mutant

dermatologists HATE me. everyone hates me. i’m so alone

(loves men but in an unmistakably bisexual way)

#higher standards for kindness#lower standards for height if this ain’t me…

*wakes up and turns on my giant complicated yet charming series of rube goldberg machines that make my breakfast but i mess up the combination and get scorching hot eggs tossed in my face*

Pretty fucked up to see people uncritically reblogging this when OP’s automated hedge-trimmer rendered all my topiaries cubist as well as slicing my belt in two, causing my pants to fall down and reveal a whimsically-patterned pair of boxer shorts :/

the phrase “eating healthy” causes me physical pain. grammatically agonizing. scientifically bogus. paternalistic and stigmatizing. revolting 

where is that renaissance painting with those two fellers and a giant fucking random skull on the floor that looks like it was accidentally stretched out in photoshop

somebody please explain

Someone once told me it’s like that because it was designed to be hung in a stairwell so the skull pops out as you walk past.

…I guess it works but you have to be at a pretty sharp angle

There was a whole trend at one point where artists would include something in their paintings (usually a skull, for whatever reason) that’s super distorted in just the right way so that it looks normal if you hold the painting up to a convex/concave mirror. I have absolutely no idea why. But I think that’s what’s going on here.

I see we’re no longer being subtle

This post just shot me between the eyes