official daine visual archive
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
RMH
@theartofmadeline
JVL
❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
YOU ARE THE REASON
#extradirty
𓃗
art blog(derogatory)
Keni
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
occasionally subtle
Cosmic Funnies
roma★
cherry valley forever
$LAYYYTER
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@luccy13
Listening to the soundtrack of a movie that will be one of my favorites forever, 15 years after last listening to them. I did not know how much emotional impact this has.
[Music: Adagio for TRON]
If you havent already, you might want to watch TRON: Legacy.
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Energy drinks with favorite flavor of N and L. [ X ]
Fruits for L. [ X ]
Sweet desserts and Snacks to fuel L's learning gauntlet [ X ]
Cleaned every important bit of the rooms [ X ]
Playlist created [ X ]
Soup [ X ]
Created a plan that is very open and broad, but gives direction [ X ]
Desk space for N and L [ X ]
Plan B, If N needs colder room temperature [ X ]
Drinks for N [ X ]
Snacks for N [ X ]
I think it is safe to assume that I am a tiny bit hyped.
I am running on at least 85% efficiency
The only thing I fear now, are my nightmares. The only thing my nightmares should fear are my friends. Those odds please me.
I like that I am that prepared, but I like more that all of this could explode into nothingness / full on cancelled, without me going into full meltdown mode. Like it would suck, no questions asked, but I have a Plan B and a Plan C and a Plan D, to back this up. Damn, is this what it feels like to be an responsible and emotional stable adult? If yes, then the secret is as always more boring than fiction. :(
Important for the next days (it may only make sense to me): Hanna, Arrival, KPDH, Nimona, Nail Polish, Soup, ADHD handout, Oil, Reminder for Monitors, Book from L, Shims 3d print,
Rain gives me peace
One day we will listen to the rain together. Until then I will share that peace with myself.
I need to share a core memory of my childhood, I may have not a lot of them, but its one of my favorites:
I always hated thunderstorms, sounds of thunder always filled me to the core with dread. That got a lot better, the moment my dad started watching them for entertainment. He stood fearless at the window in his bedroom (1st floor mind you) and watched and counted the seconds to get a feel for the distance it was away. Always with a sliver of crazy in his vibes. One day I started to join him.
Since then I still hated them, but a lot less, and thunder by thunder I got to enjoy it more and more.
So it got kind of an tradition to watch thunderstorms.
Rain gives me peace
One day we will listen to the rain together. Until then I will share that peace with myself.
Very slow day today
Woke up, drove a bit around on my bicycle, came home and realised I could not shower, the silicone wasnt dry enough yet. So in response I cooked a delicious potato soup.
P was very nice, and spend a few hours with me, explained a new board game to me, and we played a few other games. My energy was drained by learning new rules tho, really needed the hugs from him today.
Started watching "Dark" and did not like it. :(
I regret not doing a walk today.
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Hmmmmmmmm 🤨 (Slept again not very good, nightmares are back)
Today was a nice day, and it was more a day that started slow and ended very nice.
It was a 50:50 between driving around lunch to L or getting groceries first. So I did the adult thing of, doing a little bit first and then driving to L.
We did like nothing special overall, but I could be a bit batshit crazy, and well, thats all what friendship is about, right?! 😀
This time it only took around 1h until my brain arrived after my drive to my head, so thats down 50% from last time. I repaired Ls bed, we played a few rounds mtg, I powernapped and my inner cat was very pleased about the carpet (very comfy), we walked a bit around outside (2 times actually, the sun was very pretty, and we saw a deer, 1 little bird, 2 bigger birds), I spooked her mum on accident 😬, aaaaaaaaand, I forgot my ring again 😬😬, the whole day was planned in a way of "If you are productive around me, It is easier for me to get stuff done" and damn L delivered, I think overall while I was there, L was focused for 3-4h.😯👍. Always glad to help :).
Well and then I wanted to go, but we started chatting a bit more, and It got darker outside, and WOAH, where did the last 2h go?! I love these moments, I hope they happen a lot more at more convenient times, so that we can actually just chat without worrying about time n stuff. It is so nice to see Ls different sides that always change a bit depending on her surroundings, and people around her.
One of my goals today was to actually look at the friends I am hanging out with, and not stare off in the distance. I think I did okay today, so little steps towards my end goal of actually remembering outfit details about friends.
So if I remember it correctly Ls outfit was some kind of shorts, a tshirt with a text print on it, and as earrings little skulls.
