Lizzieliz18

This is a post I didn't see myself having to make but apparently me opening up about my disorder and answering questions when asked didn't get through to some people.

I'm going to start this post off by saying I have a tic disorder. I have had tics since I was 2 years old. I was diagnosed with a tic disorder at 17. I am 21 in two days and have gotten to a point in my life where I am at peace with the fact that I have this disorder but seeing a post like that from someone who I must talk to regularly and therefore consider a friend is disheartening.

I was diagnosed with a tic disorder when I was 17 years old. So nearly 4 years ago. But I have had tics since I was 2.

You have no idea what it is like to never have full control of your body. You have no idea what it is like to never know what you are going to say or do or when you could lose control completely.

I have a part of my disorder that causes tic attacks as a trauma response to shit that I don't want to get into. This presents as literal seizures.

I don't give a shit if the person who sent this was just confused, they could've come to me as I have previously answered questions about my disorder to clear things up. But the fact that any of my friends could think that I was in anyway using my disorder as an excuse to make a joke is fucking disgusting. I have, in many cases, been left completely immobile because of these tics. I have been taken to the hospital with suspected broken bones because of these tics. I have been viewed as racist and homophobic and sexist because of words that I cannot prevent from coming out of my mouth due to what we believe to be corpolalia.

This disorder has truly put me in some of the worst places I could've ever been in. It put me on a medication that altered my brain chemistry so drastically that since coming off of it I have had to relearn how to respond to fight or flight signals. I was 17 and begging my parents to fix me. I was 17 with my psychiatrist talking every week about how I needed to fix what I had done wrong to deserve this. I was 17 and I couldn't leave the house without a parent for risk of hurting someone. I lost all of my freedom and I won't ever get that back because I'm not free in my own body.

I was 17 and I would've been happy to not wake up again.

I still have days where I cant get myself out of the house because I am scared of saying something I can't control.

I've been on call in the server multiple times and had to mute or leave temporarily because I've hit my head on something and I need to check that I'm okay.

I would not and will not ever lie to make my disorder seem funny. Because it isn't. I sometimes say funny things, and call people pedophiles amongst other things (which didn't start in the server it started when I was 16 and I announced it in the store with my father and then cried all the way home). But the disorder as a whole is not funny and I never want someone to view it as such.

If anyone had doubts about my disorder they could've come to me. But instead someone ran to @tojioffline .

I have called one person in the server a pedophile as a tic. And I don't have to share who that is but I will. It's @fricks . There was no context behind this happening, it was something that I said in a call and immediately apologised for. Fricks and I talked so briefly and she said she understood and it did not offend her. I felt insecure about it so she helped make it a joke so that I wouldn't feel as awful.

That is truly the nicest thing that she could have done for me and I will forever be grateful because I felt extremely uncomfortable and she helped make me feel better again.

Now is it a weird joke to have as a server, yes absolutely. But whenever anyone asked I gave the context. Fricks is not a pedophile guys, don't go writing hate asks to her.

But again, if someone had a problem with this they could have told me and I would've stopped making the jokes.

I can mask my tics to a certain extent. I can force the words to stay back but they'll come out much worse later on. And when I first joined the server, I was doing that a lot because I didn't know people. But as I got more comfortable with the group I allowed myself to tic because holding it back is painful and exhausting and we were frequently having hours long calls.

The only people that these tics ever directly targeted have been @fricks @strawb3rryhachi and @lemonswirlss because I am extremely comfortable with these three people. I know that none of them are offended by my tics, and they've been nothing but compassionate.

Waking up and seeing this post sent to me, hurt. I'm not going to lie and say that it didn't. And I've posted about Tojioffline before we know my stance and I still agree that the anons are part of the problem.

But tojioffline is not a doctor. The anon who sent that clearly isn't either. It is not their place to speculate on someone's disability. And a blog that claims to be about JJK drama should not be saying "@ anons" to spread misinformation about a disability and open the floor to people who have hateful things to say about disability.

