You are beautiful

THE GOLDEN GIRLS 2.11 — 'Twas the Nightmare Before Christmas — 20.12.86 Rue McClanahan as Blanche Devereaux Betty White as Rose Nylund Bea Arthur as Dorothy Zbornak Estelle Getty as Sophia Petrillo

It's estimated that around 8% of rams exhibit exclusively homosexual behavior.

To ensure that the sheep that are being taken in are actually homosexual, they'll place the rams that are assumed to be gay in an enclosure with ewes during the breed's “horny season.” If the ram refuses to mate, he says, “there is a clear indication that he's not interested.”

“So then we put him into our herd, and then a lot of action happens, if you know what I mean,” he says. “It's happening really within minutes.”

The only things that work without rest are machines; literally everything that lives requires rest.

"I feel like my penis/my Manhood as a symbol is smaller than Black man's" becomes "Black men have oversized penises and are sexually insatiable beasts."

"I am sexually attracted to, fetishizing, and feel entitled to Black women's bodies" becomes "well she's asking for it, look at how she looks, Black women are always more openly sexual."

"I am afraid of approaching Black men" becomes "Black men are a threat."

"I am afraid of approaching Black women" becomes "Black women are always angry."

"I am not smart enough/not qualifed enough/can't beat my white counterparts professionally" becomes "DEI and affirmative action are letting those Blacks steal my position in school/jobs!"

approaching Black men” becomes

“Black men are a threat.”

And there was this one guy I talked with who seemed super sharp, but had virtually zero experience writing software. When it came time to do the show-n-tell part of the interview he whips out his laptop, brings up a website, and spins it around to show me what he made.

A website of tiny ceramic frogs.

Not for sale. Just… all these ceramic frogs, organized into categories. Frogs on bicycles, frogs with hats, frogs sitting on lily pads. It was a virtual museum of ceramic frogs in web form.

I scrolled through his online collection of frogs, slightly baffled.

“This is your website?” I asked finally.

“Yep!”

“You coded this yourself?” I popped into view-source mode and poked around some incredibly well-formatted, well-commented html. I nodded slowly. This guy was meticulous.

“Yep!”

“So… where’d all the frogs come from?”

“I made those too,” he says, beaming. 

And while I’m processing this he rummages in his bag and pulls out a little ceramic frog working at a computer terminal. He places it on the table before us, next to the laptop.

“And THIS one,” he says, “I made for you! As a thank you for the interview.”

It was adorable. I hired him on the spot. I mean, why not? Worst case he’d wash out in 90 days and we’d hire somebody else. He turned out to be one of the best developers on our team. 

I believe that those weirdly gendered spiritual rituals can work - just not because of the weirdly gendered stuff. 

But some context first: I’m talking about stuff like

„cozy, soft morning rituals to awake your divine feminine energy“ and it’s not rushing to check your email first thing in the morning and instead starting your day by making a nice cup of tea and writing down some things you’re grateful for

„lucky girl affirmations to activate your princess era“ and it’s a calm, gentle voice telling you that you deserve good things and are allowed to take up space 

There is a whole deeper, darker iceberg underneath this layer, which gets increasingly dangerous from a mental health perspective, such as 

promises that affirmations can literally change your body (give you bigger boobs, make you skinnier, change your eye color to blue etc) which can trigger or worsen body image issues, body dysmorphia, low confidence etc. 

the idea that in order to attract money you need to act as if you are already rich which can lead to overspending, risky financial decisions and debt 

the implication (or even explicit statement) that hyperfocus on physical attractiveness and overspending are necessary in order for you to „manifest the dream life that honors your inner feminine goddess“ aka being the housewife to a husband who does all the financial planning and generally all the thinking for you because your fragile feminine energy will only blossom under the leadership of a man and would be disturbed by having to focus on anything but being a wife and mother… which is unhealthy for so many reasons we can not even list them all here but they include that this content teaches you that you are helpless on your own and makes you vulnerable to controlling or abusive relationships

When I say „it can work“, I am not talking about that second layer - and even within the first layer, I am not saying you should engage with that sort of thing. It is a pipeline from the first layer to the second and it is not healthy to engage with. If you have not been exposed to this yet, I do explicitly recommend against getting into that bubble, for your own mental wellbeing and safety. 

But for those whose algorithm already found that bubble, I do think it’s important to acknowledge that it can work - because otherwise you may feel this weird disconnect between „I know rationally that this content is, like, not super feminist“ and „But starting my day slowly with a nice cup of tea and repeating „I deserve good things“ does feel good“. 

And yeah, it does! But not because it’s „stoking your divine feminine fire which holds ancestral memories of being a housewife and mother“ - it feels good because it’s intentional self-care rituals. 

Many of these rituals provide

structure,

predictability,

a sense of agency,

mindfulness,

and permission to rest.

Those are all things known to reduce stress for many people. None of them depend on “feminine energy.”

We do live in a fast-paced world that leaves many people exhausted. We do live in a society that is hyperfocused on productivity and that leaves many people burned out. Intentional rituals are a welcome break! „Soft, cozy, gentle, calm, affirming“ is indeed something you may need… just not because of gender. 

You’re allowed to be kind to yourself. It doesn’t require supernatural or gender essentialist explanations. 

With all my love, 

River + The Doctor + text posts pt. 40/?

Either way enjoy Nibbles chomping