruto. Sasuke poked open the cover. There was a dedication inside.ย
To three best friends, the gutsiest Shinobi I know.ย
On the opposite page, there was a handwritten message.ย
I can deliver sometimes, you know! Exactly as you two requested: an audacious hero, a loyal best friend, and an ultra-violent woman. Your kids are gonna love it. Yes, I remembered the happy ending for Tobi. Tell him my other literature ain't too shabby either - teenage boys have needs, you know.ย
Cheers,
The worldโs goddest father Jiraiya
Sasuke and Naruto looked at each other.ย
Sasuke slammed the book shut. โWe can't tell Tobi.โ
โMy dadโs the fourth Hokage?!โ
โObviously. Keep up.โ Sasuke was also feeling extremely off-balance from this, but Uchiha showed decorum at all times. He stood up and shoved the book back in the box, shoving the other books back on top of it by the armful. โHokageโs kids always have bodyguards. They must have kept your identity secret โcause the Fourth Hokage had enemies.โ
โThe Fourth Hokage my dad?!โ
โThey didn't send you to live in secret with a bodyguard nanny. Itโs because they hate you.โ This was looking grim. โThey told Tobi you died because they didn't want him to know that they put you in an orphanage. Because they hated you.โ
โThe Fourth Hokage my dad put the fox in me?!โ Naruto screeched. โWhy did he do that to his own baby!โ
โBecause you were there?โ
โWas it because he hated me?โ Naruto seemed moderately perturbed by this. โDamn. I always thought they might like me. So much for that.โ
โIt could have been because you were there,โ Sasuke said aggressively. โOr maybe you just had bad vibes or something. I don't know. Who cares. Ask Tobi if his dead baby brother wasn't fun to be around.โ
โWhat, because Tobiโs dead baby brother is me?!โ Naruto stopped short, thinking hard. โBut I'm not a babyโฆโ
โWhy do we talk.โ
โBecause we're secret cousins!โ Naruto screamed. โNaruto and Sasuke are secretly -โ
โWe're not secret cousins! If they aren't Uchiha, they aren't related to me!โ Secret cousins with Naruto! He would rather literally die! โListen, Naruto. Do you think people know about this?โ
Naruto thought as hard as he could. He seemed increasingly distressed. Maybe he was overheating his brain. โI dunno! People liked the Fourth. His face is on a mountain!โ They put every face on a mountain. โIf people knew he was my secret dad, then wouldnโt everyone be a lot nicer?!โ
โThereโs no way the Fourthโs friends didnโt know Kushina-nee was pregnant.โ Sasuke physically couldnโt imagine anybody related to Naruto keeping a secret. And bodyguards knew everything about you. โKushina Uzumaki? Naruto Uzumaki? The old guys in the Uzushio quarter had to know that there was only one pregnant and dead Uzumaki lady. They barely even tried to hide it.โ So much for hiding the Hokageโs secret kid away for his own safety. They didnโt change his stupid name. โNobody in this village can stop themselves from spreading mean rumors about you. Wouldnโt they at least be saying stupid shit about how the Fourth sealed the fox in his baby because his baby had bad vibes?โ
โEveryone just says that I killed the Fourth. That itโs all my fault.โ When Tobi had heard that, he had gone into a very extensive rant about how Naruto was the baby who had Stepped Up and helped the Fourth. This was how Naruto had gotten the idea that he was a naturally very heroic baby. โIf they knew, then they wouldnโt say that. Right? Right, Sasuke?โ
โSure, whatever.โ Sasuke crossed his arms and nodded. A conclusion had been reached. โThe Fourthโs friends and the important ninja knew. And also random guys. But most people donโt know.โ Maybe the people who knew she was pregnant were also told that the baby died in the attack. ButโฆUzumaki. Uzumaki. Seriously. Not everyone was Tobi. โThat means that all of your mom and dadโs friends knew that you were dumped in an orphanage and that everyone hated you, and they didnโt do anything about it. Nobody even told you that they didnโt hate you.โ Something extremely offensive occurred to Sasuke. โMy mom and Kushina were best friends! Shisui-nii said so! Even Mother didnโt do anything?โ
But that explained it. That explained a lot. Why Mother never liked Sasuke spending time with Tobi. Why she hated it when Itachi did what he never did and played with everyone.ย
Mother never encouraged Sasuke to hang out with Naruto. Not like Tobi did. She never really said bad things about him like everyone elseโs mothers did, but she never said anything good about him either. She hadnโt said anything. And sheโd done nothing.
She had felt guilty.ย
How could you be so mean just because you felt guilty? If you hated the bad thing you were doing, then just donโt do it! Was it just less work to hate yourself? Why was it so hard to be nice to the nicest people in this horrible village?ย
Did they think it wasnโt hard for Naruto and Tobi to be nice? Did they think that they were too stupid to realize that people hated them? They knew! They knew how mean other people were, and they decided to be nice anyway! It wasnโt fair!ย
It didnโt have to be unfair! It didnโt have to be like this! But it was unfair, because people just didnโt care if it was fair or not!
Narutoโs face fell. โI donโt get that. I wouldnโt let everyone hate your super-cool baby, Sasuke. Did they hate my mom and dad too?โ The train of thought seemed to perk him up. โHey, then we all got that in common!โ
Just to be incredibly nice, Sasuke said, โIf everyone secretly hated your mom and dad, then Iโm sure they were actually pretty cool.โ You couldnโt trust people who other people liked. โWe have to pack all of this stuff back up. Weโll tell Tobi that I was teaching you how to read kanji.โ
Naruto leapt into action. He didnโt start packing things up - just flipping through the photo album and taking all of the pictures of his parents that he could find. He was stuffing the old photographs in random places in his jumpsuit, as if he was stealing food from a family cookout again. โI canโt wait to tell Tobi. Knowing that his dead baby brotherโs -โ
โWe canโt tell Tobi.โ Sasuke snatched the photo album away from Naruto, enraging him. He stuffed it back into another box. โYou have to promise not to tell him. You can keep a secret, Iโve seen you do it.โ
โWhat? Why?!โ Naruto dived, trying to grab the bear, but Sasuke snatched it up before he could and tossed it into another box. โIโll tell him that I was so cool as a baby that I could come back from the dead -โ
โNo! Are you insane? Donโt you dare!โ Sasuke swept the books back up and dumped them back into a box, pulling away into the corner. โTobi barely understands death as it is! Telling him that dead baby brothers can come back to life is just going to give him ideas!โ
โItโs not like I actually died -โ
โSo?! You think that makes a difference? Do you have any idea how long it took to convince him that our family was dead?โ Medical textbooks. When Sasuke thought of those days, all he remembered were medical textbooks. The television blaring as Sauke squinted at cramped text in the dim light. โDo you have any idea how many times I had to tell him that Shisui wasnโt coming back? You and your really convoluted deal is just going to confuse him.โย
Naruto clearly didnโt understand. Why would he. He wasnโt there. Nobody had been there. It took two weeks before Gai started coming around, and he was the only one who ever tried.ย
At least that made sense now. If this village couldnโt even give their precious Fourth Hokageโs son a hand - if they couldnโt even not be mean to him - then what chance did Sasuke and Tobi Uchiha ever have?
