The Steam Engine in Britches

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABE

BABE, YOU GOTTA GO DO A TEST JUST IN CASE YOU’RE SICK OR SOMETHING….ILL GO PICK UP SOME ONION RINGS

YOU DESERVE A UTERUS VACATION, BABE. BUT HEY, AT LEAST THE TWINS ARE OUT OF THE NURSERY...... BUT COOKOUT RUN FIRST AND FOREMOST.

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABE

BABE, YOU GOTTA GO DO A TEST JUST IN CASE YOU'RE SICK OR SOMETHING....ILL GO PICK UP SOME ONION RINGS

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABE

I need onions. I am craving onions. Why am I craving onions? 

well.....onion rings are appropriate for every occasion, I guess. No judgment, babe.

*picks up leftover fries from lunch sitting on desk and tosses them at you* THAT’S FOR TEACHING MY SON A CURSEWORD. HIS FIRST WORD WAS A CURSEWORD, STEVVIE. A CURSEWORD. THIS IS PERSONAL. *knocks the back of your seat with my feet*

*cackling* WHICH CURSE WORD WAS IT, CHUCKLES? DO TELL. I WANNA KNOW WHAT KIND OF FOUL MOUTHED HEATHEN YOU’RE RAISING.

WHERE DO I START? IT WAS THE F WORD FOR STARTERS AND THEN IT WAS THE S WORD. YOU DOOFUS. I CAN’T BELIEVE YOUR WIFE LEAVES YOU ALONE WITH HIM. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME FOR?

HEY, NOW. I DON’T FUDGIN’ CURSE WITH THE KIDDOS AROUND, PUNK. IF I WANTED TO MESS WITH YOU I’D MAKE YOUR KID AN ANDREW JACKSON STAN. HOW’D YOU LIKE THEM APPLES?

THEN WHERE DID HE LEARN THAT WORD, STEVE? WHERE DID HE LEARN IT?

WHY DON’T YOU ASK YOUR REPUBLICAN FRIENDS, YOU BIG PALOOKA. OR YOUR UNUSUALLY AGGRESSIVE LUMBERJACK ABOLITIONIST ATTACK DOG.

…. I honestly do not know who you’re referring to, YOU PIGMY.

…the dude who got into a fight with Charley? who has a lumberjack beard…..? your buddy?

*pops up behind you* YOU WANNA TALK SHIT, LITTLE MAN? 

*clears throat* I- I think I have been sorely mistaken as to who taught my son those words…. Yeah… this makes more sense

yeah, you big fuckin’ dipshit, i am a PERFECTLY well behaved fuckin’ babysitter, thanks. *sticks out tongue* Besides, Chucky v. 2 is gonna have to learn to talk like a man SOME TIME.

Chuckles McJr. will not wear. Thank you very much. 

Nonsense, my man. A MAN'S GOT TO LEARN MANLY THINGS. SMOKING CIGARS. MAKING STUMP SPEECHES. GROWING A BEARD.

*picks up leftover fries from lunch sitting on desk and tosses them at you* THAT’S FOR TEACHING MY SON A CURSEWORD. HIS FIRST WORD WAS A CURSEWORD, STEVVIE. A CURSEWORD. THIS IS PERSONAL. *knocks the back of your seat with my feet*

*cackling* WHICH CURSE WORD WAS IT, CHUCKLES? DO TELL. I WANNA KNOW WHAT KIND OF FOUL MOUTHED HEATHEN YOU’RE RAISING.

WHERE DO I START? IT WAS THE F WORD FOR STARTERS AND THEN IT WAS THE S WORD. YOU DOOFUS. I CAN’T BELIEVE YOUR WIFE LEAVES YOU ALONE WITH HIM. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME FOR?

HEY, NOW. I DON’T FUDGIN’ CURSE WITH THE KIDDOS AROUND, PUNK. IF I WANTED TO MESS WITH YOU I’D MAKE YOUR KID AN ANDREW JACKSON STAN. HOW’D YOU LIKE THEM APPLES?

THEN WHERE DID HE LEARN THAT WORD, STEVE? WHERE DID HE LEARN IT?

WHY DON’T YOU ASK YOUR REPUBLICAN FRIENDS, YOU BIG PALOOKA. OR YOUR UNUSUALLY AGGRESSIVE LUMBERJACK ABOLITIONIST ATTACK DOG.

…. I honestly do not know who you’re referring to, YOU PIGMY.

