I think I'm awesome

literally a quote from Marcus Aurelius

HAD to go and dig for the quote. “sex is the friction of a piece of gut and, following a sort of convulsion, the expulsion of some mucus.” marcus was just being reductive, but purrp takes his analysis one step further: he correctly identifies that sex is stupid

how can civilisation be in decline when social media abounds with philosophers greater than Marcus Aurelius

Simple Plan was right I am just a kid and life IS a nightmare

The pictures might make it seem like a slow process, but this really happens very rapidly in just a few seconds

One just hit me

I once heard that this is your brain randomly zapping you with electrical signals to make sure you’re not dead. Not sure if that’s true.

My brain, seeing if I’m alive or dead: VIBE CHECK!!!

this is going to make me cry in the walmart bathroom

If there are trees you aren’t alone

I can’t tell if this is supposed to be encouragement or an ominous warning

#that’s entirely up to the trees

no but seriously one time i ordered something from adam & eve (surprise a big ol dildo) and the order said discreet shipping and i was like cool ya know cause i lived with three dudes in an apartment and also had to go to the apartment office to pick up my package so discreet is dope and i got the package delivery notification like sick im about to dick myself so i walked my happy horny ass down to the office and told the lady my name and she went into the package delivery room to grab it and it took her a minute and she came out with a dick shaped bag just grasping the shaft of it and i looked at it mortified and had to grab the balls part of the package from the woman and she let go and it just wiggled and i could feel the squish through the bag and it was just horrible

“You dropped your dick man”

dragons are not important to me. i said it.