lol nerd™

A super long audio book with just silence and an “oh, out loud?” at the end

sex is a distraction from your true purpose in life which is to go to the aquarium and look at the fish and go "wooooooaaah.... fishies". cmon guys we all need to lock in.

(to the tune of mary had a little lamb): mary had a little lamb

i keep adding to my "watch later" and not watching later

that? oh thats the mysterious bruise i got thursday , #mybruise

the losing dogs and i are engaging in insider trading

It's nice that loud noises don't stick to clothes like smells do. That would be really bad if they did.

men’s hockey isn’t real they made that up for heated rivalry. In real life only women can play hockey

this year’s prom theme is… *opens envelope* Great Lakes Invasive Species And What Boaters Can Do To Stop Them

And the subject of tonight’s ecology panel is *turns on powerpoint* Enchantment Under the Sea

They should invent a way to sit hunched over doing crafts that is Good for your body

Bitches wanna buy their boyfriends the latest consoles but when was the last time he CONSOLED you? ps 5 years ago

Mondays aren't that bad once you cannot tell days apart from eachother

props to stem people wtf! i can bullshit my way through any english essay because literally u just have to say stuff. but for stem paper u have to say stuff AND it has to be true. wack. 

props to hums people wtf! i can bullshit my way through any stem essay because literally u just have to repeat stuff. but for a hums paper u have to say stuff AND it has to be new stuff from your brain. wack. 

#FINALLY the solidarity we need to defeat business majors