Lucifer

dont store a knife with the point facing down, it damages the blade. no, dont do that either. when you store it with the point facing up you might accidentally hurt yourself when you try to grab it. dont store a knife at all actually. your blade must never leave your hand, always ready, ruthless and waiting. you know deep down that ever since you learned the stench of blood you will never be able to cast it aside. or just get a sheath for it i guess.

one of my favourite human songs-and-dances is when someone notices someone else is lying and, for no particular reason besides love of the game, helps them get away with the lie without ever explicitly acknowledging they noticed. nightmare social animals.

When people ask me how I’m able to workout consistently for years I can’t be honest AT ALL ! Because I read fan fiction in between my sets and I use the motivation of continuing to read the fan fiction to get through my sets, then I read it the entire time I’m on the stair master or treadmill. I also use this when I’m doing my barre routine during my planks and walk sits. Most ppl just scroll through social media at the gym, so no one has ever suspected anything and why would they? This strategy has allowed me to do two hours in the gym four days a week like nothing. I legit just make up random things on the spot to avoid actually telling them the truth. If you’ve ever written smut on here or AO3 for any of the fandoms I like just know I probably worked out to them.

"decentering trans men" uhh sorry i think i slept when trans men were the center of any attention ups pls wake me up when this happens next time

some hyper famous artists like Van Gogh transcend overratedness and become underrated because they're so normalized. Like I'll look at a van Gogh and I'm like wait this really is amazing you guys don't get it

Shakespeare is like this

driving 90 minutes to my favorite empty lot to smoke 1 cigarette

It is so fucking funny to me how easily scandalized some people are wym callout post for a cannibalism kink. Grow up. This is the nothingburger leagues and you're throwing up in the stands

It’s actually the peopleburger leagues

Blocking for being funnier than me