give me reason

Now that lunch had passed by with Mila and his family, Dylan had a moment to think just about how it went with them all. Really just about how his mom spent most of it asking Mila how she was, making comments about how good it was to see the two of them around each other, and definitely not forgetting to mention the way Mila would always be like family by the end of it. All he could think about while sitting through it was how he knows for a fact that this is exactly how things should be. How Camila really should be a part of his family. Realizing that it's been almost a year since he and Mila have edged their way back into each other’s lives, Dylan knew what he wanted to do and how he didn't want to wait any longer.

After the others had left and it was just the two of them now, Dylan took it upon himself to reach for Mila's hand so he could tangle their fingers together and stand up. "I think we should go for a drive," his smile was gentle, more like an encouragement for her to return it if she wanted. “Kinda wanna get away from everyone else around here, you know? Somewhere quiet.” There was a place in mind that he remembered the two of them finding back in 2018 on one of their long rides, abandoned as if it were meant for just the two of them to enjoy. He frequented the place even after their time together just to make sure it was still standing. It only felt right for him to bring them back to it now. 

mila: do you feel like we're on FBI's most wanted list ??? cause i do

mila: i posted on instagram and immediately wanted to throw my phone out the window

mila: but it's hilarious

mila: they're more invested than we are dylan.

dyl: i think some of our fans might has well be a part of the FBI with what they're capable of

dyl: they know that you've got my ball cap before i even know it somehow

that’s on you man, my people have reached out to your people and nothing has come back. i mean, i get it. you A list stars only work with the best of the best but you gotta give us little guys a shot. i promise not to sneak into your trailer and steal your food… maybe.

Oh, wow. Wow. That’s how it’s gonna be? I see, I see. No, I get it. I’ve been so busy with the uh.. you know, playing Elsa and stuff. Don’t get me started on how playing Elvis just destroyed my schedule, too. No time for personal shit ever. You just hang tight, and I’ll see if I can make my way down Mount Olympus.. Meet you at the bottom, bro. 

merry christmas, mil 🖤

truly didn’t think i was going to pick you for secret santa, but it shouldn’t have surprised me when i did. reminded me a lot of how good our odds can be.. i’ve had these things for a long time that i wanted to give you too many christmases ago, but i couldn’t be happier to get the chance to give them to you now. @morronemila​

dyl: they're speculatin', mil..

dyl: like red lines on the board type of shit

She didn’t dare to let her eyes fall on to his. The fear of what they might give away was far too great to be anything close to what she felt capable of dealing with in this moment. Few moments that felt like minutes passed, until she felt the tension in her body release, her body melting in to his grip - the same way it always had. For one moment, it was as if no time had passed, no time at all. The memories hurt and flashing images of them swaying around in the kitchen in the middle of the night, usually just caused her pain. What startled her was how now, when in his arms, those memories gave her nothing but a warm feeling. All day, there had been a lingering feeling she had failed to shake off — a feeling of heavy breaths and not getting enough air in to her lungs. Funny thing was, she was well aware it was all due to his presence — yet, a moment she would imagine would cause her to not being able to breathe at all, turned to be the most liberating that had been all day. She knew it would all be over in an instance. Letting down her guard to allow herself to just be in this moment — she owed herself to just live and breathe in it, before it was over. Before he was once again gone. Before she once more would spend countless minutes and hours wondering if she would ever get to be in his arms again. It terrified her that maybe none of this actually mattered — cause as soon as the song was over, they would be right back to where they were. He wasn’t hers, she wasn’t his — but for one song, it was their moment. Distracted from reality, her eyes were closed - only focusing on following his steps. Resting her head against his, she wished she could hear what he was thinking. — Had you asked Mila for a list of things she could see herself doing on this wedding day, dancing in the arms of the only person she ever imagined herself sharing her own wedding day, would not be on it. She admired his courage for even so much as taking the steps to ask her. The only plan she had for the day had been to pay as little attention to him as possible. Which had been made easy as all of it had been directed to Maia of course. Yet, here she was. Still unable to figure out if she would walk way from this moment, pretending like it never happened — or let it consume every thought that flowed through her mind and most likely destroy her. She already knew the answer. But she didn’t want to face it - not yet.

