Give me your frying pans

If you're hypermobile, be especially gentle.

This is diabolical. Loud enough to notice, but virtually unidentifiable from a truck in motion. You pop the hood to see what's up and find nothing. You start it up and it doesn't make the noise. You go for a drive and it's fucking back. Psychological torture

@elodieunderglass not horrible, but things with legs?

I’ll send them on their lovely journey, thank you!

the simplicity of lactase supplements is so funny to me. it costs like $4 to circumvent evolutionary biology. want to eat dairy but your body doesn’t produce the enzyme necessary to digest lactose? the devs haven’t patched that yet but you can download a mod

I love seeing list memes where someone makes a "le cool people vs le cringe" and they obviously skew it so they barely scrape by into the cool kids club

I'm 5'11, but in most casual conversations I'll say I'm 5'9. I do this purely for the chaos that it creates. Because everyone assumes that men only exaggerate their height up, it makes me look like the only person honestly describing their height and thus knocks at least 2 inches off everyone else's description. The panic that the 6'1 guys feel at the thought of being described as 5'11 is hard to understate. I have had people run back to their cars to grab tape measures. If I could get away with describing myself as 4'6 I would.

you are the diametrical opposite of the aforementioned guy. you are a demigod walking among mortals

My brother is 6’2 and he tells everyone he’s 5’11 just to see the guys around him panic

I feel like this excerpt is significantly enhanced by knowing that the novel in question is a first-person narrative written from the perspective of an inexplicably sapient flea who lives on Bella's body, and that's why the third priest's penis is described in this way: from the narrator's perspective it literally blots out the sky.

i miss everyone

Dahling you simply must read this book! It’s all about this devious little caterpillar who simply gorges himself on all manner of divine things

im realizing very fast that people do not in fact know that sometimes things in stories suck on purpose and it sucking is the point