Ganondorf: Remember child, if someone insults you at school, take the high road. Sabotage their grades, destroy their social life, and only once they have nothing to live for shall you destroy them.
Child: Because no one insults us without consequence!
Child: Dad, please leave my classroom.
Bowser: No! I can’t leave my baby alone! (sobs as he’s dragged from the classroom by security)
Child: Dad, can I play video games?
Ridley: Have you finished your meal?
Child: But dad! Human skulls suck!
Ridley: Eat it! it’s good for your bones to eat all of the carcass!
Wario: Okay sweetie, have a fun day at school. And remember, if a person asks you to sell some strange pills for them… make sure to get 15%.
Child: 15%? What am I, a charity?!
Wario: That’s my girl! 25 or nothing!
Child: Dad, I can’t sleep. I’m scared of the thing in my closet!
Wolf: *hands them a pistol* That should keep em’ away.
King Dedede: Want some cookies?
Child: But I haven’t had dinner.
King Dedede: Then why not have cookies for dinner. They’re much more delicious.
King K Rool: So kid! How about them minions! Big dick energy, yeah?
King K Rool: What?! I stan you! *dabs*
Dark Samus, reading Goodnight Moon: Ra-rargh, rargh. Ra-rargh, rargh. Ra-raargh rargh ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-rargh!
Dark Link: Kid, I have to ask you something… have you been doing drugs? Having sex?
Dark Link, in tears: I knew I was raising a pussy!