Lilac Chimera

So I've been mulling over the Sinsmas dance, as one does, and it feels like an interesting continuation of something we saw Blitz do during the fateful birthday playdate when they were kids.

I've definitely posted about the latter before, but I haven't registered my blog domain (yet) so I can't easily go back in my archive to find old meta and I post too much to scroll at least five months back the old-fashioned way, so lemme set it up to explain what I mean.

One of the things that I find really striking about the scenes we've seen of them together as children is the way Blitz circles back to Stolas's interest in books. Blitz isn't interested in the books, and he's got the pressure of Cash's demands that he steal from the palace weighing on him.

Let's leave aside the fact that Blitz is not a strong reader even as an adult and is very likely dyslexic. Even without those factors that make books a low priority for him on a good day, he's stressed and scared and he was just literally purchased as a plaything and this prince kid seems kind of weird... he's not having a good time, is my point, and he's not willing to engage with Stolas's interests.

But then they play together. They bond, and Blitz gets the weight of his father's demands off his shoulders, and somewhere along the way a genuine friendship starts to blossom. Blitz finds that he likes this weird little prince... and so as the connection between them quickly becomes a sincere one and some of the stress from his mission goes away, he circles back around to the topic of books.

It's not his thing, but he knows it's Stolas's thing, so he brings it back to Stolas's interests by asking about the grimoire. And in doing so, he opens up a conversation that leads to them sharing a lot of big feelings they both have about their respective futures. Stolas admits, albeit obliquely, that he doesn't really understand what his family is expecting of him, and Blitz opens up about his dream of being his own boss someday. He even gets around to promising Stolas a job (indirectly asking Stolas to be a semi-permanent part of the future he envisions for himself).

By keeping Stolas's interests in mind and actively engaging with them despite it not really being his thing, he opens the door for them to bond more deeply and share meaningful things about themselves with each other.

Which brings us back to that moonlit balcony some twenty-six years and change later... because Blitz didn't come up with the impulse to sweep Stolas into a dance out of nowhere.

Back in Apology Tour, Blitz sees Stolas devastated and drunkenly bawling his eyes out over their breakup. He's a mess, and after Blitz has spent months convincing himself that Stolas doesn't give a shit about him and doesn't take anything between them seriously, it's obviously a shock to the system for Blitz.

But the thing is, Stolas doesn't stay devastated the rest of the night. When BTB Guy approaches and asks to dance, he turns Stolas's night around and makes what was otherwise a pretty distressing, terrible experience for Stolas a little less shitty. Blitz clocks this from the jump:

And continues to take notice of how much being invited to dance perks Stolas right up throughout the rest of his time at the event:

In the moment, all Blitz is able to process from this is his regret and heartbreak. He's drowning in self-loathing and the crushing realization that if he had just been brave enough to trust that Stolas meant it when he said he had feelings for him, he could have everything he's ever wanted right now, and instead he's leaving this party alone while Stolas gets swept off his feet by a handsome man. Just like when they were kids, Blitz has too much other shit going on in this exact specific moment to process Stolas's interests... but just like when they were kids, that doesn't mean that he isn't paying attention and remembering.

Blitz doesn't know that Stolas has a history of being left alone in the corner at parties. He doesn't know why it means so much to him that somebody wants to dance with him. But much like he doesn't need to know about Stolas's history of abuse to clock in a relatively short period of time that he's not comfortable with slamming doors and stops kicking open doors around him accordingly (seriously, rewatch Sinsmas and take note of how uncharacteristically calmly Blitz opens doors with Stolas around, in contrast to his usual approach), he doesn't need to know that Stolas has been a wallflower all his life to understand that, for whatever reason, someone wanting to dance with him is meaningful and a good way to cheer him up even when he's desperately unhappy.

So after being by Stolas's side throughout what was unquestionably one of the worst days of his entire life and being unable to do anything other than just be present with him for hours, Blitz brings that understanding out when the moment seems right for it.

And you know what? He's spot on. Stolas has just been through one of the most devastating experiences of his life, he's deep in depression and has been off his meds and most likely recently quit drinking cold turkey besides... but when Blitz sweeps him into a romantic dance to the tune of a syrupy holiday love song, he's delighted. Being on the receiving end of this kind of sincere attention from Blitz makes him so happy, even after everything he's been through that afternoon alone.

There's a lot that these two still don't know about each other, largely because of the nature of the deranged situationship they managed to comedy-of-errors their way into. But just because there's a lot of context they're lacking doesn't mean that they haven't been paying attention. It's really fascinating to see these moments where we can see Blitz bring out his little mental list of Stolas Facts, because every time he does, it seems to lead to the pair of them inviting each other in to share a deeper emotional intimacy.

Like yes obviously politically it's a huge deal and obviously it's this dynamic shift in the whole course of the plot, yada yada yada... but like. the personal significance is huge in a way I don't see talked about, specifically because of Blitz's personal history.

Blitz is consistently in a protector role with those around him. That's not news. It probably started with Fizz (and perhaps Barbie?) and continues with Loona, with M&M... he's the guy who is putting himself on the line to take the fall when shit goes wrong.

