Little Kitten Kiãrr

Mistersbeard.tumblr.com presents: the road to self discipline

Figuring out the method of having self-discipline is never easy when your initial inclination is to give up control in the first place. Alternatively, it’s much more worth it to go at things alone than it is to be tortured in a relationship where you and your expectations are not being fulfilled.

However, being your own daddy and having self discipline is not impossible.

It all begins with the self and nothing else.

One major way to discover a method and mode for self discipline is to first find your own self worth. This is difficult for many submissives because they feel as though they don’t have any self-worth in the first place a lot of times, or feel as though they don’t deserve good things because of past treatments and behaviors.

The human mind is easily conditioned and if you know nothing else other than what you believe about a certain thing or situation and what not, then it’s difficult to see past all of that and make the proper change.

But finding that self worth takes effort. Effort is not always easy. And when things are not easy, we tend to give up on them in favor of settling for less than the best.

A good place to start is by realizing the labels that you are living with and whether or not you are self imposing them.

The labels we live with - https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/627798694512754688/the-labels-we-live-with-can-often-cause-us-to

From there it is really worth it to then do a great deal of self reflection into whom you really believe that you are and what you are. Are you a submissive? A little? What is it that you are really into? And the answers to all of your questions… Are they answers because they are the truth, your answers, or are they answers that were placed in you by someone else and what someone else caused you to believe?

Get to the root and figure out who or what you really are…

- Understanding little space: https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/635998189535789057/anonymous-wrote-hi-ive-been-really-confused

After that, you need to find methods of celebrating your success. Which you may not find in your self because you don’t think you have any successes … because you are constantly focusing on the negative, the things you are told, the words of other people… But if you look too far beyond the trees you never see the forest.

Catalog and celebrate your successes. Did you eat a full meal today? Did you get out of bed by a certain time? Did you get dressed by yourself without frustration? These things all seem trivial… But for some they can be a monumental success compared to their normal daily behavior and habits.

So a success journal to keep track of such things is a great way to go about that.

- the success journal: https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/613119267661135872/the-success-journal-there-are-times-in-our-lives

Once you have rid your self of false labels, figured out as close as you can to who you are, and started cataloging your successes… You will no doubt begin to grow confidence. Along with that, deciphering ways and methods of keeping that confidence growing are actually quite easy and a lot of it has to deal with how you treat your own self, and the words you use.

- The attitude of gratitude: https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/633909334883074048/mistersbeard-presents-the-attitude-of-gratitude

Once you have confidence, you can then go back to the drawing board when it comes to the way that you look at your self and the things that you want out of the lifestyle, which include the place that you want to be.

Many mistakes are made when we blindly go into relationships believing what the other person is telling us and combining that with compromising on our own values. That’s why it’s good to make things like a limit list. This helps you to define what it is that you want and do not want, and allows you to have the resolve and strength to not compromise.

- the limits list: https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/651988522445717504

After you have made the limits list and understand that it’s really you who are in control, that your submission is a precious gift because you value it with the utmost of realizing that it’s priceless… And you’ve decided that the person whom you give it to out of your own volition will treat it like a priceless treasure… Then you can begin to examine the differences between a real Dom and a fake Dom, because at the end of the day what you really need to be successful is a leader and not a boss.

- leader or boss: https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/651177507367813120/dominance-101-are-you-a-leader-or-a-boss-when

However, by the time that you get to this point in your journey you’re going to realize that it may take much longer than you want or thought that it would… And that’s why it’s important to learn after you’ve been able to build a proper base for all of these things, how to become your own damn daddy.

