apricity 🤎

seventh year kaz brekker, most notorious slytherin at hogwarts, mainly for the infamous rumors that he broke into a gringotts vault during his fifth year to steal some top secret items. the rumors say he was put on trial but no one could ever prove he did it. while it’s said that the boy has no one he calls a friend, he’s always surrounded by a specific group of people.

among them is jesper fahey, a popular keeper for the slytherin quidditch team who never turns down a bet and has a particular love for wizarding chess and cards. he likes to wear colorful muggle clothes to class, to many professors’ dismay, and when he does have his robes on, his tie is never properly done. nobody has the sense to say anything about it because of how good he looks in both.

inej ghafa, gryffindor and star seeker of the quidditch team—everyone questions her choice of friends, especially brekker and fahey, but no one dares to say anything to her face. the sixth year is at the top of her class, with an especially ruthless talent for defense against the dark arts. rumor has it she wants to become an auror.

her best friend, gryffindor nina zenik, is quite popular, known for being a metamorphmagus. the large, loud girl can be seen with waffles at her table at any time of the day, wearing bright red and gold and entertaining first-years by changing the color of her hair or turning into animals during dinner. she decorates posters and cheers the loudest for both her friends inej and jesper at their quidditch games, even when they’re playing each other.

by her side, covered in glitter from said posters, is always the large, blonde hufflepuff matthias helvar, who’s only ever seen smiling around his girlfriend. he’s a transfer student from durmstrang and has a reputation for being one of the strictest prefects hufflepuff has ever seen. what most don’t know is that he likes to tell stories to nervous first-years when they can’t fall asleep, and offers to help with their homework.

and most questionable of all is wylan van eck, a third-year muggleborn who was known to struggle with his magic, rumored to be have been accepted into hogwarts with the help of his rich father. while many looked down on and talked badly about the red-haired ravenclaw during his first year, they eventually shut up after wylan was moved up three years in potions, where he met his lab partner jesper fahey and they became legends after blowing up some kind of potion in professor snape’s face. it cost them 200 house points each and a month of detention.

the students at hogwarts like to call the unlikely group of friends “the crows”, after the head of brekker’s cane that he uses to limp around school. while they don’t like to get too close to the group, stories are always circulating about the group’s endeavors. slytherins like to whisper about the fact that amongst the items brekker stole out of the gringotts vault, there was supposedly a very valuable painting worth a lot of galleons. others like to talk about the time matthias helvar bought nina zenik 100 chocolate frogs and charmed them to form hearts all day on their one year anniversary. gryffindors especially liked to tell the tale of inej ghafa’s legendary game, where she almost fell off her broom before she caught the snitch during a rainy match against the slytherins, moments before the whistle was blown. and a popular hogwarts favorite was the legend of how jesper fahey and wylan van eck began dating, a funny story involving a potions lesson on amortentia that wylan was late to. apparently he had burst into the classroom, apologizing and explaining to professor snape that he was finishing an exam when he turned to his lab partner, all flushed from running, and asked, “jesper, why does the entire room smell like butterbeer and your cologne?”

they got another two weeks of detention that day for an “unnecessary display of public affection”, jesper himself liked to tell the first years who giggled as they listened. he always made sure to add that it had been totally worth it.

“This was something different. If the demon Brekker spoke the truth, Matthias would get to go home. The longing for it twisted in his chest—to hear his language spoken, to see his friends again, taste semla filled with sweet almond paste, feel the bite of the northern wind as it came roaring over the ice. To return home and be welcomed there without the burden of dishonour.” 

when you consider him as the teenager that he is, matthias has also been to hell and back and his homesickness always reminds me of it :(( the fact that he chooses nina over everything he knew and loved is the reason why i believe in love

“Even so, the words were bitter in Matthias’ mouth when he said, ‘I’ll do it.’ 

Brekker winked at Nina, and Matthias wanted to knock his teeth in.”

OK this is just my personal bonus bc i love this trio’s dynamic so much and i’ll never get over how they could have made kaz more like he is in the book in the netflix show bc i feel like kaz is not as outwardly dark and brooding as ppl think !!! he’s moody as shit but he’s seventeen and playful sometimes and he snorts and winks and is sarcastic and sometimes "played along with one of [jesper’s] jokes” and says things like “i’ll just hire matthias’ ghost to kick your ghost’s ass” LIKE PLS. but this is not abt kaz and we will now return to the regularly scheduled program...

“Matthias returned his mentor’s embrace. 

‘I don’t know if you’re wrong about the Grisha,” he said gently. ‘I just know you’re wrong about her.’ 

He held Brum tight, in a hold Matthias had learned in the echoing training rooms of the drüskelle stronghold, rooms he would never see again. He held Brum as he struggled briefly and as his body went slack. When Matthias pulled away, Brum had slipped into unconsciousness, but Matthias did not think he imagined the rage that lingered on his mentor’s features. He made himself memorise it. It was right that he should remember that look. He was a true traitor at last, and he should carry the burden of it” 

matthias’s honor comes from his loyalty and honesty and i love that he admits he still isn’t sure about the other grisha yet, just nina. a turning point for him for sure, and i’ll forever be in awe of his character development. 

“Matthias was running through the streets of a foreign city, into dangers he did not know, but for the first time since he’d looked into Nina’s eyes and seen his own humanity reflected back at him, the war inside him quieted. 

We’ll find a way to change their minds, she’d said. All of them. He would locate Nina. They would survive this night. They would free themselves of this damp, misbegotten city, and then...Well, then they’d change the world.”

this entire chapter !!!! matthias has never been my personal favorite but he is such. a. well. written. character and i will never get over him d-wording. he realizes that his duty to his god and nina can be one and the same and that it was Djel who caused the shipwreck and his fateful meeting with nina and finally, is able to accept himself as not a traitor, but instead a revolutionary !! when i think about him sleeping and eating with nina just days before he died, my heart breaks for the future he could have had. 

“Matthias wanted to scream as the wolf’s teeth sank into his forearm. He toppled to the ground, the wolf on top of him, the pain beyond anything he’d ever known. But he did not make a sound. He held the wolf’s gaze as its teeth sank more deeply into the muscle of his arm, a growl rumbling through the animal’s chest. 

Matthias suspected that the wolf’s jaws were strong enough to break bone, but he did not struggle, did not cry out, did not drop his gaze. I won’t hurt you, he swore, even if you hurt me.”

is matthias’s promise to trassel not his promise to his country? despite his realization about grisha, his loyalties lay with his home. the one that brainwashed him, forced him into a way of life, taught him everything he knew. the boy matthias faces at his death is also just another version of trassel: matthias holds up his hands, tells the boy he is unarmed, tells the young soldier he can take him to the law if he wishes. matthias’s only fault is his faith—faith that resides in his people until even the last moments of his life.

kaz’s version | wylan’s version | jesper’s version | nina’s version | matthias’s version | inej’s version

wylan turned to his potions partner with a grim, determined face.

kuwei, the raven haired boy and one of wylan’s friends in potions class, mirrored his expression from next to him.

“ready?”

wylan nodded, taking a big breath before sticking his fist out between them.

“rock, paper, scissors, shoot!”