…the dude who got into a fight with Charley? who has a lumberjack beard…..? your buddy?

*pops up behind you* YOU WANNA TALK SHIT, LITTLE MAN? 

*clears throat* I- I think I have been sorely mistaken as to who taught my son those words…. Yeah… this makes more sense

yeah, you big fuckin' dipshit, i am a PERFECTLY well behaved fuckin' babysitter, thanks. *sticks out tongue* Besides, Chucky v. 2 is gonna have to learn to talk like a man SOME TIME.

BAAAAAAAAAABE!!!!!!!!!!! *kazoos* 

MY DARLING, IT’S BEEN AN HOUR AND A HALF AT LEAST SINCE IVE SEEN YOU……HOW CAN YOU BEAR THE SEPARATION

BABE, YOU LEFT YOUR PHONE AT HOME TODAY AND I WASN’T ABLE TO SEND YOU EMOTICONS AND CUTE MESSAGES ALL DAY. IT WAS TORTURE. 

I KNOW BABE.....I MISSED BEING ABLE TO SEND YOU SASSY SNAPS ABOUT MY COWORKERS.... i did send you a very amusing email filled with cat gifs, though. i didnt forget you. *kisses*

BAAAAAAAAAABE!!!!!!!!!!! *kazoos* 

MY DARLING, IT'S BEEN AN HOUR AND A HALF AT LEAST SINCE IVE SEEN YOU......HOW CAN YOU BEAR THE SEPARATION

*picks up leftover fries from lunch sitting on desk and tosses them at you* THAT’S FOR TEACHING MY SON A CURSEWORD. HIS FIRST WORD WAS A CURSEWORD, STEVVIE. A CURSEWORD. THIS IS PERSONAL. *knocks the back of your seat with my feet*

*cackling* WHICH CURSE WORD WAS IT, CHUCKLES? DO TELL. I WANNA KNOW WHAT KIND OF FOUL MOUTHED HEATHEN YOU’RE RAISING.

WHERE DO I START? IT WAS THE F WORD FOR STARTERS AND THEN IT WAS THE S WORD. YOU DOOFUS. I CAN’T BELIEVE YOUR WIFE LEAVES YOU ALONE WITH HIM. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME FOR?

HEY, NOW. I DON’T FUDGIN’ CURSE WITH THE KIDDOS AROUND, PUNK. IF I WANTED TO MESS WITH YOU I’D MAKE YOUR KID AN ANDREW JACKSON STAN. HOW’D YOU LIKE THEM APPLES?

THEN WHERE DID HE LEARN THAT WORD, STEVE? WHERE DID HE LEARN IT?

WHY DON’T YOU ASK YOUR REPUBLICAN FRIENDS, YOU BIG PALOOKA. OR YOUR UNUSUALLY AGGRESSIVE LUMBERJACK ABOLITIONIST ATTACK DOG.

…. I honestly do not know who you’re referring to, YOU PIGMY.

...the dude who got into a fight with Charley? who has a lumberjack beard.....? your buddy?

*picks up leftover fries from lunch sitting on desk and tosses them at you* THAT’S FOR TEACHING MY SON A CURSEWORD. HIS FIRST WORD WAS A CURSEWORD, STEVVIE. A CURSEWORD. THIS IS PERSONAL. *knocks the back of your seat with my feet*

*cackling* WHICH CURSE WORD WAS IT, CHUCKLES? DO TELL. I WANNA KNOW WHAT KIND OF FOUL MOUTHED HEATHEN YOU’RE RAISING.

WHERE DO I START? IT WAS THE F WORD FOR STARTERS AND THEN IT WAS THE S WORD. YOU DOOFUS. I CAN’T BELIEVE YOUR WIFE LEAVES YOU ALONE WITH HIM. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME FOR?

HEY, NOW. I DON’T FUDGIN’ CURSE WITH THE KIDDOS AROUND, PUNK. IF I WANTED TO MESS WITH YOU I’D MAKE YOUR KID AN ANDREW JACKSON STAN. HOW’D YOU LIKE THEM APPLES?

THEN WHERE DID HE LEARN THAT WORD, STEVE? WHERE DID HE LEARN IT?

WHY DON'T YOU ASK YOUR REPUBLICAN FRIENDS, YOU BIG PALOOKA. OR YOUR UNUSUALLY AGGRESSIVE LUMBERJACK ABOLITIONIST ATTACK DOG.