โHe got the picture eventually, right! If he doesnโt get it, weโll just explain it! Wouldnโt he get super excited to hear about this? Heโd, like, hold a party -โ
โAnd if Shisui just waltzed back into Konoha, Iโd never be able to convince him that people canโt come back from the dead. The guyโs got way too many dead families for that, Naruto!โ Sasuke tucked the dog toy box shut, hoisting it up and dumping it in a corner. โIf you make me spend hours convincing him that Kakashiโs not coming back for his house, Iโm going to fireball you to death.โ
โBut I donโt like keeping secrets!โ Naruto protested. โAnd Iโm not good at it, anyway! Whatโs the point in not telling people? We can tell Gai! And Ramen Guy and Ramen Girl!โ Naruto was clearly already warming to this topic. โIf people know that the Fourth Hokage -โ
โGet real, Naruto. Nobodyโs going to believe you. Everyone knows you lie for attention all the time.โ Naruto would do anything for attention. What a loser. โTelling peopleโs just gonna make โem hate you more. Telling Tobiโs just going to upset him. We gotta keep this a secret.โ
โBut -โ
โShut up, Naruto! I am not doing this again!โ Sasuke pushed Naruto, but this time Naruto didnโt push back. He always pushed back, and then Tobi had to fret over them wrestling again. โIf you put me and Tobi through that again, Iโm never gonna talk to you! And if you run around telling the people who blame you for the Fourthโs death that heโs secretly your dad, then all youโre gonna get is more drunk guys trying to stab you with a broken beer bottle!โ
Sasuke realized a little too late that he had just said some pretty harsh stuff. He did that all the time, and Naruto always let him do it. In a lot of ways, Naruto was kind of terrible for Sasuke. Sasuke kept on being way meaner and colder than he meant to be, but Naruto just accepted it all with a smile. Why didnโt he fight back? Didnโt he care if people were nice to him?
He did care. Naruto wouldnโt want people to be nice to him if he didnโt care. So why didnโt he ever ask Sasuke to be nice? Did he just think Sasuke wasnโt capable? Or was he worried Sasuke wouldnโt do it even if he asked? Naruto didnโt worry about anything, since that would involve stringing two thoughts together, butโฆ
โBut weโll tell Tobi someday, right?โ
And, just because Sasuke could be nice to Naruto sometimes, he said, โSure. When the truth doesnโt hurt anyone, then weโll tell him.โ
โWhy is telling the truth worse than keeping a secret?โ Naruto asked, unimpressed. โSecrets are why we have all these stupid problems. Problems canโt fix themselves, you know!โ
โItโs not about fixing,โ Sasuke said. โItโs about not making everything a thousand times worse. And things can always get worse. So letโs just go.โ
Naruto really was the nicer one. He complained for the next ten minutes, but he stuffed the pictures in the hidden pocket of his jumpsuit anyway.ย
Tobi wasnโt in the training field. Sasuke wasnโt surprised - he got distracted really easily, and he was always wandering off. But Sasuke and Naruto didnโt find him rooting through boxes or delighting in a fox den. They saw him sitting on the walkway outside a large room, sliding doors open and allowing a crossbreeze to flow through. Tobi was kicking his heels on the dirt, leaning back and looking up at the sky. Naruto opened his mouth, about to call out to him, but Sasuke quickly shushed him. Tobi was talking to those clouds.ย
โYou wanted those kids so bad.โ Sasuke and Naruto? โI never told you. Itโs stupid, butโฆI hated imagining the father of those kids. The idea of you doing something important without usโฆit was just too much. Rin. Rin, I wanted to beโฆโ Tobi trailed off, sighing. Sasuke and Naruto gaped at each other. โTobiโs very sorry. Tobi ruined it before Rin-chan did. Tobi would have messed it all up without Kakashi-kun, anywayโฆโ
The thought of Tobi wanting children made Sasuke dizzy. It didnโt make any sense. Why didnโt it make any sense? It was such a normal thought. Everyone in his class talked about their future kids (except Shikamaru). For some reason, it just felt weird coming from Tobi. Sasuke didnโt know that he had regrets.
Naruto had no such compunctions. Sasuke would have much rather kept eavesdropping, but Naruto decided to step forward and call out. โTobi! Weโre done teaching me kanji!โ
Tobi twisted around, blinking at them. Then he smiled, bright and easy and unburdened. That smile was too important to Sasuke. Most of the time he thought he knew why, but sometimes he wasnโt sure. โSasuke-chan! Naruto-chan! Did you have fun reading?โ
โWe read lots of stuff and it was super stressful!โ Naruto ran forward, throwing himself down next to Tobi. Sasuke tskโd, following at a far more sedate pace. โHey, do you want to play squirrels? The trees โround here look super good for squirrels! I can last way longer than stupid Sasuke this time!โ
Sasuke carefully sat down on Tobiโs other side. He considered the matter deeply. Then he scooched an inch closer to Tobi. โYou blow up the branches. Youโre gonna blow up a branch and make a tree fall on a roof. Then youโre going to fall and hit your head. Then youโre going to get stupider.โ
โI never said Iโd do that!โ
โYou donโt have to say it. Thatโs what happened last time.โ
โTodayโs a new day!โ Tobi said brightly. He looked down at Sasuke, and offered another grin just for him. โDid Sasuke find a cool new jutsu?โ
Sasuke scooched a little closer to Tobi. โStupid Naruto distracted me.โ
โStop being a jerk!โ
A little baffled, Tobi said, โYou can still go get one? Tobi can help train -โ
โWhatever.โ
Tobi blinked at him. Then he smiled again - a little less bright, but somehow warmer. โSasuke-chan would rather play!โ
It wasnโt playing. It was learning how to walk and stick on trees with chakra. Sasuke was super good at it. He outlasted Naruto every time. Not Tobi, though. Sasuke still won a lot: Tobi frequently got distracted and fell anyway. Or he got bored and fell. Or he thought it would be fun to fall, and fell.ย
Solitary avengers didnโt play. They didnโt have time for stuff like that. But this was training, wasnโt it? Sasuke could train and hang out with Tobi at the same time. Itโs not like he had to pick one. Right?
He wasnโt picking one or the other. Sasuke was picking family. So long as he picked family, he would always be honoring the Uchiha. He wouldnโt be disappointing them.ย
Or the only one who mattered.ย
โTch.โ
Sasuke scooted a little closer.
*
Tobi wasnโt breathing.
Sasuke remembered the day he realized that Tobi didnโt breathe. He had been seven. Tobi had pretended that Sasukeโs fearsome katon had laid him out, and he was lying on the ground as Sasuke crawled all over him. Shisui was laughing. Itachi was fretting about grass stains in Sasukeโs white shorts.ย
Sasuke had felt something off before he realized it. Only subconsciously: feeling it without knowing it. When Sasuke did realize it, heโd screamed and fallen off Tobi. Tobi had scrambled upright so quickly it was like he hadnโt moved at all.