“yes!” wylan grinned as his scissors secured victory. he had hung out with kuwei enough to know his partner was cursing in shu.

the polyjuice potion assessment was notoriously one of the toughest of the year. in two days’ time, professor snape would ask the class to split into pairs and brew the potion so it would successfully turn one of them into another person in the school for a minimum of an hour. and while wylan loved potions and was determined for a good grade, he hadn’t exactly been looking forward to drinking the potion and walking around as professor hagrid, who had graciously given them a strand of his hair for their practice trial. he didn’t think he would have known what to do with a body that big.

wylan filled exactly one glass with their finished potion, pushing it in front of kuwei. after close to two hours, their elixir had ended up brewing a deep ravenclaw blue. while it didn’t smell anywhere close to as bad as the one from the group who had used the empty classroom before them, kuwei was still eyeing the glass nervously, looking a little closer to slytherin green.

“bottoms up, i guess.” kuwei said, gripping the glass before tipping his head back and swallowing twice, then once again. wylan watched anxiously as he smacked his lips.

“is it working?” he asked.

“i dunno...but it tasted like eggnog!” his partner’s smile faded as he groaned, grabbing his stomach. “it’s working. oh, no.”

“oh, yes.” wylan corrected as he turned to grab his pen from his bag. it was his first time seeing polyjuice potion in action and he intended to take as many notes as possible for their exam. when he turned back, however, he dropped his pen, stifling a shriek when he saw kuwei.

or—not kuwei. himself.

“all the saints and their mothers,” wylan paled.

“what?” kuwei asked frantically, feeling around his new face. “what happened? did something go wrong? i do feel a bit small for professor hagrid. actually, i feel smaller than myself.”

wylan just wordlessly pushed a looking glass over to his friend, still staring, aghast. was his nose always that crooked?

kuwei gasped when he caught sight of his reflection. “why am i you? what happened to professor hagrid’s hair?”

“i...don’t know.” wylan said honestly. he didn’t even know how they could possibly have mistaken his hair for professor hagrid’s.

“well,” kuwei shrugged. “at least we did it!”

wylan couldn’t help but smile at that before he was reminded of a very scary point from their lessons.

“...you don’t think we could have accidentally used both my hair and professor hagrid’s, do you?” wylan looked warily at his partner. “polyjuice potion can have very dangerous consequences when mixed with different people. maybe it would be a good idea to fetch professor snape and have him figure out what exactly went wrong.”

kuwei’s triumphant grin promptly dropped. “bloody hell. i think that would be a very good idea.”

the thought of a hybrid 8′6″ third year ravenclaw with a ginger beard and an affinity for flute had wylan sprinting out the door.

                                                          —

fifth year slytherin jesper fahey was having a very good day.

if you had told him a month ago he’d be happy about the tutor he’d been assigned because he close to flunking potions, he would’ve said you were insane. in fact, he’d been close to deciding that flunking the class would be just fine, especially when he found out his tutor was a third year. what had been a reluctant first meeting with a ruddy haired ravenclaw turned into thursday nights at the library that jesper grew to look forward to—all because of a wylan van eck.

wylan had been more nervous than him during their first lesson, looking away any time jesper looked at him too long and stumbling over his words. but as he explained the importance of salamander blood and the deflating draught, the boy’s voice had found a strength that came from a very obvious passion for the subject.

nerd, jesper had wanted to call him, but he found that for the first time he seemed to lose his words around his tutor with the perfect curls and nice handwriting. something about wylan van eck made jesper want to focus on potions. he wanted to love what wylan loved, and he was determined to impress him at their next lesson.

he had not impressed wylan at their second lesson. or their third lesson. in fact, a month in, wylan was still making him redo his homework while he studied for a different subject himself. jesper had been taken aback by the lack of attention.

“van eck,” jesper had called for the fiftieth time. it was infuriating, the way the ravenclaw’s eyes never left his parchment.

“don’t make me kiss you.” he had said as a last resort, and then the boy was flushing a delightful red. jesper had desperately wanted to peel back wylan’s collar to see if the color reached as far down as he imagined.

he hadn’t expected wylan to reply, eyes still trained on his desk and pen still moving: “you wish.”

jesper did indeed wish. he wished very much.

every thursday, jesper became a little bit better at potions and a little bit more in love with his tutor. it was a cliche he had thought he would only ever see in muggle rom-coms that nina loved so much, but kaz and inej did think his newfound appreciation for potions was pretty funny.

two months later they were reaching exam season and jesper had been nervous—not only about his exams, but also about what it would mean if he got his Os. as wylan studied beside him, jesper had been growing anxious. what if wylan wanted nothing to do with him one was his job was done?

“hey wylan,” jesper started. thinking back, he wasn’t even sure what he was going to ask.

wylan ignored him, eyes still trained on his book. jesper couldn’t help but smile as he ripped off a piece of parchment from his review guide, scrawling as quickly as he could before sliding it in front of his focused tutor.

van eck

wylan glared at him pointedly, just pushing the note back to jesper. jesper added a sentence before passing it back.

aren’t you supposed to be helping me or something???

this was a joke and they both knew it. wylan had just spent two hours helping jesper put a review guide together. their scheduled thursday sessions had gone from one hour to sometimes even three as they both lingered in the library to study.

wylan didn’t even look at the note, still reading his book as he slid it back to jesper. jesper scoffed amusedly.

don’t make me kiss you.

wylan coughed loudly, breaking the din in the library and turning red. it was gratifying to know that some things never changed. jesper grinned with satisfaction as wylan finally picked up his pen.

get your Os in potions. then we’ll see.

jesper was still processing what he had read as wylan packed up his books as fast as a snitch, disappearing before jesper could even say “amortentia”.

                                                         —

a week later, fifth year slytherin jesper fahey was having a very good day because he had just received his exam grades.

and there was a very big O on his potions exam.

jesper raced the hallways towards the potions wing, having heard from some third years that wylan was practicing for exams. nearly mowing down a group of first years, jesper burst into the classroom, feeling like he could do anything.

wylan spun around at his arrival, standing up as jesper made a beeline for him.

“are you coming from professor snape?”

“hell yeah i am.” jesper itched to touch him.

wylan peered crookedly at him. “i’m guessing we’re okay?”

jesper beamed. “better than okay.”

“thank the saints!” wylan yelped, throwing his arms around jesper. “oh, i was so worried it’d be bad.” to jesper’s dismay he stepped away after what seemed like seconds “saints, sorry, i didn’t mean to—”

jesper managed to shake his head, missing his warmth immediately. wylan smiled shyly, looking up at him from beneath his eyelashes. “guess all there’s left to do is wait then.”

hell, jesper felt like he couldn’t wait another second. with a desperation that surprised himself, he leaned down to press his lips to wylan’s, muffling his taken noise.

jesper wasn’t a genius. he had gotten a mixture of bad and okay grades in his other exams and the only reason he had an O in potions was a big motivating factor. however, it didn’t take a genius to figure out something was wrong, that wylan didn’t want this. jesper stepped back immediately.

the redhead was flushed—not in the way that turned him that pretty shade of pink, but in a very clear shade of confused. “i- not that you’re not a very good kisser, but i think there’s been a misunderstanding here.”

jesper felt like he was suddenly going to be sick. had he misread the signs? the weeks of flirting? that note?

wylan looked just as panicked. “uh, where’s wylan?”

where’s wylan????