- being your own daddy: https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/653092192345276416

After it’s all said and done; you’ve removed your false labels, discovered yourself, formed new habits for self confidence, decided on some standards you won’t compromise on, have figured out how to take care of yourself appropriately, and realized the worth of your submission…. Then it comes down to knowing the truth about power exchange, a real d/s relationship and the way ownership should work:

- the truth about ownership: https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/651930593626669056

By now you have all the tools to fully have a clear picture of what it is to have self discipline to the point where you’re strong and capable of moving forward into a future where you can thrive and take full advantage of the abilities and valuable parts of who you are that were always there…. but simply suppressed. That’s when you begin actually looking for someone to give all these beautiful things about you to:

- hero or zero: https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/626120382160814080/mistersbeard-if-you-are-around-people-long

Because by now…. After all these things… after you’ve realized and conquered them… after you’ve become fully self aware and full of worth, courage and strength…. You now have the things in place to conduct a proper vetting process:

- The vetting process: https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/645827287832510464/step-one-meeting-someone

The main point:

All the journals and self affirmation cliches, chores lists, goals for the week, progress charts and self instilled superficial mantras in the world aren’t going to make any difference to your problem. It all begins and ends with the proper changes you make within yourself and how you grow that person that’s either trapped or hiding inside you.

Self discipline has a lot of elements that all need to come together and work in a symbiotic fashion to make you into the person you need to be. And it begins with a decision: today is the last day it’s going to be like this, and tomorrow will be a better day.

Thank you for enjoying this post. Feel free to reblog for others who may benefit from

It.

- Mister

Mistersbeard.tumblr.com

I think a lot of Doms or “Doms” if you will... look at the concept of ownership in the lifestyle as though it were some kind of status. As if one takes great status for “owning” their submissive as though they were a collectible or a trophy on their mantle.... a head mounted to a plate on the wall...

And there’s much lugubriousness in displaying yourself in such a way.

To consider that ownership means you treat that which is yours as some kind of trinket or novelty object, it’s detestable at its core.

True ownership in this lifestyle?

It’s taking control of your maturity. Is owning not someone as property, but owning up to your shortcomings and limitations and not compensating by abusing another individual either physically, mentally, emotionally or all three.

It’s realizing what an incredible responsibility it is to actually care for someone else and grow them when you recognize they can’t do it on their own... and not only being there for them when they’re obedient, but also navigating your own patience, strength and willpower when they’re not.

It’s about wearing the very heavy albeit sacred and prestigious mantle as their owner, master, caregiver, Dom etc...and realizing not that it was your right to have it, but that it was graciously given to you as a sign of their trust in you.... trust that says “when I’m sad they will be there.”.... “when I’m hurting they will make it better”.... “when the monsters come, they will be my knight in shining armor and chase them away”... that mantle isn’t some kind of status you brag about in locker rooms as though you’d triumphed in some kind of conquest ... it’s not a notch in your belt... is the highest rank you could hold, given to you by a queen who sometimes feels like a peasant who needs a hero.

It’s not taken by you... it’s chosen for you by one who designated you out of all others to be their lighthouse in a raging dark sea called life.

If you only drive the car and never wash it... never polish it... never clean it or check it’s fluids or fill it with what it needs to move forward... if you constantly crash it or ding it... if you leave it parked in the rain with the windows down... if you only use it when you feel like... ignore it... abuse it... or treat it like less than it’s worth.... it’s not going to last you very long. Because ownership is about so much more than simply turning a key and expecting it to do everything you want it to do.

Ownership is not about calling yourself daddy... or master.. or sir or Dom...

It’s about BEING those things. Fulfilling expectations. Owning up to your mistakes. Realizing your limitations.... taking control of yourself in mind, body and spirit... and loving someone with the utmost of your ability and being while guiding, growing, providing safety and security and being the example for that other person.

Thank you for enjoying this post. Feel free to re-blog it for others to also benefit from. Also be sure to check out my personal links below and perhaps subscribe. Thank you.

Mister - Mistersbeard.tumblr.com

Search for “beard bows and bdsm” wherever you find great podcasts to hear my voice and learn things.

In this day and age with the advancement of technology it’s become more and more easy to meet someone... and likewise, more and more easy to become jaded and broken by them.

