𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙞𝙨 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙬𝙚 𝙖𝙧𝙚.

apparently youre supposed to perform. they love it when you perform. but it has to be authentic. they hate it when it's not authentic. but you have to perform.

you have to get good at being bad. so much of life is learning this lesson. “i have a bad vocabulary so I’m bad at x and avoid it at all costs” no, you’re learning. and you cannot learn without new input — avoidance is fearing the input (whatever you want to learn) for fear of the output (how you think it will make you feel). but guess what. the default circuit connecting those two parts of you (“i want to be better at x” and “but I’m bad at it now so I feel bad about it”) won’t change until you ignore the output and go hog fucking wild on the input. you want better vocab? read more. write down new words. ask your friends what their favorite words are. listen to speeches by people who talk the way you want to. learn to love what you want instead of needing it to validate or fix some part of you. make a study of what you love; study as in how artists study anatomy and bird watchers study the skies. loving effort, not backbreaking labor. accept that if you do something badly enough time, as quickly as possible, you will get better faster. that’s sort of the only way out of the fear of badness. you kind of have to get worse at a lot of things you love more than you love the idea of being good at them then it’s not so scary. i promise.

Be a teachable individual YOU DO NOT know everything

Maybe I'll feel better after I swing my fuckhuge big sword around a bit