“right here.” a familiar voice came from behind them.

jesper spun, feeling like he was hallucinating. there stood another wylan, the apparently real wylan at the door. jesper had never seen him look so expressionless—it was clear he had seen everything.

“what. is going on.” jesper made out.

the wylan at the door looked past him at the wylan that jesper had just swapped spit with.

“kuwei, professor snape says you’re going to be fine. i’m supposed to take you to the infirmary so he can monitor your condition just in case.”

jesper could only watch in disbelief as kuwei-wylan walked slowly towards the door, eyes darting between the two. “i think i can take myself, actually. you guys should...talk.”

and with that, there was only one wylan left in the room. the real wylan.

jesper had no idea what to say. he didn’t know what he had been expecting to happen today, but this was definitely far from it. he was realizing this was the first time he was even seeing wylan since that day in the library, the day before his exam. wylan was still standing by the door, eyes on the floor.

“er, i got an O on my exam?”

wylan cracked a small smile that released something in jesper’s chest. “congratulations. your hard work paid off.”

jesper laughed at that. it was thanks to wylan that he had passed. even when he had studied in the common rooms by himself, he had felt like wylan was with him. jesper was feeling like he had to apologize, though he wasn’t sure just what for.

“wylan-”

“polyjuice potion.” wylan said. “a homework accident. we were trying for professor hagrid and my hair got mixed in somehow, i guess.”

jesper couldn’t help but snort. “‘a homework accident.’ figures all your friends are nerds too.”

wylan looked at him, a gleam in his eye. “a nerd you just kissed?”

"i-” jesper swallowed, words gone. “i came here to thank you. to tell you that you’re the only reason i even have an O.”

wylan shook his head. “that’s not true.”

“but it is. i came to tell you how bloody patient and helpful and lovely you’ve been. i came to tell you i really like your handwriting and laugh, and really, you, van eck. and i came here to collect on that promise. i thought it was you at that desk.”

wylan’s eyes softened as he smiled. “i figured as much. i just can’t believe kuwei stole our first kiss.”

jesper raised an eyebrow, grinning. “our first kiss, huh?”

wylan went pink. “i mean, it’s just unf- i can’t believe that he-”

jesper closed the gap between them in long strides until he was standing in front of his pretty tutor who knew way too much about bezoars and basilisk venom.

“i don’t really believe in firsts if it feels like a first time every time.” jesper murmured, eyes already trained on wylan’s mouth. the right mouth. “how would you like a do-over?”

wylan took a step closer. “i would like that very much.”

and with that, jesper’s lips were on wylan’s. it was better than he had imagined while he was studying for exams and it was worth every hour he had spent. it felt like some kind of a chemical imbalance, the way jesper couldn’t breathe but didn’t need air. when wylan inevitably pulled away, he didn’t go far.

“you’re really good at that,” he said breathlessly.

jesper felt just as out of breath. “want lessons? i can teach this time.”

wylan laughed. “deal.”

“you know, i’ve actually had that dream where there’s two of you and one of-”

wylan pulled him down by his tie, effectively shutting him up with his mouth. wylan van eck was going to be the death of him, jesper thought.

he wouldn’t have it any other way.

“It would have been easy enough to turn away when they called her names or sidled up to ask for a cuddle, but do that and soon it was a hand up your blouse or a try at you against a wall. So she’d let no insult or innuendo slide. She’d always struck first, and struck hard. Sometimes she even cut them up a bit. It was fatiguing, but nothing was sacred to the Kerch except trade, so she’d gone out of her way to make the risk much higher than the reward when it came to disrespecting her.” 

inej girl boss. love that kaz is protective of her but never needs to step in because she can protect herself.  

“The problem was that Inej was no longer certain what she was aiming for. When she’d been little, it had been easy—a smile from her father, the tightrope raised another foot, orange cakes wrapped in white paper. Then it had been getting free of Tante Heleen and the Menagerie, and after that, surviving each day, getting a little stronger with every morning. Now she didn’t know what she wanted.” 

inej’s character development is so perfect ahhh (see next quote) and i like this quote because it shows how cognizant she is of both her problems and her worth. she’s independent like no other fictional female protagonist that i’ve ever seen.

“But even as she gave thanks, she knew that the rain was not enough. She wanted a storm—thunder, wind, a deluge. She wanted it to crash through Ketterdam’s pleasure houses, lifting roofs and tearing doors off their hinges. She wanted it to raise the seas, take hold of every slaving ship, shatter their masts, and smash their hulls against unforgiving shores. I want to call that storm, she thought...She clung to the wall, but it was purpose she grasped at long last, and that carried her upwards.”

and when she finally finds what she wants?? her purpose only makes her stronger. the chapter right after this, she volunteers to enter the ice court with the menagerie, and then the chapter after that she decides to finally let go of kaz because their purposes don’t align. her goals in life come before any guy and i love that for her. 

“She didn’t have her opponent’s training or education or fine white clothes. She would never be as ruthless and she could not wish to be. But she knew this city inside out. It was the source of her suffering and the proving ground for her strength. Like it or not, Ketterdam—brutal, dirty, hopeless Ketterdam—had become her home.” 

everyone mentions the parallel between what kaz says to geels in chapter 1 of soc (“No one that fine should ever have looked twice at Barrel scum like you...”) and his feelings about inej but this parallel here!!! about how inej feels for the people of ketterdam—the dregs, the crows, and most of all kaz—works so well too. 

“She righted herself, her balance returning. Had she really thought the world didn’t change? She was a fool. The world was made of miracles, unexpected earthquakes, storms that came from nowhere and might reshape a continent. The boy beside her. The future before her. Anything was possible...Her heart was a river that carried her to the sea.”

inej’s moments in the duology are made from a hope and faith that i can only aspire to have. she is my fictional reminder that change comes when we most need it, but we can’t spend our whole lives waiting for one specific thing. (and i also just love whenever she refers to kaz as a boy). 

kaz’s version | wylan’s version | jesper’s version | nina’s version | matthias’s version | inej’s version

“She shoved one of the cakes from the cofee service into her mouth and mumbled, ‘What do you want, Kaz?’

‘You have crumbs on your cleavage.’ 

‘Don’t care,’ she said, taking another bite of cake. ‘So hungry.” 

Kaz shook his head, amused and impressed at how quickly Nina dropped the wise Grisha priestess act. She’d missed her true calling on the stage.”

such. an. underrated relationship. ik people love to talk about the lines where she bullies him for his hair but i love this crumbs on cleavage line AND the fact that kaz truly is impressed by her skills not as a grisha, but as a performer>>> danielle galligan mentioned she used that last sentence to characterize her own performance as nina which i also love. 

“‘Of course every time [the mark] pats his back pocket or the front of his coat, what is he doing? He’s telling every thief on the Stave exactly where he keeps his scrub.’

‘Saints, grumbled Nina. ‘I’ve probably done that.’ 