I asked to love her once again. You fell, I caught you. I'll never let you go again like I did.  —  If only the lyrics that played around them could obtain genuine meaning attached to them with Dylan and Mila. To have the chance to hold her and know that he wasn’t going to pull away from her. To know that he wouldn’t have to pull away for the rest of the night. That’s not how this was going to end up, though. Soon enough the song would be over and Dylan would be expected to step away. He knew there were plenty of people at that wedding that would have expected him not to do this to Mila in the first place. Maybe they were right, she deserved to have people care about her that much. He surely did, but that didn’t mean he had any right to. He didn’t have the right to still be in love with her either.  —   I would never fall in love again until I found her. I said I would never fall unless it's you I fall into. I was lost within the darkness, but then I found her.  —  Dylan knew then and there that he wasn’t going to get over Mila. Sure, he’d known for a while, ever since the moment he knew he’d lost her, but he tried at least. Holding her against him was exactly the confirmation that he wasn’t going to fall for another person the way he had fell for Mila. That kind of connection they had with each other couldn’t be duplicated. It was the kind that once had Dylan planning a night like this for the two of them even before everything had fallen apart.. With the song slowly fading away and transitioning into another, Dylan squeezed his eyes tight as he forced himself to push back any reaction he felt surfacing before he began to pull away. The need to leave for the rest of the night was consuming, but the yearning act of raising his hand and tucking Mila’s hair behind her ear took over instead. It was the first time that night that he outright made pure eye contact with Mila, his hand now cupping her jaw and his breath coming to a close in his chest. As ridiculous as it seemed, Dylan stood there for the next brief moments deafened from his surroundings as he looked in her eyes. As he single handedly ruined any hope for peace that night. 

Mila was over the moon grateful for the small piece of distraction that Robert had provided her with. Sure enough, from the moment she woke up this morning - Mila had been the most busy with everything around Maia, just as it should’ve been. Keeping her head in the right space of focusing on being there, by her best friends side the entire day. However, she would be lying if she said her mind hadn’t wandered to the person down in the crowd of people at the ceremony, whom she could literally feel his eyes piercing in to her. Or how when she geared up to do her speech, she knew he was right there, listening intensely. Nevertheless, she had succeeded in not letting it take over or let her eyes meet with his. In fact, she was proud of how little her mind had been on him. That was until it was clear as the day that Maia was all besotted and caught up in her new husband. Exactly how it should’ve been — Maia and Jacob should feel like they were the only two people in the room. The quick breather outside to clear her head and the few minutes of peace she found in dancing with Robert, was all disrupted when a voice cut and caught her attention. Stopping in their tracks, Mila tried to take a deep breath, which just resulted in her swallowing harshly and nearly choking on her own saliva. As Robert searched for a sign of approval, Mila knew there was no way she could say no. Even if her head practically screamed at her to do so. Nodding at Rob, Mila immediately froze as he let go of her — knowing the next physical touch was to be the one she had craved for so long, but had learned to live without. It terrified her. But it was just a dance right?

Pure adrenaline led Dylan to where he was now, but the moment he realized that Mila had given Robert the okay to let their dance go, the veins in his body quickly ran cold. He’d realized that he refused to think past what would happen after his question and now he was met with going through with it. Not a word left his mouth as the man brought his body closer to fit against Mila’s as his hands made their way to her waist, his lungs clenching tight in his chest due to his refusal to breathe properly as he’s now facing the fact that he was actually this close to the girl again, something he feared would never happen again. It wasn’t like he wanted his body to feel stiff, especially if it came across like he didn’t want to be there, but he couldn’t find it in him to relax. Not until he was able to breathe her perfume in. The scent was exactly how he had remembered, exactly how all of her belongings left at his place had smelled before they eventually began to fade. The memories of this alone set Dylan’s nerves in motion to ease against her, his shoulders falling and his head tilting gently to rest against hers. Every time the two of them shared a dance with each other whisked their way through Dylan’s mind, his eyes closing and his reminiscing forming a visual of the two of them holding each other under the light of the fridge whenever they would accidentally leave the door open just to sway in each other’s undivided attention. The thought of that consumed Dylan, causing his hands to move to Mila’s back and hold her tighter. 

“Are you finished avoiding me yet? You’re not going to break my heart Dylan, what happened in Vietnam was complicated. But I am by no means helplessly in love with you. You can stop acting like a nervous chihuahua when you see me.” @ddylano​

“I’m not.. purposely avoiding you.. I know there was a lot going on during the trip with a lot of people, it was kind of overwhelming. And to be fair, you’ve always been intimidating enough to make me nervous around you..”

The comforting hand that was placed on her knee, belonged to her friend sat beside her. First instinct, it pissed her off — she didn’t want to need to be comforted. She absolutely despised when people felt sorry for her. But more than anything, it was a reminder that this was real. The way her body reacted, the thoughts that rushed through her mind - it was all real. No matter how much she tried to shut it all off and pretend like the whole ordeal wasn’t clearly affecting her, there was no way. The way people viewed Camila, was more often than not, the type of girl who dealt with things her own way. She never needed anyone to stick up for her, she had always dealt with her problems on her own. Always the person people came to for advice and comfort — very rarely the person who spoke of her own pain and troubles. The girl who wasn’t afraid to speak her mind or defend her people, it wasn’t all just an act — that was her. But behind all of that? There was definitely a girl that was controlled more by her heart, than her head.

