#formyfuture

Hi, good morning. life has been a total disaster as my blog page knows lmaoo. but today i had a moment, a connection to my old self. i wanted to be a teacher when i was young. it was what im passionate about. but i never got ahold of it since my family wasn't a big fan of it. that's why it never crossed my mind. but i had time thinking and realizing, it is my true self. it is what i desire.

support or no support im gonna be a teacher, i will be what my heart is screaming to be. im gonna get the life myself wants and need.

i am going to make my dreams come true, i will make it happen.

It's between me and MYSELF & God, and i promise i am going to make it happen.

they might be thinking i am a failure, a disgrace but i am not that to myself. I don't have to prove them wrong that I am not that but I will prove to myself that i am not a failure.

my opinion to myself is what matters, not THEIR opinion.

I GOT THIS, FIGHTING!

trigger warning self-harm

I’m 17 years old and apperently too young.

I’m 17 yars old and apperently the only thing i need to worry about is to get a boyfriend.

I’m 17 years old and and I’m supposed to be worried about my grades.

I’m 17 years old and everybody wants me to be pretty and smile.

I’m 17 years old and the most important thing on my mind is, that i’m  supposed to be the best.

When i was 6 i wanted to be a historian.

When i was 6 years old everbody told me to worry about the future and not the past.

When i was 6 years old I decided to worry about the future.

When i was 14 years old i fell for a girl.

When i was 14 years old cried for the first time because i felt ashamed.

When i was 14 years old i cried because i wasn’t supposed to feel this way for a girl.

When i was 15 years old i had enough.

When i was 15 years old i felt the razorblade the first time on my wirsts.

when i was 15 years old for the first time i couldn’t breath while the world was spinning and falling apart.

When i was 15years old i had my first panik attack.

When i was 15 years old i came out to my parents.

I was 15 years oldwhen i was told that it was a phase.

I was 15 years old when i felt like i had to be ashamed of who i am.

I was 16 years old when the girl in my philosophy class said that all gays deserve to die.

I was 16 years old when i had my first nervous breakdown during an exam.

I was 16 years old when i didn’t change in the same room with my classmates after P.E because i was afraid.

Now i’m still 17 still struggeling still crying in my room.

But I remebered that when i was 6 i made myself a promise to worry about the future.

So I did.

I went out on the streets and screamed for justice.

For Climate change

For being able to love who i want.

I’m 17 and they told me to stop

I’m 17 and and they said the forget about the future.

I’m 17 years old and they told me that i am too young

I’m 17 years old and i i hide who i am

because i am too young

And i have to agree

i am too young to know whats its like to want to die.

i am too young to not be able to love who i want.

i am too young to have to scream til my voice is gone because else they won’t listen to me.

I am too young to fall asleep crying because i feel like i am all alone in this world full of people.

I’m 17 years old and i should be trying to find the courage to ask the girl i like out and not trying to find the courage to even have the smallest pride flag in my room.

I’m 17 years old and supposed to go downtown to drink coffee with a friend and not go downtown to protest  so that i can save this planet.

Because when i was small you told us that you would do everything for us that we can be who we want.

But the moment we decided to speak up to tell the truth we saw the truth.

we saw that you were willing to do everything for us as long as we played along in a game we never even wanted to play.

We saw that we could be everything that you wanted us to be.

I’m 17 years old and i looked in the past and saw that we have to rebell in oder to change something.

I’m 17 years old telling you to fight because no one else will.

I’m 17 years old and i decided to fight and be proud.

I’m 17 years old and i am not too young

i am 17 years old anf tried of playing your game