‘Everyone does,’ said Inej. 

Jesper lifted a brow. “Not everyone.” 

‘That’s only because you never have anything in your wallet,’ Nina shot back. 

‘Mean.’”

i adore her honesty and sass and everything about her honestly 

“Nina had wronged him, but she’d done it to protect her people. She’d hurt him, but she’d attempted everything in her power to make things right. She’d shown him in a thousand ways that she was honourable and strong and generous and very human, maybe more vividly human than anyone he’d ever known. And if she was, then Grisha weren’t inherently evil. They were like anyone else—full of potential to do great good, and also great harm. To ignore that would make Matthias the monster.” 

i LOVE this because nina from matthias’ pov is always the best and this quote says as much about him as it does about her. get yourself a girl who will change your mind from its deadset ways that you’ve been brainwashed into since birth.

“Matthias was already up, seeing to their weapons. Nina stretched and yawned, adding a little arch to her back, pleased at the way his gaze darted over her figure before guiltily jumping back to the rifle he was loading. Gratifying. She’d practically thrown herself at him the other day. If Matthias didn’t want to take advantage of the offer, she could make damn sure he regretted it.” 

i’ve read this book over ten times and just made solid eye contact with this line. i heard people spell girlboss like nina zenik. i also heard people were right. 

WARNING ⚠️ last quote is from the chapter 39 —skip to avoid spoilers or heartbreak 🚨🚨

*****(pt. 1 here if you’re new!!)

the last straw was kuwei. 

wylan is having breakfast when jesper returns from his date. 

“morning.” wylan took in jesper’s untucked shirt and messy hair and hoped he wasn’t flushing. 

jesper groaned as he stole wylan’s mug of coffee out of his hand and took a sip. “saints, my hangover. mistakes may have been made last night.” 

wylan took his mug back. “get your own coffee.” then despite his desire to ignore the marks on jesper’s collarbone, he asks. “new guy?”

“yeah, you might know him, actually. kuwei? he’s in your year.”

wylan can’t help it when his face drops. “kuwei yul-bo?” 

if jesper sees wylan’s obvious annoyance, he doesn’t say anything. wylan in fact did know kuwei yul-bo, a chemistry major at the top of his department. wylan had wanted to be a chemistry major but had settled for a minor after long fights with his father. kuwei, who was wylan’s age, was also as popular as he was smart. wylan couldn’t help but be dismayed. it seemed as if jesper went for everyone who was taller, better looking, smarter, more popular than wylan. every date reminded him that he wasn’t the one. he wasn’t even one of the very many. 

and because it’s kuwei, someone so different yet alike to wylan, it only makes it worse when jesper dresses up to go out the very same night. 

wylan raised an eyebrow from where he was reading a book on the couch. “a new date so soon?”

“nah, kuwei again. it’s his roommate’s birthday and he invited me out.” 

wylan slammed his book shut. “have you learned nothing from this morning? ghezen.” 

he regretted it immediately because jesper’s face suddenly looks funny before it hardens. “what’s stuck up your ass this fine night?” 

wylan was suddenly ashamed. what was he doing? there was nothing wrong with jesper going out except the fact that wylan’s heart broke a little each time. and that wasn’t jesper’s fault, it was wylan’s. 

“nothing, sorry. homework, stress.” wylan stood up and walked to his room before jesper could ask him any questions. he was convinced it was clear as day on his face sometimes. “enjoy your night.” 

hot, angry tears welled up in his eyes as wylan shut the door behind himself. what was wrong with himself these days? he hears jesper let out a breath and can imagine him pacing. then, though he can tell his roommate hesitates, their front door opens and then closes as jesper decides to leave. 

wylan let the tears fall. 

- 

wylan was still tossing and turning when he heard the doorbell ring mere hours before sunrise. he braced himself for a drunk jesper before opening the door, only to be greeted by drunk jesper and a tipsy kuwei yul-bo. wylan’s first thought was that he was too sober for this.

“hey! i’m kuwei yul-bo, jesper’s friend. uh wylan, right?

“that’s me.” wylan muttered. he took in the sight of jesper, whose shirt was only half buttoned up, long limbs sprawled across kuwei’s shoulders. he looked like he was barely holding himself up.

kuwei nodded towards the couch. “can i..?”

“oh, yes.” wylan opened the door, still in disbelief that he had kuwei in his living room. he watched as kuwei dumped jesper onto the couch. the unconscious boy immediately began snoring, legs too long for the couch.

kuwei laughed, putting his hands in his pocket. “he drank a lot today. was riled up more than usual for some reason.” he elbowed wylan. wylan blanched.

“it’s like he never learns from the morning before, right?” kuwei snorted, not unkindly.

wylan pressed his lips together. “right.”

before he could figure out a way to ask kuwei to leave without sounding rude, kuwei made for the door to his relief. and because wylan van eck does have basic manners, he clears his throat at the door.

“uh, thanks for getting him home safely. good night.” wylan said.

“no problem!” kuwei turned to leave before hesitating and turning over his shoulder. “you should come out with jesper next time. i think he would really like that.” 

he was gone before wylan could even make sense of the sentence. 

(wylan makes sure to leave aspirin and water on their coffee table on his way to bed, just to make sure jesper doesn’t have too much of a headache in the morning. if he lingers in the living room, stares at jesper’s relaxed sleeping figure, and thinks about how much would easier it would be if jesper wasn’t so perfect, nobody knows. at least, not tonight.)

“Kaz’s eyes found Inej unerringly in the crowd. Ketterdam had been buzzing about the assassination of the ambassador for weeks. It had nearly destroyed Kerch-Zemeni relations and sent the Merchant Council into an uproar. The Zemeni blamed the Kerch. The Kerch suspected the Shu. Kaz didn’t care who was responsible; the murder fascinated him because he couldn’t figure out how it had been accomplished...Kaz hated a puzzle he couldn’t solve, and he and Inej had concocted a hundred theories to account for the murder—none of which satisfied.”

okay that first line kills me BUT more importantly the word “fascinated” just makes kaz seem like the seventeen-year-old he really is. he’s all dark and twisted but a modern, typical-childhood kaz brekker would definitely love sherlock holmes books, serial killer documentaries, and chess.

“In nearly two years of battling side by side with Kaz, of late-night scheming, impossible heists, clandestine errants, and harried meals of fried potatoes and hutspot gobbled down as they rushed from one place to another, this was the first time she had touched him skin to skin, without the barrier of gloves or coat or shirtsleeve. She let her hand cup his cheek. His skin was cool and damp from the rain.”

why does noone talk about the fact that kanej was probably friends-to-lovers?? fuck the sequel leigh bardugo we want a prequel pls

“He wasn’t sure what he’d expected, but the force of the river was terrifying, flowing fast and hard as an avalanche. The noise was deafening even beneath the water, but with fear also came a kind of giddy vindication. He’d been right.”

i used this quote in my crows mbti post too but it’s such a small moment that characterizes kaz. bro’s literally drowning and his last thought before he almost dies is that he was right about the river, the competitive nerd.

