Lump-sation

I would give the right half of my soul to sleep

if you’re on tumblr and over the age of 24 it means the mental illness won

Reblogging this once again because, once again, it made me laugh.

Every time this makes me laugh so hard I almost barf idk why I'm so weak to this

One time, while working in the drive-thru, I accidentally mixed up "I'll see you at the window" and "I'll have it for you at the window" and said "I'll have you at the window."

Call my body a billionaire the way it exploits me for all my hard work and gives me jackshit for it 🥲

people born in 2000 should be like 12-14 now. but they’re not. that’s how fucked up our world is now

The older this post gets the funnier it becomes

I think now that queens dead they should have her stuffed and put on display in Cairo for the next 150 years.

BLAZE REJECTED MY POST WOW LOL

We'll make sure at least 100k people see it for free then.

i want a shirt that has a QR code on it for some kind of horrible malware so that if anyone ever tries to film me in public their phone will automatically scan the code and be reduced to a functionless brick

Modern day Medusa

If you were actually "just being lazy", then it wouldn't bother you this much that you're not doing what you're supposed to do. Being lazy is comfortable. Struggling to get something done is very different from not caring to do it.

Massive L to our ancestors for not domesticating the Bear for the ultimate friend

i sympathize with the post on the one hand but also ‘man we shoulda domesticated bears’ has the same energy as a divorced dad being like ‘i should have married that girl from high school’ when the girl in question was never ever interested and also turned out to be a lesbian frontwoman for an obscure but respected ska revival band

posts like these are why I can’t leave tumblr and have ultimately stopped trying

they should make a sleeping that is easy