doing my best

have i ever shown u people my hand sofa

never going to be over that time I was trying to explain polyamory to my mum, and she said "I just don't understand how someone could be in love with two people at once" and I gave her my the-cognitive-dissonance-is-causing-me-physical-pain face and she said "what??" and I very quietly said "mother....you had an affair...."

is that a nothing in your pants or are you just normal to see me

I wish octopus could learn how to read. They could be pen pals with middle schoolers.

(no beers in) what is every thought you’ve ever had about me ever

Can’t wait to not sleep at all on September 11th

i know ur from the uk(?) but reading this as an american is really really funny

why 😭 it’s about twenty one pilots???? Their new album is out sep 12th????

My uncle is really into warhammer and would win every miniature painting competition he was in. I have not very steady hands and he saw me messing up my nail polish for prom. He sat with me and carefully painted my nails and that moment meant so much to me all these years later.

starting a foundation that gives disadvantaged children one wild ass night at the club

Why the fuck are you suggesting putting CHILDREN in a club?

So they can sip grey goose, maybe have a cig, and feel the rhythm? Are you the fun police?

this is a renaissance painting

being at work while your personal life is falling apart has to be among the top 3 worst human experiences. You’re at your absolute lowest and someone wants to circle back on an email…… unreal

Context for anyone who is wondering: Lamine Yamal's parents won an UNICEF raffle for a charity photoshoot in which Barça players posed with kids, and 5 month old Lamine happened to get 20yo Messi. Which is like. Literally insane