Today we will examine the vetting process when it comes to this lifestyle and try to figure out how to break the cycle of endless streams of failed connections and next morning corner crying.

Step one: meeting someone

If you were to seriously sit there in this moment and tell me “I just can’t seem to find anyone” I would consider you crazy and vote to have you committed. That’s because it’s simply impossible in this day and age to have an electronic device and not make a connection with someone.

There are more dating apps alone than one could imagine... if you’re something, then there’s an app for you. Farmer? We got you... LGBTQ etc... yep it exists.. widowed granny cougar panther status? Wheel your walker over to the pc and have your child help you make a profile you crazy silver single!... because a dating site exists even for you.

But what you do and how you approach that person once you’ve taken interest makes a world of difference, not only in your success... but also in your mistakes and how they end up affecting you.

A littles lament

I’ve been running this blog a long time now... long enough to run across the same problems, issues and hang ups on a repeated basis.

One of the biggest problems that exists is that loneliness mixed with inexperience becomes an easy hunting ground for predators and fake daddy’s.... and once they are finished chewing up unsuspecting littles and subs and then spitting them out, those broken girls end up in my end box unable to answer the question of “why does this keep happening to me???!”

It’s more than likely because you’re allowing it, and most likely perpetuating it yourself.

It’s easy to be hungry and choose the lesser option.. the one that’s bad for you... the one that’s going to leave you sick with regret and a raging race to the toilet. With so many quick, easy and cheap options out there it’s tempting to say screw it and just run yourself hastily in and out of the drive thru. Never realizing that right next door you could have a 5 star meal if you were just patient enough and could see the value of that patience.... and thus... the value within yourself.

Trying to find a partner is like getting off to porn.

Doing work and struggling is not the status quo of today’s American generation. We want something and we want it now... fast food.. fast cars.. fast Internet.. on demand.. right now.. throw a fit if it doesn’t load in a tenth of a second.. cut in line.. aggressive drive... Uber eats.. hurry up... right now right now right now. But this aggressive attitude of right here right now creates a cycle of failure and destruction that becomes addiction and causes a false sense of reality for you.

Much like porn, you have endless access to others and in less than a second can swipe left or right dismissing or finding what you need ... but that’s also how you’ve trained your brain to believe about yourself. This false sense of reality that’s unachievable and unrealistic at its core.... just like most porn.

You hook the first thing that comes along and even looks remotely appealing ... you want that feeling of satisfaction right now... so you bypass safety and sanity in favor of having something you can slap a label on and then expect to fulfill your every need before you even know what color their underwear is.... or even what your needs really are compared to how you perceive them to be.

I know what you’re saying... and to prove my point.. you just want me to get on with how to be successful at finding a relationship. So here goes:

1.) stop looking for a relationship

Errrr what? But I want one! So badly! Wtf Misters?!?!

Think about it this way: you can’t find your keys and you are late for work already! So what do you do? You end up tearing the room apart and destroying it in the process... then you have to work twice as hard to clean up the mess (that you made yourself out of being impatient and panicked)

We as humans need connection to others. It’s in our nature, and even the most introverted agoraphobic individual (like myself) still needs it. But in our desperate attempts to get it... in our loneliness.. we end up forging chaos and destruction in our own minds.

So stop looking... take a moment to make inventory of everything on your mental shelf, all the mistakes of the past, all the relationships that didn’t work... and ask yourself “why?” Except this time... take yourself out of the answer.

2.) take it easy

I’m going to give each and everyone of you Littles and submissive’s out there a word of advice… don’t be so aggressive.

You are the prize and not the other way around.

It happens to me on a regular basis that I will have someone come at me in my inbox or on Snapchat (mistersbeard) asking me to be their daddy within about one or two hours of talking to me. They might read a couple of educational posts of mine, see a video or two of me putting on some rubber gloves or building a paddle… listen to my podcast and hear my voice... And then for some reason they decide that I’m gods gift to BDSM.

