lines from the secret history that keep me awake at night:
“but walking through it all was one thing; walking away, unfortunately, has proved to be quite another.”
“i suppose at one time in my life i might have had any number of stories, but now there is no other. this is the only story i will ever be able to tell.”
“in fact, i think the reason they took such drastic steps was because they were not only frightened but also terribly attracted to it.”
“i wondered what it would be like to fall and break my head open on one of those bright rocks: a wicked crack, a sudden limpness, then veins of red marbling the glassy water.”
“but of course i didnt see this crucial moment then for what it was; i suppose we never do.”
“ill never forget this, you know’ he said matter-of-factly. ‘its nothing.’ ‘its everything and you know it.’”
“to my surprise, he smiled at her. ‘you think id hurt you?’”
“a month or two before, i would have been appalled at the idea of any murder at all. but that sunday afternoon, as i actually stood watching one, it seemed the easiest thing in the world.”
“if i do, i am looking forward to asking him why the hell he didn’t just shoot us all and get it over with.”
“bun, i thought, oh, bun. im sorry.”
“forgive me, for all the things i did but mostly for the ones i did not.”
“are you happy here?’ i said at last. he considered this for a moment. ‘not particularly’ he said. ‘but you’re not very happy where you are, either.’”
“love doesn’t conquer everything. and whoever thinks it does is a fool.”
“i can’t help it. i still love him.’ ‘i loved him too’ i said. for just a moment, i thought i felt her waver. but then she looked away. ‘i know you did’ she said. ‘but its not enough.’”
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