The implication is pretty clear (and I suspect will become clearer as we get more information about the Buckzo family) that Blitz has been The One Responsible, for better or for worse, since he was very young. We see his father placing responsibility for the family finances on his shoulders when he's only grade school age. He is just as heavily parentified as Millie, although from a rather different angle, and the echoes of that abuse (and it is a form of abuse) are loud in Blitz's behavior throughout the series... and it shows up elsewhere, too.

Notably, it shows up in Barbie. I was hesitant to make any sweeping statements on her based on Unhappy Campers alone. One episode where she only appears for a few minutes at the end isn't enough to base major analysis on. But after the most recent short, I feel more comfortable saying that Barbie is very reluctant to take responsibility for her own actions... but all too happy to place blame on Blitz.

If it weren't for this, it would be easy to assume that Blitz probably spent his youth sharing the blame for childhood shenanigans with his twin. But Barbie is never responsible for anything that goes wrong, and Blitz? Blitz is always responsible for anything that goes wrong, in perception if not always in fact.

There's a lot we still don't know about the Buckzo family and how Barbie fit into the circus trio dynamic with Blitz and Fizzarolli. But I would wager that Blitz, who was very clearly The Idea Guy even as a kid, was the one taking the heat every time the circus trio got into some kind of trouble as children. That's a bit speculative, of course, but there's a very strong implication showing in his present-day dynamics with his loved ones that he has a history of being the one falling on the sword, taking the blame whenever anything bad happens.

But here's the thing: when Blitz was a kid, even if he was the one with all the fun, crazy ideas, he wasn't actually responsible for his sister's actions, or his friend's, even if he was likely punished as though he were. And when it comes to the grimoire... well, that wasn't all on him either, was it?

Which brings us back to Satan's court:

This would have been Blitz's final act— one last chance to jump on yet another grenade for the people he loves. He was fully prepared to take all the blame for the whole mess with the grimoire onto his own shoulders to spare his friends and his daughter from sharing in the punishment.

Whether or not an imp having access to a powerful spellbook is actually wrong is a whole other question (I would strongly contend that he and Stolas did nothing wrong and it is the laws of Hell which are wrong), but even with that in mind, it was technically illegal, and it was a crime he and Stolas committed together.

And for what might be the first time, someone who created trouble alongside Blitz stepped up to share the responsibility. Not just share responsibility, but wholly lift it from Blitz's shoulders, even though there was absolutely no obligation to do so.

How long has it been since anyone did this for Blitz? Has anyone ever done this for him? Has anyone ever planted themselves between him and blame or consequences and said "no, I had a share in this too, don't blame him alone" and taken the weight off him?

Stolas, on the other hand, has lived his life as a pessimist. Again, we're talking locus of control here. For most of his life, the world has happened to Stolas rather than him feeling like he has any ability to affect the outcome of his life. Fun side effect of 1) growing up in a cultlike environment and 2) being a literal agent of Fate for your day job I guess.

But what Stolas does believe in, almost to the point of absurdity, is love. Despite the ridiculous situation he and Blitz manage to maneuver themselves into, he tries so hard to put his trust in Blitz and hold onto the belief that they can be something more than just transactional fuckbuddies. And even after he has no more hope for a relationship, he still believes in the power of that love itself: so much so that it leads him to stake his life on it.

Because the thing is this: Blitz's refusal to accept arbitrary limitations inspires Stolas and sets him free from the boundaries he had accepted up until now that were slowly suffocating him. And Stolas's unconditional love proves Blitz so wrong and opens him up to the possibility that he really could have love in his life without being destroyed by it.

But why would someone grow dependent on something with that effect, or even enjoy it in the first place?

Anger is a negative emotion, right?

The thing is, if you're spending a lot of time feeling things that are worse, anger is a better alternative sometimes. Walking around feeling grief-laden, depressed, scared, sorry for letting people you love down ... it's hard to get any relief for those feelings.

Rage simplifies what's hurting a person and allows them to fight it. It's not happy, but adrenaline comes with it, and it's the sort of adrenaline that can make you feel like you're right, and those you're facing down are entirely wrong. It's simple and explosive. It can even give you a kind of high. It can feel like you finally have agency.

Rage can be addictive.

Let's look at Barbie. Barb tries to distract herself with positive things- a good sandwich, make-outs with her adorable girlfriend, Kendra... and she summons some significant but hollow anger here and there (rightfully) as her day gets worse and worse.

BUT look at our girl during the quietest moments in the short.

Her anger, righteous or otherwise, is gone, and she's just miserable.

And when she's angry, her face keeps betraying her. She feels hurt and betrayed and guilty and worried underneath. She uses anger just like her brother does as a shield. Between herself and others' ability to hurt her if she shows vulnerability maybe, but also between herself and The Bad Emotions ™️.

The thing is, acting out of rage has consequences. And Kendra doesn't walk out on her over the job, or over the drugs she finds. She does it when Barbie lashes out at her, and from "don't give me attitude," one can assume that this is a bit of a pattern whenever this couple fights.