They will ask very direct questions or even just go for it and ask me if I would take them as my little within the first day of “meeting” me.

This kind of behavior is incredibly irresponsible and dangerous. And if you are someone who engages in this behavior, you are perpetuating your own failures. The simplest of things that you can do is to take it easy and treat it as though it’s a real person who is really in front of you whom you really know in your real life.

I would guess that most people just don’t walk up to strangers on the street who might look like they dress well and be successful and ask them to come home with them. So why do people tend to do that online? Why would you ask someone to take complete control of you without even knowing them hardly at all?

You can tell someone on the other side what you like ... what you’re into... but a lot of the time that list of things becomes anything that you could read on any dating profile and it’s not a substantial representation of who you or the other person is.

So take it easy… Take it slow… Really get to know that person before you make some kind of decision about them.

3.) a path to proper vetting

So after you’ve invested in yourself and found your own self worth, realizing that your submission is a gift and that it is no one’s right or privilege to take from you… And after you’ve met someone whom you may potential he think could be a mate for you… This is when the proper vetting phase should begin.

But how exactly does one go about it?

I have always discussed something that I call the six week rule. Basically it means that once you meet someone and begin talking to them, you wait six weeks until you make a commitment as to whether or not you decide that you should be with them in a serious manner. Six weeks is a long time to get to know someone thoroughly. You get to know who they are and how they operate… You get to know how things affect them and how they conduct themselves when it happens… How they deal with stress, anger, the way that they joke, whether or not they’re in to other people and might be polyamorous, whether or not they have the same thoughts and ideology as you… Whether or not there’s some kind of psycho serial killer who’s waiting to get you into their van… All of these things can be figured out in a six week period.

You get to know that person on the other end, have a real discussions with them, perhaps video chat or talk on the phone… You know what they do Thursday mornings at 11 AM. you know their favorite foods, how they like them prepared… You know whether or not they take care of their grandmother in the evenings. If they have roommates. What their preferences for animals are… their fetishes, favorite sports, the way they laugh at your jokes… and really whether or not your personalities truly match up.

Because much in the same way that the hotdog at the gas station on the roller that’s been there for who knows how long waiting for some desperate soul to come and pick it up will kill your guts and leave you with heartburn… “The one hour daddy” will destroy your mind, heart, soul, and will to be the absolute best you can be.

So take your time and take it easy and allow that person on the other end to get to know the real you and fall in love with that person rather than the one that you’re trying to portray in the first 15 minutes of meeting them.

3b.) vetting for in person relationships

The best way to meet someone who’s into the things that you are, meaning this lifestyle… Is to get out to a munch. The way that you would find a munch (A casual meeting between like-minded people in the lifestyle that usually happens in a restaurant or other casual public place) is to sign up for fetlife, join a couple of groups, and look for events in your area or close to it.

At these kind of events you can tell who is normally there on a regular basis and who’s not… And those who are normally there will more than likely recognize that you are new, cozy up to you, and then begin to protect you from the people that you shouldn’t be around.

It also gives you a chance to meet people face-to-face in a casual way in a public setting where you don’t have to make any commitments or compromise your own values by allowing someone to get you alone.

You can take your time with this and slowly ease into personal dates and see where it goes from there.

4.) a boat that travels too fast will leave you ship wrecked

Navigating your way through an ocean of people in a sea of potential love is never an easy task, but it’s one that should be taken slowly and there’s no reason to put the motor to full bore when doing so.

The best fish are always disturbed by sound noise and commotion… So take your time and do things slowly according to a pace that you feel is comfortable for you. Don’t ever let anyone push you into anything ....and realize that there are billions of people in the world. At least one of them out there has to be good for you… So you don’t have to settle on the first one that comes along who looks and smells nice and acts like he knows what he’s doing.

5.) make some lists

Make a list of what you want and what you don’t. Make a list of your limits… And stick to those lists. Don’t compromise on them.

