Lil Pixie side blog

Bpd jealousy needs to be talked about more. I have a pretty severe case of it. I get jealous any time my fp gets joy from anything especially anyone who isn’t me.

I know this is “toxic” but it really is something I’m trying to work on. I guess when they get joy from other things, it kinda makes me feel replaceable?

Like the joy I bring them can just be switched out with those other things. If I was out of their life it wouldn’t impact them and they would still be able to be happy.

But if they were out of my life I wouldn’t be able to feel any sort of joy. I feel like I’m always going to be jealous unless my fp hates everyone except me. Or talks to only me.

I really wouldn’t like this though. I want my fp to have a healthy social life. It’s just something I have to learn to deal with. At the same time my whole life revolves around my fp.

I don’t talk to anyone but them, and I really don’t like talking to anyone but them. I don’t think I’ll ever be satisfied until I know they love me the way I love them. I just wish I felt content. I hate being jealous so much.

I really am trying to work on it though. I’ve been working on it for a long time, I just don’t think it’s getting easier though :(

I really just want my fp to be happy