“Waiting was the part of the criminal life so many people got wrong. They wanted to act instead of hold fast and gather information. They wanted to know instantly without having to learn. Sometimes the trick to getting the best of a situation was just to wait. If you didn’t like the weather, you didn’t rush into the storm—you waited until it changed. You found a way to keep from getting wet.

Brilliant, thought Kaz. So where the hell is she?”

kaz emphasizing patience in the criminal life and then immediately getting impatient because inej is away gives the same energy as inej’s question for matthias about nina in soc: “so why do your eyes keep searching the crowd for her?”

“‘Think on it, Wylan,’ Kaz said as he straightened the frame. ‘It’s shame that lines my pockets, shame that keeps the Barrel teeming with fools ready to put on a mask, shame that keeps the Barrel teeming with fools ready to put on a mask just so they can have what they want with no one the wiser for it. We can endure all kinds of pain. It’s shame that eats men whole.’”

kaz brekker, philosopher crook. jokes aside, this is what makes kaz a morally grey character leaning towards good. he takes advantage only of the people that aren’t innocent, and many times he lets them destroy themselves. he just kinda encourages it from a distance LMAO

“‘The bosses, the customers, the politicians,’ he mused. ‘That could be half the people in Ketterdam—and you want to fight them all.’

‘Why not?’ Inej asked. ‘On the seas and in the city. One by one.’

‘Brick by brick,’ he said. Then he gave a single shake of his head, as if shrugging off the notion.”

kaz supporting inej’s goal of payback but also not wanting inej to become like him, obsessed and sick with revenge. i cry.

kaz’s lines might have been my favorite so far?? i’m having such a good time going through the books again. thank you for the love!

“Wylan nodded dumbly. His eyes were dazed and wide enough to drink from.

‘Just stay behind me and try not to get killed. Ready?’ 

Wylan shook his head.

‘Then forget I asked.’” 

jesper thinking abt wylan’s eyes to ahhhh wylan’s eyes=moons!1!!1!!11!!11!1!! like i know this is about wylan but jesper ahhhh

“‘My father used to take me everywhere with him.’

‘Until?’ 

‘Until what?’

‘Until. My father took me everywhere until I contracted terrible seasickness, until I vomited at a royal wedding, until I tried to hump the ambassador’s leg.’

‘The leg was asking for it.’”

wylan’s humor is so underrated. 

“So Wylan took stock of the room’s details—a trick he’d often used to steady himself whenever he arrived someplace new or when his father was in a particularly foul mood. He inventoried the pattern of interlocking starbursts that formed the polished wood floor, the shell-shaped nodes of the blown-glass chandelier, the cobalt silk wallpaper flocked with silver clouds.” 

wylan’s entire pov chapter is just him observing not only the room but the rest of the crows. hate that his hyperfocus on his surroundings is due to his anxiety about his father and previous home environment but wylan really does remind me of kaz in this chapter 

“The sharpshooter was covered in soot and smelled like a forest fire, but he had that wonderful glimmer-eyed look he always seemed to get when he’d been in a fight. All Wylan wanted to do was stand as close as he possibly could to him and know that he was safe.” 

wylan van eck’s love language being physical touch <3

“‘Yes,’ Wylan said, that one word imbued with a whole world of hope. ‘But I don’t have anything to bargain with.’” 

i adore this line because it’s so very wylan. inej is known for this but wylan is also so optimistic despite all he’s been through. his addition to the rest of the dregs as this new, “younger” kid is the addition of hope that the rest of them will also all turn out okay. (“we were all supposed to make it.”) 

“‘See now? That’s why [Jesper] likes you. I know, I know—it’s none of my business, and I have no idea if he’d be good for you. Probably bring you ten kinds of headache. But I think you’d be good for him.’

Wylan’s face heated. He knew how much Colm loved Jesper, had seen it in every gesture he’d made. It meant something that he thought Wylan was good enough for his son.”

wylan seeing a healthy father-son relationship for the first time and getting the paternal approval he always wanted from the best father(in-law) figure ever everyone say thank you to colm fahey.

ty for all the love on jesper’s part!! motivated me to actually do a pt. 2 (LMAO) with wylan aka best literary character out there. which crow next?!

“‘Naughty,’ Jesper said as he removed a tiny knife from Elzinger’s sleeve and tossed it across the square.”

the fact that i can just hear his smile and see his raised eyebrow when he says this. i think s&b season 2 needs a rebranding of the crows and i think the black tips showdown in the beginning of soc can do just that. 

“‘Usually people don’t start hating each other until a week into the job, but you two have a head start.’ 

They cast him twin glares, and Jesper beamed back at them...” 

its easy to forget jesper’s first pov chapter isn’t even until wylan’s identity is revealed in part 2 because there’s so much of him. i adore his characterization both within his perspective and not. 

“‘Did he come to see me at all?’ 

Jesper knew she meant Kaz. ‘Every day.’ ...

‘I mean, I think it was hard for him to be around you that way. That first day when you were hurt...he went a little crazy.’ It cost Jesper something to admit that. Would Kaz have gone off on that kind of a mad-dog tear if it had been Jesper with a knife stuck in his side?” 

the jesper-inej-kaz triangle is something i think about wayy too often. what’s heartbreaking here is that jesper is consistently jealous of inej’s relationship with kaz yet still tries to lie for her because he “hated disappointing anyone” (even sadder when u take the end of soc into consideration) :(( i like to believe kaz is smart enough to know about jesper’s feelings and purposely keeps his distance as to not hurt him. 

“’Facts are for the unimaginative,’”  Jesper said with a dismissive wave. 

the nikolai vibes are immaculate. 

“Someone had filled a city fountain with champagne, and it had taken two seconds for Jesper to dive in with boots off and gullet open. Now it was risk filling up his nose and mouth, making him feel giddy and invincible. He loved it, and he hated himself for loving it.” 

petition for someone to draw jesper in a champagne fountain with bubbles filling his nose and mouth. anyways, everyone say thank you to leigh bardugo for her writing. 

“‘Come on out!’ bellowed Doughty from behind a grave. ‘You can’t shoot us all.’

‘I can’t hear you,’ shouted Jesper. ‘Come closer.’”

this last one is actually from crooked kingdom which is a whole other set of great lines especially for jesper, but i had to include it because i adore his humor. he, in fact, could definitely shoot them all. 

i always see the same lines from the books, so i thought i would curate my own list of favorites i don’t see as often. share ones i missed and ur other favorites!! 

jesper breaks up with his last date and is dressing up for a new one in the space of a week. 

wylan watched from their kitchen as his roommate stood in front of the full length mirror in their living room. there’s a certain air about jesper on nights like these—it’s like he’s gotten even better looking, even taller. wylan wondered if jesper put lifts in shoes while trying to ignore the fact that jesper just looks less his on date nights. 

but wylan van eck was nothing if he wasn’t a good best friend. 

“so who’s the new guy?” he asked as he chewed a granola bar. acting took calories. wylan would know.

jesper grimaced as he fixed his shirt again. “just this guy from that history class i took for like a week before i dropped it. i had his number, got bored last night, decided to text him just for fun. i don’t think it’ll be amazing or anything.” 

“cool, have fun.” is what wylan replies, casually throwing his wrapper out. his mouth is empty, but he swallows hard. so why go? he wants to ask. just stay.

the words that hurt the most come next. 