Mr. right is not going to make you feel wrong, and if you feel wrong about something ... that’s not something that you can ignore. Because that will manifest into abuse later down the line… I talk to so many Littles all the time who look back at their history of abuse and say “ I saw it and I ignored it and now here I am” or something to that effect…

Get a good friend who’s not going to just say yes to everything ... someone to hold you accountable to your lists. To hold you accountable to your worth. To hold you accountable to the fact that maybe sometimes you need help in making decisions about people.

The bottom line:

Take your time, chill out, give it six weeks… you are the prize to be pursued and captured. If at the end of that six weeks you are still as excited as you were in that first six hours or six days, then it’s probably worth moving into the next steps.

The person on the other side of it all… If they really want you for the correct reasons... if they really recognize what a valuable treasure you are…they’re not going to mind waiting and are going to be more than willing to put in the work to get to that point.

Thank you for enjoying. Please reblog for others who may benefit from this educational post.

Find my podcast in most places where fine podcasts are found by searching “beard bows and bdsm” - Spotify, Apple podcasts, google podcasts and more.

Feel free to make friends, conversation and express yourself to me on Snapchat : Mistersbeard

- Mister

Mistersbeard.tumblr.com

Make friends, have great conversation, and show me your boobs on my Snapchat: Mistersbeard

Words... such delicate creations and yet such deadly weapons of chaos and destruction.

Words can provide many things: communication, love, trust... a sense of being and belonging.... but words also have the propensity to harm, kill , cause malice and be the most abominable when used in negative ways.

When I was being mentored it was made clear to me that words were among one of the most valuable possessions I could ever own... and as such, should be treated as priceless treasures when put into action. It’s more than likely why I’m often found to be pensive... quiet... and socially awkward. Because I’m always trying my best in being decisive with my words... considering them cautiously when speaking to others, knowing full well that I can (and have in the past) use(d) them in the worst of ways.

A bullet can be extracted, the wound healed, and the scar fade... a cut can slice you open, be stitched together... and in time the evidence will cease to exist further....

But words.... words can do damage that lasts a lifetime. Damage that never heals... damage that festers and mutates and can very well change a person permanently.

It’s always been such a curious thing to me that people who are in this lifestyle can often be so single minded or judge mental of others. And perhaps part of that comes with inexperience, the culture that people grow up in, or even just having a personal opinion that is shaped by someone else… But at the deeper heart of things, the act of shaming someone else for the things that they enjoy... for the kink that they are into ...is a rather destructive and detrimental thing that begins with words.

Because really... the great thing about this lifestyle that gets marred and tainted by people’s words, is our ability to be who we want to be and enjoy the freedoms of knowing what we are into is perfectly normal.

So with that in mind, today we will talk about a topic that is not often seen or visited when most people look things up on Tumblr or other places… That is the act of kink shaming someone

Everyone has probably either done it or has the capacity to do it... you see something that you don’t enjoy or even think might be a little over the top or disgusting because of the ways that you were brought up or previously taught or what have you. But beneath the surface of all that is a deeper act when you decide to express your opinion and how you feel about what someone is doing… And it mainly comes in the form of shaming them, often without realizing it.

Example: piss play

Now some of you may read that statement, picture it in your head and react in a myriad of ways. Perhaps disgust, envy, judgment, desire.... we all have our feelings about different kinks.

And that’s a beautiful thing...

Your feelings about someone, something, etc... are valid and valuable. They are important and amazing, because they are yours. They belong to you. And you’re entitled as a human being to have them.

But as human beings we must also try to find ways to get past that wall of the cultures demand for you to be a follower and show your allegiance... we must get past the ways our views were shaped by parents... peers... bullies... co workers and beyond... we must change the way we perceive something or view it in order not to judge it or deem it wrong because it’s against our belief, but rather to come to an understanding about it through objective thought and consideration for those we have these thoughts against.

