littlechivalry est. 2008

"How dare you, Eugene, I--"

"That is not my name! You know that's not my name! Rob-- Roberta!"

Steve curled tighter into his corner of the sofa as Eddie leaned over slapping idly at Robin. Her blue polish tipped fingers swung at Eddie as well, the two of them making Steve think of kittens engaged in a play fight.

Suddenly Robin lurched to her feet, one of the abandoned couch cushions in her hands to be brought down onto Eddie. "I have seen! More! Weiners! Than! You!"

Steve, startled, tumbled over the armrest and fell to the floor even as Eddie coiled up laughing under the onslaught.

"Noooo," Eddie crowed. "I give, I give! You, Robin Buckley, have seen every weiner in Hawkins!"

"Oh my god," Robin squawked. "No, that's gross. Not every weiner, like, I have not seen Hopper's weiner."

"Can we stop saying 'weiner'," Steve muttered into the worn upholstery of the couch.

"No, wait," Eddie said, struggling back into an upright sitting position. "Because I have seen Hopper's," he looked to Steve. "Dong?"

"That's not better," Steve groaned.

At the same time, Robin demanded, "When?"

"I don't know," Eddie said. "I was smoking a j in the woods and he came out to piss against a tree. I don't think he knew I was there." He paused. "I hope he didn't know I was there."

"If Hopper thought you'd seen his... y'know," Robin laughed. "He'd kill you and then kill us for knowing about it."

"Well," Eddie sniped. "You said you've seen so many... things... but how am I supposed to believe that."

Steve groaned. "Just say weiner. It's fine."

"No, no, Stephanie," Robin crooned. "We must protect your delicate sensibilities." She turned a glare on Eddie. "Now then, Edward. You were saying?"

Steve pressed his forehead into the side of the couch. The evening had been going so well. He probably wasn't sober enough to leave but maybe if he held his breath long enough he would pass out?

They threw out a few names before they agreed that Hellfire and band didn't count. Steve didn't even know some of these people. He clambered his way back onto the couch, interrupting their debate.

"Does it even matter who the weiner belongs to? I thought the whole point was who saw more of them," Steve groaned. "Even though this is stupid because I have for sure seen the most weiners."

"Sports don't count," Robin whined. "You've probably seen every weiner in Hawkins."

Steve grumbled but he couldn't argue.

Eddie lunged up from the couch, pointing at Steve and Robin accusingly. "He has not see my weiner! I don't play sports and I never dressed out for PE."

Robin leapt to her feet. "We have all seem your weiner, Eddie! You mooned Higgins at graduation and your pants fell down."

Eddie collapsed back to the couch. "Oh man, I'd hoped that was just a weird dream."

"Nope," Robin confirmed. "It wasn't the full show but it was-- there was weiner."

"'Fraid so," Steve confirmed, patting Eddie's shoulder. "But hey, hey man-- you don't have anything to worry about."

Robin looked confused. "What does that mean, dingus?"

Steve shrugged, trying to ignore how hot his face felt all of a sudden. "Just... y'know. It's good. His whole... situation."

Steve tried not to look directly at Eddie but he could see him moving and felt the couch cushions dip.

"Harrington approves of my weiner. My my, I am flattered. I would return the compliment but I'm afraid yours is one of the few weiners in this town that I haven't seen."

"It's fine," Robin said flatly. "Like if you're into that kind of thing?"

"Oh my god, Robin," Steve groaned.

"When, Buckley? When did you see Steve's junk? He used to shower in a stall. No one's seen his--"

"Were people trying to see my junk," Steve gasped. "What the hell."

Eddie waved him away. "When Buckley? Robin. My dear, dear friend. My dear good friend who wanted a stick and poke and I said no but maybe I'll change my mind."

Robin just shrugged and dropped onto the couch, finding the narrow gap between the arm and Steve and shoving him closer to the center, to Eddie.

"It was no big deal. He thought he had a--"

Fuck. Steve remembered this story.

"Nothing. I didn't have anything. It was... I had to pee and she saw it and that's fine. Thank you for sharing, Robin. Yes. I have a perfectly fine penis."

"'Penis'," Eddie repeated, a grin spreading across his face. "Awfully formal language, Stevie." He leaned forward, looking past Steve to Robin. "Is that what happened, Buckley? Did our good friend whip it out in front of you for such a crude reason?"

"Ha," Robin crowed. "He wishes!"

Now Eddie looked intrigued.

Steve shook his head and reached for the edge of the couch to pull himself up. "I'm gonna get chips, you guys want chips?"

A firm grip on his shoulder, Robin surprisingly, hauled him back down. "I've got it. You tell Eddie how I had to check you for ticks."

"Oh my god, Robin," Steve groaned.

She only laughed as she got up and walked towards the kitchen.

"Ticks?"

"It's not," Steve started. "Look, everything is normal." He could see Eddie shake his head from the corner of his eye.

"You'll forgive me if the past year has given me an odd view of what you consider normal, Stevie. This isn't some kind of... you know."

Steve... doesn't know how to answer this. He doesn't know how the evening even got here. He's supposed to be falling asleep in front of a terrible movie by now.

Not... whatever this is.

"No, Eddie. You think I had an Upside Down tick or something?"

Eddie scoffed. "I don't know. The way you're acting I have to admit I'm concerned."

Steve waved his hands. "It's not that serious, really. I just-- there was this lump and I was maybe a little worried to look and Robin is my best friend so--"

"Did you tell him about the Skittle yet," Robin mumbled around a spoon, ice cream tub clutched to her chest.

"Skittle?"

"Okay, so Robin was throwing candy at me and I guess accidentally--"

"Next day he thought he had a bug or something on his weiner so he made me--"

"--I did not 'make' you--"

"--made me look at his weiner and there was a Skittle stuck down there. Nothing to freak out about."

Robin dropped back onto the couch, shoving Steve closer to Eddie, almost in the other man's lap.

"You know what," Steve said. "I'm gonna get something to eat. That seems like a good idea."

Robin boo'ed through her mouthful of ice cream but Steve shifted to stand up anyway.

Before he was able to move strong arms wrapped around his shoulders and hauled him back down again, this time fully into Eddie's lap.

"Hey, now, Stevie," Eddie crooned. "No need to run off, nothing to be embarassed about here."

"Sure," Steve huffed. "I freaked out over a piece of candy. Very normal."

Steve felt a dull prod at his back and turned to see that Eddie had rested his chin on Steve's shoulder.

"It is normal. You were scared, you asked for help. That's normal, healthy even. I'm proud of you, Steve."

Eddie's voice was soft and serious in a way Steve wasn't used to.

"Oh my god," Robin moaned. "I cannot believe you two."

Steve turned to face her, feeling Eddie shift against him to do the same.

"What?"

Robin had dropped her spoon into the ice cream and her eyes were wide and damp.

"This is way too cute. I can't handle it."

Steve felt Eddie start in place before he began shaking.

"Are you laughing, you asshole," Robin cried. "This is supposed to be a nice moment. I'm too high for this."

She looked down at the ice cream and groaned. "Noooo."

Steve leaned forward honestly concerned.

She sighed and tipped her head back against the couch. "I forgot the chips."

Eddie's laugh got louder, and Steve finally stood up.

"It's okay, Robs. I'll go get the chips. And maybe some water?"

As Steve started walking towards the kitchen he heard the couch creak.