love em

We get to the temple accommodation, all is well. Me and Boyfriend™ (18 and 17 at the time respectively) immediately, like it's nature, take on the role of "care for the youth by organising games, cards fun, and watching them", all the parents love us for this. The kids also do. We absolutely enjoy this togetherness with them. This is crucial lore for my life choices afterwards, but another day will carry this story.

We've got two baptism sessions booked back to back for all the youth, and I'm buzzing for my first visit. Inside, I get in the font first (with Boyfriend) and get baptised on behalf of 11 women whose names we've brought along, including my own family. Quickly after I get out again to change and dry my hair while processing this new environment. "That was really neat," my thoughts went. I expected more intense feelings, but was okay with a simpler first experience.

Once I get out, I'm approached by a worker. She's carrying these strips of names they keep there for anyone to do, holding 20x5 female name cards, as well as 4 of her own family. She says since we've got so much time left, we can see how many we can get done. As she finishes explaining, Boyfriend walks up to us and asks what's up, so I explain. I give him a look, and we both just know: We are doing all of these. So, all determination and giddyness, we get new white clothes and change.

By the time we're done, almost everyone has had their turn and we're asked why we're back in white, so we indulge the questions. People make little bets on how many we can do before tiring out, ranges were 30-70. We get in the font all giggles and start the endeavor. 20 minutes pass and we're almost halfway when I start getting a little dizzy from the dunks, and my eyes start itching slightly from the chlorine. Boyfriend is alright, but sometimes has to "adjust his position" (an excuse to have a short break, I believe. He wouldn't admit this, ever). I eventually just zone out and let it happen to me, merely remembering to bend my knees and hold my nose closed at every "Amen" my darling says. I enjoyed the time being held by him in the House of the Lord, during something I could feel was sacred. After around 45 minutes total, we conclude the process and exit the font.

I boast of my God. When I retell this story, I often hear "Wow 'loves-em', you're so cool for doing all these names in a row, must've been hard!" but no. It wasn't. I'm young and have energy and was just a bit lightheaded. Boyfriend was fine too. We'd do it again anytime. I don't boast of my tolerance to dizziness with this experience. That detail is fun to tell, but not the core of this testimony. The core is this:

In the bathroom, I could see my eyes all red, my fingertips shriveled and my head light from the water and movement, but that just didn't matter in the moment. It felt reverent and holy. I felt humbled by a joy I couldn't ever feel on my own, one that must be from an external source – the Holy Ghost. It was almost like a vision, but less like actual pictures, moreso a concept illustrated in my mind.

That day, 115 Women were gathered together by kind servants in paradise, and watched me descend and rise again for each of them. They heard their names spoken and cheered with each other, for each other. Among them were my own great-grandmothers. I received a sure witness that they delighted in the love of our Father, expressed in the ordinance I received for them. Their joy was manifested into my heart in that bathroom and many times after when I needed to be reminded of the joy God's House brings to so many people who didn't get the chance in their lifetime on earth. These are women, souls, beloved daughters, who laughed and cried and fought in their life, without these gifts of heavenly authority, and who also want to return to our father as I do. I feel humble looking back on this experience, and blessed with my beautiful new knowledge of these tender mercies. My joy is full, and my heart delights in a God whose plan is so gracious and just, who gives everyone a chance, and who desires us to be all that we can, our loving Father. He is my God.