We as people often try to make our personal preferences into someone else’s conscience convictions.

Piss play (like every single kink and fetish) is unique to the person who enjoys it. It’s not for everyone... just like fire, consensual non consent, paddling, and every single other fetish or kink is unique to the individual who enjoys it.

But to those who do enjoy it... to those who find their Gratification in it... we must not sit and say “how could someone do that “ but rather “why”....

when we ask “why is that person enjoying that golden shower?” “Why is that person enjoying being paddled ?” “Why is that person enjoying (insert any kink you can think of)” and we do it from an objective view with the willingness to understand.... we gain valuable perspective into our own selves.

I consider myself to be an empath. Along with that, much of my being and how I express myself when it comes to kink is manifested through energy play. This also means (for me) that I won’t do something with someone unless it moves me mentally, spiritually or emotionally... when playing, having sex, scening... I don’t get enjoyment out of the action, but rather the energy and spirituality of the action.

It’s why I’m not into certain things like fire play... electricity... etc. These are things that don’t move me.. they don’t cause a reaction in my soul when I think about them... they don’t gratify me on any kind of spiritual, mental or emotional level.

However, with this mindset... I also have a great understanding of why those who are into these things enjoy them. Instead of having a knee jerk judgment, I thoughtfully consider WHY they might enjoy it... perhaps it’s the sensation that fear provides... perhaps they slip into a certain headspace when the fire cup is on their skin.... perhaps that feeling of piss streaming down their body provides some kind of long forgotten comfort... only they know for certain.

So for us as people to look at others with disdain and disgust instead of understanding and curiosity really does a detriment and causes harm to our community.

The kink community is a place of expression and freedom... it’s an amalgamation of interests, vices, cultures, desires, and so much more.... does watching someone get their balls crushed by high heels get you going? There’s a place for you. Does having a dog collar attached to your neck and being treated like a puppy appeal to you? We have a place for you. Are you turned on by having multiple men cum all over your face? Guess what... so do many many others here in our community... or maybe even something as simple as a bare hand spanking on a Sunday afternoon is enough... yes, you belong here.

So even if you don’t enjoy feet... even if you don’t get off on rope... even if you dont understand diapers... or furrys... or knife play.. or sounding.... or double anal... or any of the other literally thousands upon thousands of kinks available to you... what makes It wrong for someone else to? And who made you the judge of their happiness?

So when you meet someone... begin talking to them... and they present a kink that’s off your radar or that you may find you don’t like, think about the way you respond. Instead of judging and talking down at them with your words... ask them why they enjoy it and try to get an understanding. Just because they like it, doesn’t mean you have to... and it also doesn’t mean you have to tear them down for it either.

The next time you come across a video of a woman being pissed on... instead of cringing in disgust, take some time to examine the smile on her face. And then consider that perhaps the only thing that’s disgusting about it... is your attitude.

Consider your words.

Consider your thoughts.

And go forth being a better person.

Thank you for enjoying this post. Feel free to re-blog it for others to also benefit from. Also be sure to check out my personal links below and perhaps subscribe. Thank you.

Mistersbeard - Mistersbeard.tumblr.com

LISTEN TO THE BEARD, BOWS AND BDSM PODCAST:

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And wherever else you find great podcasts.

Thank you for your excellent question. I chose to answer it on the latest episode of my podcast.

https://anchor.fm/mistersbeard and wherever you find great podcasts.

… but… Bees consent. NO. I’M NOT KIDDING.

How? Bee hives aren’t kept on leashes. They’re outside, the bees can travel miles every day. They follow their queen. Who is also outside, not on a leash, and can travel miles every day. If she doesn’t like the hive for any reason - for example: it got too hot, too cold, too messy, too filled with sugary stuff and they need more space… then the queen leaves. And with her the hive.

The queen stays in the hive because the hive is the best place to live. Period. Done. End of. If the hive is staying with the beekeeper it’s because the keeper is doing their job correctly and keeping them happy because the bees can, and do, leave bad beekeepers.

