heretic pride

paging @amarguerite

This is AMAZING.

My name is cow And when I see A scientist Paint stripes on me I look so hip And sleek and fit And best of all I don’t get bit

ao3 is crazy because you'll read the most gut-wrenching 200k word slowburn that leaves you sobbing into your sweater at four in the morning and the author will be applejacksmonstercock

later you find out that applecock is like a) the nicest lady in the world, b) in her late fifties and c) is a well respected senior member of a career you didn't know existed like head mop taxonomist or chief piano refurbishment factor or secretary of racehorses and suddenly a few of the comments in the longest orgy scene are even funnier.

This is what happens when you’re still on tumblr as an adult, you start reblogging shit like this

official linguistics post

it is within ny reach

me explaining why i'm actually pretty happy to move to new jersey

me (skeptical) when im in norwalk ct and they get a little too defensive about being new englanders

me (haughty, exhorting the near-mutinous cavalry column im leading up I-95, trying not to choke under the weight of the horrors perpetrated under my command) when the federated free territories of cape cod foolishly try to assert their sovereignty even after we've seized the nuclear shipyards at new london

me (desperate, screaming in frustration as they fuel up the plane, the baying mob has torn down the laguardia perimeter fence) when my praetorian guard is a little too hesitant to whisk me away to the martha's vineyard summer palace after provocateurs from the boston-in-exile globe reveal my torrid past as a devoted follower of the stunningly beautiful hampshirite warlord who now rides at the head of the concord khanate

my sister (annoyed) when i try to explain that my apartment is at least an hour away from brooklyn so she needs to give me a bit more advance warning if she wants me to babysit my nephews