Sasuke had asked Tobi if he was dead. Tobi had just blinked at him. Then he had solemnly replied that he was dead, and that Tobi was an evil zombie back from the dead to haunt little boys. Shisui had to explain that Tobiโs body was super weird, and that the weird chakra in his body breathed for him. The Mokuton, and the Hashirama cells. Sasuke hadnโt realized how amazing they really were. He wouldnโt realize it for a very long time. Heโd just never thought about it.
Tobi wasnโt breathing. Sasuke was used to it. It only ever really bothered him at times like this: when Tobi lay in the hospital bed, absolutely unmoving. Unbreathing. He may as well be dead.ย
He wasnโt. Sasuke had confirmed it himself ten times. It was just the genjutsu. Sasuke, Kurenai, and three other experts couldnโt break it. Kurenai had said that it would wear out on its own. That wasnโt good enough. It really wasnโt good enough at all. Kurenai said that she was very sorry, but reality was reality.ย
Apparently Tobi had barely left Sasukeโs bedside. Sasuke was fine, obviously. It was one stupid little tailed beast. One tail. Naruto was nine tails. Anybody only one ninth as strong as Naruto was literally nothing. Sasuke ate Shukaku for breakfast. Naruto said that Shukaku chewed him up and spat him out, but Sasuke frankly just didnโt agree. Sasuke had regained consciousness very quickly. That was like winning. If you had lost. If you had lost a stupid fucking fight, and other people had to save you.
ย As the village rebuilt itself, as every ninja ran around in complete emergency mode, Tobi spent almost all his time in Sasukeโs hospital room.
He shouldnโt have. He really shouldnโt have. He should have been off doing his job as a ninja. He was still insisting that he was retired, but waking up the entire stadium wasnโt the work of a retired ninja. Getting half the civilians out of there wasnโt the work of a retired ninja either. Nobody could have done better.ย
Sasuke hadnโt done better. Tobi and Naruto had to save him from that fight with Shukaku. Tobi had figured out his Mokuton for the first time, just at the right moment - using both his Mokuton and his Mangekyo to subdue Shukaku while Naruto talked sense into Gaara. All Sasuke had done was get rescued. Useless.
Tobi shouldnโt have stayed by his hospital bed. If he hadnโt, thenโฆthenโฆ
There was a series of soft and polite knocks at the door. Sasuke grunted, and the door swung open as a woman poked her head in. She was wearing a white apron with a Leaf insignia over the heart- a doctor, although Sasuke hadnโt seen her before. And he would have remembered her. Becauseโฆ
โCan I come in?โ
It was embarrassing to admit. But she was probably the most beautiful woman Sasuke had ever seen. Despite himself, he felt his face flushing a little. Her form was petite and slight, but her smile as she walked in was dazzling.ย
โHowโs he doing?โ
Even her voice was lovely. Sasuke coughed, willing his flush away. A good medic would have been able to dilate his capillaries and fix this problem. But Sasuke wasnโt a very good medic at all.
โCompletely unchanged.โ Somewhat uncharacteristically, Sasuke displayed concern over his fellow man. โHowโs everybody else?โ
The woman looked a little sad, but calm and in-control. She moved to check Tobiโs temperature. The back of her hand lingered on his forehead. โThe genjutsu victims are waking up. Asuma Sarutobi and Kurenai Yuuhi are expected to make full recoveries as well.โ
โGood. Thatโs - thatโs good.โ Sasuke cleared his throat. Sore throat. Tobi really had all of their teams spending too much time together. โHave they figured out if it was a - a henge or not?โ
The woman gave him a sympathetic look. Sasuke abruptly felt like a complete idiot. The last thing he needed was pity. He had no idea that pity from a beautiful woman was so embarrassing. He didnโt pay a lot of attention to women who werenโt Sakura or Tenten. โDo you think it was?โ
Sasuke didnโt say anything.
โWhat would you do,โ the woman said, โif it wasnโt?โ
Tightly, Sasuke said, โNone of your business.โ
The womanโs hands glowed green, and she slowly ran her hands over Tobiโs body in a diagnostic. She must have worked with him in the past - new doctors were always shocked and amazed when they felt his chakra networks for the first time, no matter how well theyโd been briefed.
โHeโs going to be just fine,โ the woman said softly. She was looking down at Tobi with a very soft and kind gaze. This must be the nicest woman in the hospital. Sasuke bet that all the nurses called her an angel. โItachi and Shisui Uchiha just wanted him out of the way.โ
Sasukeโs fist clenched.ย
โThey did end up making a mess on their way out, thoughโฆโ the woman sighed, and moved towards Sasuke. โYou shouldnโt even be up. You woke from your coma only hours ago. Can I check your nervous system?โ
Sasuke nodded stiffly. The woman stood in front of him - really close. She smelled like rain, fresh and clean, and her proximity made Sasuke blush even harder. Like this, he could really see her cleavageโฆ
Sasuke agonized over not seeing her cleavage as her hands glowed green and she checked his nervous system. His body was buzzing. It would be way too obvious if he closed his eyes. Like, there would only be one reason why he would be closing his eyes, right? He had to be cool about this. She could definitely tell. This was so embarrassing. He hated women. Sasuke was never talking to any woman other than Sakura and Tenten ever again. And he could take or leave Sakura half the time.ย
โThere we go,โ the woman said. โNow we can talk.โ
Horribly, Sasuke only noticed it once she stepped away. The heat and awkwardness and anxiety had masked it. He hadnโt even felt what she was doing - that she was temporarily closing off the signals from his spinal cord to his muscles.ย
Sasuke couldnโt move. He couldnโt even open his mouth.
The woman sat down on Tobiโs bed, across from Sasuke. She didnโt look any different, feel any different - a face so kind and gentle.ย
They said that Itachi and Shisui wanted Sasuke. That Tobi had interrupted them from - from kidnapping him or something. It sounded ridiculous. Sasuke couldnโt imagine why Itachi - why Shisui would, why he ever would -ย
Theyโd caused a bit of a fuss. This woman hadnโt. She wasnโt even causing a fuss now.ย
โYes. Those boys did a very good job covering my entry. Shisui-kun volunteered to have this conversation with you, but I thought you might be too upset at him. You have no idea how much he missed you two. He wanted to come home for so long. But he couldnโt. Konoha would have killed him as soon as looked at him.โย
This woman was with Itachi.ย
The woman sat so daintily, hands crossed in her lap. But when she stared at Sasuke, he felt pinned to the ground. There was something suffocating about those eyes. โSasuke-kun. Iโm the only person in this world who truly knows how you feel.โ
No. Nobody knew how he felt. Nobody ever could -ย
โYou hate this village. You hate how it treats you and your cousin. You hate how it punishes Tobi and Naruto for something that they couldnโt control. This village punishes innocent people - good people, people who never did anything wrong - and they never punish the really bad people. Thereโs no justice in Konoha. Nothing in this village is fair. Is this untrue, Sasuke? Am I wrong?โ
Instinctively, Sasuke wanted to flinch back. To deny it, to shut her down. Nobody who worked with Itachi should understand an avenger. She was right.