“don’t wait up,” jesper called as he grabbed his keys. 

they only hurt because wylan knew he meant them.

wylan had met jesper as a freshman in college. the long-legged boy had been late to class, arriving with a literal bang as he dropped his books. he had the sense to look apologetic and grin at the professor before slipping into the last remaining seat next to wylan. wylan had been trying hard not to steal looks when jesper had leaned in close to whisper, “excuse me. have you lost an electron?”

wylan had looked around to make sure the question had been meant for him. everyone else was focused on the lesson. “sorry?”

“because you’re positively attractive.”

wylan had been so taken aback he had snorted and then immediately ducked his head, hoping the professor hadn’t heard him. 

and that was how jesper became wylan’s lab partner in introduction to chemistry 101…another class jesper had eventually dropped out of. well, “dropped out” may be putting it nicely. jesper had been kicked out. it had only taken two weeks for him to completely ignore their professor’s directions and go rogue in lab; wylan had turned away for two seconds and then jesper’s textbook was melting and multiple people were screaming and the professor was looking like she could murder someone. but somehow, within the two weeks, wylan had grown to really like the tall, handsome sophomore who had only mixed up random chemicals because he had bet wylan he could “get a reaction out of professor hardass over there”. wylan had been smitten by jesper’s casual flirting and pretty laugh and winking in class. 

until the waiter.

a week after jesper had left chemistry, wylan had been convinced he’d never see the boy again on his huge campus. then, wylan went to have lunch with his new friend inej ghafa and her friends, only to be seated in a diner in front of jesper fahey himself. inej, whom wylan had met in his ethics class, had a pretty tight knit group of friends, wylan found out that day. kaz brekker, a wickedly smart junior majoring in architecture who saved his words; nina zenik, one of the loudest and friendliest people wylan met who was majoring in theater. her boyfriend, matthias helvar, was a philosophy student who wylan was just a little intimidated by. and of course, wylan knew jesper. 

“merchling!” jesper had crowed when inej had made to introduce him. it was a nickname that had stuck after wylan had told him that his father had forced him to be a business major. wylan couldn’t decide if he hated it. “i should have known when inej said short, curly hair, beautiful eyes.”

inej had smacked him on the arm. “not that your eyes aren’t beautiful, wylan, but i said no such thing.”

they were the most unlikely group of friends wylan had ever seen, but wylan liked each of them. especially jesper. his long legs had been tangled around wylan’s under the diner table and wylan had been so relieved to run into him again that he had begun to admit that maybe he did have a little crush. and with the way jesper flirted, he was calculating his chances to be okay. 

until the waiter came.

“fahey and friends. what can i get for you today?” the waiter was brunette, tall, ruggedly handsome, and the complete opposite of wylan.

“i don’t know, mikael,” jesper had smirked up at him. he crossed his legs so that they were no longer against wylan’s. “can i hear about today’s special?”

nina giggled as kaz rolled his eyes. wylan had just sat there, mortified. all this time he had thought jesper was interested. it had been a harsh awakening to jesper’s reputation, which wylan had found out soon after. it seemed as if jesper flirted with everything on campus that breathed. girls, boys, TAs, cashiers, waiters, uber drivers. even the younger professors. and wylan was not the only one who was smitten. he could only sit as he watched mikael smile back, completely enraptured by jesper. 

jesper didn’t leave the diner with the rest of them that day.

to make things worse, jesper stopped with wylan. the more and more time wylan spent with the five of them, the more he felt it was where he belonged. jesper was an even better guy that he could have imagined, evident from his fierce loyalty to kaz and the way he bought nina a coffee every thursday morning when they had improv class together. the closer wylan became with them, the less jesper flirted. he made his comments now and then, but it was like he saw wylan as merely a good friend now, which wylan would have been able to come to terms with if jesper didn’t flirt with every. other. person. when the year came to an end, jesper’s roommate moved out and wylan was looking for an apartment himself. despite knowing it wasn’t a good idea, wylan accepted jesper’s offer. he had no choice, when jesper was smiling like that, talking excitedly about how much fun they’d have living together. 

by his sophomore year of college, wylan had a great group of friends and was settling in nicely with his new roommate. 

kaz brekker INTJ (the architect)

INTJs are single-minded and ambitious. under their sarcastic and sharp sense of humor is a depth to them, in which they are busy analyzing everything and everyone around them. as one of the rarest personality types, they are often lonely in their wisdom and struggle to find others they believe are at a similar intelligence level. they want to be right, take pride in their accomplishments and desire success. weaknesses include a dismissal of emotions, being overly critical, and being very often romantically clueless. 

“The noise was deafening even beneath the water, but with fear also came a kind of giddy vindication. He’d been right.” (Bardugo, Six of Crows)          

inej ghafa INFJ (the consul)

INFJs have a strong sense of idealism and integrity. at the same time, they do what needs to be done to accomplish their goals. as the rarest personality type of all, they strive to do what’s right, spread compassion, and hope that deeper-rooted hardships and unfairness in society may be fixed. they value deep and authentic relationships with others while also prioritizing themselves. weaknesses include perfectionistic tendencies and a reluctance to open up. 

“Inej shook her head. How could she still look at him with kindness in her eyes? ‘You don’t ask for forgiveness, Kaz. You earn it.’

‘Is that what you intend to do? By hunting slavers?’

‘By hunting slavers. By rooting out the merchers and Barrel bosses who profit off of them. By being something more than just the next Pekka Rollins.’” (Bardugo, Crooked Kingdom)

jesper fahey ENFP (the campaigner)

ENFPs like jesper are true free spirits. they stand out in a crowd because they are usually smiling and always lively but maybe also because most ENFPs are attractive as hell. they can enjoy a good party at any time but can also be introspective. they can’t help but long an emotional connection with others, think about their life and the future. their thoughts tend to run free even when they should be paying attention to something else. their weaknesses are their restlessness, impatience, and a lack of focus caused by how much they’re enjoying the thrill. 

“Jesper always felt better when people were shooting at him. It wasn’t that he liked the idea of dying…but if he was worrying about staying alive, he couldn’t be thinking about anything else.” (Bardugo, Six of Crows)

wylan van eck ISFJ (the defender) 

ISFJs are sensitive, usually always good at something, and have the ability to adjust quickly. with excellent analytical abilities and many strengths, defenders like wylan have the ability to connect with others and are quite social for introverts. they like people and are loyal and hard-working within a stable family. they are not always comfortable in the spotlight but gain satisfaction from their successes. their weaknesses may include severe shyness that will usually develop into romantic feelings best portrayed through emotional support. 

“His father would have sneered at these thugs and thieves, a disgraced soldier, a gambler who couldn’t keep out of the red. But they were his first friends, his only friends, and Wylan knew that even if he’d had his pick of a thousand companions, these would have been the people he chose.” (Bardugo, Crooked Kingdom)

nina zenik ENFJ (the protagonist)

ENFJs like nina feel they have a bigger purpose in life. they tend to take all opportunities offered and are drawn to doing the right thing even when it’s not easy. they are unapologetically and stubbornly vocal about their values and have a charisma that comes from their authenticity and motivation. they are inspiring, persuasive, passionate, have great instincts, and love their friends and family deeply. however, they can also be unrealistically altruistic and intense at times. 