Its kinda sad that tomorrow I will probably forget around 40-60% of all details about today, on the flip side, I will rediscover those details in the future :)
So my peplz, remember to stay hydrated, and make the most out of the things you can do :)
So it seems like the digital circus really is amazing :)
Very good birthday party, Hospital appointment took a lot longer than planned, Very good day, me tired.
Ate a bit of very dangerous cake, took my meds, no issues so far and it was worth it.
After waking up, too early 🎉the nightmares are back🎉 [sarcastic intent]
I am awake enough to share a bit more, my new medication appointment was very early, and to not get stuck in traffic I had to wake up very early. My info was –after I asked my doc beforehand– that my whole odeal would take 30min. This was also the timeframe I told my friend who went there with me 😬🫠, I sat there with needle and all in my arm for 2h, without infusion, and then I was so bored and unprepared, I started reading the paper about my appointment dates that they printed out for me, and on that printout, they said "infusion time 2h + 1h to check If I dont develop problems". Well. The whole thing (including driving time) took 5 1/2h instead of 2-3h 🫠 [AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH] and I forgot my book and was so unprepared. Less [AAAAAHHHHHHHH] for me, I dont mind waiting that much, but I felt so bad for P who took me there, who thought "this will be a quick one"
Ns birthday was lots of fun, I arrived around 14:00, L max 10min later, with ✨cake✨. A portable birthday party, we had: someone who had been born on this day a few years back, cake, presents, and more than 2 people, so thats a full blown party in my books. There was some plane event nearby, so we did a little planespotting and the weather was gorgeous, not too hot, not too cold. I did a bit of talking with Ns Mum, she is a bit confusing to me, and I dont really know what topics I should chat with her about. So if I chat with her it always feels really awkward. L me and N played Catan together, drank some Tea, chatted outside a bit. N showed us his childhood summer vacation project location, a group of trees with lots of shrubbing and a small dried out stream. But damn, such a perfect place to build something and play around.
–Sidestory: I did almost the same on my 16-17ish birthday, just that my birthday is more towards the cold season, and more deep into a forest, around a pond and lots of mud. So picture this, 3 very unprepared people with their pants wet and full of mud, with one of them really dislikeing everything, after fighting through dense foliage, just so that I can show them an very dried up pond, which was like the spot from my childhood then getting back home to my place, and then, I think it was C or Ni, said something like "This is the worst birthday party I went to in the last 3 years", This happened in my life around 10 years ago, and now there I was, on Ns birthday, walking into the unkown because N wants to show us this important place of his life, but this time (I mean honestly I only can speak for myself and not N or L, but for better flow lets continue with my headcannon) with two people who were like locked and loaded, ready for anything. It felt so scripted. It was such a blast. I wish that some day, I can find the right words to tell him how much this means to me, in a way that he understands, he probably also met a few people who treated him very badly for being different. At least I had this experience. Now the same difference is the reason why I like him so much, N is finally someone normal in my life or something :D–
I took a few more pictures, and we walked back to his place, and ate dinner together. I had an old classic: Instant chicken ramen, L had also some noodle soup, but from another brand. N had some very delicious looking chicken ragout with rice. After chatting more, I went home
I wish, I could end it here with "and then I went to bed" but sadly, no.
At home, I got a big smack into the face from my not so friend loneliness, and because of that, I called a friend to chat with her a bit. It got a bit emotional towards the end, and I realised too late that I dont really had the energy left to handle it at this time of day. Energy drain at the wrong time, just doesnt feel good.
After that was wrapped up, I sat down and ate a pice of Ns birthday cake, It was delicious, and worth my meds.
Then I went to bed, and well. The nightmares are back, second night in a row 😠☹️😐🫥
[Vent: I've dealt with them since I was 16, and in my last relationship they went away, for like the last 4-5ish years, and I thought that I've dealt with them / their underlying issues in a healthy way. But no, they are back, and I dislike them.]
little goldcrest from an originally unfinished ms paint sketch to now a finished krita piece
Very good birthday party, Hospital appointment took a lot longer than planned, Very good day, me tired.
Ate a bit of very dangerous cake, took my meds, no issues so far and it was worth it.
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“the world before gen ai” is literally just 2022. wtf 😭😵💫
Smol life update thingy:
Tomorrow I need to wake up at 05:30am to get a my new medication in my body at the hospital. I am a bit anxious about the whole thing. P is coming with me which helps a bit. Still new thing.