โYou want to punish Konoha,โ the woman said simply. โYou want to make the world fair. You want to avenge your family. You want to take vengeance on Konoha. But you need power to do it - power you donโt have.โ
The woman leaned forward a little, hands clasped neatly in her lap. Her eyes were arresting - large and deep and dead. โWhat will you do for the power to avenge your family, Sasuke?โ
Anything. Heโd do anything. Anything but sell out to Itachiโs friends!
โIโll be honest with you, alright? Iโm from another village. I didnโt come to hurt you or any of your friends. I really just wanted to talk to you, Sasuke. I wanted to make you an offer.โ The woman straightened, shoulders straight but soft. โIn my village, youโll find the power that youโre looking for. Weโll teach you how to take revenge on Konoha - to avenge your clan. And when youโre ready to face Itachiโฆheโs a member of this village too. Heโs been waiting for you, you know.โ
Sasuke could barely breathe. His breaths were being regulated carefully. This womanโs talent was that precise. He was frantically trying to undo what she had done, but his own grip was far too clumsy and imprecise. It was as if she could see a hundred times better than him - that a hundred more doors were opened. She had a scalpel and Sasuke had his bare fingers. Her skill as a medic outclassed him so much. Sasuke hadnโt been outclassed like this sinceโฆsinceโฆ
โI wonโt push you. Itโs your choice. I just wanted to give you the option. I know thatโs one thing Konoha has never afforded you. The power youโre searching forโฆI want you to have it. All you have to do is take it.โ The woman sighed, standing up. โYou have until tonight. Unfortunately, I canโt stick around and wait for you. But my friend here will be available.โ She held up her arm, and a small black snake poked its diamond head out of her sleeve. Its pink tongue flashed in and out, and its scales were as black as night. โYouโll be seeing him around. If you want to leave tonight, then just tell him. Heโll get you out of Konoha safely and securely.โย
Realization struck like lightning. A snake summons. Those huge snakes in the Forest of Death, that giant snake that almost killed them. It was the same snake. Small, medium, giant. This woman had sent those snakes.ย
โArenโt they cute? Donโt be fooled by their appearance. Theyโre complete sweethearts.โ She ran one finger along the top of the snakeโs head, making it writhe happily. โYou know that you canโt defeat Itachi as you are now. Youโll have to defeat Shisui too, you know. Youโre even further from matching Shisui. As you are nowโฆitโs impossible.โ She raised an eyebrow at him - soft and expectant. โIf youโre serious about taking revenge on Konoha. If you truly care about creating a fair and just world. If you want to carve out the rot in the world with your blade of justice. Then I donโt think you can afford to turn down our offer. Do you?โ
The woman looked at Tobi one final time, long and slow, before sighing. She extended her arm, letting the snake slither out of her sleeve and disappear into the bed.ย
โI believe in you, Sasuke-kun,โ the woman said. โYouโre a responsible boy.โ
Sasuke couldn't move. He couldnโt move when the woman left, and he couldnโt move five minutes after she left. He couldnโt regain usage of any of his limbs until the ten minute mark, and it took another five minutes to completely align his body back into shape.
Sauke didnโt report the woman. They would ask him why she wanted to speak to him, and Sasuke couldnโt say.ย
Was that his choice? Had he already made his decision? If he wasnโt interested - if the idea was truly anathema to him - wouldnโt he have reported her immediately?
Sasuke fixed Tobiโs sheets and left the hospital.
He wandered the streets of Konoha in a daze. Everything was hyper-real, and everything was fake. Colors were bright and blurry. Sounds echoed, rising and falling. Gossiping, yelling, laughing. Tomatoes for sale. Can you believe she said that? Mommy, look! Mommy, you arenโt looking.
That little girl didnโt seem real at all. Six, maybe seven. She ducked between stalls and carts, pigtails flying in the wind, as her mother cursed and chased after her. Mommy! Those words were the ultimate illusion.ย
Sasuke turned his Sharingan on, bathing the world in red. Everybody slowed, but nothing changed. The little girlโs back was to him. She ran further and further away. Her mother could only chase her. Stop it! Get back here!
Sasuke didnโt have a mom. A simple and stupid thought. Mom was dead - that was Sasukeโs one and only ultimate reality. If that was true, then hadnโt Mom been the illusion in the first place? They were all dead. Hadnโt that been the bedrock of Sasukeโs world?
Shisui. Sasuke had to kill Shisui too. Shisui was dead: a bedrock of Sasukeโs world. Shisui worked with Itachi who had to die: the only truth of Sasukeโs world.
This woman worked with Itachi, who had to die. This woman, who could give him power. Did that mean he didnโt have to kill Shisui? His favorite cousin, his brotherโs best friend?
Tobi had loved Shisui. He had trusted him. If Sasuke was dead, if Shisui had survived - he would have done a way better job taking care of Tobi than Sasuke. Sasuke had always thought so. When he was eight and helpless and wanted a real adult. Shisuiโs not coming over to play. Shisuiโs dead, remember?
Kill who he needed to kill. Avenge who he needed to avenge. Fix what he needed to fix. Make everything okay again. Make everybody safe.ย
Because there were people to keep safe, it was impossible. Sasukeโs precious people were dragging him down. If he was doing it for themโฆit was alright, wasnโt it?
At some point, Sasuke had sat down on a bench near the back gate. His feet had taken him far away. He just sat there, elbows on his knees and staring at the dusky ground. Night was encroaching in increments, and his time was catching up.