She hadn’t slept all night. In fact, what kept her up was looking at flights that would take her out of this place as quick as possible. Quickly realizing that was a quick escape from everything, and the complete opposite of how she should deal with the situation. Was is even a situation? They hadn’t spoken a word to one another. Barely exchanged glances. She could easily spend the rest of the week, pretending like he wasn’t there. At least that was the mantra she tried to imprint inside her head. Part of her wanted to laugh at how ridiculous it all seemed. Never before had Camila let any man ruin her own fun. But this wasn’t just any man. This was the man that she once woke up next to every morning — thinking no morning would ever be different. The man whose scent was imprinted in to her bedsheets. That very same man, now sat a few meters away from her, and she could barely look at him. Her head had moved on. For a while now, her brained had fooled her in to thinking she was so far past it now that they could even be sat next to each other and she wouldn’t care. Her heart was different. That all became obvious from the way his mere presence effected everything about her. She hated it. The feeling of not being in control of your own thoughts and emotions. It sent her right back to when they had called it quits, and it terrified her. She had never been more unlike herself than then.

Swallowing harshly, Camila was still frozen in her seat. Gritting her teeth together, she had to roll her eyes and blink a few extra times in order to make sure no actual tears were forming in her eyes. Nails dug in to the palm of her hand, a familiar concept when she was trying to distract herself from the pressure feeling that weighed heavy over her chest. Eyes staring blankly at her fingers. She wanted to shake it off, act like she hadn’t just heard that entire monologue. However, instead of her hands reaching for the glass of wine to drown any feeling — her eyes met his. Breath hitched in her throat as she tried to exhale. Her eyes quickly fell again, and with a small shake of her head she swelled harshly again. Refusing to let her emotions get the better of her — but she couldn’t do this. The pressure on her chest laid there too heavily and she had to do something. ”I’m just gonna..” She murmured to the friends closest to her, as she excused herself to get up. ”I’m fine..” Not wanting to cause a scene or interrupt anyone else’s dinner — she did her best to sneak off. Walking out of the dinner place, all she could do was to try and focus on her breathing. She just needed to breathe. But when her chest felt like it was weighed down by a brick, there was no way to fill her lungs with enough air. Placing both hands on her waist, she paced around — trying to calm her mind. ”Fuck.. fuck.. FUCK..” She half screamed to herself. Even kicking one of her feet on the wall of the building next to her. A broken toe might distract her from the rest of the pain.

Despite the liquor that momentarily gave Dylan the nerve to talk about the one thing he’s bottled in for years, nothing else could make him feel sober faster than seeing the girl he was madly in love with leave the table with glossy eyes because of him. All because he just had to pull the cork and pour out poorly aged feelings for the entire table to hear at their dinner. They didn’t need to hear this, Camila certainly didn’t need to. Suddenly all the man could feel now was that same pit at the bottom of his stomach whenever he’d upset her before. Whenever he’d realize his voice got louder than he’d ever intend or when the rattle of the door slamming behind him would immediately clear his head enough to register the strength he used to do so. The disgust he had for himself whenever he thought about all the things he should have said instead of the words that started to leave his mouth when they argued. They weren’t particularly hateful, but he never could find the words that made it clear that he just didn’t want to argue with her anymore. He never wanted to make it sound like he didn’t want to be around her anymore. These thoughts would cause a nausea that he felt the second they made eye contact before she left. “You guys should really enjoy your dinner, I’m just.. I’ll see you later.” 

Without any other actions or distractions, Dylan made a beeline to the nearest men’s restroom, gunning for closest sink as soon as he locked the door behind him. “What the fuck is wrong with you,” His scolding burned through the mirror he was staring at before hands made quick work to turn the water on. No amount of splashing it on his face could calm him down, but at least it made for a good replacement to yelling at himself. “I should go after her,” Dylan’s head immediately shook, “Are you crazy, you can’t just go to her after saying that..” The fact that anyone could have already been in the room hearing him talk to himself didn’t even matter. What mattered was that he’d done yet another thing to upset Mila and all he could do was hate himself for it. Another moment where he’s rubbed off some of the beautiful powder from his butterfly’s wings. 