“Dave forgot.”

No one:

Mistersbeard.tumblr.com presents: RULES.

One of the most basic core elements of a relationship in this lifestyle comes in the form of having a rules list.... And it should seem pretty simple to put together, right?

One would be surprised at how many times recently that I have been approached with a question about this simple concept. I have spoken about it all in posts before regarding other subjects, but I have not have a dedicated post about it until now.

So, let’s dive right in and examine ways in which you can implement rules into your relationship… Why you need them… And why they are important.

Why are rules important?

One of the largest things that your little desires and craves in the relationship is structure. You are the pillar of strength and stability in their life, and as such they look to you for all things in keeping structure in place while providing them discipline and safety.

So when there is a lack of rules, it can end up causing the feeling of a lack of purpose. And with the lack of purpose... frustrations and other problems can end up manifesting within their lives and the relationship as a whole.

In society we have common rules that keep us all disciplined and in line. Don’t drive on the wrong side of the road, don’t punch random people on the street, don’t eat something if it’s been on the floor for more than five seconds… All of our societal rules are in place to provide us as human beings with structure, stability, and overall discipline to keep us safe and secure.

In the same way… Rules in your relationship provide the necessary elements to keep your little happy and healthy.

Pre-disposed issues

As a daddy or Dom, your submissive will ultimately end up coming to you with some kind of pre-disposed issues or problems in their life. There is a lot of psychological and mental things that I could get into but at the end of the day and skipping all of that, you just have to realize that as the authority figure in their life in whatever form or fashion you are, they need you to guide them and help them along the way.

So as you go to put together some of your rules, there are a few key elements that are general to almost every little, submissive, and relationship.

Littles often have trouble with the following;

- remembering to eat or drink enough water.

- Remembering to brush their teeth and their hair, proper hygiene

- Remembering to take their medication

- Remembering to clean up after themselves

- Keeping a proper bedtime

- Being on time for things like work and school and appointments

- Speaking politely to people along with proper grammar and dictation

- Dressing themselves well

These are some of the most common issues and problems that they face, so it’s very easy to fashion rules around those things if they feel that they need to do so.

Things like setting bedtimes, setting times to eat, deciding how many ounces of water to drink per day, how many times per day they should bathe or shower, what times they are allowed to do certain things… All of these can translate into things that will provide them with structure, while allowing you to be dominant over them while improving their lives and watching them evolve.

Some of these require your active involvement and some of them merely become passive routines. Either way they both can be done in such a way that creates an intimacy in your relationship and allows the two of you to become closer.

Whatever you end up deciding in terms of rules… They need to be mutually agreed-upon and discussed. You should always have a reason why, and it should always be something that creates a bigger benefit for your submissive than it does for you.

Now that’s not to say you can’t have some rules that are for fun…

One very common rule that many use in their lifestyle relationship is no self pleasure without permission.

Now you ask me what the benefit is in that… So allow me to explain.

Certain rules and elements can be set up to create a Pavlovian environment.

The concept of Pavlov‘s dog, or really any kind of actions that are involved in training creatures involves a system of performance and reward. Scientists and researchers have long studied creatures and their behaviors in regards to being triggered by certain stimuli… Pavlov‘s dog found that every time it heard a certain stimuli like a ringing bell or the footsteps of his masters assistant… The dog knew that it was time for them to be fed.

I have two dogs which I trained to know the feeding time comes two times a day with a certain action. My life being a routine as it is, the dogs have come to recognize my actions and acclimate their behavior to them. They now automatically get into place and sit down next to each other and wait for a command… Which doesn’t even have to be verbal at this point.

The dogs conduct themselves according to what they have been trained and accustomed to do, and in turn .... they get a reward.