Heโd already decided. It hadnโt been a decision at all. Sasuke didnโt care if that woman was probably from Sound. She was suspicious and vague and there had to be a catch to this, but Sasuke didnโt care. If there was a chance, if there was a slim hope of ever catching up to Itachi -ย
Then it was more hope than heโd had a month ago. Sasuke had lost hope, and heโd barely even noticed. He said he was prioritizing. As if messing around with Team 7 was more important than his vengeance.ย
Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. It all felt so stupid now. Itachi had come after them anyway. That feeling of safety and security, willfully blind to the constant danger they lived in - he had forgotten. Stupid. Itachi could have come after them at any moment.ย
Medical textbooks. Awake, long into the night. Sasuke put his futon next to Tobiโs and stayed awake all night because he thought Itachi was going to come back and finish the job. Itachi was going to come back and Sasuke was going to watch Tobi die like he watched Mother and Father die. And there would be nothing he could do about it. He had been eight. Powerless.ย
To never feel like that againโฆthat was Sasukeโs mission. Knowing that your family was safe, because you could protect them from the things that wanted to hurt them. There was always something ready to hurt them. Just out of reach, lingering in the dark.ย
Power. Power was protection from that feeling - the feeling he could not bear.ย
This was vengeance, right? This was a pursuit ofโฆ
โNaruto!โ
Sasuke looked up. Naruto was running full speed towards him like a flying kunai, and the lagging Sakura calling his name did nothing to deter him. Sasuke instinctively dropped down and hit the ground, letting Naruto tackle empty air and bang his head on the wooden walls.ย
Naruto bounced off like he was rubber, landing on the ground next to Sasuke. Sasuke straightened and began trying to kick him as he scrambled to his feet.ย
Sakura finally landed in front of them, panting heavily as she bent over and propped her hands on her knees. โWhy did we have to sprint,โ Sakura wheezed, โall the way here -โ
โBecause Sasuke-temeโs gonna do something stupid!โ Naruto hollered. At the top of his lungs. Sasuke and Sakura frantically began shushing him. โI know that face of yours, Sasuke!โ
โYou donโt know anything!โ Sasuke sat back down on the bench, turning pointedly away from Naruto. The boy was making his ears bleed more than usual. โAnd what did you know about my face if you were across the village, moron.โ
โThe people at the hospital said that youโve been gone since lunch! You didnโt leave the hospital for two days, and now youโre gone for six hours?โ Six hours. It had been six hours? โSo you gotta be doing something stupid. Am I right or what?โ
โI was taking a walk.โ Naruto and Sakura made disturbingly identical โa six hour walk?โ faces, but he ignored them. โGo away, I want to be alone.โ
Promptly, Naruto said, โYou always wanna be alone. But I donโt care about that!โ
Sakura pre-empted Sasuke blasting a katon at Narutoโs head. โWhat Naruto means is that he got worried about you. We both are.โ Sakura was always saying that: what Naruto meant, what Sasuke meant, what Tobi-sensei meant. Then sheโd say something that they hadnโt said at all, but probably should have said. โYou almost died in that fight against the One Tail. Just to wake up to that horrible news, to Senseiโฆitโs okay if youโre having a hard time, Sasuke. Anybody would.โ
โIโm not anybody,โ Sasuke snapped. Sakura didnโt look upset or hurt when he snapped at her anymore. Somewhere along the way she had started yelling back at him. Tobi said that he was so happy that all three of his students liked yelling at each other now. He was always joking when you thought he was being sincere, and sincere when you thought he was joking. โIโm fine. Go do something useful and check in on Sensei. Just leave me alone.โ
Sakura crossed her arms. There was that unimpressed face again. It was impossible to make that girl happy. โAnd what useful thing are you doing?โ
โIโm going.โ
The words surprised them all, even Sasuke. Especially Sasuke. He should have lied. Showing any inch of weakness to these two was practically giving them a mile. Brace yourself for the oncoming nagging. But nothing was going to change his mind.ย
Narutoโs eyes bugged out of his head. Sakura didnโt look happy either, but she didnโt look surprised at all. Sasuke knew that she had already guessed.ย
โYouโre going after Itachi,โ Sakura said. Sasuke didnโt look at her. โThatโs the stupidest thing Iโve heard in the last twenty minutes.โ Life with Naruto was depressing. โThree jounin and six chuunin tried to stop Itachi and Shisui Uchiha from leaving the village. Most of them lasted minutes. Shisui Uchiha dropped them as soon as he looked at them. You think that a fresh genin is going to stand a chance just because youโre mad at them?โ
Sasuke squeezed his hands together. โIโve found a way.โ
For the first time, Naruto sobered. His expression was heavy, and Sasuke found himself refusing to meet his eyes. โThat way is really stupid, isnโt it?โ
โYou donโt know that.โ
โIf it wasnโt stupid,โ Naruto said, โthen youโd just say it. But you know itโs stupid and sketchy. I bet itโs something super stupid. Like, youโre gonna find ultimate power underneath a rock or something, and itโll make you badass enough to fight Itachi.โ Sasuke shifted. โSeriously, Sasuke?! Thatโs so sketchy!โ
โAnd what do you want me to do, Naruto?โ Sasuke stood up, and he realized too late that his breath was coming a little heavier. Something had wound him up too tight, and he felt full to bursting. โSit around and wait until Itachi and Shisui come back? Let them walk all over us? Iโm never going to avenge my clan like this! Real training, real strength, is more important than all of our stupid D-ranks!โ
Sakura stepped forward. She was growing upset too. โAnd what kind of training canโt you get in Konoha? Donโt act like weโre holding you back!โ
โYou are holding me back!โ Sasukeโs breath was heaving too deeply. Naruto and Sakura - his words were hurting them far too much. But what did he care? Why was that important? โEverybodyโs been holding me back from the start! Jumping through Konohaโs stupid hoops, heading the Uchiha, having to be the man of the house all the time, leading this team -โ
โUm,โ Sakura said, โI lead this team.โ
โItโs definitely me, dattebayo.โ
โWe arenโt getting into this freaking argument again, Naruto -โ
โShut up! I need to go where thereโs real power. Thatโs responsibility, thatโs taking care of us. Konohaโs the problem. Cross-team D-ranks are the problem.โ
โAre we the problem?โ Naruto asked.
Before Sasuke could think better of it, he said, โNo. Of course not.โ
โIs Tobi-sensei the problem?โ
โNo! Itโs not his - heโs the one I need to do this for. Heโs already in the hospital because he was trying to protect me. If I donโt protect my family, then nobody will!โ
They could only guess that Itachi and Shisui were trying to kidnap Sasuke. Nobody knew why - why now, why so publicly. Tobi was the one who stood between them and Sasuke. And because of itโฆ
A little uncertainly, Sakura said, โSasuke, the outside wall of that hospital room is gone. Sensei smashed through it with a tree. Iโm not sure he needsโฆโ
โYou canโt change my mind.โ Naruto indignantly opened his mouth, but Sasuke just shook his head. โIโm done playing around. Iโm going to become strong, and then Iโm gonna kill the last two Uchihas.โ Sasuke squeezed his fist. โNobodyโs going to get in the way of my strength. If I have to go elsewhere for power, then thatโs what Iโll do. If you try to stop me, then Iโll stop you!โ
Sakura and Naruto looked at each other.
They didnโt even think about it. It was the exchange of an instant. Sasuke didnโt understand why. He couldnโt even understand how โ how they could possibly understand. After all this time, Sasuke still didnโt understand Naruto at all.ย
Then Naruto and Sakura nodded at each other, light and firm. Sakura smiled, and Naruto grinned.
โGive me ten. No, twenty.โ Sakura began ticking off points on her fingers - as if she was planning out how their teams would divide up work for the latest stupid teamwork-building mission, or as if she was listing off all the paperwork that Tobi had to submit. He plugged his ears and pretended he couldnโt hear her. โMy go-bagโs all stocked, but I better pack up my weapon stores too. And seal up my books! And write goodbye notes to my parents and Ino. And check Narutoโs bag and make sure itโs packed right.โ
Automatically, Sasuke said, โI already did that. What.โ
โAre you stupid? Weโre coming with you!โ Naruto grinned, jabbing a thumb at his chest. Everything he did was so loud and large. He was always trying to catch your attention. โFace it, Sasuke! Youโre never getting rid of me!โ
โI already knew that. What.โ
โWhat kind of guy lets his teammate take a super-dangerous mission by himself? Iโm not some kind of crappy ninja like that, you know! How am I supposed to watch you run off crying like this?โ
โIโm not crying!โย
โYou are,โ Naruto said. โI can tell. In your heart, youโre crying. So why would I let you cry by yourself? Best friends donโt do that!โ
โYouโd be abandoning your village,โ Sasuke said incredulously. Sakura had to know that, even if Naruto didnโt. โYou get how thatโs a crime, right? Youโd be failures as shinobi!โ
But Sakura just glared at him, propping her hands on her hips. โWhy do you never pay attention to anything, Sasuke? Listen to Sensei! So what if abandoning our village would make us failures? Iโd be a bigger failure if I let you run off and get impaled by psychos! And donโt ask me why, because you know perfectly well that those who break the rules are trash - โ
Naruto broke in, grinning and light. โBut those who abandon their teammates -โ
โAre worse than trash,โ Sasuke said.