This is a post I didn't see myself having to make but apparently me opening up about my disorder and answering questions when asked didn't get through to some people.

I'm going to start this post off by saying I have a tic disorder. I have had tics since I was 2 years old. I was diagnosed with a tic disorder at 17. I am 21 in two days and have gotten to a point in my life where I am at peace with the fact that I have this disorder but seeing a post like that from someone who I must talk to regularly and therefore consider a friend is disheartening.

I was diagnosed with a tic disorder when I was 17 years old. So nearly 4 years ago. But I have had tics since I was 2.

You have no idea what it is like to never have full control of your body. You have no idea what it is like to never know what you are going to say or do or when you could lose control completely.

I have a part of my disorder that causes tic attacks as a trauma response to shit that I don't want to get into. This presents as literal seizures.

I don't give a shit if the person who sent this was just confused, they could've come to me as I have previously answered questions about my disorder to clear things up. But the fact that any of my friends could think that I was in anyway using my disorder as an excuse to make a joke is fucking disgusting. I have, in many cases, been left completely immobile because of these tics. I have been taken to the hospital with suspected broken bones because of these tics. I have been viewed as racist and homophobic and sexist because of words that I cannot prevent from coming out of my mouth due to what we believe to be corpolalia.

This disorder has truly put me in some of the worst places I could've ever been in. It put me on a medication that altered my brain chemistry so drastically that since coming off of it I have had to relearn how to respond to fight or flight signals. I was 17 and begging my parents to fix me. I was 17 with my psychiatrist talking every week about how I needed to fix what I had done wrong to deserve this. I was 17 and I couldn't leave the house without a parent for risk of hurting someone. I lost all of my freedom and I won't ever get that back because I'm not free in my own body.

I was 17 and I would've been happy to not wake up again.

I still have days where I cant get myself out of the house because I am scared of saying something I can't control.

I've been on call in the server multiple times and had to mute or leave temporarily because I've hit my head on something and I need to check that I'm okay.

I would not and will not ever lie to make my disorder seem funny. Because it isn't. I sometimes say funny things, and call people pedophiles amongst other things (which didn't start in the server it started when I was 16 and I announced it in the store with my father and then cried all the way home). But the disorder as a whole is not funny and I never want someone to view it as such.

If anyone had doubts about my disorder they could've come to me. But instead someone ran to @tojioffline .

I have called one person in the server a pedophile as a tic. And I don't have to share who that is but I will. It's @fricks . There was no context behind this happening, it was something that I said in a call and immediately apologised for. Fricks and I talked so briefly and she said she understood and it did not offend her. I felt insecure about it so she helped make it a joke so that I wouldn't feel as awful.

That is truly the nicest thing that she could have done for me and I will forever be grateful because I felt extremely uncomfortable and she helped make me feel better again.

Now is it a weird joke to have as a server, yes absolutely. But whenever anyone asked I gave the context. Fricks is not a pedophile guys, don't go writing hate asks to her.

But again, if someone had a problem with this they could have told me and I would've stopped making the jokes.

I can mask my tics to a certain extent. I can force the words to stay back but they'll come out much worse later on. And when I first joined the server, I was doing that a lot because I didn't know people. But as I got more comfortable with the group I allowed myself to tic because holding it back is painful and exhausting and we were frequently having hours long calls.

The only people that these tics ever directly targeted have been @fricks @strawb3rryhachi and @lemonswirlss because I am extremely comfortable with these three people. I know that none of them are offended by my tics, and they've been nothing but compassionate.

Waking up and seeing this post sent to me, hurt. I'm not going to lie and say that it didn't. And I've posted about Tojioffline before we know my stance and I still agree that the anons are part of the problem.

But tojioffline is not a doctor. The anon who sent that clearly isn't either. It is not their place to speculate on someone's disability. And a blog that claims to be about JJK drama should not be saying "@ anons" to spread misinformation about a disability and open the floor to people who have hateful things to say about disability.