Today was the birthday of a friend of mine, my present was a custom mtg sol ring, that I did with watercolors and lots of time. I am very new to writing good birthday cards, but you gotta start somewhere. I couldnt stay for as long as I wanted to, because I got an appointment later that day, but I could give her my card, and a hug, so that is a success in my books
Very exited for the next few weeks, mostly because of very awesome friends. A week I dreaded because of being alone for a long time, is now a week of not being alone :)), nothing feels better than having friends you can hug, in the same building than you.
Then it is Ns birthday tomorrow, and I am looking forward to it, If I am brave I might try a little slice of his cake (with my meds ofc) it looked very delicious. I got him with a few other friends Catan, and I crafted a birthday card with a little suprise in it.
Still reading Dune at the moment, and I am very proud of how much projects I finished this year. I think I am at 11 finished projects 😳👀😱
I got an text from my mother again.... To keep it short, she was... well, herself, and her opinion is, that as long as she can profit off something she doesnt need to follow laws as closely. I honestly dont get it why that women I once loved and looked up to, turned into such a hateful creature that kicks down towards her disabled child, and goes so far as calling me a "mistake that she will never make again" and a bit more that I cant write on tumblr. Thats my luggage to carry, speaking of luggage, I am currently a bit too deep into a rabbit hole about chest rigs, for those who dont know, a chest rig is that kind of equipment the military uses to have essentials always in arms reach. I might buy a very cheap one, to always have my keys and wallet, meds, etc. in arms reach, pockets and normal bags dont really work for me ;-; it is really a shame that my hands are as non functional as they are, otherwise I would have tried to sew my own version, to get weight an cost down, but alas.
That small life update got a bit longer, as always things get a bit outside of their box.
Looking forward to Ns birthday, and to you my dearest reader, a good night / good morning.
Me sitting on the toilet because of an random flare up.
My brain trying to shift away its focus from my pain, by playing very loud Death!! by Babymetal in my head:
DEATH!!
DEATH!!
DEATH!! BABYMETAL DEATH!!
7/10 for effort, but WHY?!!!!!!
Today... well...
There was a "simple plan", and it ended on my couch, with some DEEP life lore drop.
I got to know my friends more, how their brains work, how they think, like DEEP knowledge.
N has more depth than I expected on first time meeting him, but its more my fault, because to get to know him more, I need to ask good questions.
I wish I had taken notes, but whatever, maybe next time, maybe never :D
I know nothing truely lasts forever, n stuff, but damn, please 🥺, please let this last a bit longer. Something, something, I found my peoplez.
Life is so fking weird, how little things can have SO much impact, you dont even expect.
Day in out of context, and weird descriptions: Crying. Look a bird that does "eeepth". Sheep morphed into chickens. I burned L multiple times with their consent. BALLS. Spotify says "No" then "Yes". Car chase. "Please look away" - followed by making out noises. Hugging. Hot dawgs. "Almost no blood" :(. More Hugging. What a weirdo "finally someone normal around here..". The child safety lock is engaged.. N from inside the car "Halp" - followed by an "I will escape" shortly after.
^^ - I love them so much 😂 like on average an day with them 7-8/10, and overall this was like 9/10, so much tastey emotions floating around.
[Music: Time window - payday2 soundtrack, and lots more but I'm tired]
So much beauty in imperfection, how could I possibly overlook this for so long?!!!
I might be a cat. (a very confused cat that is)
Also, I cant nab N, he got uni stuff to finish.
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I had a good day today:
Wroom Weroom to L
Getting very cute/awesome stickers, L has a drawer full of stickers *_*, An assortment of [redacted], Learned about the ~26h cutoff point, got spooked (in a good way), all in all an very homely and comfy room, that I wish was closer than it is, I would love it to just sometimes causally diffuse through Ls wall, to just hang out in a non disruptive way, instead of staring a hole in a wall at my place. I aspire to one day, to have 25% of Ls ✨Vibes✨
Wroom Wroom back home
very strong existential dread, and feeling of loneliness - from homely to screaming nothingness, very steep contrast
Because of that:
Wroom Wroom to N
Staying there for a bit, reading dune, and watching N hacking into a box 📦
Wroom Wroom back home
Drinking a tea to friendship/love
Writing this :)
Don of future, please remember: 🫵, dont question too much why something works.
Song of today: [Bloodywood, Babymetal - Bekhauf]
A: What if it happens again?
B: Then we take it slow, try to focus on things that we can control, and try again
A: Yeah, bu....
B: Look, whatever happens, happens, I know you are scared, but that is just based on your previous points of data. Every time you think about that situation, you are reliving that bad situation.
A: Thank you for your wisdom
B: Breathe, feel the air in your lungs, plan a bit ahead, but not too much, take things like they are, not based on your thoughts alone.