“‘Everything is a negotiation with you, Brekker. You probably bartered your way out of the womb. If I’m going to do this, I want us to get the rest of the Grisha out of the city.’

‘Forget it. I’m not running a charity for refugees.’

‘Then I’m out.’” (Bardugo, Crooked Kingdom)

matthias helvar ISTJ (the logistician)

matthias is a true ISTJ, strong-willed, dutiful, and dedicated. like a soldier, they create order and enforce it well with a sense of responsibility. their tireless dedication helps them reach their goals with accuracy and patience. they dislike to rely on others. their strong sense of tradition may make them seem cold or unkind, but they often just struggle to express their emotions outwardly. their weaknesses include insensitivity, inflexibility when it comes to rules, and doing things exactly by the book.

“Drüskelle colours. Matthias had worn them with such pride. And the things he’d felt for Nina had caused him so much shame. It was still with him, maybe it always would be. He’d spent too many years full of hate for it to vanish overnight. But now the shame was an echo, and all he felt was regret…” (Bardugo, Six of Crows)

attention had always followed ravenclaw nikolai lantsov, who was considered pureblood royalty. students, magical creatures, and professors alike fell in love with his charming smile as soon as he began at hogwarts his first year. nikolai had eyes on him at all times, especially during meals, where he would show off his newest creation from muggle items. 

said muggle items came from his fellow ravenclaw and closest friend, muggle-born david kostyk. david had been the quietest student in school before nikolai had come across his electric toothbrush in the common room and approached him with a hundred questions. once david saw that nikolai was truly interested, he ended up teaching nikolai all about his muggle items and the way they worked. (nikolai had a particular affinity for david’s pencil sharpener, portable fan, and his favorite: post-its). 

in his second year, nikolai introduced david to gryffindor genya safin. the popular redhead was too busy watching the boy with glasses and dark hair from across the great hall to notice nikolai amusedly observing her right back. genya watched for weeks until she saw the quiet boy try not to smile when his paper airplane landed in professor snape’s potatoes. when she fell, she fell hard. the next time david’s airplane drifted over to the gryffindor table, she returned it herself, letting the lantsov boy introduce her to him in the process. and then the rest was history. 

and sure, nikolai liked to play matchmaker, but he liked genya’s best friend more. zoya nazyalensky was a stunning slytherin infamous for her wizarding skills, though rumor had it she didn’t need a wand to take down a man. she let nikolai flirt like she did all of her suitors, but at the end of the day, it was sometimes just him and zoya at the top of the astronomy tower, pretending that the way they both loved the stars was the only thing they had in common. 

his fourth year, nikolai befriended a witch named alina starkov in the year below him. alina and her boyfriend, mal oretsev, were both hufflepuffs known for running defense against the dark arts practices in the room of requirement together for their peers in need. a popular rumor said that it had something to do with the disappearance of professor kirigan the previous year, who had turned out to be an undercover death eater. nikolai was one of the few people who knew that kirigan had tried to seduce alina, the brightest wizard of her year, and that mal had almost been the one to kill him. 

his fifth year, nikolai met tolya yul-bataar and tamar kir-bataar, twins who were the gryffindor quidditch team’s unstoppable beaters. he and david had willingly helped tamar fix her broken broom after she took a nasty hit from the ravenclaw seeker in an accidental collision during a nail-bitingly close match. they ended up spending hours with the twins as they not only put tamar’s broom back together, but also updated both tolya and tamar’s brooms so that they flew better in the snow. it was an understatement that nikolai and david were very unwelcome at the first ravenclaw v. gryffindor quidditch match of the winter, where they quietly cheered for the twins as well as ravenclaw. 

it was in his sixth year at hogwarts that nikolai’s true lineage was revealed and his status of pureblood royalty plummeted as students whispered and stared over the daily prophet during breakfast. he just smiled appreciatively as genya and zoya glared straight back at the students that sent him dirty looks while alina and mal charmed the room of requirement shut for anyone who spoke badly about nikolai’s family. david, as ever, was uncaring and unchanging. nikolai doubted he had ever even recognized nikolai’s last name in the years they’d been friends. and the twins, always double the loyalty of one gryffindor together, both wore blue for a solid week after the news came out. nikolai could care less about the glaring and whispering.

he wondered why it mattered so much about his messy family when he had a better one right at hogwarts. 

1.  kanej 

“what do you see?” 

kaz smiling wryly, realizing inej had been so focused on her reflection that he had surprised her. 

inej asking him if he knows how the mirror works

“what do you see?” he repeats. 

“mama. papa.” inej replies. “i am back with them, and i’m standing on grass.” she closes her eyes. “i can almost smell the green.”  

kaz knows exactly how the mirror of erised works and how personal someone’s desires are. 

he had only asked because of curiosity. 

no—hope. 

hope, a tiny sliver of it that took up a corner of his head and heart.

he knew how wants are dangerous, how they render someone vulnerable, weak. 

he would know. 

“i thought so.” he decides to lie. “i see..my brother, too. i think it’s a family mirror.” 

inej frowns. “but now i see you with me, as we are now.” 

kaz freezes. 

wonders if the mirror is broken. 

asks himself if he deserves even this, when he does not deserve anything as close to as good as this girl in front of him. 

years later, inej will find out what kind of mirror the erised is, and will laugh at kaz’s initial answer. 

“family mirror,” she’ll mock with a smile. 

but now, in the present, kaz cannot bear to tell her that he desires her the way she does him, cannot let himself ruin the one thing that matters most. he cannot bring himself to say the words, “i want, too. for you to stay beside me, as you are now, forever.” 

all he can do is move a little closer. 

let their shoulders brush. 

tell her, “i guess i was wrong.” 

inej cocking her head because kaz doesn’t say sentences like that.

“because now i see you, too.” 

2. helnik

matthias and nina stumble across the mirror of erised in the shrieking shack one day during a trip to hogsmeade. 

nina recognizes it immediately. she sees herself, with matthias. her friends join them, inej and jesper waving, wylan grinning by their side. even kaz. zoya, a proud look on her face, genya giving her a knowing wink. 

all the people she cared about. alive. safe. happy. 

eyes sparkling, she turns to ask matthias what he sees but the look on his face makes her swallow her words. 

matthias was dreaming. 

dreaming of her. 

he saw himself, with nina. 

but his dream—this time in fjerda, with his old friend trassel sitting by his side. 

clean shaven, wearing a durmstrang uniform in which he had learned dark magic, trained once to join the dark side. 

nina could half guess what matthias saw from the way his eyes went both sad and resentful at the same time. 

like he was nostalgic of a bad memory. 

and matthias knew she knew. 

there were times matthias’ heart was at war, knowing hogwarts was not exactly where he belonged. 

he would not go back to where he came from, believed with his whole heart it was wrong, but fjerda was still a place he had called home, where he had left his entire life behind. friends, family. 

all the people he had cared about. together. proud. unchanging. 

but nina—nina did not belong there, and he would die before he let her go through a fraction of what he had. he would no longer fight back against pure magic, what wizards were truly meant to do. 

matthias squared his shoulders. 

stared at his reflection head on. willed it to change. 

he had known before, but it was even clearer now. 

where nina didn’t belong, neither did he. 

nina was his new home. 