He had to. What else was there to say? The bedrock of Sasukeโs world: its one and only truth. Truer than death, stronger than life. When the dead came back to life, and when the weak were stronger than you could have ever imagined - that would always be true.
โYosh! What youthful bonds of friendship and teamwork!โ
โMore like youthful attempts to commit treason.โ
โI think itโs quite heart-warming, Neiji-kun! Perhaps you and I could -โ
โAnd yell about it?โ
โI donโt know,โ Tenten said, โI think heโs onto something this time.โ
Shit.
Team 7 slowly turned around.ย
Team 3 had gotten the jump on them again. They were way less smug about it than usual, but Sasuke definitely recognized the specific assortment of โTeam 7โs being insane and making it our problem againโ. Blatantly unfair. Sasuke didnโt remember this being their problem.
Sakura jumped in the air. Naruto began whistling. Sasuke tskโd and looked away, hoping that he was playing it cool. โGai-sensei!โ Sakura cried, voice creaking a little. She was the best in their group at undercover work, but only because Naruto sucked. And Sasuke - uh, he hadnโt practiced it enough yet.ย โWhat are you guys doing here? At the outskirts of town?โ
โWeโre going on vacation!โ Naruto announced. Deeply unhelpfully. โUh. A surprise one!โ
โUnauthorized surprise vacation,โ Sasuke said grimly. โTo the beach.โ
Rock Lee turned to Neiji again. He was still wrapped in bandages, and Sasuke was pretty sure that he shouldnโt be up and walking around. Rock Lee didnโt tend to pay attention to what he should be doing, what other people wanted him to do, what was the socially acceptable thing to do, etc. โThe beach! Neiji, perhaps we could -โ
โHinata-sama came and got us,โ Neiji said crisply, ignoring Rock Lee completely. It literally never deterred him. โSomething about Naruto and Sasuke yelling at the top of their lungs about committing treason. Why she couldnโt try and talk some sense into you, I have no idea.โ
Sakura muttered something about stalkers, which was pretty rich of her.ย
Naruto looked a little crushed. โI thought she really heard me last time. Sheโs the only one so afraid of the fox that they can barely talk to meโฆโ
โItโs not the fox,โ Sakura said.ย
โThen what is it?โ
That girl again! What did Naruto need another best friend for?! โWho cares about Hinata!โ
Neiji glared at him. Sasuke tskโd in apology.
โSasuke-kun, it is time to learn the most important lesson of your young life so far! In lieu of your own indisposed sensei, I shall provide this message.โ Gai stepped forward, crossing his arms. He even seemed a little serious. Gai was almost never seriousโฆmaybe there was some treason going onโฆ โShould you train for the next five - nay, ten years! Will you ever be able to match the quality and quantity of young Narutoโs shadow clones?โ
Sasuke scowled. Theyโd already had the very valuable lesson about how Sasuke wasnโt quite the ultimate best at absolutely everything, and how that was technically acceptable. โNo.โ
โAnd could you use Sakuraโs chakra muscle circulation technique as flawlessly as she can?โ
โI could if I tried hard enough -โ
โAnd would that time not be better spent in pursuit of training your own strengths? Should you neglect training your own Sharingan, or your own admirable academic studies as a medic, only to reach a basic proficiency in what others could master? No! Most importantly! Would you want Sakura and Naruto to spend their limited available training hours on learning how to heal, when your hard work could be put to use saving their own lives?โ
If anybody could do what Sasuke did, then what was the point of Sasuke?
โYou are well acquainted with the limited hours in each ninjaโs day. With the many responsibilities that any young person must take on! Do you take on those responsibilities because you are truly the only one who can? Or do you shoulder the burden so others donโt have to?โ Gai nodded seriously. Despite the severity of his words, his eyes sparked with a ferocious gleam. โYoung Sasuke. When you relieve others of their burdens, their shoulders are freed to take on your own. When three individuals play to their own strengths, an invincible team emerges. Do you truly believe that any number of solitary victories could ever outweigh the scope of success you may accomplish in a team?โ
No. People were a burden. Ramen broth staining a ten year old studentโs carefully penned schedule. The practical impossibility of a solitary avenger. I guess I shouldnโt always be a burden.
Sasuke hadnโt known how to say it. He still didnโt. Tobi had never been a burden.ย
If Sasuke hadnโt cooked food for him, Sasuke wouldnโt have eaten at all. If Sasuke hadnโt gotten him out of bed, Sasuke would have never gotten out of bed himself. If Sasuke didnโt force him to get to bed on time, then Sasuke would have stacked late nights of training on top of each other like a sliding tower of coins. There would be no playing. No ramen. No friends. Heโd do nothing but train, and heโd live for nothing but the mission, and he could be just like Itachi.ย
The failure, Itachi Uchiha. The loser who was too stupid to realize the real mission. The ninja without a ninja way. The cause of all his own weaknesses. A deceptive illusion of strength.ย
Naruto, smiling as the world called him a monster. Tobi, who lost his family three times over and had fun every day. Sakura, giggling over boys and screaming at bugs and casually lobbing a two ton boulder across a training field.ย
The only burden was Itachi. Only that past held him back.ย
Sakura raised her hand. Why did she always feel the need to do that. โGai-sensei, are you encouraging the treason thingโฆ?โ
Neiji scowled. Naruto and Sakura frequently told Sasuke that Sasukeโs scowl was way better than stupid Neijiโs. Sasuke didnโt know why they thought he felt insecure about this. โDonโt be ridiculous. Weโll hunt down Itachi and Shisui Uchiha in an authorized manner. I bet the Jounin Commander is putting together a task force already. They wonโt leave Sensei off the roster.โ
โSenseiโs beat Itachi Uchiha in many fights!โ Rock Lee enthused to Team 7. Gai nodded, self-satisfied. โTaijutsu is a particular weakness of his! Ergo, Sakura-chan and I should be the perfect counterpoints!โ
Tenten lightly elbowed Rock Lee. โThe elite jounin are the perfect counterpoints. Weโre all just genin. But I think we can find a way to lend a hand. Didnโt the Team 3 and Team 7 team-up crush the competition in the Forest of Death?โ
They had. It had been a massacre. Team 8 and Team 10 had to team up just to survive. And their teamwork was alright, but their few double missions were nothing in comparison to the Team 3 and Team 7 grit. They were stuck with each other all the time.