(And by no means am I associating your submissive as a dog, multiple studies and scenarios like this have been done on humans as well)

I once had a sub who even a year or so after we had parted, admitted to me that to that day the sound of jingling keys would trigger her to sit up straight, place her hands together, emotionally gain confidence.... and become turned on and wet.

This was because during our time together I wore a large ring of keys that I modified to jingle with every movement I made... and I always wore them when we were together. After a certain time, she psychologically tuned into and began to associate the sound of the keys to the actions and environment she was in... and subconsciously acted accordingly when the sound would come

The main point of seeing all that is to provide the concept that action often ends up creating reaction.

Back to the no pleasure without permission rule: a submissive who has to ask to pleasure themselves will find comfort in being told that they’re allowed to and then extra comfort in the gratification that comes afterwards.

They will actually end up looking forward to asking for permission in order to be able to get what they want, because it creates a structure in their life… And then the reward of pleasuring themselves which in turn also satisfies their Dom, is up making that gratification even more so valuable to them.

In a similar fashion you can implement rules like bathroom or potty time. The act of having to ask to go potty and then the passive micro dominance that follows can be beneficial to both people in the relationship. The dominant gets to control the action, and the submissive gets to fulfill a request.

How I do it: when the submissive asks to go potty, I look at the clock and round up to the nearest quarter. If they don’t have to go that bad at the moment, make it the nearest half hour. The psychological effects alone are beautiful in and of themselves. It gives the Dom control, and it sets a rule all in itself for the sub. Now in addition to needing to pee, and having had to ask, they now have to meet a time requirement while dealing with their discomfort. Stay away from number two though... and stay away from this rule if they have a history of UTI problems.

Things the rules should never interfere with;

- Family. Whenever it comes to a family event or some thing involving the submissive’s family, you should absolutely not interfere in that. Keeping the safety in your submissive’s life is priority number one and anything that you do the compromises that will end in disaster.

- Their work. In a similar fashion as family you cannot interfere in their work or set a rule that would cause them to get in trouble at work or lose their job.

- Their health. You should never do anything or implement a rule that causes them to feel shameful about their body, or that would harm them in some kind of way. Making your submissive starve or eat something that’s dangerous or something of that like his cruelty and abusive.

- And as I said, rules should be talked about and mutually agreed-upon. Ultimately your submissive knows what’s best for them, and your rules should be set up in a way in which helps them to grow and become better.... while keeping in mind that they may be changed, deleted, or otherwise modified later according to needs..

Enforcement

One of the larger reasons that a relationship ends up failing is due to the consequences of neglect and frustration. These things come because of the lack of enforcement of the rules by the dominant in the relationship.

As stated before, structure is one of the biggest things that submissive desires with in the relationship and if the person who is in charge of them begins to fail in providing that when it’s expected, the submissive will begin acting up and causing problems which is the harbinger of disaster. Before you know it... you’ve made your once lovely and obedient submissive into a brat.

So to put it simply… If you do not plan on putting in the effort to continuously enforce and keep up with making sure that your submissive is adhering to and following the rules, don’t set them in the first place and don’t get yourself into this type of relationship.

Someone who sets of rules and then does not enforce them is equal to someone who abuses someone. Because an expectation of structure and then a lack of structure causes emotional and mental anguish… Which then in turn causes an effect on the submissive for lengths of time well beyond what your relationship will last.

It also removes their trust in you, their respect for you, and their obedience to you.

A submissive who has structure and stability in their life ends up being a happy submissive… And a happy submissive equals a happy dominant.

Just don’t be surprised if they purposely break a rule every now and again... it’s not them being mean, it’s them giving you a wake up call and saying pay attention.

Thank you for enjoying. Feel free to re blog for others to benefit from.

- Mister

Mistersbeard.tumblr.com

Charles: And this is my husband Erik. He's normally evil and he hates humans and thinks mutants are superior, but he hasn't killed any humans in two weeks, and I'm very proud of him!

Other X-Men: *clap politely*

Avengers: ......

Tony: You know that ... most of us are human, right?