3. wesper

jesper had finally convinced wylan to skip potions with him and was stealing kisses in the hallways when they heard footsteps. 

“shit, shit!” jesper pulled away from a paling wylan, grabbing him and running in the opposite direction of professor mcgonagall’s voice. they ran down a long hallway before jesper pulled him into the first room he saw. 

wylan, breathless from both kisses and running

“i should never—” he gasped for air. 

“—have listened to you... damn your long legs.”

“saints,” jesper murmured from beside him, not out of breath one bit. “we’re in the room of requirement.” 

wylan spins, looking around the room they had stumbled into. 

jesper, speechless for once as he looked into the mirror of erised. 

he stood in his robes, but beside him was his mother, her face and age the same as the day she died. on his other side stood his father, wearing the proudest expression jesper had ever seen. 

a lump in his throat appearing at both the age difference between his smiling parents and at the sudden, invasive thoughts. 

had his father ever been that proud of him before? 

what had he even ever done that would make him that proud? 

what would his mother think of him now?

jesper always liked to think she watched him from above, but sometimes it was easy to forget. to give into temptation. 

“jes?”

wylan’s confusion at jesper’s serious face making jesper confused. 

“what do you see, wy?” 

wylan blinks. 

stares into the mirror.

“what do you mean, what do i see? it’s just a mirror.” 

and suddenly, the lump dissipates and jesper’s heart is just full, full, full.

full of the boy in front of him who wants nothing more than what he has now, which is to be with jesper in a place he calls home.

jesper squeezes wylan’s hand, 

tells him, “you’re right, i was just kidding.” 

looks back at his reflection, sees wylan with him now, his parents still staring back, proud. 

he makes a silent promise to do better, be better. 

he just had one more person he wanted to make proud now. 

tried writing these in regular fic format and just couldn’t do it. it was wordy, taking forever, and i didn’t love it. idk how satisfied i am with this but it took me a while so pls enjoy :) one of the things i dont think gets talked about enough is matthias’s character development and how complex of an internal conflict he has throughout the duology. helnik is one of the couples i’m lesser invested in out of the 3 but leigh bardugo put so much thought into him and his relationship with nina which i love. 

(based off of a tweet i saw asking s&b season 2 to have a jealous wylan because of jesper’s constant comments about a “milo” he misses. i can’t find the tweet again but if someone knows who wrote it, pls lmk!! happy reading :))

“i said wylan.” kaz repeated. 

“the newbie? for the demolitions stuff?” inej glanced at jesper next to her, but he was already raising an eyebrow in disbelief.

“you’re kidding. you want to take wylan? that’s like doubling the risk, kaz.” 

“it has to be wylan.” kaz tapped his cane, marking the end of discussion. “and you really want to talk about risk when your gambling almost got us all killed before we even had the chance to cross the fold?” 

“oh, yeah, before or after that crazy conductor guy lied about the minefield being filled with, wait for it...mines?!” jesper shot back, but he was already sullen at the mention of his gambling addiction. 

“i’m right here and i can hear everything.” wylan spoke up then, face pink as always, but voice fierce. “i can do it, whatever you’re planning.” 

the curly-haired boy had only met the dregs a couple months ago and had no idea what they had been through the past year, had only heard pieces of their trip across the fold, but he knew for sure it was safer to be on their side than the opposite. and he was about 78% sure they weren’t horrible people, despite their violently murderous tendencies. after escaping from his father, he had already taken a liking to the three. especially jesper. 

“nothing against you,” inej reassured. “you’re just less experienced.” 

“i’m good at demolitions!” wylan protested. 

“you’re average at demolitions.” jesper corrected.

“it doesn’t matter what you think.” kaz said again from his spot across the table. “wylan’s coming with us because it’s essential to the plan.” 

“whatever. i miss milo.” jesper huffed, slamming the door on his way out of the room. 

“who’s milo?” wylan blurted. he flushed when he realized his question had come out as aggressive as he had thought about it. 

kaz just rolled his eyes, silently leaving as well. inej rose to follow them out, looking just as amused at this conversation, which was not at all. “noone important. jesper held him in his arms the entire time across the fold.”

that was where it had started, the “milo” comments and wylan’s concern curiosity. 

and no, wylan wasn’t jealous of whoever this milo was, just interested. he had no business with jesper’s ex-lovers or barn tumbles. really, he didn’t care. at all. 

“i shouldn’t have left milo with the barmaid. saints, he probably hates me now.” jesper moaned over drinks that weekend, much to wylan’s dismay. he wondered if it had been a bad breakup. 

“nonono, milo could’ve definitely taken down the darkling.” he overheard jesper say to inej a week later. wylan was more concerned about milo than the fact that jesper was hinting to the fact that they had run into the darkling on their trip last year. he wondered if milo was some powerful grisha who lived in the little palace. not. that he cared. he was just worried about jesper being so hung up on this “milo”. with the number of comments jesper made about whoever he was, the sharpshooter was clearly not over him. 

which was why wylan smiled, pleased, when he heard jesper comment again the next day at the tables, drinking with cards in his hands. “inej, i think i should find a new milo.” 

inej didn’t even look at jesper from where she was overseeing the dealer kaz had asked her to keep an eye on. “he was really cute.” she conceded. wylan’s smile dropped. inej rarely spoke her opinions on stuff like this. if even inej thought—

“but i do think you’re a bit obsessed. you had him for, what? three days?” 

“i loved him.” jesper insisted dramatically. 

wylan spat out the mouthful of water he had been about to swallow, choking as he pushed his chair back from the table and stood up. he was as red as his hair. 

“it’s fine! i’m okay!” he coughed, passing kaz as he sped out of the crow club. 

kaz looked at the mess of water on the cards and chips before turning to a  snickering jesper with an unimpressed look. 

“as much as i like torturing the merchling, next time it results in a mess like this in the club, i will be the one to put him out of his misery by telling him milo is a fucking goat. understand?” 

“yeah, boss.” jesper saluted, trying not to grin. 

inej smiled. jesper was enjoying himself way too much, and even if she had only added more fire to the very obvious situation because she was bored, it didn’t make it any less fun. she knew that kaz had found it funny, too, or he would have put an end to it much sooner. 

but kaz had apparently also sensed jesper’s lacking promise because he was leaned in, saying something to jesper under his breath that inej couldn’t hear. she saw jesper nod grudgingly and watched as kaz headed for the door. 

“it’s like he hates fun.” jesper grumbled, folding his cards and coming to stand next to her with his drink. “and fuck you for telling him about the stablehand.” he said, no malice in his voice. 

inej couldn’t help but laugh. she found it funny enough that kaz had threatened to tell wylan about jesper’s one actual true affair during their trip to os alta, but she was just as amused by the fact that it had bothered jesper enough for him to agree to stop torturing wylan. 

and just for wylan’s sake, she really hoped he never found out about the stablehand.