lostgirl

June 5, 2025, 6:11 PM

I am feeling so down because of the energy this house has been feeding me. but I know its my fault because of my past actions. but i guess "change" is no longer an option to them.

i guess these feelings is my karma from everything i did. but i only wanted to feel like a normal teenager, but i guess i was wrong for wanting to feel like one.

honestly, i wanted to feel like i am like them other teenagers. they have a family that understand them and just letting them be a teenager. (yk what i mean) I never got to experience that because we are not living in our own roof. and i know we have to respect their rules and i failed on doing so. and i am really terribly sorry for it.

I am slowly getting better from my mistakes, i am slowly changing into someone better. but my past mistake just came up and messed everything up.

The Lord knows how deeply sorry i am for the mistakes I did but i know trust me after what i did. i just need to be better for my own self. i will no longer be trying to impress them but myself.

Hi, good morning. life has been a total disaster as my blog page knows lmaoo. but today i had a moment, a connection to my old self. i wanted to be a teacher when i was young. it was what im passionate about. but i never got ahold of it since my family wasn't a big fan of it. that's why it never crossed my mind. but i had time thinking and realizing, it is my true self. it is what i desire.

support or no support im gonna be a teacher, i will be what my heart is screaming to be. im gonna get the life myself wants and need.

i am going to make my dreams come true, i will make it happen.

It's between me and MYSELF & God, and i promise i am going to make it happen.

they might be thinking i am a failure, a disgrace but i am not that to myself. I don't have to prove them wrong that I am not that but I will prove to myself that i am not a failure.

my opinion to myself is what matters, not THEIR opinion.

I GOT THIS, FIGHTING!

What is family? everyone will surely say: family is love, family is everything. I actually agree, no doubt.

A family can be your everything, your happiness, your motivation, your love, your inspiration.

a family can be anything, i believe that. but other than that, a family can also be the reason one individual can be so depressed, sad and lonely. they make you sad, they make you feel like you are worthless. they will make you feel like you are a failure. they will say a family will never give up on each other.

but have you ever watched them giving up on you? because i did.

the constant disappointed eyes they give me everyday, the constant judgement, the constant bad energy they make me feel everyday. yes i love them with all my heart, but strangely why are they the source of my sadness? my loneliness?

i do appreciate them, i am beyond grateful. that does mean i am a bad person for feeling this way? am i a bad person for feeling like they are the source of my loneliness?

ever since i was a kid i love writing my emotions into a notebook, i lost my notebooks/diary so i never reconnected with my old thoughts. i guess thats the void i am trying to fill? the void that keeps letting me question myself on who the fuck i am?

I am being completely honest here. I am a woman in distress. I am a woman who doesnt know her true-self, I am a woman who lost her self the moment she lost the love of her life. she never reconnected her old self ever again after that heartbreak.

that relationship shaped her into someone beautiful, but when her heart was broken into pieces so did her whole existence. after that she struggled on finding herself.

she was never the same again, she completely lost herself.

I am not making a petty post or a post that makes people pity me, In fact i am assuming nobody can see this post. its like im talking to myself.