Sasuke privately believed that Team 7 had carried that match-up. Tobi used to throw them into the Forest of Death for a few days and let them fight their way out. They were veterans. Neiji had been kind of helpful with the giant snake, though.ย
โThe strength of our combined teams cannot be understated! We have fueled each other with strength unimaginable!โ Rock Lee pulled Cool Student Pose No. 9. Naruto enthusiastically mirrored him. Sakura hit him on the head. They couldnโt afford to let that habit stick. โI have provided Sasuke-kun with many hours of healing practice, and Sasuke-kun has saved me many hours of recuperation! Naruto-kunโs clones are the perfect target practice for Tenten, and Naruto has almost learned how to dodge attacks! Of course, Sakura-chan and I are siblings in the refined art of taijutsu!โ
Sakura giggled, flipping her hair. โIt is pretty refined and ladylike, isnโt it?โ She paused a beat. โGai-sensei increased my weights another fifty pounds, by the way.โย
โYosh! One day I shall catch up to you, Sakura-chan! Youโre an inspiration!โย
โNone of you people have ever been a good use of my time,โ Neiji felt the need to establish.ย
Sasuke crossed his arms. โTobi-sensei fixed your relationship with Hinata.โ
โWhat does that have to do with this.โ
โTobi-sensei got emotional when she hugged you after your tournament match.โ
โThatโs not relevant.โ
Rock Lee pumped a fist in the air. โEmotional strength is just as important as physical strength, Neiji-kun!โ
ย Gai softened a little bit. It was strange to see - his fire just as strong as ever, but a different kind of warm. โTobi has been a source of strength since we were children. As a rival and as a friend.โ Neiji and Tenten grimaced. They still thought Tobiโs presence in their lives was a dark curse, but they believed that about most of their lives. โTobi reminds me to always look underneath the underneath. Even if it means we must investigate the deepest crevasses of our own souls - a light shines in our darkness. Underneath the winters of our hearts, a ninja will always find their own springtime!โ Gai grinned, giving him a very youthful thumbs-up. โYour light shines on, Sasuke-kun! Never withhold it from a world that needs it!โ
โYou are so embarrassing,โ Neiji said.
Tenten moaned into her hands. โSensei, why are you so cringeyโฆโ
Even Rock Lee looked disappointed. โThat was a little sentimental, Sensei.โ
โThat was super lame, Gai-sensei,โ Sakura said, wiping her eyes. Naruto was sniffling. โI guess - um, I guess we donโt have to desert our village and commit treason to kill an S ranked mission nin. If youโre going to be lame about it. Right, Sasuke?โ
Sasuke sighed, sticking his hands in his pocket. โIโm too tired to cook.โ Naruto perked up. Ugh. โBecause itโs an emergency, Naruto can take the money from the takeout fund box and buy Ichirakuโs. Sakura, can you grab Senseiโs pack and bring it to the hospital room? Iโm gonna go straight there.โ He probably shouldnโt - he really shouldnโt - but Sasuke couldnโt think of a good reason why not. โHow many people are we buying for, Gai-sensei?โ
Instantly, Tenten said, โSix. Because somebody is marching his ass right back to the hospital -โ
โTenten-chan, I was honorably discharged -โ
โAnd make sure that he didnโt refracture his tibia getting into that fight with Neiji an hour ago!โ Tenten turned to Sasuke as Neiji made a very bad attempt at looking innocent. โWill you do that immersive healing thing you invented on him again? Gai-sensei says itโs doing a really good job healing the microfractures.โ
Sasuke sighed. โIโm going to be your personal doctor in five years, arenโt I.โ
At that moment, Sasuke was only thinking about how desperately Rock Lee was going to need the help. He didnโt realize it until heโd already said it - until everybody else had already broken into chatter, and Naruto had already started yelling about everybodyโs ramen orders.ย
In five years, Rock Lee was going to need an expert doctor to fix the shit he was doing to his body. And Sasuke would have to be here. Five years from now - ten, fifteen. His friends would need him. Just as much as they needed him now.ย
Sasukeโs hand lashed out, and he grabbed the sleeve of Narutoโs jumpsuit. Naruto stumbled over his feet, finally shutting up about ramen just as everybody else began to move away. Hopefully they were too focused on new inanities to listen.ย
As quietly as he could, Sasuke said, โWhen Tobi wakes up. You have something to tell him, right?โ
Naruto turned gigantic and betrayed eyes on him. โIโll buy him new chips! They were just gonna expire while he was in a coma -โ
โTobiโs baby brother. You have something to say about that.โ Sasuke halted hard, working his jaw. โHe needs some half-decent family coming back to life.โ
Naruto blinked at him. Then he beamed, so bright and white in the darkening light. Sasuke could never hope to match that smile. โDoes that finally make us secret cousins?โ
โNo.โ
โBut being best friends and secret cousins is way cooler than just being best friends!โ
โIโm happy with just best friends,โ Sasuke conceded.ย
Naruto was so stupid. All he got was one little concession, and he still grinned the whole way back home.
And if Sasuke heard the hiss of a black snake within the far bushes - he was a little bit too busy looking at that brilliant smile, and he didnโt look backwards at all.ย
*
โWasnโt that just too precious?!โ
Kakashi deactivated the Sharingan, blinking twice. Rinโs Rinnegan was still activated - still enraptured by the scene as she merrily kicked her legs. Kakashi was standing on the branch next to her, one hand against the tree, somewhat like a normal person.ย
โI get the appeal now, Hound! I really do! Theyโre just too sweet! Donโt you love how earnest children are?โ
Children and Gai, apparently. โWe still donโt have the time.โ Rin really liked to keep herself busy. Kakashi was still surprised that she joined this mission herself. Kakashi didnโt think he was that bad at recruitment missions. โItโs not too late to get Sasuke.โ
Frankly, Kakashi thought they could have nabbed him if they had worked a little harder at it. He knew Sasuke fairly well at this point, and he was still shocked that it took about five minutes of a beautiful woman encouraging murder to get him halfway out the treasonous door. If Rin had managed the last few hours differently, heโd already be in Ame. If she had wanted, heโd already be in Ame. But Rin had been content to sit on a tree branch and watch this one play out.ย
Rin hummed as the circles in her eye pulsed. They were a little hypnotizing, but that was why Kakashi tried not to look at it for too long. Yahiko had once โjoked aroundโ and โencouragedโ Kakashi to stare into his activated eye without blinking. The vertigo had been tremendous. Konan encouraged him to throw up on Yahikoโs shoes. โOh, thatโs alright. Iโm almost more interested to see where he goes from here.โ
โSasuke Uchiha is a lot like me, isnโt he?โ Rin sighed happily. As the medic of Team 7, Sasuke had fielded those accusations. But he didnโt really seem to mind. โJust you wait, Hound. Heโs smart enough. Heโs already seen into the Konoha rot. He knows how evil the world is. All thatโs left is doing something about it. Weโll give him the weapons to tear down the world. Isnโt that just like being senseis!โ
Down below, Naruto and Sasuke had begun tussling again. Sakura was still exchanging weights with Rock Lee and renewing her desperate plea to give him a better haircut. โI would rather kill myself.โ
โThatโs not a very funny joke!โ
โWasnโt a joke.โ
Dealing with those children would be way too much work. Kakashi could only imagine the migraines, stress, and heroic self-sacrifices. Not worth the effort. Not much was.
