Liminal As Fuck

It’s not ‘polyester’ it’s plastic

It’s not ‘vegan leather’ it’s plastic

Its not ‘faux fur’ it’s plastic

Plastic is a pollutant and causes far more damage to the environment both now and in the future than leather or wool.

The comedy in the show came from the family’s “odd” lifestyle, rather than from infighting and petty bickering, or worse, as was common on other shows of the time, thinly veiled references to spousal abuse. They didn’t make fun of each other or act like their children were creatures from another world. Were they strange and outside of social norms? Yes. Were they united in creating a loving home and being good, supportive parents? Absolutely.

These two support and adore their children, care for an aging mother and an estranged brother, put family before everything, and they love each other, wholly, fiercely, without reserve. They are every bit as much in love after at least a decade of marriage as they were the day they met.

It’s nobody’s surprise that many of the aesthetic and thematic elements of The Addams Family in its various incarnations are influenced by Gothic tradition (not goth, that mostly came later. And not Goth, that was much much much too early), and I think Gomez’s words are a dead bullseye in terms of Gothic mentality.

“Make her feel like she’s the most sublime creature on earth”

The sublime is a recurring theme throughout Gothic literature. Although the word (like “awesome”) has lost a lot of it’s original luster over the intervening decades, sublime doesn’t really mean elevated and lofty (or even heavenly) as it’s often used today, but rather something possessing the power and grandeur to induce awe and veneration in the mind of the beholder. Although less than divine, something sublime possessed a wildness and power that transcended human ability to control…or even to comprehend.

Sublime is standing at the edge of the Grand Canyon leaning as far as you dare over the railing and still not being able to see the canyon floor below. Sublime is warrior-queen Galadriel being tempted by the One Ring. Sublime is waking up in the middle of the night in the heart of a wild thunderstorm.

“Make her feel like she’s the most sublime creature on earth”

Gomez isn’t advising Fester to treat a woman he fancies like a princess, or even elevate her to pedestal of angelic nature (who’s idea was it to equate femininity with purity anyway? What a laughable and historically damaging idea. Shame on whatever dead (probably) white dudes promoted that!)

Gomez is advising Fester that if he truly loves a woman he must do everything he can to remind her of how she’s an untameable force of nature who’s grandeur brings him to his knees in awe and terror. Just like Morticia, for Gomez.

I’ll sign off with one of my most favorite quotes of all time, because it feels suddenly very relevant:

“When I find myself surrounded by so much beauty, I feel as if I am the eye of a hurricane.”

This was my response:

Hmm… there are some parts I can relate to. Like the part about being more about commitment and choice and behavior than it is about a feeling that comes and goes.

On the other hand, I don’t really agree with the premise that “every single relationship will get boring” because I have never felt “bored” in my relationship with my wife.

I mean, there’s routine and familiarity. Not every day is “exciting,” but that’s not the same as being “boring.”

I mean, you read this post and it sounds like the person is just trying to tell themselves to just hang in there and keep trudging through a crummy relationship because they’ve made a commitment to do that.

And yeah, I definitely agree that you don’t just give up when things are hard. But the answer isn’t to just slog along like things will never get better. The answer is to hope for better days and positive change, and trust that the person you love is willing to work with you to achieve that positive change together.

My wife and I love each other and we’ve made a commitment to be loyal to each other. And part of true loyalty is having the courage to call someone out when they’re out of line. To remind them that they’re capable of better than how they act on their worst days, and to encourage them to live up to their true potential.

I think that’s really what love is. It’s not a commitment to “love someone when you don’t want to,” because what does that even mean?

It’s a commitment to stick together, grow together, and keep encouraging each other to learn and grow and improve.

That’s why I’ve never been “bored” in my marriage. Because my wife isn’t the same woman she was when I married her. I’m not the same man I was when she married me. We’re not the same people we were last year, or even last week, or even yesterday.

We’re both constantly developing our minds and our talents and our understanding of the world and each other. We’re constantly striving to become the best people we can be. We’re striving to be the kind of people we really want to be. I’m striving to be more like the man my wife already sees in me. And while a lot of that drive comes from within myself, a lot of it is also driven by her love for me and her faith in me and my potential.

So no, it’s not always “smiles and fun,” and it’s not always “cute,” and it’s not always romantic. But it IS always positive, and encouraging, and supportive, because that’s what love IS.

And it’s definitely NEVER boring.

2016-05-28, Pills Rap, by Trine Watkins