claire

sapnap: what makes you think that?

Log off.

Sapnap: I don't know, how are they~?

Karl, flustered: I-

Quackity: Um, Schlatt, why are you pretending I'm this guy's family?

Schlatt: We need money!

Quackity: You're scamming him?

Schlatt: I was thinking more like flat-out stealing from him?

Quackity: What?! No way!

Schlatt: Why not? We already stole Tubbo!

Tubbo: Hey guys

Quackity: No, we didn't. Tubbo can think and talk for himself, he can do whatever he wants!

Tommy: I hate me too! You're not special.

Tubbo:

__

After a horrible battle against giant lizards. Back at Stark Tower.

Steve Rogers ruffling Peter’s hair: Aren’t you a little young to be an Avenger?

Peter running on 12 red bulls, only slept nine hours total in the last WEEK, and now knows the taste of lizard blood: Aren’t you a little old to be alive?

Steve shocked:

Tony stunned:

Other Avengers mentally freaking out:

Peter: i can fix that for you

Peter, still in costume, goes to the Living room: Anyone Seen my Gummies. I swore I left them in the fridge.

Thor: AHHH Son of Stark, I ate your delightful fruit worms. A bizarre but delicious treat. I see why you enjoy them!

Peter sounding just as calm: Oh. Okay.

Peter: Karen! Active instant kill mode.

Tony jumping up: WAIT-

—

Ten minutes later. 

Tony: What the hell, kid!

(In background, the rest of avengers are trying to put out the couch fire.)

Peter: He at my gummy worms, Mr. Stark!

Eventually, everyone starts noticing Peter staring at Clint with a thoughtful look on his face. Scott Lang, sitting next to Clint and the first to notice, finally nudges Hawkeye. Clint notices and gets creeped out.

Steve: You alright there, buddy?

Peter:

Tony glancing up from his phone: Kiddo?

Peter still look dead at Clint, the bored expression still on his face: I should hunt you for sport.

Steve:

Tony:

Thor:

Clint: WHAT THE FUC-

Natasha looking far too amused:

Bruce:

Bucky:

The rest of the Avengers looking horrified:

The only sound in the room is the slow creaking of Scott Lang inching his chair away from Clint

Tony looking at his watch: *sighs* We are passed lunch time.

Tony pulling on Peter’s arm: Come on, kid. Lets go get you a snickers.

Peter not budging, still staring at Clint: Why, Mr. Stark?

Peter chugging his ninth cup of coffee and can barely keep his eyes opened

Bucky: Hey Spider-Brat, I’m your favorite Avenger right?

Peter: I mean I would sell you, your soul, and your first born child for a Red Bull right now but Go Off, I guess.

Bucky:

Steve:

Other Avengers:

Tony looking up from his tablet: What time did you go to sleep last time, Peter

Bruce: That’s what your concerned about?

Peter is in the corners looking half dead and Steve walks past

Steve: *grabs peter’s redbull* youre always drinking so much caffeine. Can’t be good for your brain kiddo.

Peter not looking up from his work: that can of caffeine is the one things stopping me from defenestrating you from the 50th floor of stark towers

Steve: *slowly puts it back down*

Bucky: *asking tony what defenestration means*

Rest of the crew: dead silent

Natasha appearing out of nowhere and scaring the Avengers for the millionth time. Peter is taking a nap on the couch

tony: you’re home early…what happened?!

peter: flash dumped his milk out on my lunch. i handled it.

steve: handled it…how

tony: please tell me you didn’t kill him.

peter: oh no, killing him would be far too boring. He ruined my lunch, so I broke his femur into four parts and ate his bone marrow instead. It’s got lots of nutrients. 

steve & tony: you fucking what?! 

bruce: that–that’s a joke right?

Tommy: Don't you mean inevitable?