Victoria had seen her dare and decided then and there that there was no way in hell she was doing it. But then she remembered her promise to Thomas. If her locking lips with Dylan meant taking even an ounce of attention off T&T, she had to do it. Taking a shot of tequila… and then another… and then another… she pulled on a sweater to brace herself against the night air, trembling from stress as she made her way to Dylan’s cabin at 1am. Knocking softly at first and then once more a little louder in case he was sleeping. When the door opened, she began to ramble. “Every since I saw you earlier I couldn’t stop thinking about you– and how much I missed you and this,” she paused to inhale before her hand tangled in his hair and pulled him into a heated kiss. She told herself she was just acting and wouldn’t lose sight of the real reason she was here… but she couldn’t help noticing his familiar taste and how soft his lips were. Maybe letting herself enjoy the kiss wouldn’t be the worst thing…. @ddylano​

Dylan had finally gotten back to his room after a couple hours of staring out at the water, allowing himself to think about how chaotic this trip has been so far. Funny for him to think it wouldn’t continue for the rest of that night at least. His head had only been resting back against his pillow, eyes up at the beautiful molded ceiling when the knock at the door rang through the room. It was misguided to think perhaps room service did a late check up. “Vict-” Dylan tried to get her name out, but quickly realized his mouth was too busy reacting to the kiss being planted on him. The abrupt nature of the kiss made it hard for Dylan to acknowledge what Vic had said, but it didn’t stop him from bringing his hands up to her jaw, fingers hesitant but eventually planted firmly against her skin. In that moment, it felt as if they were exactly a couple years back and it was his own decision to not pull away. 

Cursing to herself as her leg continuously bounced up and down, Mila dug deep in to her own mind to settle it. She was never really a picky eater and before being aware of his presence on the island, she hadn’t been able to stop eating. Now though, each bite just seemed to grow in her mouth — sticking to the wine, that seemed like the safer option. The fact that his mere presence still had this effect on her, did nothing but ignite rage within her. The way her stomach had dropped when she first laid her eyes on him a few days ago — to the point where she had actually been physically sick and swore she wouldn’t leave her room until it was time to go home. A few hours of sitting on the cold bathroom floor had at least helped her gather her thoughts well enough where she concluded that she wasn’t going to let it ruin her trip. After all — it wasn’t that she was mad at him, or upset. It was the away literally their entire past played out like a movie in her head, just from seeing him. Seeing him make conversation with Jacob divided her mind in to not wanting to hear a word that was spoken between them, and also not wanting to miss out on a single one. With the few amount of people there were after all, it wasn’t all too easy to just shut the voices out. Mila felt the grip of her glass getting tighter. Not even realizing she had been holding her breath, she sighed heavily as her eyes focused on nothing in particular. Her mind occupied with different ways of how she could escape this dinner without making things too obvious — whilst also not giving in to that. Overhearing those words, Mila kept her eyes focused on nothing, swallowing harshly - she pretended not to hear.

If someone had told Dylan what was to come out of a seemingly innocent and worthwhile vacation, there really was no chance he would have wanted to come. Not that any of his feelings were vile against Mila, in fact it was the exact opposite. That’s what made it painful, to know that he could never resort to finding any hatred to cover up what he really felt for her. The only hatred there was has been for himself, and even at times when he’s become intoxicated, he still only finds words of fondness for the other. Everything truly would be easier if they could just hate each other. It didn’t help that his fifth whiskey sour was making him say things he never thought he could in front of Mila. Perhaps the way he gave her anonymity was helping. “I- I don’t know.. you know, sometimes you just have to admit when something was your fault.. when you know there was more you could have done, you just didn’t know what it was at the time, yeah? That’s why it’s fuckin’ great that you’re not missing out, man.. Letting go of something great, it’s hard to accept such a huge regret.” The tightness of Dylan’s throat was a sign to bring his glass to his lips, the motion being paired with his eyes finally looking at Mila again, his chest thumping like he had some type of condition. After clearing his throat, Dylan slowly let out a deep breath, the air flooding through his lips before he continued. “It’s like when you’re a kid.. well, when I was.. we had this year where we actually grew butterflies in the classroom, right? Watched the cocoons grow every day you came, like watching a relationship grow stronger and closer every second you’re together.. then there comes a day when the teacher says you have to release them, and all you can remember was how nice it was to cover your hand in fruit juice to keep one of the butterflies in your hand.. in that moment, even for a kid, you’re thinking it’s so beautiful and exciting to have something so important to this world in your own hand, but then it’s gone. It’s flown away.. All you can do is hope they go off and live a wonderful fuckin’ bug life.. I let go of my butterfly as an adult, and you don’t forget that.. Keep your butterfly, man.”