Even so, and strangely enough. Sometimes Kakashi looked at that team and felt like it wouldnโt be so bad. That it wouldnโt be bad at all.ย
โYou were able to plant everything?โ
Fantastic. A distraction from the foreign and unsettling beast. โYup. Seals all in place. Making them look like the Flying Thunder Godโs seal was a good touch.โ
Rin beamed. โI wanted to honor Sensei! He was always leaving those seals around everywhere. And arenโt they just too nostalgic to completely erase?โ
Playing on Konohaโs collective grief for the Fourth Hokage to plant bombs all over Konoha. Classic Rin. Kakashi had stolen some files too, but those would be chalked up to Itachi and Shisui. They would believe that the attempt to kidnap Sasuke was a distraction from the real mission of stealing the files. It was, but that wasnโt the point.ย
โI wonโt let anybody give one to Tobi.โ It likely wouldnโt be a problem, but sentimentality was a rot within everybody. โShisui and Itachi are waiting for us at the rendezvous point. They want to know if youโre satisfied.โ
Rin blinked, letting the Rinnegan pulse strangely, before blinking and covering it up again. โIโm quite satisfied. Wasnโt it awesome when Tobi hit them with that tree? He just remembered he could use Mokuton, and look what heโs doing with it! Tobi looked so cool. Shisui did a good job keeping his hands off him. He says that the prison genjutsuโs very innocuous. Heโll wake up in a few days just fine.โ
โShisui seems to be enjoying his new friend.โ
Enjoying was a strong word for it. Heโd certainly adapted to it. Kakashi had to use the Mangekyo and help him train the Gobi for months before he could access its chakra at will. Rin had her hands full stopping him from going crazy. His seal was weak - a little purposefully, a little because they didnโt really have any decent sealing masters on hand.ย If Sensei was still aroundโฆah, well.
Rin sighed. โI told him he would. After all that drama about this mission, too.โ Kakashi tilted his head. โItโs not my fault. Heโs so adorable when heโs begging for something.โ
He had been begging for Tobi and Sasukeโs lives. That was what heโd been begging for. Rin had lied to him about the mission (โI want to see what heโll do!โ) and let him believe until the last minute that they were actually there to kidnap Sasuke and Tobi. Rin didnโt know why heโd heard kidnapping and started going on about murder, but maybe Shisui thought this place was a hellpit or something that strangled the soul out of its victims. Who knows.ย
Rin had wanted to see if Shisui would obey the order or not. Heโd been kind of maniacal about it, but he had been ready to do it. Itachi had either told Shisui that they had to, or that under no circumstances should they ever do it. It didnโt matter. Rin was very nice and told Shisui that she had decided to go with his wishes and leave Sasuke and Tobi in the village. Shisui was very grateful. Maybe he knew - but what did that matter?
Rin kept lightly chattering away beside him, even as Kakashi checked out a little. She really hadnโt thought that shoving chakra rods into the Kazekageโs skull and having Yahiko puppet it around would work so well! Konoha and Suna still hadnโt realized that the Third hadnโt taken the Kazekage down with him, and that the Kazekage had been dead for months. Everybody thought that the Kazekage and a few other (genjutsuโd) elders had secretly colluded with Sound to launch the attack. It was taking all of the heat for the failed invasion. The relationship between those two historical allies was extremely ruined. Rin was thrilled. So long as she was happy.ย
Suna was about to enter a desperate economic position, and Ame was about to become its savior. Less ostentatious than a Kiri alliance. The alliances were stacking up, but Kakashi didnโt know the details and he didnโt really care to. That was Yahikoโs job. Last time he checked, Yahiko had just signed a treaty with Waterfall. He said it was time to step it up. So donโt you think itโs time to step up the jinchuuriki hunting, Hound? I have a big plan for overhauling the Akatsuki. Itโs going to be great. Pity Sasuke wasnโt able to join. Oh, but I would have hated to break apart that cute team.ย
โIโm going to check in on Tobi.โ
Rin looked up at him. โYouโd just be watching him sleep.โ
Yes, and Kakashi tried not to do that. It was not a good use of his time. It might be a little weird as well, but he wasnโt sure. Definitely weirder than the normal stalking. โThis was the first time youโve seen him in years. How was it?โ
Rin smiled, small and unrooted, and for a flash of a second she looked like the girl Kakashi used to know. โYou didnโt say he grew up to be so handsome.โ
โIt was implied,โ Kakashi said lightly. โHe thinks the scars make him ugly.โ
โHow could he think that? The scars make him our teammate. If it matters to him, I wish I could offer to heal themโฆโ Maybe give him an eye back. Rin had been aching to give him a spare Sharingan. Even just a normal eye, if he wanted. Anything he wanted. โThe genjutsu makes him look so peaceful. He was beautiful like that. I really think he deserves better than all of this violence.โ
You look beautiful like that. Didnโt Kakashi say that to her once? Those days were cloudy and smeared. He could check with his eye, but he avoided doing things like that. The eye held Obitoโs own memories as well. Kakashi tried to avoid those too. He wasnโt very successful.ย
Your teammates love you, Obito. Forever and ever. Kakashi and Rin and Sensei love you very much. Rinโs long and pale legs. Kakashi and Tobi remembered that moment in its dual perfect clarity. Kakashi hoped that he revisited it. Itโs like a home video. When you couldnโt speak, memories of better days could always do the talking.
Lightly, Kakashi said, โAt this rate, Tobiโs going to have exactly what he deserves very soon.โ
Rin brightened, and she smiled broadly at him. It was always an odd counterpoint to those heavy eyes. โAt this rate, our victory is guaranteed! Letโs keep fighting for world peace!โ
Kakashi lightly pumped a fist. โGo! Our friendship making campaign!โ
โThatโs the spirit, Kakashi!โ
Of course, the goal was to have every village under Yahikoโs ultimate command. Who else could they trust to end conflict? Only the greatest pacifist in the world deserved to become the Emperor of the continent.ย
Every village but Konoha. Whose demise will be slow and painful. It was going to destroy itself, and the greed of the powerful would self-cannibalize. It was going to stab a kunai through its own eye, and Rin was going to be very, very correct. And a very good pacifist, because she hadnโt done a single thing.ย
It did it to itself.ย
Far below, Senseiโs son was loudly recounting his coolest tales of victory to the supportive audience of Gaiโs student. Kakashi could practically see him glowing. For the first time, Naruto felt as if Team 7 had real friends. People who agreed to fight your enemies had to be the very best friends of all. Maybe they were all best friends. And his very best friend had just admitted that they were best friends. Naruto must feel like an entirely different person. Or maybe just that the definition of Naruto Uzumaki had expanded into the strangest and happiest places.ย ย
The plan was going smoothly. Excitingly, too. But Kakashi couldnโt shake this strange feeling. It was sideways and foreign, but it was lodged deep in the crevices of his own mind. His own involuntary convictions. Maybe just the winter of his heart.
Something very surprising was going to happen.ย
Eh. Not his problem.
Probably.



