I suspect that this is why Barbie is so committed to getting off the drugs.

INFO:

the “will not draw”s applies to all of them, not just the quick comms (though I’m willing to draw big buff men in chibi form).

I can do a different color palette for the chibis, they don’t have to be pastel (but that is the default).

the Blitz Discount (applies to all types) is ‼️25% off‼️ of his character cost (he’ll be counted as the first character if there are multiple, to maximize the discount. Blitz discount also applies to Barbie Wire bc they look similar and I love drawing both of them.)

“added characters” can be in the same picture or separate pictures, as long as they’re commissioned at the same time or near the same time.

All of these assume a full-body piece. If you want less than that, we can work out a price.

if you want something that doesn’t neatly fit into one of these comm types, let me know.

therefore, I posit that sinners over a certain amount of power or age are at risk of getting so sad they turn into ghosts. never fully dying but slowly fading into incorporeality as hell modernizes around them. years of pointless suffering in a place meant to be a punishment slowly adding up until they just… give up and melt into a barely aware shadow. accumulated power turning toxic as their ability to reshape themself becomes an ability to unmake themself. hell is forever and eventually at the prospect of a forever of desperate survival every soul break. the mountains of the pride ring are six layers deep with screaming ghosts.

your average died-yesterday sinner does not know this. the overlords all do but you don’t become an overlord without a healthy dose of delusion; they all believe in their heart that they’ll endure forever and their predecessors were cowards. and in fairness, a lot of the old guard were a little more resilient than their rank and file (before alastor cut a swathe through them). but zestial knows exhaustion comes for everyone. if not for carmilla, he’d have given up. these young bright things may last a thousand years but hell IS forever and very few creatures in hell understand how long forever is.

benefits to this approach

fun threat to vox and angel dust’s physical well-being. their grief is existential, they could start to lose themselves.

explains why heaven panicked recently—hellish depression-turnover was keeping up with population growth, more or less

makes hell more horrifying, sure you can live there but it will shatter you eventually. makes lilith’s quest for rebalancing more desperate—she was losing people even without the exterminations. she HAD to give them something to live for.

maybe heaven has a positive version of this; more enlightened souls who have been completely fulfilled become conglomerations of abstract shapes and single crisp sounds. (Abel and Adam have avoided this via long-standing emotional issues—the aching drone of time can’t catch you if you ignore all your thoughts and feelings).

😍😍😍

lolll, thank you for the enthusiasm my beloved stolitz scholars. there is truly so much to say on this topic, but wrt to what i was talking about in those tags specifically, in the abstract:

we all know that stolas gets his beliefs about what is romantic, sexy, etc. from novels and telenovelas (i.e. fiction). and i think we do see a lot of that in his early interactions with blitzø. but we can probably also extrapolate that the importance of bloodlines, inheritance, &etc. in goetian high society would have affected the sexual mores and expectations around relationships stolas was exposed to growing up—sex is for procreation (of heirs), marriage is a political exchange, good social standing is dependent on conforming (or at least adequately pretending to do so). which is to say: as we all know, stolas’s relationship with blitzø is (structurally) an upset to goetian class standards, and (personally) an avenue through which he’s able to explore himself and access a degree of freedom from those standards (one of my beautiful mutuals has a post i can’t find right now where they mention that blitzø’s positionality as an imp is an inherent part of this fantasy of liberation for stolas. which, yeah! lots to unpack there).

There are many things that get to me about Stolas's failed attempt to explain himself in Loo Loo Land, but today I'm mostly focused on Via's reaction to it. She hasn't made any secret the whole day about how much she hates what's happening to their family or the fact that she considers it all her dad's fault.

But here, even though he can't manage to put together a single sentence for why he's having an affair and wants a divorce, her anger gradually gives way to concern. She can see that it's not just a whim or something he's doing for fun - whatever drove him to this, it's serious and causing him pain. And once she gets that, she doesn't blame him again or try to convince him to fix things with her mom. She just admits what's really hurting her most too - that she's scared he'll leave her too. Notably in Seeing Stars, she never talks down about Stolas’s relationship with Blitz or says he shouldn’t be getting a divorce, even though she’s hurt that the situation makes her feel like she isn’t as important to him.

Like, Stolas isn't flirting once they get to the theme park until after Blitz starts up his whole "Don't You Dare Even Think About Trying To Have Sex With Me In This Theme Park, I Am Absolutely Not Available For Sex While We Are In This Theme Park" schtick. And, of course, once Stolas (correctly!) identifies this as Blitz flirting like a twelve year old tugging on his crush's pigtails and flirts back, Blitz's immediate reaction is to dismiss M&M to go play around at the theme park so that it's just him and Stolas (and Octavia, oops, failed the "your crush is trying to introduce you to his daughter" spot check, Blitz).

It's essentially the same routine Blitz pulls at the beginning of Harvest Moon Festival, where he's so obviously angling for an invitation to join Stolas on his trip to Wrath, but absolutely cannot stand giving the impression that it's in any way his idea, so he has to do his little "I guess if you insist" dance once he's successfully baited Stolas into offering the desired invitation.